Sometimes life is a lot to bear. There are so many things that we take for granted. Some days that time is our enemy and in reality, some wounds may heal but they become the scars that remind of the pain. We can’t change the past, but we can redirect our future into something manageable. I know that men are the ones most effected by this, not to take away from women. Men are taught at an early age that we are supposed to be strong. We are supposed to be the ones that don’t bend and never show the pain. We hold in the things that hurt the most for fear of looking weak and we never talk about them because to do so breaks the code of the warriors.
You see that is that what we are in our minds. We are the warriors, the protectors, the last line of defense against the world for the ones that we cherish the most. We hold in the tears because they would only serve to blind us from the target. We let our emotions bite and tear us up inside because those are the things that fuel a rage. An anger at the world. Many times, we don’t even know that it exists. I think many of us yearn for the release of oblivion. We don’t even know that because it too is masked be the ramshackle cages that we create to contain the emotions that wound us most. I am not saying that dealing with them are ever easy.
In fact, I can tell you from my recent personal experience that they are more painful than any bullet, any wound that we can endure. That I think is because after trying not to feel for so long, we forget how painful they were in the first place. I know for me the toll that it takes brings me to my knees. The ups are less frequent and the darkness is more frightening. The will that you have becomes less and less until finally you snap.
I am lucky to have good friends and a strong will. Those are the only things that have let me come to this place. They are what have allowed me to live. I can’t say that my will is any stronger than anyone else’s. in fact, there are days that I feel so weak and useless that it feels like the world would be better off without me. Then I realize that although I feel that way, that is only my perception of the situation. I have done so many things that sometimes it feels like there is nothing else that I can do and I forget that there is something that I CAN do.
I can offer my knowledge. I can offer my support, because even when we are weak, we are strong for someone else. When we fall the people that we are strong for can help us to stand back up and get back in the fight. There is not a bit of shame in falling and there is never any reason to not ask for help. In fact, I think that when you ask for help you are showing a courage that most people lack at times. You are saying to the world and the demons that reside in your head that you’re not willing to go down without a fight. Your telling the world that although it can kick you and beat you and try its best to break you that you are not that easy to stop. Your showing everyone that your strong enough to not give up when others will fold.
I pray and beg that if you are hurt don’t bottle it up. It does nothing for you except tax your bodies. Some of us self-medicate in order to mask the pain. Some of us choose alcohol, some of us choose drugs, some of us choose work. No matter what we choose we pick the hard choice, the one that makes us sick in the end. So, let it out and stop being a warrior by yourself, there has never been and will never be an army composed of one man.
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