Support According to Gender

[Jjpayne]

I was going to try to do a question for this but there is so much going back and forth in my mind.

So to start, when you are born you are placed in a color and bam now you are that gender. You did not choose it but it was chosen for you. From there on out you play your role. Only I have found that the girl's role while it has clear down sides has a much different level of support.

Let's say you have a family and it in you have brothers and sisters. Let's say one brother gets dumped and one sister gets dumped at the same time, who will get the support from the family first? Who is seen as needing the support more? and that's part of it, the assumption that girls need more support than guys do. But this is just a part.

Aside from the emotional piece there is the fact that a guys body is a girls protective shell. and even further than that, everything that she wants is put above what a guy wants.

Do girls need protection? Of course they do. Should guys be supportive and want to give them nice things? Of course they should. I am not questioning any of that. But at what point do guys get support from girls? Should guys even expect support from girls or is that a sign of weakness?

Is there a point where men can share their feelings and get support from women?

I completely understand that there is a place for girls to be taken care of but I am taking about equality, not guys need to give girls all the support he can, if he asks for too much or does not provide a specified amount of support than its means to dump him and find a man that can.

If it's like that...

Then it's time to swap genders because clearly someone's on the right end of the gender pool. Just to romanticize on this idea, you walk down the street and automatically you get more support. People open up their umbrellas and guys throw their coats down for you to walk over them. Dating aside, that's a great feeling. To feel all that support.

Given, girls on average need more protection then men. But I feel that I'd trade my safety and strength for that support. To just feel more encouraged and supported.

Being a guy, it's pretty heavy weight. Much is expected and people are more than happy to tell you what your duties as a man are.

In summery, I believe that girls have all the control and the support. While men are left with the leftovers of support that are left.

I am not sure exactly where I was going with this. But there's nothing wrong with offering support and being kind/considerate, my question is, is it fair to place the full burden and expectation of support on men? In addition, should men be able to have access to as much support as women do? What is your opinion on the support between genders? Did I hit a WTF or a hmm.. interesting point?

Support According to Gender Part 2

[Mystic_Nova]

I think this has a lot of factors around it. I think a lot of men get support they need, but this is where the factors come in. When your a good guy well known in the community, you will get all the support you need, hell there was a male teacher with cancer or something and his whole class came to sing to him. So I think NH one factorbis, the amount of support and effort you put in the world that contributes to how much you get in return.


Another thing, family. Not all family is the same. a lot of families are supportive of each other no matter the gender, however, some are harsher to the women and treat men like kings (alot of cultures cherish males and hate females to the point where they kill female infants) and some, men/boys aren't getting the support they need because maybe theythink a man should take care of himself.

Also, for the men on the suicide thing, men and women attempt it pretty much at the same rates, however women have been known to take the road on overdosing on pills and cutting wrists, allowing then to be saver or have a chance to not go through with it. Men however take it to extreme measures, such as sleeping with the exhaust running, hanging, and gun to the head. As such, men die from suicide more, because their measures are more extreme.

Homeless, there are true there are men with more likley chance due to military, divorce, etc.

Also, lack of male support. People always like to say that women get support, but the very fact is men don't even support other men. They laugh and high give, when a teen boy says his female teacher slept with him (teen rape), male cops dont believe them when they say they've been raped, they call any man who's in "feminine" hobbies and such gay (art, baking, nurse, hair, etc) and they are all really afraid to be even assumed to be gay, so they make up for it by being the very stereotypes you stated (always happy, not showing feelings, etc) Its actually women who care more, and are the ones men go to when they've been raped, whether it be a mom, sister, friend, etc. Its women who are actually concerned when they are engaged in sex with their teachers and women who support men when they are into things that are deemed "for girls"

So, before you ask for support, men need to start changing the idea that men are only men if they don't show their true feelings, or that they need to be strong all the time. Hell, women bug other women a lot, but we still support each other and make change when we see that there needs to be, which is why feminism was created. But that evolved into the worst so not the greatest thing today.

[Jjpayne]

Thank you, this was very good!

[AD240pCharlie]

I have noticed that in my own life. Not because my guy friends aren't supportive, but because of the way we tend to handle things together. If one of us is feeling down, we don't sit down and talk about how we fell, we just say "fuck it, let's go have fun" to take our minds off whatever is making us sad. That's definitely not a bad thing per se, it's very useful and it most often works, but for men who don't really have any other people in their life, it can definitely be harmful if that's the only way they have to hope with things. Since I have a couple of female friends as well, I do have that support system, so I personally wouldn't want the dynamic between me and my male friends to change.

[Rapidash]

This is an amazing reply. I talk to my girl friends about feelings all the time, something to get off your chest and cry about together. I’m always willing to listen. The guys I know though, tend to be more reluctant to talk about feelings and support. I find that especially the ones that should be talking about their issues just clam up and shrug it off (even though obviously things could be changed if they just let someone help.

[Mystic_Nova]

Thanks for the MHO!

[Jjpayne]

You are welcome! :)

[coffeewithcream]

What utter bullshit.
In other words, it's the fault of men.
It's a biological default to support women. Today it's a crutch women still use with the added use they've learned they can beat men with it and get away with it.

[Mystic_Nova]

@coffeewithcream
Love how what I wrote flew over your head. I said, "there are MANY factors contributing to this issue" ONE of them being the unsupported ofother men. And I'm right on the call with that being an issue. Men, alotnof them dont. Go on any video with female teachers having sex with their make students. The comments will be filled with men wishing it where them and congratulating the young man. Look on many interviews with men who got raped by men. They will tell you, that the MALE police offiecers dismissed their case or how their been peers asked why they didn't "fight back". Or, the even listen to bill burr talking g about how anything a man does that isn't considered manly, is called a fag. It's a comedy skit, but it's a real issue.

Do women play a part, in sure they do. They can act unsupportive too. However, men will listen to the acts and words of other men more than women. And the fact is, men aren't supportive to men. You dont like it? Then be part of the change.

[certifiedalphafemale]

It's so sad how people be like "Real men are strong, they don't cry." I don't know why society has this view on men but, men have rights as well. They need protection an security just as women and if you really are a wife, you must support your husband through tough times rather than leave him.

I know some women who just leaves their partner when they're undergoing tough times and they justify it. They either want to stick with a man who's the strongest or as strong as her. Though I don't blame them, it's kind of unfair to men and I'm sure it takes a huge blow to their ego!

For me, a real strong women encourages a man and support him, not make him lose self-esteem.

[meesegoMoo]

I agree with your point on marriage, but there are a few more things to consider. Some of us have actually been through our share of trouble and gotten nothing but scars and broken bones for talking about it. Growing up like that, you could see how some men, already being more emotionally detached than women, would have trouble accepting support or talking about their issues.

My second point is simply this, we handle things much differently. Men who've actually HAD to be tough are often less bothered by what's happened to them than any person watching would be. I've seen people around me cry about things that I didn't give much thought to. There exists a somewhat delicate finesse required in comforting men then, because too much sympathy would only be a burden.

I loose very little over women wanting a stronger man. I understand why you would think it hurts, it seems like it should! But I usually understand. I'm not very strong physically because of my past, so I'm used to women drooling over the meth-mouthed juggernauts throwing all manner of threats my way, and I'm fine with it.

Thanks for reading (if you did, I know it's long) and I hope we can all be a bit forgiving of women who can't or don't know how to support men.

[PinkMichae]

I just can't relate to this because I find myself supporting the men I've had and have in my life.

The only thing I can think of that we get more support is because we react differently emotionally.

Women tend to be more open therefore people know when we need support. Men tend to be more closed off to what they are feeling. And we can't support what we dont know.

When I first got with my love now he was so closed off which led to a lot of arguments because I didn't know what he was feeling. When he finally trusted me and opened up things are great. I know when he needs my support. He comes home everyday talking about his day at work which he loves to have someone to listen too. His anxiety is much better.

He also knows he can break down to me when life kicks him down and I'm not gonna see him as weak.

I just think if men want the same support than both genders need to do things differently. Because o know there is some women and men that would see a man needing the same support as weak.

[Jjpayne]

Thank you

[Rapidash]

This ^ as difficult as it is to open up and feel vulnerable, I find that girls still find it easier to go to someone about their troubles and what they are feeling. With men it takes more time and energy (which isn’t bad of course) and can also lead to a lot of hurt for the person that is trying to do the support.

[Aakash_Hangargi]

This topic is kinda complicated it has two variances as you say, it depends on the people you are with yes some men may not get support in a financial, physical, and emotional as well they would think the man is weak and loose interest in them because everybody wants a person who can go to them for support because they think you are in a way are better with options and could give a person better advice, so if the same person went to the person who was receiving advice from him will not be able to help.
I do beleive the person who gives care might hardly receive it from others.

But I have also seen women going out of there way to support a man there arw women who care for men and provide support but it's the ideological communities that sees the gender differences and choose who they want or not to depending on basis of gender and there behaviour.
It really depends on the upbringing of a person like how they were trained by the surroundings and elders.
Based on that I would say there is 60~40 ratio as how the people help the genders also it happens due to these so called communities of feminism and masculinism they define things in a whole different aspects that people think would it ve really appropriate to support the other gender when there views differ I know the things and hard to digest but life goes on, and with understanding each other we can win over these things some day and form an equilibrium

[Jjpayne]

Thank you!

[MORPHEUS_12]

I don't believe that males get the support they need. I am an empath and I put myself in the shoes of my husband. He and I became serious in high school. His Father was an asshole and disowned him because he was the tall clumsy type in his teens. His Father tried to teach him how to bowl but he couldn't master the steps because he was like a size 15 shoe and back then bowling alley's didn't stock that size shoe. His Father gave up on him, called him dumb and the list goes on and on. His Father put all his attention into the second born son. When I saw what was happening I took my then boyfriend under my wings. I showed him things that a Father should have shown their son. I gave him the support he needed to be a successful man. Sometimes men do get left out and don't get the support that they need. It's up to someone to notice that and provide what is missing.

[Aakash_Hangargi]

I am proud of you😘👍👏👏👏

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

I disagree on this one. My husband got plenty of support when he was sick. From me, from church groups praying for his recovery, from family and friends
I'd say he got more support than I do when I'm sick. There's support for men, it's just that some men won't admit to needing it or accept it cuz they think it makes them look weak.

[Jjpayne]

I appreciate that. I only wish would could talk about it in person. I would love to bounce back and forth what we think about it. It's fun to do that with topics like this. To get a fresh prospective from going back and forth.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Yeah but I feel people are trying to make a divide between men and women that doesn't need to be there. Not all women get that support you think and not all men don't. We need to do come together at this time and be a support for one another, anyways but especially with what we are a people are dealing with with this current crisis. Every man woman and child needs love and support. But how will that happen if men and women keep bashing one another or have false gender assumptions. None of that does anyone any good 🤷🏼‍♀️

[Jjpayne]

Agreed

[Jjpayne]

It's pretty late but I feel I can make another mytake as a response to what you have said and hopefully other gaggers will have some helpful critism too...

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

I'm not trying to criticize anyone.. just saying we need to stop trying to divide... Unite and conquer

[newlysingleca]

I think we should get away from gender roles period. People are individuals and they want different things regardless of gender. I am a person who wants a man to take care of me emotionally, doing the nice little things. I want to work, I hate house work and cooking but I want someone who will do it with me. I don't expect him to do it all so I don't have to. I am an individual and don't want to be a identified with what a gender should want.

Coming to the other point of a guy supporting a woman. Again this depends on the person. My ex was inconsiderate and never got it when I pointed things out to him. He just kept behaving the same way because he thought I would not leave because women in our culture are encouraged to stay no matter what. Obviously I have left but it took me a long time.

Expectations from any gender are not right because people are individuals and should not be identified as a gender.

[CubsterShura]

Men get a lot more support than women in different ways. If a man becomes a single parent everyone's willing to help him but if it's a single mother instead people are rather happy to leave her alone as if she doesn't need help. Men easily get away with being unfaithful, I've seen it firsthand. People are like "that's how a man is, just forget about it" I don't think I would have gotten the same reaction if a woman did that instead. When a man works hard everyone sees it and appreciates it but I don't see as much appreciation for it in women at all, as if people have almost taken that for granted to an extent, except for potentially 'risky' jobs. If a man is accused of rape people are suddenly so concerned about his career and reputation like they don't even cared if he actually did that. Men are also better taken care of when they get any sickness, women are told to learn to deal with it.

Men get support too. In different ways.

[Aakash_Hangargi]

I am not going to argue, but just say you are way off in the rape part of the context men have died for false acquisitions, and women are majorly supported on that just putting my thoughts across i know nobody asked but for my satisfaction 👍

[grega239]

If men get so much support , why do so many commit suicide?

[CubsterShura]

@Aakash_Hangargi if that was the case men wouldn't commit rape. They do back and forth, left and right because they know they are gonna get away with it.

@grega239 if men lack so much support why do women attempt more suicides?

[Aakash_Hangargi]

@CubsterShura good to know what your views are thank you but as I said I won't argue🙏.

[grega239]

Women attempt it more but men succeed more.

[CubsterShura]

Fine I'll to to the women who fail and tell them to make sure they are successful next time.

[grega239]

Maybe then your argument will be correct

[CubsterShura]

What argument?

[grega239]

The " men get more support" one

[CubsterShura]

I never said men get more support than women. Concluding that I said men get more support than women as a whole simply because I stated that they get more support in DIFFERENT WAYS, is a logical fallacy.

[grega239]

Name one.

[grega239]

Men are the majority of the homeless, but there are more women's shelters. Is that the support you're talking about.

[CubsterShura]

Is that the only way to support people?

[grega239]

We could reform mental health so men stop killing themselves.

[CubsterShura]

Uh yeah and?

[FatherJack]

" If a man becomes a single parent everyone's willing to help him " ... You what? This is a joke right? From what i have seen a lot of your posts are decent , but you are WAY off target here... I'm a FT working single dad , and get ZERO support from anyone. At my workplace , partnered mothers get far more leeway than I do. Let me tell you , single fathers generally get far less support than single mothers.

[CubsterShura]

If you have been here for long enough to see me other posts then I'm pretty sure you've been here for long enough to see all the nasty stuff people say about single mothers here. If not you can look them up, just search 'single mother' on g@g and you will get lots of examples of what I mean.

Also I'm sorry to hear that you had to go through such difficult times with hardly any support at all. But considering that this is how all single father are, or that single mothers are better off because of what you've seen, is not a correct conclusion.

[WhistleForTheChoir]

I was raised in a single parent household, my single mother got a LOT of support from the rest of our family (even though she will pretend like she didn't, it was my grandmother who got me to school and took me to events like 90% of the time).

If a woman cheats on a man, then it's the man's fault for not "keeping her happy" or "satisfying her needs". If a woman cheats on a man, that is shameful for the man. The woman doesn't really suffer any long-term social repercussions.

Whenever ANYONE works hard they get shit on. The people who rise to the top are the lazy fucks. The hardest working person in a job is usually the least liked. And this is anecdotal, but I've known a lot more women who get away with just not fucking doing their job than vice versa. One co-worker of mine didn't show up at a place I worked for three weeks, and got her job back. On the other hand, a dude got fired for texting at his desk at around the same time at the same place.

Men are expected to work hard, and the men people respect and "notice" aren't the hard workers, but the lazy narcissists who know how to charm other people without actually putting any effort in. They are usually the women's favorite co-worker too, and women will make up anything to prop that specific guy up and make it seem like they do no wrong and the sun shines out of their ass. So some men get support, sure. The ones who use people, because those Dark Triad motherfuckers are almost always womens' favorite boys.

The rest of what you said just isn't true. I don't agree with everything the original commenter said, but you are trying really hard to only see the world through one lens here. You sound like a victim, and to people who actually know what the fuck is up, you sound like someone who doesn't know what they're talking about.

[CubsterShura]

Fine fine, men get no support. Women are obviously the only ones getting all the support and help in this world being spoon-fed through every way of life while men are thrown into dungeons. Go to sleep now.

[WhistleForTheChoir]

Holy straw-man!

[Aakash_Hangargi]

@WhistleForTheChoir that's the secret weapon you have. Been Bamboozled my friend 😂😂👻

[gdcap]

I’ve always thought this you said it so well, whenever I’m in a relationship I try to make the guy a priority just as much as I hope he makes me and support him and compliment him and everything guys are expected to do for women, sadly this ends up in getting taken advantage of often but whatever, and even with friends I try to reach out and support guys more often which often times comes off as flirting, I think guys do need a lot more support than they are getting rn and maybe that’s why they are so aggressive and impulsive sometimes, they’re trying to do something to get peoples attention, I’m not sure but I definitely agree.

[leahzrc]

i dont need protection or nice things from any guy. i dont need their support. im a girl, am i not? ill support a person if i want to support a person whether it's a guy or a girl. if there is a puddle, ill walk over it, if it rains whoop dee doo, i get rained on. i don't need someone to provide me safety because i can live a safe life without a person there. i dont expect anything from any guy they could spit on me in the street for all i care it's their problem. if men want me to hold the door for them i'll do it, but thats just being nice to people, it isn't supporting him because of his gender. if i am not supporting a person enough i have to know what they want from me and if i care about it

[SomeGuyCalledTom]

Girls need support from EVERY one. Guys need support from ONLY one.

I find the economics of that quite comforting, knowing that just ONE supportive partner is all that's needed to fulfil my emotional needs.

A girl will want support from her partner, her 12 different girl-friends, her workplace BFF, her personal trainer, her parents, her grandparents, etc etc. It sounds exhausting honestly, I don't know how they manage it. But if that's what she needs to feel content, then who am I to demand otherwise?

[Rapidash]

The issue with this is that you might overload that person with all your troubles. Don’t burden a single person with your problems because it might affect them. Of course not all problems are equal and it can work, but I have seen times when a person relied too much on a single friend and it was incredibly overwhelming. That’s why I find that having a circle of support is a lot better for everyone...

[SomeGuyCalledTom]

@Rapidash that's also true, I'm speaking more in terms of broader behavioral tendencies. Men will often have male friends we talk to about problems we don't wanna burden our partners with. But we won't discuss one particular problem with several different people, we'll get one or maybe two different opinions and then we'll file them away for consideration. I notice that girls are more likely to talk to their boyfriend about a problem, then they'll take it to their girlfriends, their sister, etc, because the more they talk it through with different people, the more they feel emotionally supported. If a man discusses it with more than one person, it's because he wants a second opinion, not because he wants to "feel heard" etc. I'm generalising of course, but these are tendencies I notice in both my male and female friends

[Itsme1999]

I agree with you, but not completely. I do not agree that girls need more support then guys. The reason I think you say that is because girls are more often allowed to express their feelings than guys. This results in guys that do not know how to behave at a later age. This results in less than smart or even illegal behavior. The solution for this (partially) is not having such big differences between raising guys vs girls.

I grew up with 3 sisters. As the only son in the household, support for me was quite often non existent.

[FictionalCharacter]

Mmmm...

?

I don’t think this applies to the way I was raised. My dad told my sisters and I that we need to step up in the world. Cause we will be ‘second in society’ (cause we’re girls). While my mom favored my baby brother (cause he was the youngest). Also no one was allowed to wear pink or dresses in the house.

Basically My childhood

[silvermoon84]

I think both genders need to support each other honestly. I try to be just as supportive to all of my male friends as I am to my girl friends. I do think though that more could be done systematically in terms of men’s rights though in terms of child custody, rape accusations, divorce, etc.

[KaylaJoy]

In my opinion, guys and gals should receive support equally. However, the reason for the gap in support is due to gender roles dating far back. If we could ever manage to eradicate the idea of traditional gender roles there might be a way to fix this.

[SomeGuyCalledTom]

stripping men of their gendered roles would INCREASE male depression and isolation, not DECREASE it. I understand your intention is in the right place, you don't like seeing men suffer, and you wanna fix that. But you risk throwing out the baby with the bathwater when your solution is to do away with gender roles altogether. If anything, male depression has increased the MORE we've stepped away from "traditional" gender roles. And I'm by no means a traditionalist, but I can see the value in certain roles that developed over thousands of years-- perhaps even millions.

[coffeewithcream]

Ohhh Mystic Nova blocked me.
I guess replies that don't kiss her ring aren't welcome.
I was about to say you did it again and didn't even realize it.
You blamed me for not understanding your few meagre high-school level points, arrogantly carrying on that your comment went "over my head" and concluded with, "Don't like it? Be part of the change."
Your own irony is over your head, obviously. You can't get any more obtuse than that.
As if this is all on men.
Isn't it nice to be a woman and take zero responsibility. And to saucily give a reply then block me as if that's the final word because it comes from a woman.
Double irony there. :)

[MackToday]

Swap gender? Nope , no and hell no. I like things the way they are. I'm built not to need all that support. I tell you what I feel if I'm fussed over, I feel embarrassed. Unless a pretty girl is doing it of course.

[firefly02]

Support doesn't favour a gender. Whether it's a man or a woman, you are equally worthy of support if the other end decides to give you support. Point is to never expect it always. A strong (mentally & physically) man or woman may rarely expect support, neither it tbh. Keep your loved ones close. Love yourself. Support comes bonus.

(btw guys throwing coats is not support, it's something else)

[KrakenAttackin]

Men who ask for support are seen as weak and are despised by women. Men are told to suck it up and soldier on.

Women have no idea how much support they get from men, no idea whatsoever. Women are so used to being supported, protected, and catered to; it's like air, they just assume it's there. Seriously, modern women are beyond clueless on this topic.

[Ravencat20]

I've found it's the other way around for me personally I am kind, sympathetic girl who always looks out for her guy friends and in return I get yet ignored and or yelled whenever I ask for anything from them

[Anonymous]

Disagree. YOU might not get support but lots of men do. I'll always be there for the men in my life. Hope you find that in your life too.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

I agree with you 💯

[db684]

Most of the time all the support I need is my own. But I'm an introvert so that's probably easier for me.

I think its stupid how guys are just supposed to get on with things while girls get more support with stuff.

I also somewhat agree that guys should protect girls (because they're usually physically stronger). But there are also women who can absolutely beat me and plenty of other men to a pulp.