A Guy Who Doesn't Ask Questions?

I've been seeing this guy for about 4 months now. We are about 2 hours apart, different cities in the same state. Since his car isn't very reliable, I drive up to stay with him for the weekend about once every 2 weeks. Except one weekend he came down with his friends. Here are some stats:

Age: 25

Where we met: Xbox live (gaming community) while playing a video game

How long: We met that way over a year ago, kept in touch on Facebook, then texting later on

He had his heart broken so badly by a girl who left him for another guy.

Personality: Shy/quiet but easy going and nice/fun loving, but Not too detail oriented, can be forgetful about things

Emotions: He came out and told me that he loves me first in Dec. It felt very sincere, and I said I love you back. Tells me I'm beautiful every time we meet. We do love each other.

Sex: Great. Can't keep our hands off each other.

Friends: He lives with his high school buddy, and I was introduced to him and his girlfriend in the very beginning, and a bunch of others later. I introduced to my best friend and her boyfriend to him last weekend.

I'm 10 + years older then him, and he says it doesn't phase him. He changed his FB status to "in a relationship", that's I think because I'm on it. I found his Myspace page, and he is single there and has 4 times more people on it. I'm not on his Myspace.

I brought these things up that bothered me for a while and wanted to tell him how I felt, but not in a way of accusation.

1) On weekends he can't see me, he has to do something with his sisters, which I totally understand, family is #1, except, I never hear from him on those days, I've never seen him talk to them, and I haven't met them (I know they exist). When he got a text at 2am while I was there, he said it was his sister.

2) On the weekend he was here, we were at my best friend's house with some people. He was constantly on the phone texting or whatever. My best friend picked up on that too.

When I told him that, he said his roommate texted him asking what he was doing, and the voice mail he was checking was from his friend he drove down with asking him if we were joining them downtown. He only apologized about the sisters thing,

When I started telling him that there were things that I wanted to talk to him about, he said "about what? Did I do something wrong?". He had no clue that those things were bothering me. And he can understand how I felt and will pay more attention for sure. He said he is not seeing anyone else, only me.

Now, my question is, why does he not ask ME any questions? To me, this could mean 2 things. 1. He trusts me and doesn't want to ruin things by asking me questions or afraid to. 2. He doesn't care about me enough to ask. He doesn't show signs of jealousy at all. Is it a good thing? Should I ask about the sisters thing and Myspace status or should I let that go?

Thanks for your time!


Thanks for your comments! We had a long conversation last night. Turns out he always wonders what I'm doing on the weekend we are not together but didn't want to sound needy by asking me. He changed his Myspace status to "in a relationship".
Thanks Chris for holding my hand while I worked up my courage to ask what to say to the guy. LOL Anyway, I went to see the guy on Saturday, and he was happy to have me as always, and he suggested that I meet his sister so we can get to see each other.


Most Helpful Guy

  • He's ten years younger than you. From his point of view, you're older and wiser and ought not to be bothered by his trifling questions. Or he's simply incurious. But I think you see this guy because you like him, not for the things that do or don't come out of his mouth. And besides, do you think yourself so interesting that questions are warranted? And if you were interesting, wouldn't it be better to keep certain things unknown? Mystery beats explication any day of the week.


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • If I'm gonna be in a relationship (most especially an exclusive one) with someone, it's gonna be someone who wants to be with me as much as humanly possible. If she'd rather spend weekends with her brother than me, then she can spend the rest of here time with him as well. I don't need any help being alone. This is something I can do much better all by myself. You know what the red flags are, as you're waving them in your narrative, and all for good reason in my opinion. The whole thing is fishier than a box of mackeral.

  • I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that he's just merely playing the field. I think, yes, you're quite attractive, and this relationship is purely based on physical attraction. The fact is, you're older than he is. And I'm sure you know this, but this is every guy's fantasy at some point in his life. To nail an older woman.

    I don't think he's really as mature as you are, or at least even remotely looking for what you want. Of course you have the physical side in check, you are in your prime, and he's the willing to do anything "teenager". But here's a few facts to point out my opinion.

    1. You met on xbox live

    2. Like you said, he never asks questions

    3. He conveniently doesn't see you on some days with a "valid" excuse

    I'm sorry to be negative in this answer, but I'm trying to be blunt and honest.

    • No problem. I appreciate your honest answer, and yes, I am aware of all those. :) He would never be as mature as I am, yes. It will all come down to that at the end of the day. I am sure physical attraction is the #1 thing here, but we do share a lot of interets (to our defense) and do things outside the bedroom. I guess if he wouldn't clear up #3, then I will move on shortly. Thanks for putting me into perspective once again. ;)

  • Text from sister at 2AM, common!

    Always doing things with family, NO guy at 25 is THAT commited to the family.. every weekend especially with a girlfriend who lives far away.

    Checking texts from "roomate", voicemail from "driving buddy" etc..

    I smell something fishy...

    Why he doesn't ask is because he is guility..

    But that does not mean if he asks he is not guilty, because some people are just good at flipping the coin.


What Girls Said 3

  • awwww so happy for you! <3 guess it pays to speak your mind and think before you speak! Cause iif you say it with high emotion. it can scare him a bit. very encouraging! thanks for sharing :)

  • I disagree with the mystery thing.. Th mystery id getting to know each other. NOt keeping secrets... Everything in life is a mystery depending on how you look at it, so asking questions is really fascinating I don't think it ruins anything at all.. I thin things go down hill when nothing is clear & everything is a mystery then you don't even know if it is ok, to ask questions.

    Why should you not ask questions to some one you like a lot.. But, what kind of questions are you talking about.. I know I had problems asking question but also giving answers but just because was nervous which is probably not YOUR problem.

    So, what kind of questions do you want him to ask?

    • Thanks for the comment. I just wanted to see if he ever wondered what I do when we are not together, which is all the time because we only see about once a week due to the distance, but anyway, I did talk to him about these things, and he said of curse he wonders about what I'm doing but didn't want to seem needy. I asked him if being needy ruined things for him before, and he said yes. So I told him to break the fear for me if he loves me. He said he will! :)

    • BTW. Did you say you ask HIM questions. that's always the best way to tell.. It's hard for people to ask but unless they are purposefully resistent, or incredibly shy, they will answer yours.. Just be sure to ask only those questions you are sure to be able to answer if asked. ^^

      Good Luck, keep us posted.

  • He probably doesn't want to seem nosy.