When it comes to an unplanned pregnancy, we always hear the popular double standard for being responsible:
If a man accidentally gets a woman pregnant, he needs to "be a man" and support the child to his best ability.
When a woman accidentally gets pregnant, essentially any way she chooses to act is considered the right way because "she has choices" (raise the child, adoption, safe havens, and abortion).
I'll just say now that I believe abortion should be legal and ultimately a woman's choice. It's legal because SCOTUS decided since a fetus lives off of a woman's body, she decides what happens to it. However, once the child is born, it's independent from the mother and has childs rights then after, including financial support from both parents. Women will always have more reproductive rights than men, which I believe they should, because they have more involvement in reproduction.
I always see the comparison being made between men opting out of child support and women getting abortions. While obviously not a true apples-to-apples comparison, there is a huge similarity. No form of birth control is 100% reliable, so there is always a possibility for an accident. Since 99.99% of abortions are obtained because of the mother not being prepared for motherhood (financially, physically, or otherwise), it's a completely invalid argument to say that men should be expected to act responsibly based on however the woman decides to act.
Regardless of the reason a woman gets an abortion, it will always be slightly more responsible than a man walking away from a child. (With abortion, there's no child to worry about, and with a man walking out, there is.) Nevertheless, while this is a big difference, it is the ONLY difference. If you're a female, view it from a male perspective. What am I supposed to do? If my partner tells me she's pregnant, already knowing I don't want anything to do with children, am I just supposed to act like I want the kid because that's what she wants?
If it's the opposite situation, and I'm thrilled about becoming a parent and she wants to abort, I'm simply supposed to have a complete 180 degree change of attitude and emotions? Obviously, this is totally unrealistic thinking. Abortion definitely provides more benefit then harm, because although it may not always be a responsible or ethical choice in situations, it's always a practical one.
Some popular arguments I've read by other guys on here are to give men a legal say in abortion or let them opt out of child support. However, this would lead to other issues: -If men have a co-say in abortion, this would defeat the entire point of it. (Keep in mind though- Roe v Wade didn't "equalize" reproductive rights at all; all it did was reverse them (for the better).
- If men were given the right to opt out of child support, then women would have to too (which is completely unnecessary).
- If men could sign away their paternal rights during pregnancy or shortly after childbirth, this may coerce women into hiding pregnancies from their partners.
- If the parents aren't a reliable source for child support payments because of men opting out, then who would be? (Keep in mind, a woman taking on full financial responsibility would often mean nearly cuting the finances available for the child in half.)
Although, the current laws are far from good, unfortunately they are probably the least bad ones to practically implement on society as a whole. Therefore, I think that it's only right for each couple that involves an unwilling father but willing mother talk sincerely about there situation before taking any action.
As a result, it's important that women, more than men, be empathetic in their decision making before getting a child support order on the father if he leaves. Although you can take legal action, ultimately, you can't force a guy to be a father, just because of the choice you made. Just because something is legal, doesn't mean it's ethical. The law is meant to provide a universal code to live by, not pertain to every exact instance.
For example, if a guy doesn't use protection on purpose and doesn't discuss pregnancy beforehand with his partner, does he deserve to be "let off the hook"? No. Does a guy who made every effort to practice safe sex and has an honest accident deserve sympathy? Yes.
When deciding whether or not the man could have prevented a conception, remember:
- No birth control method is 100% reliable.
- Women have many more ways to prevent a pregnancy than men.
- Alcohol influences behavior.
- Some men are lied to.
- Since men don't have a biological "escape route," should there future lives just be overlooked for practical governmental financial reasons?
- Even if men financially provide for their biological children, it will never compete with an absentee father in his child's life.
The bottom line is, I think the generalization that "all potential fathers have a responsibility" needs to seriously be overlooked by the women in these relationships on an individual basis. Not all circumstances of these types of situations are the same.
If you read this far, I'd just like to hear your comments on this whole "Child support versus abortion" debate (both males and females). I'll try to respond to as many of what sound like intelligent, thought-out, anger-free answers as possible.
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