There's no one answer for everone. If you wanna get married and have your kids before 30 and then pursue a career, that's fine. If you wanna get your career going first and have kids later, that's fine. Wanna have kids while in college or while working? That's cool too. Never want kids? Also totally fine. Do what works for you and makes you happy
It's a trade-off. The incidence of Down Syndrome and several other congenital disorders skyrockets starting at age 35. The age of 35 is generally very early in a "career". Biology is biology. A woman will have to weigh matters carefully and decide on an individual basis. One thing that would help is if men stop letting themselves be slaves to corporations for the sake of the "career". One thing I have noticed is that if it's a small business owned by the woman or by the couple, they very often get BOTH, because they are the bosses and they make accommodations as a matter of course.
Children are not a priority to every woman. I want to have kids one day but I believe I should accomplish my goals before raising other people who will live out their lives too. Plus how would a person who is barely not still a child, if we’re saying 20 years old, be able to take care of children when she has no career. Making sure your financially stable enough to even afford kids is the most important.
I think women should do what they want. Yes, it does suck that we don’t have a big window for healthy child baring but I would NEVER get married young. I couldn’t even take care of myself at 20, let alone another person. I’m spending my 20s traveling, having fun jobs, and discovering what I want to do with my life. Children MAY come later but if they do, I will probably adopt.
I doubt you have the problem of many men going down on their knees asking you to marry them so you definitely don't have to worry about getting married young.
Adoption does not equal having children. Its an equal replacement in that a sports car is equal to a pickup truck. Yes its kinda the same in that it gets you from A to B but one is useless when you need to drive through the mud and the other isn't going to help you race around corners. Its just not the same.
That's cold, and I dont get how that connects to kids. If a women chooses to wait she knows she risks not being able to have her own kids, so it isn't really a compromise, it is a choice.
That's not the same thing. If someone chooses to wait tell later in life they know they may not have the potential to have kids, thus adoption is a potential choice, and isn't any worse.
I think ladies should do whatever is best for them. As someone that wanted kids young, I see it from a biological perspective. But you can absolutely have kids and a career. It's not a one OR the other thing. That's why there are two parents.
There are way too many factors to be simplistic here. Depends on the size of the family you want, when you meet the right person, how their job pans out, what your career interests actually are, the cost of living where you live, if you have extended family near, etc.
Trying to parse down huge decisions into one sentence rarely captures the truth.
Also, what is this bizarre notion that so-called “having it all” means having the extreme measure of everything. So many people live normal, average, happy lives without having to have THE BEST family and children’s belonging & biggest house & most adventurous vacations & most powerful job.
I want someone who loves me for me and for some reason that’s hard to find. I just don’t want to marry the wrong person, have kids with them and then have them leave me. I also want to work on my career and that’s harder to do once you have kids. Some family friends of ours had a baby last year. The husband is in his 40’s and the wife is in her mid 30’s and they are doing just fine.
By the time you have a baby, you won't have a career left. Nobody will hire you after spending 2-5 years taking care of your baby and have a curfew.
Well, you can find jobs but they aren't going to be great career jobs.
So either choose to be a mother or choose to be a career woman. Once you get enough money to hire people to take care of your kids while you work then you can try to have a baby. You aren't going to be the perfect mother but you can be a good one.
That person has a political agenda. 90% of eggs being "dead" by age 30 is simply not true. The average age to have the first child is currently 34 in Stockholm for instance. The number of 40+ aged women having their first child has also increased greatly. You need a stable career BEFORE you have kids. Besides, an uneducated mother has nothing to offer a child. If you´re worried about your fertility, have your eggs frozen.
Well, i suppose my mum had me, when she was 40 years old, and i have aspergers, so i agree with the birth defects thing. But overall, I'd say, do what feels right. Because i wouldn't want to have a kid with the wrong man or someone who isn't right for me etc. So if i dont have a decent boyfriend / husband, then i wouldn't want to have any kids until i find one, if that makes sense. Right now, im pursuing a career and my education, because i dont want to rely on a man for money.
That makes zero sense! Once you have kids you can’t just jump into a career, they take lots of time to care for and rear. Studies demonstrate that older parents with established careers are far more likely to have more intelligent and well formed children. Also, many people that settle young end up divorced.
If she wants a career and a stable income to provide for the kids - then career comes first. Once you have children it's not like you can pop them out and go work on your career, no, thay require constant care until at least age 10 and even after that you have to have time to be a mother rather than just a career woman.
My mindset was always get my degrees and career before kids. For me personally, I can have my degrees and working in my desired field by 25-26. That gives me time to have a baby before 30. My mother didn't have my oldest sibling until 31, the last 34.
Uh, he’s right but for the wrong reason in my opinion. Plenty of women over 30 have kids. The bigger issue is that time works against women in finding a high value guy for serious relationships which is ideal for making a family. Not to mention that her career would be less affected by any time off for kids early on vs later in her life.
How the fuck are you supposed to make money for your children with no career? Get your career, see if you could have kids and have your career at the same time, if not figure which one you want to sacrifice.
@Adam_INTJ there are plenty of men who can afford it. Women are so empowered they would rather date a sexy excon homeless man over just a normal attractive man who can support a family.
A girl i know literally married a felon pill addict because he is the hottest man she's ever seen. Everyone told her no dont do it. Its not going well fyi surprise. But I've seen her blow off some decent guys who tried with her and they were good looking too.
Well, her loss. She really had 3 options: put career before family and suffer a midlife crisis from the baby rabies, marry the hot addict and live in poverty, or marry a husband who can provide (not her addict pal).
Just because an irresponsible few would suffer poverty from the best solution for most doesn't mean I'm going to give crappy advise to the whole crowd that delay irresponsibility from manifesting its natural symptoms.
I've talked to a few mothers and ideally, the earlier (around early 20's) you can get a child, whether by marriage or not, the better. The main reason isn't because of birth defects, instead, it is because raising a baby takes a lot of energy and disturbed sleep, something that's difficult to deal with when you're 30 and older.
It's entirely situational. I do think having kids younger is better. But I also think stability for children is of paramount importance. Most 15 to 30 year olds are not stable at all, at least not in ways kids need.
Really, it's a catch 22. Damned if you do. Damned if you don't. So it turns into something that you just have to figure out as you go.
Having said that, every women is different and I believe women should do what they believe is right for them. The problem is that I think women get a lot of unrealistic messages today about "having it all", and I think they need to see both sides of the issue and understand the potential pitfalls of postponing getting married and having kids, which is something that is generally downplayed today.
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There's no one answer for everone. If you wanna get married and have your kids before 30 and then pursue a career, that's fine. If you wanna get your career going first and have kids later, that's fine. Wanna have kids while in college or while working? That's cool too. Never want kids? Also totally fine. Do what works for you and makes you happy
It's a trade-off. The incidence of Down Syndrome and several other congenital disorders skyrockets starting at age 35. The age of 35 is generally very early in a "career". Biology is biology. A woman will have to weigh matters carefully and decide on an individual basis. One thing that would help is if men stop letting themselves be slaves to corporations for the sake of the "career". One thing I have noticed is that if it's a small business owned by the woman or by the couple, they very often get BOTH, because they are the bosses and they make accommodations as a matter of course.
Children are not a priority to every woman. I want to have kids one day but I believe I should accomplish my goals before raising other people who will live out their lives too. Plus how would a person who is barely not still a child, if we’re saying 20 years old, be able to take care of children when she has no career. Making sure your financially stable enough to even afford kids is the most important.
Kids are cheaper the poorer you are.
I think women should do what they want. Yes, it does suck that we don’t have a big window for healthy child baring but I would NEVER get married young. I couldn’t even take care of myself at 20, let alone another person. I’m spending my 20s traveling, having fun jobs, and discovering what I want to do with my life. Children MAY come later but if they do, I will probably adopt.
I doubt you have the problem of many men going down on their knees asking you to marry them so you definitely don't have to worry about getting married young.
And you're 27, your twenties are long gone.
Dude, what’s with the asshole reply? I’m just explaining my point of view on the matter.
I don't really care. Women should do what they want. Even if they wait to long there is always adoption. I really dont see the problem with it.
Personally, as long as the couple can afford having a kid I dont care when they have it. If they can't afford it then they should hold off.
Adoption does not equal having children. Its an equal replacement in that a sports car is equal to a pickup truck. Yes its kinda the same in that it gets you from A to B but one is useless when you need to drive through the mud and the other isn't going to help you race around corners. Its just not the same.
That's cold, and I dont get how that connects to kids. If a women chooses to wait she knows she risks not being able to have her own kids, so it isn't really a compromise, it is a choice.
How is it cold? Its true. Why don't you get a vasectomy right now and just adopt if you truly believe its exactly the same? Smh.
That's not the same thing. If someone chooses to wait tell later in life they know they may not have the potential to have kids, thus adoption is a potential choice, and isn't any worse.
I think ladies should do whatever is best for them. As someone that wanted kids young, I see it from a biological perspective. But you can absolutely have kids and a career. It's not a one OR the other thing. That's why there are two parents.
There are way too many factors to be simplistic here. Depends on the size of the family you want, when you meet the right person, how their job pans out, what your career interests actually are, the cost of living where you live, if you have extended family near, etc.
Trying to parse down huge decisions into one sentence rarely captures the truth.
Also, what is this bizarre notion that so-called “having it all” means having the extreme measure of everything. So many people live normal, average, happy lives without having to have THE BEST family and children’s belonging & biggest house & most adventurous vacations & most powerful job.
I want someone who loves me for me and for some reason that’s hard to find. I just don’t want to marry the wrong person, have kids with them and then have them leave me. I also want to work on my career and that’s harder to do once you have kids. Some family friends of ours had a baby last year. The husband is in his 40’s and the wife is in her mid 30’s and they are doing just fine.
By the time you have a baby, you won't have a career left. Nobody will hire you after spending 2-5 years taking care of your baby and have a curfew.
Well, you can find jobs but they aren't going to be great career jobs.
So either choose to be a mother or choose to be a career woman. Once you get enough money to hire people to take care of your kids while you work then you can try to have a baby. You aren't going to be the perfect mother but you can be a good one.
That person has a political agenda. 90% of eggs being "dead" by age 30 is simply not true. The average age to have the first child is currently 34 in Stockholm for instance. The number of 40+ aged women having their first child has also increased greatly.
You need a stable career BEFORE you have kids. Besides, an uneducated mother has nothing to offer a child. If you´re worried about your fertility, have your eggs frozen.
Well, i suppose my mum had me, when she was 40 years old, and i have aspergers, so i agree with the birth defects thing. But overall, I'd say, do what feels right. Because i wouldn't want to have a kid with the wrong man or someone who isn't right for me etc. So if i dont have a decent boyfriend / husband, then i wouldn't want to have any kids until i find one, if that makes sense. Right now, im pursuing a career and my education, because i dont want to rely on a man for money.
I hate Stefan Molyneux, but I agree you should have kids young whether that's before or after a career.
In general, it's better nobody listen to him. He's obsessed with race science. His rant about why Germany has a lower crime rate... Chilling.
That makes zero sense! Once you have kids you can’t just jump into a career, they take lots of time to care for and rear. Studies demonstrate that older parents with established careers are far more likely to have more intelligent and well formed children. Also, many people that settle young end up divorced.
If she wants a career and a stable income to provide for the kids - then career comes first. Once you have children it's not like you can pop them out and go work on your career, no, thay require constant care until at least age 10 and even after that you have to have time to be a mother rather than just a career woman.
My mindset was always get my degrees and career before kids. For me personally, I can have my degrees and working in my desired field by 25-26. That gives me time to have a baby before 30. My mother didn't have my oldest sibling until 31, the last 34.
Uh, he’s right but for the wrong reason in my opinion. Plenty of women over 30 have kids. The bigger issue is that time works against women in finding a high value guy for serious relationships which is ideal for making a family. Not to mention that her career would be less affected by any time off for kids early on vs later in her life.
How the fuck are you supposed to make money for your children with no career? Get your career, see if you could have kids and have your career at the same time, if not figure which one you want to sacrifice.
Husband. If he can't shoulder the burden in the early days, he's not worth marrying.
Children are expensive as hell. Paying for 3 people takes a lot of money.
Hard is not the same as impossible. A husband must do hard things. Life is not meant to be easy. It would not be meaningful if it was.
@Adam_INTJ there are plenty of men who can afford it. Women are so empowered they would rather date a sexy excon homeless man over just a normal attractive man who can support a family.
A girl i know literally married a felon pill addict because he is the hottest man she's ever seen. Everyone told her no dont do it. Its not going well fyi surprise. But I've seen her blow off some decent guys who tried with her and they were good looking too.
Well, her loss. She really had 3 options: put career before family and suffer a midlife crisis from the baby rabies, marry the hot addict and live in poverty, or marry a husband who can provide (not her addict pal).
Just because an irresponsible few would suffer poverty from the best solution for most doesn't mean I'm going to give crappy advise to the whole crowd that delay irresponsibility from manifesting its natural symptoms.
@Adam_INTJ agreed. You know what you're talking about
I've talked to a few mothers and ideally, the earlier (around early 20's) you can get a child, whether by marriage or not, the better. The main reason isn't because of birth defects, instead, it is because raising a baby takes a lot of energy and disturbed sleep, something that's difficult to deal with when you're 30 and older.
It's entirely situational. I do think having kids younger is better. But I also think stability for children is of paramount importance. Most 15 to 30 year olds are not stable at all, at least not in ways kids need.
Really, it's a catch 22. Damned if you do. Damned if you don't. So it turns into something that you just have to figure out as you go.
I agree with @hahahmm, for the reason he stated.
Having said that, every women is different and I believe women should do what they believe is right for them. The problem is that I think women get a lot of unrealistic messages today about "having it all", and I think they need to see both sides of the issue and understand the potential pitfalls of postponing getting married and having kids, which is something that is generally downplayed today.