Guys in bands: What makes a girl stand out to you? And would make you interested in dating them?

[Anonymous]

I like this guy in a band, they arn't signed yet but they are moving towards that. They are really good & look like they are already signed, they have a cd out. This guy I like seems like he really likes me, but I can't tell if he just thinks I'm just a pretty girl at a show.

I know guys in bands meet a lot of girls, but they do end up with some girl as their gf. How did that one girl stand out to them & make them want to be in a relationship with her? even though they meet lots of girls all the time?

Updates

+1 y

Note: I'm not a groupie girl at all! I just really like this guy & we have similar fun personalities + seem like we would be a really good match 4 each other. I just don't know how to tell if this is one sided. a girl who know them told me he is a little shy

[hisangel]

There always seem to be two kinds of guys in a band: the ones that love the groupies and the ones that hate them. If he is the one that loves the groupie, I think you might be out of luck on the girlfriend thing cause a girl that follows them around is probably just someone that he wants to put as another notch in his headboard. He probably is thinking more about sex then a relationship.

But if he is the second, he is probably looking for someone consistent. I know movies make it seem like a great lifestyle but if he tours, you are going to have to be the queen of faithfulness. He is going to want a girl who will take his call at 3 AM when he gets in to a hotel. He is going to want a girl who isn't going to say "You never spend time with me!" if he is gone the majority of the time. He is going to want a girl who isn't jealous from all the girls that are going to try to throw themselves at him. You have to be very confident in who you are, a very faithful person who wants to give more than she receives, and probably very deeply in love with him to put with the lifestyle. Cause even if he is amazing to you, you are really going to get the bad end of this deal. You will pretty much survive on his appreciation for you alone cause if he gets really big, he may be advice to not even admit he has a girlfriend for the sake of the publicity. It really isn't a great life.

But if you really want to be with him I would talk to him like a person, not like a gushing girl. I would definitely talk about his work but in a very informed manner. Not "I love your music." Tell him why you love his music. Ask if he has any inspirations for it. Learn who those people are. If he is serious about his music, there is a whole world behind what he does. It's not just going to be bands that you have heard of. But it will help you understand his passion more.

Think of it this way. If you are a painter and you have 100 girls come up to you and say "I love your work. It is so great. I think you are so great." And then one girl says "Your work really moves me. I don't know if you meant this but the strokes you use remind me of (insert artist). I think the colors are amazing. I love that you choose just one color to be the main focus and all the other colors are drown out by it." If an artist heard something like that, that girl would stand out to him.

Music moves him. He wants to move others. And I'm sure he dreams about the woman he is with being moved my his work. I can't say it will guarantee you a place in his heart but if you really are moved by his work, I think it will mean a lot to him.

[Asker]

This is exactly what I needed to hear!! great in depth advice. wow this really made me think, thank you so much.

he seemed to really like talking to me. like I was sitting down & he came over and said hi & he was standing up, but then he came knelt down so he was on my level to listen to my story.

the thing is I have bigg boobs & a tiny waist & guys always stare at me. his band has these groupie girls who go 2 everyshow & help them sell merch. I just don't want 2 get lumpped in with those girls

[hisangel]

Yeah, you never want to be a merchandise girl! A lot of them love selling the stuff because it makes them feel like they are part of the band. And it can come off more like they love being close to fame more then anything.

Even if he is noticing you cause you have a nice figure that's OK. It's good he is attracted. If you show him that you are more than big boobs, I think he will be impressed. Especially since a lot of groupies only rely on their looks to get the guys.

[hisangel]

Me personally, I wouldn't go to every single show. That's something you do when you are actually his girlfriend. Till then I would go to a good amount of shows to show him you love his work and are supporting it but I think going to every show says you love the idea of him, not him. Like you love the band atmosphere and love being part of it. Cause most of those girls do.

But that's just me. You have to figure out what is most comfortable for you. And what you think he would like.

[Asker]

I'm friends with the band on Facebook. should I add the guy I likes personal page yet. or wait till I see them around again?

[hisangel]

Oh sure, I don't think that's a big deal. I think it will show you think about him, not just the band right after a gig.

[AileenDarling]

I've dated guys in bands, my best friend is connected with a few pretty popular screamo bands and honestly I'd day that you should definitely be ready for a long distance relationship. My ex toured a lot and was always busy. My best friend had to deal with long distance stuff too. I met my ex outside of his band gig. That's usually best because then you're not meshed in with the groupie girls. I'd say get to know him really well before you start considering really dating him.

[Asker]

Ooh greatt advice! and that's a good idea to talk to him more outside his band! because usually when they get off stage all the girls are gushing over them anyways.

I just need to find a way to hang out with him! He already lives an hour+ away. & the only time I've connected with him were after shows...but they don't have any shows coming up! what should I do?

[moronicmars]

The majority of guys in bands are just normal dudes.

The only difference is they're not famous because their band sucks.

[Anonymous]

The whole reason I formed a band was to get rich and famous, and yea get laid.

but I could never take a woman serious unless she took me seriously, and my music.

before I got where I am, the bitches in my hometown never gave me the time of day. But ever since I went back to visit the folks, all of a sudden the bitches are appearing out of nowhere.

and they have the never to tell my mother that they were always my best fans.

who the hell are these women kidding? I haven't done that much drugs while I was on the bus to buy that much crap!

my point is, if your a "screaming fan"don't expect my guys to take you seriously. You pay my rent, you buy my car, and you get me laid.

[Asker]

Yes you should see the girls that follow them, they scream the shrillest screams you could ever hear, and throw their hands around like they are at some kind of religious event. I'm not into being fanatic like that. I want a way to show this guy I like him subtly. but I'm wondering if since he's always around those girls, will he be able to tell that I like him since I'm not reacting the same way those girls do. what should I do?

[palek]

Nowadays, everybody has a "cd out! It's no big deal. The odds against him having a career in music are astronomically high, so I wouldn't let this possibility dampen you aspirations to any degree. And sure, musicians are more sought-after than non-musicians, but it's most probable that his musical "career" will be short-lived. However, as you must deal with the here-and-now, I suggest you just begin turning up in his vicinity, and striking up convo's. He'll catch on quick enough, and if he's interested, you'll know it. By the way, I spent a lifetime in the music biz, and if you jump right into bed with him, you may just end up by the wayside.

[AlanHB]

Howdy. Most musicians have a day job, it's quite obvios that there's no money there. Most musicians don't rely on their music as a primary income source, nor aspire to. So to assume that a person has no income producing value because they are on stage is foolish.

I gig weekly and I'm a lawyer.

[palek]

Perhaps I communicated inarticulately, but I never meant to imply the guy in question is, or ever will be, income deprived in any way. I only meant to put the question-asker at ease as far as the probability of the guy spending any serious time on the road engaging in nightly bachnalian free-for-alls. It seems more likely he'll accept the invevitable, and at the very most, save it up for the weekends. Of course he'll still bear watching! LOL Oh, and I'd never assume one has no income-producing

[palek]

Potential being that they're "on stage". I made my living on stage for many years, and at time I was paid extremely well. ; - )

[TimePhantom]

It sounds like you already standout. If you hang around with him for more than just the one night they play a gig then you are a lot more girlfriend material. My band wasn't that big but we did have some pretty crowded shows, and I never had tons of girls throwing themselves at me. I think a lot of that is just what you see in movies.

[shes-a-lady]

their girlfriend is probably a girl who didn't know they were in a band. someone who loves them for who they are, not for their money, music or success.

(no offense, I have a thing for musicians too :))

[AlanHB]

After you have the gig, it's the girls who come up to you after and tell you that you were really great and they enjoyed the music. They're the ones who stick out.

[Asker]

Would you think of them as more of a groupie? I'm not one of those girls at all!

[AlanHB]

Umm, you love a guy in the band. What do you think a groupie is? If he likes you it'll continue on.

[Asker]

A groupie to me is a girl who thrives on attention from guys in bands and they are very aggressive in trying to get to them, even just to sleep with them. they just like the attention they get from being with someone very popular.

[AlanHB]

The strict definition of a groupie is having sex with guys in bands because you love their music, and that's basically what you want to do. Guys in bands love groupies by the way, just go up and talk to him after the gig. You already have an entry line "you guys were really great". Swap numbers and go on a date sometime.

[Asker]

Haha okay I'll use that line! is it better to come off "starstruck" or just talk to them like regular people...bc they are! and I don't want him to think that I would sleep with him anyytime soon or anything, I'm still a virgin!

[AlanHB]

That's fine, being attracted to him is enough. Don't worry about the future, all you want is a date with him yeah? Just do it like a "normal person", talk to him, swap numbers, go on date.

[shes-a-lady]

I agree with the definition of the answerer (even tho that kinda makes me a groupie lol)

what QA described is a (attention) whore not a groupie