Why are so many women supporting more men?

[sjoes006]

I know lots of successful men and they either date successful women or women that are great teachers so not earners but really good at what they do.

But a lot of successful women I know have men that don't accomplish much at all. One of them has kids and pays buckets of money for them to go to private preschool full time when really at their age they should be going part time and have Dad picking up some of the slack. He makes $14 and hour. He throws a fit if she has a client dinner and can't come straight home. He goes out on the weekends without her.

She is just one of several women like this I know. I know some other women that are less successful but are now married to successful men that I've known since they met. One used to always go out of town with her boyfriend upon his request but she always had to pay half even though it was often three airfares a month. Another put $100,000 down on their house (her inheritance) while he put nothing and still won't let her get a new car. They are married he should let her buy a new car because I know she's always wanted a luxury vehicle and he drives one.

I I guess it mainly just gets to me because I realize it is most likely just a difference between the two sexes. I don't know if selfless if the word but women tend to naturally give more if they have something to give. Men tend to feel less guilty than women about being opportunistic. Again this doesn't apply to either sex as a whole.

I do have another very close friend from high school who has no educational, is sweet as pie but feels free to complain about how she wanted the Range Rover with the square tailpipes but it was $20,000 more than the one she currently drives.

I just know I have dated men that make much less money and if I

[Klara-Hitler]

What?

Men are more opportunistic than women? Men spent their entire earning on everything from house to kids to every single aspect of a house’s economics until the 60’s and women lived like parasites, and still today with all this money spent on women from their education to encouragement and safety in the workplace to have more of them in the workforce most of them still live like parasites even if they have an earning.

And men are more opportunistic? Men care less and women care more?
Women, the gender that feel they are entitled to the wallet of the entire society through the welfare state and are expanding it for 50 years to subsidize their “independent” lives care more?

Where do you live? Do you live on the planet earth or is it a message from another dimension?

Don’t come up with generalizations that have no authenticity in them.

History says women were always economic parasites. And now in the recent 40 years their economic “Independence” is being parasites through the welfare state.

Women that weren’t as parasitic as most other women through history were country women in small towns with no protection from law or a higher power, who worked on the fields shoulder to shoulder with their hard working husbands and helped them.

Women were always and are much more opportunistic than men and abuse men in a thousand different ways.

And this new phenomena of a group of women taking care of their lazy husbands is again women's work of Art.

Men who were children of divorce, who grow up with single mothers, who grow up in a society that nuclear family is dead in it without having any good role model, in a leftist liberal culture of economic entitlement and sexual promiscuity, who get mentally abused and shamed in childhood, are robbed of everything they had in the society, of everything that made them attractive to women and gave them hope and direction in life, won't become better humans.

Just like always, you do it, but it's someone else's fault. Using this kind of reasoning is the real definition of being opportunistic.

It's time you take responsibility for what you do.

[DasVoz]

GaG doesn't deserve this great content.

[alphadoggystyle]

im fucking blown away in disbelief that a woman managed to be this enlightened and objective about the reality of western society and feminists. Kudos to you

[Klara-Hitler]

@DasVoz Thanks man.

@alphadoggystyle thank you. It's not hard to see the problems in today's society when you aren't a collectivist.

[redeyemindtricks]

Nah. I mean, my marriage is like the one yr describing, but, for every 1 marriage like mine, there are AT LEAST 100 marriages that are the other way around.

Because, there are lots of women who think like the woman on this thread (in reply to my opinion especially)
www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1921601-for-those-who-have-been-married-for-15-years-what-is-the-key-to-a

And there are lots of men who, for some stupid reason I can't comprehend, take it as a blow to their pride if their woman out-earns them. I'm like, really, guys? Don't you just like having more income coming in, regardless of where it's coming from? lol

But... in any case, regardless of who's the higher earner, the point is that it would be stupid to build a car with 2 engines -- and for the same reason, it would be stupid to have a marriage with 2 primary earners.
I make 4-5 times my husband's income. He's not the type who would ever hold down a "steady job" anyway (although 1/4 of my income is still a pretty decent amount of money, tbh). Whereas, his contributions to this household as a husband, FATHER, and all-around general leader are invaluable. Absolutely invaluable.

He works maybe about 10 or 15 hours a week on average, with total flexibility (he's an artisan who does commissions with rather long deadlines -- he could work 0 hours for several straight weeks if necessary).
Would I trade that flexibility for a man whose income is the same as mine? Uh, no, that'd be a stupid trade. Again, a car with 2 engines is a stupid car.

But, honestly, if you think the number of "woman supporting deadbeat/layabout man" couples is ANYWHERE REMOTELY CLOSE to the number of "man supporting deadbeat/layabout woman" couples, then you seriously live in a delusional dreamland.

[sjoes006]

Well I somewhat agree with certain parts of your perception. You describe your husband as an Artisan and, don't yell at me yet, but these are the kind of men I see several women in my industry involved with for better or worse. I would certainly NOT call them layabout men and most are good workers and want to be good providers. Other than money most of them are great husbands. They use their craft either to make money or make life better.

But then yes you have some men who can't stand the idea of a woman making more or having more money so they are run out of the market. Guys like my high school friend's hubby. Most layabout women have kids.

For me what I guess it comes down to is that if she's the earner you have to let her do her job even though it is a 50 or more hour week. She can buy a purse of she wants. In too many of these relationship I see the man buy himself presents with her permission but deny her things.

[Azara]

most families need the income of multiple people working full time.. yeah for you if you dont need it, but its not the reality majority face. I don't know what world you've been growing up in to see it as stupid.

[sjoes006]

That said I have a successful friend who is married to a welder and I have to tell her to reel it back in because this man makes six figures and gives her the world and has. He went with her to buy a Louis Vuitton purse and wallet but as her friends we said dial it back since she is the money manager in their relationship.

Your guy is a Dad and contributes much in that way so totally different from a layabout with no kids or kids he doesn't spend time with.

I guess I've just been lucky enough not to know too many woman that take and don't give. My stepdad dated a woman like that and she was horrible.

But honestly if a woman is making a low salary they stay home with the kids as it is cheaper than daycare. But men often won't stay home and two men married to women I know don't even try to better themselves or look for more work. And they don't help out with the kids and where nicer clothes than their kids or wife.

[redeyemindtricks]

@Azara no, I know that most families need multiple incomes, but, that's not what I'm saying. I'm just saying that there are a lot more wives who are economic parasites than there are husbands who are economic parasites.

In other words, there are a LOT more "ladies who lunch" than... "gentlemen who lunch". LOL

You get me?

I am not dissing on housewives in general -- I know lots of them who use that time and luxury to do lots and lots of meaningful things (including spearheading most of the volunteer efforts around where I live). But, I'm just talking about the fraction who find themselves someone to leech off of.

[redeyemindtricks]

@sjoes006 "In too many of these relationship I see the man buy himself presents with her permission but deny her things."
Oh... yeah, that would be bad. Ugh. You actually know lots of these people?

Lol, nah, we're not like that. My husband doesn't have that many expensive things, and the ones he does have are almost all gifts from me.
I buy frivolous shit from time to time, but, honestly, most of my frivolous shit almost pays for itself. (I have lots of expensive clothes, for instance, but I'm generally able to re-sell those for at least 80 percent of what I paid for them -- sometimes 100 or more percent.)

What's interesting is that I personally wouldn't buy as much frivolous stuff for myself, if I weren't the one making the income.
I know this doesn't really make sense, because at the end of the day we have joint finances, but... eh. It is what it is.

[redeyemindtricks]

@sjoes006 Yeah, I hear ya.

I mean, I keep it simple. I have exactly 2 rules for a successful marriage.
1) Every aspect of yr life should be either (a) better (b) the same as it was before the marriage.
2) Once you have kids, yr relationship with yr wife/husband comes first, and the kids come second.

That's it, 2 rules.
The deadbeats you described in yr last paragraph (won't stay home, won't look for work, insist on nicer clothes, etc) would fail rule #1 here, and boy would they so totally fail it. LOL

I mean, I am pretty good at reading most aspects of a person's character -- and there are a lot of things that other people think about that I don't give shit #1 about (religion, parents' approval, education, bla bla bla), so, I had a lot of degrees of freedom when it came to finding a man who was right for me.

[LadyMari10]

Yes, it is interesting.

I have dated guys that earn much less than me before. I even dated a guy that was unemployed and didn't go to school. I would have been ok with that, being the sole earner or the bigger bread winner if the guy did house work.

But they wanted me to work my 12 hour shifts, cook and clean the house, when he worked part time, or 8 hours max (or not at all for the unemployed guy). This is not ok. I don't mind pitching in to do house work, since I am a clean person and clean up after myself, but after him as well all the time?

Anyways, I feel that being single is better. I can enjoy my career, enjoy my freedom and life. If I find a guy that is a responsible and reasonable partner, then that would be ideal. I don't gifting him things once in a while, taking him out somewhere nice on trips, or buying things sometimes for him if it's a mutual respectful relationship.

[sjoes006]

Yeah those guys are guys that don't want to grow up and are using you as a Mommy substitute.

The only thing I can suggest there is to keep yourself accountable and don't fall into that pattern again. Keep separate housing and give as much as you take but not more.

[LadyMari10]

Seems about right. Maturity and a good sense of responsibility have definitely risen up the ladder of my "must haves" in a partner.

[BellePepper]

I don't get it myself. I think that they thought they could fix the guys or they would change or any other myriad of possibilities. That's why respect is so important in a relationship. If both parties respect each other it doesn't matter who makes more because both will want to help the other and divide responsibilities and work.

[HorrorFan]

Throughout history, men have overwhelmingly supported the women in their lives. Hell, some women have actually figured when they were younger that marrying a rich guy was more on their agenda than being self sufficient. This is always how society has functioned. Men were providers. Some guys are actually embarrassed or actively avoid situations where a potential girlfriend makes more than them. A few anecdotal examples doesn't mean there is suddenly this huge societal shift.

This is just basic equality as well. Women have more or less just as much opportunity to advance themselves in education and career/earning power. People aren't just going to be with people that make the same amount of money or have women automatically seeking out men that make more.

There will be functional relationships where women are the bread winners. Money honestly shouldn't be the defining factor in a relationship when everyone should be aiming for self sufficiency, regardless of relationship status.

[sjoes006]

Only the last paragraph of your opinion makes sense. I agree with the independence thing that's why more and more young people aren't getting married.

But as far as your other comments on traditional roles my grandmother supported her family through farming and otherwise during The Troubles.

My other grandmother was a factory girl during WWII. She went on to be a school principal after the war.

I could go further into my family history but the bottom line is that these men tried to work and worked when they could.

My Da was Irish, my Ma is French/ French Canadian.

Please wise up and don't use words like always and never when it comes to serious matters.

[HorrorFan]

Again, you are coming up with anecdotal examples. Your grandmothers do not represent the majority of cases. It doesn't take much effort to look through history to see that society was mostly structured through men doing most of the providing.

What in the fuck? Reread what I wrote. I didn't even use the words 'always' or 'never' ANYWHERE in my paragraphs, nor did I imply them. I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you were either replying to the wrong person with this or drinking.

[AleDeEurope]

Men have been supporting women since forever. And even now that women can work and earn as much as men, men are still the ones to support and give everything to women.
Your examples are rare, very rare. It's very uncommon to see a woman supporting her men.
I don't understand why you're complaining about this.

[IceEverest]

this...

[Transigence]

It used to be the other way around. Women wouldn't give a "lesser" man the time of day (and "lesser" means makes less money or has lower social status). Now, due to all the feminist propaganda and social engineering, 2/3 of all college students are female, women have much better access to welfare benefits, and so on. Industry is collapsing and going overseas, so women are on their way up as the earners in society. I can't wait until we start taxing women more appropriately.

So, we've engineered a society where women are a separate and higher caste than men, meaning they have more opportunity and higher social status, even by default. This makes ALL men pretty unattractive to women.

So the reason you see so many women with men who are "below" them, it's because the choice is between that and solitude.

[DasVoz]

The solution to your issue... women should stop going to school and getting higher paying jobs. You can't have it both ways.

[sjoes006]

Ha I can't tell if you're joking. But the one difference between a white man in general and women of any race is that this is the one thing we won't do.

I enjoy my financial freedom. But yeah for many men I know I have been hard to date since forever. I am used to acting unilaterally and taking control even at dinner.

I've calmed that back a butane I haven't dated a man that earns less in a while. My sweet spot is men that make only a little more but don't have the social skills I do and therefore are happy to let me make decisions.

My dating life is fine but yeah you speak directly
Of the mindset of these women who compromise.

[oldanddecrepid]

In this day and age of freedom of choice and equality, I would have to chalk it up to... it is no different then if the man was the bread winner in this situation.

If these women freely choose to be with these men that don't make as much and are willing to support them, then it is no different if the shoe was on the other foot.

These women that support these guys must actually love the guy, not for his salary, but for him.

That being said, regardless of what sex makes less in the relationship/marriage, the person making less should never take advantage of the other person making more.

I make more than my girlfriend, however, the money does not matter to me, it is just a means of doing things with her. She is what is important to me so I don't mind spending money on her when I know it is something that is going to make us both happy! She never asks for anything from me, I just go out and do it myself because I care.

[MyUsernameRules]

So you're okay with successful men dating down when it comes to money but questioning when successful women are dating down? Why's that? I thought we were equal?

[sjoes006]

No actually not quite at all. I have very rare examples of men 'dating down' and with the exclusion of a teacher of the mentally challenged most don't do it.

I find my one friend who had a child previous to her marriage and none since but wanted a car that costs over $120,000 slightly weird. Now this is my BFF from high school and I know her very well. She married her husband when they had nothing and in not judging.

I don't know any successful man that doesn't date a successful, slim, rock hard body, makes six figures type of woman.

The women I know that date down get nothing. Our industry has at least 4 black tie events and their husbands can't come because they would and have said something stupid.

I named one man that dates down. The rest are dating just to date.

[CoolSky01]

Most men want to be the main money earners in the house so they avoid women who make lots of money, first it makes him less of a man and there is no need to deny it and everyone agress on this men and women alike also it unlike men in a relationship women believe the money they earn is theirs only so they spend whatever they want and whats left goes to her husband if he needs help, i've known plenty of women like this, they're married with kids and they act like that, not all but a majority.

So basically the women you mentioned make more many than a lot of guys so most guys find that a turn off, they dont feel secure in such a relationship and they have the right to feel that so they avoid dating these women, and what happens is that these women settle for much worse men cause the truly decent ones want to be the man of the house, so you end up with women providing for men.

[Azara]

A decent guy isn't going to reject a woman bc he depends on her having less so he can feel greater. thats a shallow coward not a decent guy.

[CoolSky01]

@Azara no that is not a shallow coward that is every guy out there, i haven't heard of a guy marrying a girl who makes more than him unless he was a loser with no goal in life, just because you dont like it doesn't make it any less true, start making 200k$ a year and then lets see how many men are going to chase you... decent, educated, good looking men

[Alexious]

It doesn't matter who is more successful.
It fucking pisses me off that men are expected ti earn more. It's good that women are pulling their weight in careers rather than being a Capitalistic 19th Century Housewife.

I couldn't give a shit if my future SO earns more than me.. As long as she isn't a snob about it I'd admire her.

[pineappleshortcare]

One of the luxuries of making money is that you can date a man you enjoy being around and want to sleep with, rather than be forced to make the shopping list three times a week while he climbs on top of you because he has a big bank account.

[fashionguy17]

I typically see the following:

-women date really successful men who have money..

-Women date losers who are pretty faces and know how to lay on the the charm

I don't really see women dating men who are doing alright (college degree, making a decent leaving, drives a nice car, etc, etc). Then men who are in the middle, usually end up dating average to below average women

[ClassicRocker]

Wait what?
1. More often than the reverse women are supporting loser men who make little to no money
2. Women make significantly less than men because of wage discrimination

You have to surrender one of these premises...

[ColinHarvey]

Because they've cuckold and neutered all of their boys with single mothers, who now revert to playing video games in their man cave and discivering that they look great in a dress.

Do a favor for men everywhere and stop feeding your dudes red meat, they're getting boobs.

[Holygirl01]

It's the reality, completely normal.

[sjoes006]

Can you elaborate on as to why?

[Holygirl01]

Because that's how life works. Not everyone holds to their gender roles. Many people, women as well wouldn't mind providing for their men, i can't see anything wrong with it, it's 2016.

[AustinMan]

To me there's no difference sex wise when there is a dramatic difference in earning potential. If she's the one that can bring down the big paycheck, then they need to decide on the division of labor the same as if he does.

[TripleAce]

Its very simple, women are climbing up the ladder. What once was a man's world in business is now also a women's world. Imagine the deals a women can make thats looking good, confident and rich. Its a tuff one to beat

[Paris13]

I have Only One Word to Describe Them... Enablers, @sjoe006
Once you Start it, you Can't... Stop it.
Good luck. xx

[Paris13]

@sjoes006

[sjoes006]

Hmmm so now you are trolling me? I only meant this as a suggestion. It isn't representative of my current spot on life.

[Paris13]

I didn't want to say anymore, I know Enabling, no matter for WHO, is a Problem Pattern cycle, @sjoes006 xx

[COCOCHANEL]

tbh i've only seen the opposite here in japan and in america

[LiveFreeorDieHard]

Who cares. Dont like guys who expect you to do all the heavy pushing, then dont date them. Its those womens problem if they want to date guys like that.

[Dulcedulcexoxo]

I've noticed this. women are supporting men. which is cool if the man takes over the "female" roles, but they don't even want to do that.

[Kylesar]

Men have been supporting women since the dawn of time
Your case is few and far between

[Ghosted]

i haven't noticed this as a trend just an outlier scenario.

[Bandit74]

if she's more promiscuous then I prefer her to be the higher earner. If she's less promiscuous then Im fine if she makes less.