Enough Is Enough With Thinking "What If?" It's Garbage And It's Time To Let That Mindset Die Once And For All Before You Do.

[Octavius]

So a little about msyelf, I'm someone that has always been able to converse with the opposite easily and have natural conversations that were always interesting and fun. However, I've never been one to really approach a stranger even when they gave hints that they were open and wanting me to talk to them. It's just the type of thing I've always been shy about.

Then last night I had an incident that could possibly be marking the last chapter of my life.

I am about to tell you something really disgusting so those of you with a weak stomach may just want to skip to the next paragraph. So around 1 in the morning last night(you know typical college student staying up late in the middle of the week) I had the urge to fart. Well it wasn't a fart. I'm sure you know what I mean. I about crapped my pants. Fortunately I stopped myself in time and went to the bathroom without ruining my underwear or pants. Well I had a case of the runs. But apparently that wasn't all. When I looked in the bowl after done wiping there was blood. A LOT of blood. Enough that all the toilet water had been dyed bright red like the water around the victim in a Jaws movie. I just blankly stared at it for about a minute and then the first thought that came to my brain when it finally decided to start working again was what if I have Colon cancer.... I took a picture called up my parents and asked them to get in contact with my physician to set up an appointment and then I went to bed.

And while I lay there staring up at the ceiling in darkness I did what most people would do during a scare like this. I started contemplating my mortality and my life overall. And all I could think in my head was "You're nothing but a damn fool that has wasted so many opporotunities."

So two times that week I had those dreaded "Why didn't I approach moments." One of them happened EARLIER THAT DAY.

So I'm going to rewind here for just a moment. Again I'm a university student and at my university we have a really nice gym. I workout daily there. And a university gym of course is going to be filled with people mostly my age. And every once in awhile I have those stupid kid moments of making eye contact with a pretty girl who's on another machine and then throughout the rest of the workout we end up playing a game of repeatedly looking back at each other and then when we catch each other looking the other darts there head away.

Well on Monday this happened. I caught this really attractive girl several times looking at me mostly because I saw her reflection through a window once and could tell she was looking directly at me and when I glanced over all I saw was her head rapidly moving back to facing forward on what she was doing. We both stayed until closing hours and so a bunch of people were leaving. I guess everyone formed the herd mentality and all started exiting through the same door even though there were several other sets right next to the one they were using not being used. I walk fast and people were slow so I moved out of the herd and started walking to the other doors. Well the doors are glass and so they cause a reflection and low and behold I saw her walking directly behind me deciding to follow me through the same set of doors that no one else was using. If there was ever a perfect moment to introduce myself and say hello to her it was then. We had been stealing glances at each other for the last hour or so and we both knew it and there we were next to each other away from others. Rarely is such a perfect set up to get to know a new person put in place. And what did I do? I held the door open for her and then walked off without trying to introduce myself to her or try and flirt. I know major wimp move on my part. I shyed away from the perfect opporotunity to meet a girl who seemed interested.

Well don't worry because the very next day on Tuesday another opporotunity at the gym arose. I saw different girl at the gym who I thought was cute we made eye contact and then did the whole thing that happened yesterday basically. Yada yada moving on. At the end of my workout I pulled a mat off to the side where there were couches to do some end of workout stretches and do some core exercises. Well that girl ended upwalking over and literally sat down on the couch inches from where I was exercising even though there were a ton of other spots for her to sit. She took her headphones off so she no longer was listening to music and just started playing a game on her phone right next to me while I stretched. You must be thinking, "Good he's going to make up for the pitiful previous engagement" Nope! I freaking did my stretches, did core exercises then put the mat away grabbed my crap and left without saying a word to her.

And then later that same night I had my bathroom scare. I haven't slept much last night and I can't sleep tonight(now early Thursday morning). I know I'm jumping to massive conclusions about what happened to me. It could be something like a hemorrhoid and I just need to eat a huge amount of fiber and take some antibiotic pills. But it could be something that might be the reason that I might not make it to another Christmas or only have one birthday left in me. I won't know until Friday which is when my doctor appointment is. And all I can think about these last 24 hours are all the times I wish I had done something and didn't do anything. And feeling like this is the dumbest crappiest(much pun intended) thing ever. I've always known I should never do something that makes me think "What if" yet here I am at 2 in the morning(at least when I wrote this) with class at 10:30 in the morning thinking about all the times I never made a move when the universe was practically screaming at me to do something and set up the perfect scenario for me to say hello. And I vow the next time something like these two incidents that happened at the gym happen again. I swear on my own grave I will at least freaking say hello and introduce myself. If they aren't receptive I'll thank them for the few minutes they took out to talk to me and then wish them a good day and move on. I'd rather have that awkward encounter than feel what I feel now.

So my message to all of you, and this goes abosuletely for both guys and girls, is that I don't care if it's going to be freaking awkward or if you're scared if you try and say hello to someone. I don't give a damn about whatever lie you're trying to tell yourself to not do it. DO IT!

"But I'm shy?"

No bull go say hello.

"But what if they don't-"

You don't have the god damn slightest clue what they want unless you go say hello.

"But society dictates that-"

Nothing but a load of horse crap go introduce yourself. You're really going to sit there and let societal standards ruin your life?

"But they might not be interested or get annoye-"

NO! Go say the &$#% hello! Again you don't know what they'll feel but what you yourself will feel is regret. For your own happiness take a chance.

Well if you read through that scramble of brick text that I hastily put together I appreciate the time you took to read it. I'm sure there's gramatical errors all over the place. Please don't live a life wondering what other life you could have lived. It will only make you miserable. I know this topic has been done to death but it's just been on my mind all day that I had to let it out. Have a nice day everyone :)

[sixnineanon]

This take inspired me to go out and say hello and not worry about what ifs. Thanks.