This is part 2/Bro Code Volume 2 of my first article "How To Be a Go-Getter at the Bar." In that article I was discussing how to dance with a girl on the dance floor when out at a nightclub and went over "The Types" of guys on the dance floor that will get in your way of successfully meeting a girl and dancing with her. I've also include some females that will get in your way too, so make sure you read all the way through.
I listed the various categories of people that will be your competition. The last article "How to be a Go-Getter at the Bar" went off on a tangent with me creating these categories so I promised I would make it a brand new article.
Hopefully you will notice these types when you go out and learn to stay away from them. There are many people on the dance floor and some have malicious intentions. Some lack dance floor etiquette. Learn how to maneuver around them and wow the ladies with you dance skills.
The Wall Flower
This category of guys are the ones who buy a drink and then stand in the middle of the dance floor and get in everyone's way. They don't dance, they just stand around like a bunch of road blocks. They don't have the guts to dance but they will snicker at you, either lone wolf style or in a group when you do dance with a girl. Usually, the snickering is because they are jealous.
How to avoid them: Act like they don't even exist, when you are dancing with a girl don't worry about accidentally bumping into them, if you do, just keep on dancing without saying sorry. Most likely, they will see that you are not paying attention to them, just like every girl on the dance floor, and they will move out of your way. Plus it's embarrassing for them to get in your way when you are totally engrossed and into the girl you are dancing with, it makes them look bad. Better yet, find an area on the dance floor away from them in an area where they haven't all accumulated like pigeons on a telephone wire. Psychologically, people tend to associate things and people that are in close proximity to each other, so to avoid becoming The Wall flower and avoid being associated with them, keep your distance and it might help you get your dance with a cute babe dancing by herself.
This category of guys are the ones that possess no tact and no strategy. They go up behind any girl and every girl and try to dry hump her on the floor. Some times it works, but usually for 2 minutes because the whole time she was dancing with The Sleaze she was plotting an exit strategy.
How to avoid them: Wait until the girl The Sleaze is dancing with decides to tell The Sleaze that she needs to leave or whatever, and then go up to her rescue. Try to do the exact opposite of The Sleaze. If he crept up behind a girl and decided to thrust his pelvis all over her booty, come to her aid and dance with her in a gentlemanly way.
This guy dances by himself. Either he's jacked up on Ecstasy or he's convinced himself that he can't find success with women on the dance floor. BUT what to do? He has to do something so he dances by himself. Sometimes The Asexual will have glow lights, even when he isn't at a Rave. When he pulls out his expensive flashing rave glow lights, the whole dance floor will turn and look at him in terror because they've confused his rave lights for a police car.
How to avoid them: If you are dancing with a babe and find yourself being blinded into epilepsy because of The Asexual's glow light, slow your dancing down and shift yourself over to a different area, or stop dancing, grab the hand of the girl you are dancing with and motion with your head to move to a different area and lead the way.
This guy will scope you out while scoping out girls. After you've successfully started dancing with a girl, he will sneak up from behind and try to steal her away from you. He leeches off your hard work and after seeing you have started dancing with a girl will sneak up behind her and start dance-humping her, but he will start off slow and pretend he is "partnering" with you. He will get aggressive and try to steal the girl away. He won't do this when he sees "a couple" because the girl will push him away, or the boyfriend of the girl will beat his ass, but as long as the girl is dancing with you, Mr. Single, she's fair game to him.
How to avoid them: The best way to avoid this douche bag is just that. Avoid him, pay him no attention. He is a wolf dressed in sheep clothing. He will try shaking your hand or giving you a high five. Don't even look at him. When he starts dancing with a girl you find, casually ignore him and put your arm around the girl and tell her that "you need a drink" and whisk her away from The Leech. The strategy of The Leech is to be very friendly with you, get you to talk to him and then immediately give you the cold shoulder when he has gotten a positive response from the girl you are with. Pretty soon, he will avoid you like the plague and aggressively pull your girl away from you. Don't let him. Counter-intuitively, the more you ignore him the more he will give you props for being such a pimp.
This guy is the dance floor clown. Sometimes he's the fat "Gothic heavy metal" guy or he's got the PHILIP SEYMOUR HOFFMAN, JONAH HILL, OR PETER GRIFFIN look. And he will be the clown that just pushes his way through the crowd. They come in different varieties, he can also be the frat boy/steroid pill popping SACK LODGE whose been picked up by the legs and paraded around by his frat brothers while screaming hysterically in "coolness." Quote unquote.
How to avoid him: If you find that the bulldozer has bumped into you, don't start a fight. Accept it and move on, you will most likely lose the fight because the bulldozer is usually a beefy guy HIGH on his own testosterone. Why fight and lose when you can just let him lose through his own actions, no one likes the bulldozer and he has a bad reputation. Better yet when you find the bulldozer heading your way, move OUT of the way, but if it's inevitable, stand your ground and "push" back, (not literally push him, but stand your ground, like stand really stiff and flex your chest and arms to build a solid foundation to the floor) and the two forces will balance and equal out and prevent you from falling over. Also, hold your drink high so if the bulldozer does bump into you, the drink spills on him, not you.
He is Asexual's distant cousin. This guy, will, out of left field, get on the center of the floor and literally break dance. Like the electric slide and moon walk. He will impress everyone on the dance floor and attract other showoffs onto the floor into one grand break dance battle while the rest of us stand around in a circle and gawk.
How to avoid them: What you need to do, to rain on their parade, is get in the middle and do a cartwheel, even if you don't know how to do a cartwheel just do it to ruin it for all The Showoffs. No, don't do that I'm being sarcastic. ACTUALLY, humor might help you win this "break dance battle." When they're busting out all their Electic Boogaloo moves, just step into the circle and do some ridiculous moves, the laughs from the audience might give you more attention than these attention seeking whores. Better yet, when you are dancing with a hot babe, get in the middle WITH HER and do some simple "Ballroom" dancing, and you will earn more brownie points with all the other ladies on the dance floor than these guys doing Break dancing moves solo.
The Wing Man
He can be your own boy, or your wing man. But this guy will get in your way as well. While you are dancing with a hot girl, your boy, feeling lonely at his corner of the bar, will walk up to you and tap you on the shoulder, standing there awkwardly as you dance. His reason? He wants to go because he is feeling claustrophobic, he wants to go because he is feeling too drunk, he wants to go because he knows a better dance club. He will pester you and totally ruin your game. The real reason is he is feeling lonely, and also a bit jealous.
How to avoid him: Don't, that's just plain rude. He is your own boy after all and it's always Bros before Hoes, don't be that guy that ditches a friend for some Bust-down. Here is how to help him out. Ask the girl you are with if you can take a break and join your buddy over at the bar, tell her you all WANT TO TAKE SHOTS, don't tell her you will buy her a drink, that's too cliche, "shots" implies a "fun activity" and of course you will pay, or if you are sneaky and clever, you'll get your boy to pay, haha. All three of you build some rapport, but don't get too involved with having fun with your buddy, the girl you are with will feel ignored and will think you and your boy are "butt buddies" and will tell you "hey, I actually have to go to the ladies room" and then she will never come back. Basically you take some shots, whisper to your girl that your buddy is Dustin Hoffman from Rain Man. And every now and then, bust out a comment or two to your boy but go back to flirting with your new found girl most of the time. Eventually, your buddy will be happy you paid him mind and, seeing he is no longer alone at the bar, won't intrude as you mack your skills on your woman. Better yet, when you go out, find 2 girls that are both friends, so that your boy has someone to dance with as well when you approach the two girls. And better yet, use your boy sometimes to just get a girl's number and leave. Sometimes getting a number and dipping out is better than to stay the whole night with one girl, you can find multiple girls throughout the night as some will flake on you in the future anyways.
The Stylish Gay Guy
He is a huge c*** block. He has all the girls around him because all the girls are his friends. He plays filter for the girls, totally checking out guys and giving his female friends feedback on guys and his opinions on their fashion, their looks and behavior...like totally. When you do dance with one of his female friends, he swoops down like a hawk to prey and sabotages your reputation before it has a chance to build. His strategy is whispering to his female friend (the one you are dancing with) all sorts of nasty biases such as "Like oh my God, he was SO dancing with a slutty girl just an hour ago, I wonder what he thinks of you then" and will make his female friend second guess herself about her attraction for you.
How to avoid them: You don't, that's the effen problem in the first place. When you do see a female friend that has a gay friend, make sure you ACKNOWLEDGE the gay guy. He is like The King to them. Not only is he A GUY but he is GAY, which means although he is a guy he has a female way of thinking. To women, he is the perfect weapon, the perfect ace card. To women, he works both sides of the fence, and has a better perspective on the sexes because he belongs to both--a female mind with a penis. The only way you can dodge The Stylish Gay Guy, is to show him sympathy, because in his lifetime he most likely has been ridiculed for being gay. So, show your open mindedness and compliment him on his style of clothing for example. "Yo bro, that's a nice shirt, you look stylish." Now you've earned some points with the girls too, and he won't get in your way.
The Mother Goose
Every group of females has that one Leader; she might be the oldest, she might be the ugliest, or she might be the fattest of them all. Something about her makes her insecure and think all her friends look better than her, so to compensate, she has toughened her personality so she comes off the wittiest, the boldest, and the bitchiest of them all. She's even more sneaky than The Stylish Gay Guy. She comes off as the "protector" of her friends. "Rescuing" them from "guys like you." Preventing them from "making mistakes" by hooking up with you because clearly her friends are "too drunk" to defend themselves from "perverts...like you." There is a bit of man-hating quality in her, and she most likely is a hardcore feminist.
How to avoid them: Just like The Stylish Gay Guy, you don't. Secretly, The Mother Goose wants attention just like her female friends, and she is feeling very lonely, depressed, and unwanted. The best thing to do is flirt with her, crack open her shell to reveal the teddy bear in the inside and even dance with her in between dancing with her friends. Heck, grab your wing man to help distract her while you pick and choose between her hotter friends.
He's that guy that has a JUDE LAW coolness to him. He has this look to him, like, he was a huge Player back in his day, but is out of the game now because he is with his girlfriend of 5 years and he will marry her some day. His girlfriend is with her girlfriends or off doing her own thing, and you have no idea she has a boyfriend who's casually sitting by the bar chatting with the Waitress on advice for engagement rings. The waitress looks like she is being flirted with, but really her heart is melting because The Boyfriend is talking about how he loves his girlfriend (whose by herself somewhere else in the night club) and wants to marry her. You flirt with his girlfriend unknowingly and he comes up to you and casually drops "I see you've met my girlfriend" on your ass.
How to avoid him: Learn to be a good observer and see whose with who. Also, don't be The Sleaze, because sometimes the girl you start dancing with uninvited, has a boyfriend in the perimeter. When this does happen, apologize and give a compliment. "Oh, this is your girlfriend, sorry man" and then tell "wow, man, you are a lucky guy, your girlfriend is very charming and beautiful." And then get the phuck away, but smile as you walk away and go find someone else.
The Dike Leech
This chick will hit on you like a Honey Trap hired by Narcs to bust drug dealers. Really what she wants is to just hate on you for the sake of hating on you. She will play "push and pull" with you, sending you lots of mixed signals to prevent you from hooking up with other girls. She will seduce you to the point where all your attention is on her, then she will walk away and leave you with blue balls. What she does is leech all the attention away from all the other girls in the night club. Maybe she's been hurt in the past and is projecting all the revenge she wishes she could inflict on her ex, on you. I don't know, but whatever it is she is a freaking psychopath. While dancing with girls, she will do what The Leech does, which is go up to the girl and dance with her, then she will use her booty to shove you out of the way. For instance, she will get in between you and the girl you are dancing with, and then, with her back turned to you, she will "push" you away with her butt. If you try to grab her waist with your hands and try to turn the wild movements of her butt into a grind on you, she will turn 180 degrees in the other direction leave you standing there alone as she dances with your girl. She works WAY better than The Leech, because, since she is female, can dance with other girls with a 112 percent success rate, unlike The Leech, she can steal any girl she wants away from you, her favorite song is "I kissed a Girl" by Katy Perry.
How to avoid them: Trust your gut instinct, if you sense the girl who coincidentally keeps getting in your way is The Dike Leech, do anything and everything to appear UNATTRACTIVE to her. Pick your nose, scratch your butt and sniff your fingers. If she happens to try to steal the girl you are dancing with away from you, lie and tell the girl you are dancing with that she is a jealous and crazy ex, (lol, she might also be too) and that you two should get away from this bar or dance somewhere else.
THERE YOU HAVE IT, THESE ARE YOUR COMPETITION. Now that you can learn to spot them, avoid them and dance your way to success and dance the night away. Laterz.
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