Society & Politics

"You should be more selfish"

"You should be more selfish"


I believe most of us recognize the sweet sting of envy when we're presented with the smallest slice of pie. Being given less than others isn't always nice. However, I'm rather used to it and I actually prefer it that way.


I get no joy from taking the last cookie.


I grew up like most and my story isn't unique in any way. I was bullied all the way through school, I was told I was nothing, I believed all the nasty things I was told for a long time. It wasn't until I turned 20 that I beat my own demons and got rid of my depression. I changed and I'm now enjoying life. I'm not special though. I may have fought back a few times, but I gave into the poison that slowly turned me hollow.


The absurd abuse turned me into a self-conscious, selfless and helpless person. I became a pushover. I didn't believe in myself and I didn't stand up for myself. I had no one to talk to, no friends whatsoever. It was just me and my hellish demons.


I was alone in my misery, tormented and at a few points, extremely suicidal. But regardless of how much I tried to turn it all around, I submitted to the will of others. And it made me even more miserable.


I didn't see myself as a person. Mostly because I wasn't independent. My personality was a jumble, I didn't know who I was or wanted to be. I felt like I was nothing but a name which people called out when they needed something. This was the pebble which lead to the avalanche. My purpose became clear.


I lived for others.


I realized that by completing tasks and helping others gave me joy. Anything from helping with something as simple as a chore to just letting someone have the bigger slice. At first I did it because I felt like I had to, because I didn't feel like I could do anything else. I felt like that was all there was to me. Later it became because of the feeling I'd get, the grateful smile. Although I didn't care much for gratitude and still don't, knowing that my selflessness can and will be exploited - I still do it.


"You should be more selfish"



Over the years, this has become the frame for my personality. I'm selfless, kind, giving, forgiving, grateful, helpful and I always seek out the best in people. However, I'm always told to be more selfish. I've been warned about the downsides, the dangers. But to me, there's something selfish about it. I don't always do it for people, but for the joy that I bring them and the rewarding feeling of having been able to make someone happy.


Saying no wasn't something that I learned until recently though. I used to bow down even if I knew I'd get hurt and yeah, I still do but no longer for just anyone.


I don't consider myself a knight trying to save everyone to save myself. I don't see myself as some kind of lamb either, although I may have been for a while. My sacrifices are true because they are made out of love and I know it couldn't have been any other way. They're questionable, but undoubtedly sincere.


I'm not less for getting less. Being selfless isn't always bad. Just remember to be selfish in your selflessness.

"You should be more selfish"
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