What is your take on "househusbands?"?

Question

BlueCoyote · Accepted Answer

In my opinion, the "royal way" is to share all the work more or less equally. This is particularly true if a couple has children. Both partners should be able to go out and have a job (and earn their own money) but they should also contribute at home. I also believe that it is beneficial for the children if they get taken care of by both parents. This is how it was for me as a child and it definitely helped me to form a close, loving relationship with both my mom and my dad.

Unfortunately, this ideal scenario is not always possible of course. It's difficult for both partners to find a 50%-job. Not all companies have family-friendly policies and even the public sector sometimes lacks these supporting structures.
So, if it's not possible to split it up right down the middle, I think the best idea is to discuss it as a couple and decide how to share things. If the husband doesn't mind staying home 100%, I don't see why not. Not all men are crazy about their job and their career; some even prefer doing house chores and spending time with the kids. Likewise, some women aren't good homemakers but they happen to be great managers or professors or doctors. It seems irrational to me to follow archaic and uncompromising gender rules if a more modern solution actually works better for both partners. I'm all for going down the road that feels best for my wife and myself. I really don't care about traditions and the like. If it feels right, it must be right.

Personally, I wouldn't mind working less than my wife. My only two conditions are that I want to work at least a bit outside the home (say 1-2 days a week) and I want to spend at least some time with our (future) children on an everyday basis (not just weekends). So, I'd say anything between me working in a 20%-job and me working in a 80%-job sounds goods. Once the children are a little older and they can better take care of each other, I would probably begin to work more.

Wraithguy · Accepted Answer

Depends on the relationships career or circumstances.
Maybe she makes more money and has children and instead of paying $30k+ a year for childcare she says he can stay home so they can keep what they would have been spending.

I see plenty of guys who run professional stock market careers that stay home because she wants her own career and not just stay home.

Maybe he got hurt and has disability. So many factors and non of which garnish opinions from people who are not in those positions.

If its what they want then so be it. This is not a discussion for being alpha or beta.

Bliss-taylor · Accepted Answer

I'm a house wife. My husband and I move too much to really get settled in. It's difficult for me to find a good paying job. I'd be working more to pay a babysitter/daycare than actually helping out in anyway. For now it works better for us this way. He makes more than enough. My working would just be more money. Plus its good for our daughter and it will be good for our son thats on the way. With how often he's gone, my having a job would probably cause issues for us. We'd never have time together. The house wouldn't be taken care of like it is now. Our kids would barely be home. For some couples it's ideal. I think if one of y'all are going to stay home it should be whoever is most likely to make less. My husband is more successful. I'm proud of him and I'm happy with our life. One day I'll probably get a job once the kids are older, we're done moving, and he's out of the military. Right now it would be inconvenient.

fauchelevent · Accepted Answer

My partner and I like the idea. I have no issue with a boyfriend wanting to be a househusband but obviously if I can't comfortably support our family on my wages, I'd expect him to also contribute by working. We can only have one person stay home if I can support everything well myself.

samhradh_leannan · Accepted Answer

Fine as long as it’s practical for our overall situation. If I am earning enough to support both of us, etc. It just depends on what makes sense in the particular situation. I can’t really see it happening in my relationship but maybe if I get really lucky in my career, who knows.

Pinay_ako · Accepted Answer

As long as the couple has an understanding of their roles to play at home to run the household, gender has no role in this. As long as bills are paid, house is clean, children and pets are fed, I think it's okay.

nightdrot · Answer

Would give my right arm to be one. I know it is a LOT of work, but when I leave in the morning and say good-bye to my girlfriend and our kids it is the hardest part of my day. (Luckily, she can work from home.)

to stay home and see the kids going through their days and learning new things... I admit it, I am a total mush.

What do I think of "househusbands?" Total abject envy.

madhatters4 · Answer

if it works for the family then more power to them especially if they have children having a parent who can be home is a great benefit

JimRSmith · Answer

A friend of mine is one.  He would never admit this, but I think he finds it emasculating.  It's not something I could ever do.

MzAsh · Answer

As long as he’s cooking, cleaning, taking care of the kids then I’m all for it.

TheNoOne · Answer

They are whipped and too feminine and submissive. They is something so wrong about men staying at home and being the ‘wife’ it weirds me out just thinking about it. It’s a total screw up of dynamics. It’s only acceptable for guy do be doing all those chores exclusively if a is a single dad/lives alone or his misses is in some way unable physically. Theirs nothing wrong with helping out from time to time as a reward of sorts or on special occasions like Valentine’s Day, Christmas or their spouses birthday. Cooking is the exception if the guy is the better cook he should be making the meals.

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

It depends on why he's being a house man. It seems reasonable now that a woman can work and provide just as well as he could. So if for some reason there needs to be someone at home, I don't see why it has to be one or the other based on their genitals.

Now if we went back in time when there was such thing as a gender wage gap and women were overlooked for the majority of the jobs out there... it makes more sense to put him to work since it will be more fruitful.

But things are not like that anymore.

Ethan20 · Answer

True, people need to realise we're not following gender rules, but deep rooted psychological instincts. Men/Women with a masculine essence is goal and career-oriented. People with a feminine essence is caretaking and family-bonding. And each is attracted to the opposite.

Basically women that truly want to pursue a career has a masculine essence and would need to find a man with a feminine essence that would want to stay home. Going against your nature is only going to damage your relationship and make you miserable over time. If you're interested in this topic you can read books from David Deida instead of listening and quoting what unqualified people you might've heard in media.

YOUTOOSHOULDJUDGE · Answer

This is sexist here and double standard is in full effect. Unless the guy is in school or something, he's the fucking provider. Our house and some rental property are paid for. We have no bills, This allowed my wife to take off 3 years and go school and finish her degree. It allowed me to just work part time for a year after we moved once. It allowed me to take a year off for nursing school. The person who was off did most of the cleaning and grocery shopping. It still felt weird though having my wife being the breadwinner. I know I did it for her but it felt weird when it was my turn.

Jealdo · Answer

It all depends on the situation if the man can find a job or not and if he has to be on disability because some reason or if the woman has a really high-paying job and they have young children at home there is many different situations where it will be acceptable but if the man just does not want to walk at all then I would say no but like I was saying under certain circumstances I think it would be okay I myself could never do it it was just the way I was raised but I would never look down on anyone for doing otherwise

Logorithim · Answer

I know a couple of guys who are, mostly due to their insufficient command of the local language. One is married to a colleague of mine, who told me she actually likes it because he takes care of a lot of things she otherwise would have to.

In a nutshell, I wouldn't want to do it, but I don't see anything wrong with families where the wife works and the husband is a househusband.

ThePragmaticRomantic · Answer

A functional relationship should share the work load. If you both have a dayjob, you split the chores. If only one of you works, the other does all the chores. Who does what doesn't really matter to me. I've been the primary earner. I've been a (roughly) equal earner. I've been a 'househusband' (I lost my job due to medical issues, and she had a very well paying governemnt job).
TBH all of them worked fine, but the 50/50 splitt was the biggest pain in the neck.

sonnypie · Answer

Whatever flows your boat. Im not as paternalistic as to say that this is not fine/ideal if the patnership/people in the relationship feels completly fine with it. Most humans above a certain age knows themselves best. That doesn't mean they shouldn't be challenged and explore however.

Anonymous · Answer

very little different from how I think of housewives. And not as positively as people who work for a living. Everyone, man and woman, as far back in my family as I know, has worked hard for a living. And way back in the 1800s women slaved away way harder in hard conditions at home so it could be argued that women worked just as hard as men back then despite the inequality.

Today, I just don't like the idea of people who stay at home. Okay, if your kids aren't old enough for preschool yet that's fine, or if there's a disability. But otherwise I view it negatively

GinaTina · Answer

It's definitely not a one-size-fits-all situation, but definitely, I would prefer to stay at home and cook, buy groceries, clean and do laundry and take care of the kids while he works full-time... I think it's a good balance balance for our dynamics.

CharlieUnicorn · Answer

I think the secret to be a housepartner, regardless of gender is that you have something really cool going on the side. Something that's not nearly as time consuming as a 9-5 job obviously, but substantial enough that no full time employed people would have time to do properly. It can be a hobby or a side-income. Fixing old cars, playing in a band, community involvement...
Without something like that, it never works.

HappyWheels · Answer

Not the father you want. Unambitious and not a good role model for future guys. Men historically have always been the provider. We're physically stronger and we're better at managing stress. Women are far superior mothers. Roles nowadays are a complete mess and we can see the result on society. Everyone is unhappy and devorce is through the roof.

SirRexington · Answer

They are just doing what they feel is better for them. Let their wife work and them hold down the fort. This shouldn't be an issue and women choosing to do this shouldn't either.

abc3643 · Answer

I currently am one. I like it and if I knew that my wife made a lot of money and we had a good amount of money in the bank, I would easily do this forever.

motownplayer2000 · Answer

It should be equal... That's just my opinion, to me if your at the house... Yes, making the house a home is a bit of work... but it's not contributing to the overall success, especially if the one at home has brought in financial and other baggage into the house... Then it's worthless... In everyway, both parties must contribute... But it also depends on the dynamic of the relationship.

vishna · Answer

I would be happy if my husband wanted to stay at home and raise the kids as long as he had a small part time on the side ex) wood work, metal work, something to make extra cash

OreoMilkshake · Answer

I don't have an opinion on it, I'm not sure if I'd like to be one really. It's nothing to be ashamed of though, I noticed a lot of men are worried or insecure that it affects their masculinity.

I'm pretty sure the New Zealand PM has a househusband

CHARismatic110 · Answer

Lol good for them if that's what they choose to do.

Anonymous · Answer

Heck, I'd love it! I'm more of a homebody and sometimes enjoy cooking and such. I'd be more than happy to look after the children too.

That's not to say I need to be a househusband, it just depends on the wife. Personally I'm looking for a good at home job / business because I'm happiest when surrounded by family.

Cordy14 · Answer

I think just as everything, it must be equal. No one, no matter the gender, should be forced into doing something they don’t want to such as staying home. If it is a choice then I’m all for it, support comes from whoever, not a specific gender. Penis or vagina, stay home as you will

carlos06 · Answer

Never been to keen of "dependant people" I think it gives place to dangerous dependancy issues in the couple.

Apart from that: if that makes him happy and his partner can support them, go for it. Live and let live~~

ShrewdRose · Answer

Both me and my partner work full time hours, I couldn't date someone who'd rather stay at home than work. I tend to find those people are lazy in most aspects of their lives and I don't have time for lazy people.

ShortCircuit · Answer

It's the same as the take I have on housewives: they're lazy and leech off of their working partner.

That said, if the working partner consents to such a dynamic, that's they're prerogative I suppose.

Bananaman177 · Answer

They are statistically far more likely to be cheated on.

alice55 · Answer

They do what they want. I personally want to be a housewife so I can totally understand why a guy would want to be a "househusbands'. No stress, no boss, etc..

TheCookieDealer · Answer

If one partner earns enough to uphold the family and make sure everyone's taken care of, I think it's very beneficial for the children and the relationship in general. Everything will be better organised and free time can be made that way.

MysticMac27 · Answer

It's a very dangoures thing cause women aren't as loyal as men so they'd probably fuck around w other guys and while that's happening they'd respect u less as a man and it's ducking weird as shut I'd rather go homeless or just find a job n move out, not my kinda thing it's fucking emasculating

BipBipLeddus · Answer

Absolutely nothing weird about it, as long as they're filling the role properly. It's labor roles, not gender roles.

Cody01 · Answer

I don't believe in househusbands or housewives. Just pick up your shit and clean the house when it gets dirty.

devilman666 · Answer

If it works for the couple then it works. I could do it to watch the kids while they're young if my SO made more money than me, but for the most part I think I'd rather work.

Rosalie28 · Answer

I have no problem if he wants to help in doing chores, but get your butt up and do something as well! There's no telling what a stay at home guy does when you're not there!

radrio · Answer

Only good if you have kids. Men thrive when they have a purpose in life. A househusband needs purpose to justify staying home. Kids are the perfect justification.

Hurlyburly · Answer

If the woman earns enough to support the family then it shouldn't be a problem.

teaforbooks · Answer

One of my cousins did that. It was kind of interesting lol cause it’s looked down upon in my family.

Fatman_ · Answer

There is no difference to a housewife, both are perfectly acceptable.

OwlOne · Answer

Similar to housewives, different gender. Nothing wrong with either of the two of them. If it's their choice, then so be it.

Chaz269 · Answer

If he chooses it, it's great! If she chose it and he's only doing it so she doesn't divorce him and ruin his life, she should be tortured and killed slowly.

ryancg · Answer

I personally prefer that both partners be working and share the household responsibilities. It's fair that way and it can help to prevent any sort of resentment later on. But that's just me, others can live how they want.

Anonymous · Answer

I think if a couple gets together and decides that's what is best for their family, it's great. It's wonderful for the kids.

Burgee2803 · Answer

I'm all for it. If woman want to work and men stay home then fine. So long as both parties are happy

Anonymous · Answer

Sounds modern but I would want to be the person at home with the kids. I'm not sure I could see my partner as a man if he was a househusband. I could see myself cheating with a guy at work.

Koki11 · Answer

I have no problem with it but i dont want that for myself i like a guy that works more

zombiebabe · Answer

well if they're ok with it i don't see anything wrong with it... their lives.. their choices

Markella88 · Answer

Sure if he does house work and I go work then why not.

Ghost_Woof · Answer

My brother is a stay at home father. He got bored and went back to work lol!

Anonymous · Answer

If a guy wants to stay home to mind the kids and house then great for him and same vice versa on genders.

However house husband and house wife are incredibly stupid names IT SHOULD BE HOUSE SPOUSE IT RYHMES!!!

bang678 · Answer

Whatever. Different things work for different couples.

MyAtlantis · Answer

Meh. I prefer balance. Both working and sharing household duties.

Zendrya · Answer

just fine but I want to be a housewife so it wouldn't work for me

winterfox10 · Answer

Pussy whipped, and extremely unfulfilled is my first impression. Maybe they know something I don't though, so I can't really judge them.

boggboss · Answer

One should have to stay and maintain the house gender don't matter

wankiam · Answer

if it works for those involved i have no issues with it

Ghostdog69 · Answer

I think sharing house duties is good. But if my love would have big opportunities to make a great career that's fine with me to stay home but not forever

weirdwriter79 · Answer

I was the houseboyfriend. Really. It felt good. My ex was the teacher. I cleaned the apt. Got the groceries, accessorizes, etc. Being the househusband, great.

Bobson_Dugnutt · Answer

I had a friend who had a stay home dad. It was weird because he had a masters degree. But it worked out for his family. so its cool when it works for the family.

cherryphi82 · Answer

Yeah, that's cool. It's whatever works for your family.

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