Name: Love Yourself Before You Get into a Relationship
Uploaded: 2015-01-27T02:48:10Z
Description: My take on how to have a successful relationship...... https://www.YouTube.com/watch?v=ip_FehKz5LE https://www.YouTube.com/watch?v=ip_FehKz5LE

Anonymous

(36-45)

I disagree.

inamorata

+1 y
Why?

Reply
Opinion Owner

+1 y
4 pillars:

You aren't as old as you think you are. "You have to figure out who you are before you enter into a relationship." Sounds good on paper but let's do a quick age breakdown of a 30 year old.

If our 30 year old became sexually mature at say 12 the first 12 years of life? Gone. So now we have an 18 year old. From 12 to say 22 this person is growing and developing testing their thoughts and philosophies and trying out new things; society is being gentle with them and encouraging them to seek out new possibilities. Subtract those 10 years right off. So at "30" you're now only had 8 years to become an actualized being. Subtract off three years for biological neurology and a fully functioning brain? 5 years. Subtract off two since now that you're 25 people actually expect you to step up and there's no more social leniency for good or ill and expectations are now serious and heavy. 3. So when you're 30 you're just 3 years old in the "real world".

Reply
Opinion Owner

+1 y
for people under twenty? Forget about it. They aren't even capable of this whole actualization. Can they be passionate and all that? Absolutely. Can they be on the right path? Sure. Can they actually sit and know, without shadow of a doubt, what they want? No.

You can't predict your future self.

www.ted.com/.../daniel_goldstein_the_battle_between_your_present_and_future_self

This is a TEDTalk specifically explaining how what we think we want is pretty much not helpful in even short-term (5 year) planning. The idea that we can know what we want and how to manage ourselves is, for better or worse, junk. "And in all that time you have still yet to figure out how to be content, patient, and happy alone?" Well, yes. Of course. There's no way for you to figure that out particularly because your current reference point is always rotten for the task. As a visual imagine you have a $10. You can feed yourself today (and you're hungry!) or you can save it for four years and buy a palace. There's an obvious choice but the stipulation is you MUST carry that $10 with you.

Reply
Opinion Owner

+1 y
Whether we like it or not within that four years we're going to spend the $10. It's just because no matter how hard we try to manage the timeline (the money in this case) we still have our current perspective to work with. You're hungry... today. It's why you hear people say "Will I be alone forever?"; the odds of this are practically null but today they are alone and they have no reason to predict they won't be. This carries into very dangerous waters for obvious reasons.

Meritocracy (or it's naught twin, Entitlement). "How the *%$# are you going to create an environment that another human being can be happy in?", "... Your feelings of happiness and sadness happen to you because of you.", and other examples. What happens here is you get an extreme standard of the ironic double-dose mentality. "If I love myself then..." is wrong. Totally wrong. Self-love is first and foremost just like self-actualization; if you're young you've been alive for so little time that you can't possibly

Reply
Opinion Owner

+1 y
present any argument that states you love you for you. That's ridiculous. The joy of this is that it leads down the vagueness of the world's "Motivational Speeches". Love yourself is kind of like saying "Grow an inch!" if you feel too short or "Just get better!" if you're feel sad or sick. There's no path to it because while it sounds good to just unconditionally accept who you are tomorrow and do you today as seen you can't actually predict with any certainty or clarity who you are or will be so the idea stabs itself in the back. In relationships this is even worse; it actually encourages the idea that you are a stand-alone entity and that the "Us" is really two "Me"s combined in ultra-awesome let's-go-get-'em instead of stating that a lot of things are out your control. Can't stand your girlfriend when she's pregnant due to pregnancy brain? Your boyfriend too tired for sex? There are two roads here:

Reply
Opinion Owner

+1 y
1. Accept this. Understand that life is not a set of things you control. Love them anyway. Let life be life because honestly you can only do so much in relation to another person and learning to grow and love through and with them is a pretty good option.

2. Internalize. Use meritocracy "I was a really good guy/girl and did my best and they didn't want X/Y/Z wtf?" (note: COMMON QUESTION ON GAG) as the basis and literally take it out on yourself. Start thinking in relation to the self, stop loving them, start feeling the bitterness he refers to, and discover that not only did you only date yourself but you'll keep dating yourself so long as you believe you have that level of control over relationships.

In cultures where this mentality, meritocratic dictatorship (I. E. "I do X, I get Y // I deserve X because Y ), isn't as prevalent people tend to do better dating. It's because instead of being based off of criteria it's just based of the experience itself.

Reply
Opinion Owner

+1 y
And the final pillar is actually "Self-Love" itself. Knowing what it is makes it an ugly thing; part of self-love is, for all the worth, loving your flaws. You have a lot. We all do. Loving and even capitalizing on your flaws however is a part of self-actualization and in reality coming to peace with that is really hard. Saying "I love myself, deeply and truly, and am ready for a relationship" is pretty much mythological because loving yourself and loving a second person are two totally different things. When you walk into a relationship you don't had the other person a rapsheet that says "Oh, by the way, I'm colder than ice and really that's just my personality, deal with it" you actually tend to work towards a medium, which by the way becomes the new you, and you grow and change. There's no static set for you to love to begin with; you're not the you that you were five years ago and won't be you in five years. It just sounds really, really good esp. with soft background music. :p

Reply
traxlem

+1 y
You should totally make this as a myTake.

Reply
Opinion Owner

+1 y
I can't. ^_^ That's laying on too much. I'm just a dumb troll; we all like me better that way. :3

Reply

What Girls & Guys Said

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Show Popular Opinions(20)

Starfishlover Follow
Yoda Age: 37

+1 y

Good article

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AngelinaJones Follow
Xper 5 Age: 30

+1 y

I LOVE THIS MESSAGE!

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Diego9O Follow
Xper 6 Age: 36

+1 y

I always say that!!!

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0 Reply
Anonymous
(36-45)

+1 y

I disagree.

2

9 Reply
- inamorata
  
  +1 y
  Why?
  
- Opinion Owner
  
  +1 y
  4 pillars:
  
  You aren't as old as you think you are. "You have to figure out who you are before you enter into a relationship." Sounds good on paper but let's do a quick age breakdown of a 30 year old.
  
  If our 30 year old became sexually mature at say 12 the first 12 years of life? Gone. So now we have an 18 year old. From 12 to say 22 this person is growing and developing testing their thoughts and philosophies and trying out new things; society is being gentle with them and encouraging them to seek out new possibilities. Subtract those 10 years right off. So at "30" you're now only had 8 years to become an actualized being. Subtract off three years for biological neurology and a fully functioning brain? 5 years. Subtract off two since now that you're 25 people actually expect you to step up and there's no more social leniency for good or ill and expectations are now serious and heavy. 3. So when you're 30 you're just 3 years old in the "real world".
  
- Opinion Owner
  
  +1 y
  for people under twenty? Forget about it. They aren't even capable of this whole actualization. Can they be passionate and all that? Absolutely. Can they be on the right path? Sure. Can they actually sit and know, without shadow of a doubt, what they want? No.
  
  You can't predict your future self.
  
  www.ted.com/.../daniel_goldstein_the_battle_between_your_present_and_future_self
  
  This is a TEDTalk specifically explaining how what we think we want is pretty much not helpful in even short-term (5 year) planning. The idea that we can know what we want and how to manage ourselves is, for better or worse, junk. "And in all that time you have still yet to figure out how to be content, patient, and happy alone?" Well, yes. Of course. There's no way for you to figure that out particularly because your current reference point is always rotten for the task. As a visual imagine you have a $10. You can feed yourself today (and you're hungry!) or you can save it for four years and buy a palace. There's an obvious choice but the stipulation is you MUST carry that $10 with you.
  
- Opinion Owner
  
  +1 y
  Whether we like it or not within that four years we're going to spend the $10. It's just because no matter how hard we try to manage the timeline (the money in this case) we still have our current perspective to work with. You're hungry... today. It's why you hear people say "Will I be alone forever?"; the odds of this are practically null but today they are alone and they have no reason to predict they won't be. This carries into very dangerous waters for obvious reasons.
  
  Meritocracy (or it's naught twin, Entitlement). "How the *%$# are you going to create an environment that another human being can be happy in?", "... Your feelings of happiness and sadness happen to you because of you.", and other examples. What happens here is you get an extreme standard of the ironic double-dose mentality. "If I love myself then..." is wrong. Totally wrong. Self-love is first and foremost just like self-actualization; if you're young you've been alive for so little time that you can't possibly
  
- Opinion Owner
  
  +1 y
  present any argument that states you love you for you. That's ridiculous. The joy of this is that it leads down the vagueness of the world's "Motivational Speeches". Love yourself is kind of like saying "Grow an inch!" if you feel too short or "Just get better!" if you're feel sad or sick. There's no path to it because while it sounds good to just unconditionally accept who you are tomorrow and do you today as seen you can't actually predict with any certainty or clarity who you are or will be so the idea stabs itself in the back. In relationships this is even worse; it actually encourages the idea that you are a stand-alone entity and that the "Us" is really two "Me"s combined in ultra-awesome let's-go-get-'em instead of stating that a lot of things are out your control. Can't stand your girlfriend when she's pregnant due to pregnancy brain? Your boyfriend too tired for sex? There are two roads here:
  
- Opinion Owner
  
  +1 y
  1. Accept this. Understand that life is not a set of things you control. Love them anyway. Let life be life because honestly you can only do so much in relation to another person and learning to grow and love through and with them is a pretty good option.
  
  2. Internalize. Use meritocracy "I was a really good guy/girl and did my best and they didn't want X/Y/Z wtf?" (note: COMMON QUESTION ON GAG) as the basis and literally take it out on yourself. Start thinking in relation to the self, stop loving them, start feeling the bitterness he refers to, and discover that not only did you only date yourself but you'll keep dating yourself so long as you believe you have that level of control over relationships.
  
  In cultures where this mentality, meritocratic dictatorship (I. E. "I do X, I get Y // I deserve X because Y ), isn't as prevalent people tend to do better dating. It's because instead of being based off of criteria it's just based of the experience itself.
  
- Opinion Owner
  
  +1 y
  And the final pillar is actually "Self-Love" itself. Knowing what it is makes it an ugly thing; part of self-love is, for all the worth, loving your flaws. You have a lot. We all do. Loving and even capitalizing on your flaws however is a part of self-actualization and in reality coming to peace with that is really hard. Saying "I love myself, deeply and truly, and am ready for a relationship" is pretty much mythological because loving yourself and loving a second person are two totally different things. When you walk into a relationship you don't had the other person a rapsheet that says "Oh, by the way, I'm colder than ice and really that's just my personality, deal with it" you actually tend to work towards a medium, which by the way becomes the new you, and you grow and change. There's no static set for you to love to begin with; you're not the you that you were five years ago and won't be you in five years. It just sounds really, really good esp. with soft background music. :p
  
- traxlem
  
  +1 y
  You should totally make this as a myTake.
  
- Opinion Owner
  
  +1 y
  I can't. ^_^ That's laying on too much. I'm just a dumb troll; we all like me better that way. :3
  
GoldCobra Follow
Guru Age: 34

+1 y

Nice take!

0

0 Reply

Love Yourself Before You Get into a Relationship (Page 2)

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