Was he just scared things were moving too fast, or was I really not the one?

[ConfusedinON]

My guy and I had been dating 7 months. Things were going really well, we got along really good. At Christmas he had told me he had wanted to buy me a ring, but wanted to make it special, so he was going to ask in July, our anniversary. He seemed head over heels for me, always making me feel special, sending texts through the day to tell me he missed me, surprising me with flowers out of the blue.

He was supposed to move in with me today, but last week he broke up with me out of the blue via text . He wouldn't give me an answer as to why, except he had to focus on his business. He had been over two days later, had surprised me by making dinner, and things were great.

When he came to pick up his stuff, he was very cold and aloof, a totally different person than the person I had fallen in love with. He said he didn't see us lasting long term, and didn't want to waste either of time. I asked him if he still loved me, and he looked me in the eyes and said no, and that he didn't care about me, though his eyes seemed to be searching mine for something. Before he left he said I was the best thing that ever came into his life and that he loved me. He kept saying he needed time to think. I tried calling a few days later to talk, he said he did not see us getting back together, but he just needed space to think about things. He said we may eventually be friends. My friends all think he'll come back, that he was just spooked by moving in (I was his first serious relationship), but after the way he was the night he came to get his stuff, I'm not sure he will be back.

I have a box of his items to drop him off, but I'm still too distraught to even think about it.

Should I just give him back the rest of his things and move on, or should I just give him some time? All I can think about is him, and I can't seem to get him out of my mind, or figure out what happened.

Updates

+1 y

I have decided to move on. The fact that he doesn't even care about my upcoming surgery speaks volumes to me. He is obviously not the man I thought he was. He's obviously very self-centred as I did nothing to deserve this treatment.

[leximarie]

somethng isn't right...something happened to make him do this. if he was really doing these sweet things all of the tme he probably was head over heels for you. he my have his own deep rooted insecurities that keep him from letting himself be with you. for yout ask if he loves you and for him to sy no means aot. its like this: if he was a douche he wouldn't have done the things he did for you because a douche does not hav the patience to go through all that. so if he told you he doesn't love you and desnt care right before a mile stone, such as moving in together, ahem ahem. that sends up huge red flags. if anything he is probably scared of hurting you or, more likely being hurt. you need to go to him and talk to him, ask him what is with his sudden change in demeaor, tell him he has hurt you and that youjust can't rap your mind around why he is doing this, whyhe would want to hurt youthe way he is, why he did all those things that made you feel he cared if he never cared for you. he may be scared of movingin, that youwill be turned off by his antics or you will see something you don like about him that will make you not want to see him anymore. but you shud talk to him for sureee because there is definitly something amiss here. I hope that offered perspective I hoe it works out fr the best, good luck to you

[ConfusedinON]

I would love to talk to him, as I feel this is what is going on, but at this point he is not receptive to it.

I'm having surgery next week, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that him knowing I'll be scared for it, will be enough for him to attempt to contact me.

My biggest fear is that work is his security blanket, and where he feels comfortable. He has been single for so much of his life, that work is what he depends on. If he gets back into that routine, I may never hear from him.

[leximarie]

i ca definitly understand what you mean in saying that work is his security blank it, I once had a teacher eplain to me that a a younger person when depresse or overwelmed she would run to herjob and immerse heself in her work as a means of avoiding conflict, I'm no psychologist but it seems tht this is the case here e sem vey overwhelmed but I can't necessarily attribute that toanything as do not hav that much info. I hope he does call but reardless I hope your surgery goes well. god bless

[Anonymous]

Wow, that's really weird and upsetting :[ Ughhh I hate hearing things like this. It's just so sad. How can people act completely in love one minute and then go cold the next? You should give him space and try your best not to contact him in any way and see if he contacts you. Maybe he will realize he's making a huge mistake. it sounds like he will realize that.

[rcazy]

its so sudden! You should be able to notice some signs of him breaking up with you.

[Anonymous]

Definitely give him more time.. At least a month and then take it from there. I believe that you're fine and your ex is just going through some stress..

[ConfusedinON]

I'm trying to give him space though it hurts. Not hearing his voice everyday is what hurts the most. He was my best friend. Usually I can bounce back from relationships pretty quickly, but I know that this one was different, what we had was special.

As his extra car keys are with the stuff I still have (he left them by accident), I'm taking that as a good sign he'll be back eventually. I figure if he wasn't going to be, he would have asked for them back by now.

[Rated_R]

Move on this guy sounds like he don't know what he wants or what to do .

[Anonymous]

He might be afraid of commitment.