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Well, his percentage and accuracy is wrong, but he does speak some truth to it medically. The problem is it DEPENDS on the woman. If she already had prior health problems, have a family history of menopausal issues, cancer, etc, it can effect her ability to have kids in the future. Especially when hoping around with different men sexually, getting an Std or taking birth control pills and other forms of birth control can ALL impact the health of her eggs. In my late mother's case, even though she had conceived me in sexual sin, she was still happy she had me at 19 because of all the miscarriages she had 3 times with my father, I am the only child she has and she had to get her uterus taken because under it was cervical cancer. She already had HPV since 13.
The problem is that so many people talk about financial stability but they not thinking about their own Sexual Health. Let alone their own spiritual and physical health. The reality is is that you can never have too much money to really take care of yourself financially because what's going to happen when you go completely bankrupt? what's going to happen if you become unintentionally sterile? What's going to happen when you end up like my mother who did not know she had cervical cancer and it all could have been avoided had she not had sex at 13 with somebody she was not only unmarried to come with somebody he gave her an STD? At the same time, what if you had a family history of fibroids that cannot only take the energy of you, but can actually kill a baby? The older that we women get, the more we lose our energy, the more we lose proper nutrition as any other person will, and the more difficult it would be to Ashley have children let alone get pregnant. There's a reason why are hormones respond the way it does when we're young and going through puberty. Because those are the times to procreate. Now if they not caring about having children then they don't have to worry about wanting to get pregnant while having a child. But for those who just really want children they have to seriously think about these things while they are still children themselves and teenagers before they had to adulthood. Because you don't know what life is going to throw at you. And You Can't Always Get What You Want. So to tell you the truth he's not lying entirely. But I hardly doubt that 90% of our eggs die. I say that it slowly deteriorates by the time we hit menopause. Now that sounds more logical. One thing is proving to be true, by the time you have your career you may not have anybody to want to marry you or settle down with. Most people over 30 are not marrying. And most widows and divorcee's by 45 are NOT remedying or wanting children.
It's interesting, because there *are* higher birth risks the later people have kids (plus the whole energy thing) but if you do that you really have no desire or stamina to push to start a career then either. I mean, you've been supported, you're (probably) a successful parent who does stuff, unless there's something you're really passionate about there's always something to do with the kids that will keep you busy.
Look, having worked in childcare, it is heartbreaking to see kids start 6am-6pm care from 8 months till they're about 10 & see just how much it messes with them, so it really is worth having someone at home some of the time *if you can*. If you can't, or if you both have to work you just get on and make the best of it. But I'm a big believer that not everyone has to have kids. That people should have them because they can care/provide for them. There's no receipt for those guys. I think some people are better off caring for themselves and their parents. But if you have kids it should always be a team investment, a team agreement.
I think every woman’s situation is different. She should do what she desires most and what her circumstances permit.
Whether to pursue a career before having kids or getting married largely depends on her circumstances.
What are these factors that affect her circumstances?
1. Women come from different economic and socio-cultural backgrounds. We can’t be boxing every woman on the same lane to familyhood and career pursuit.
Some women go through the ‘fast lane’, others through the ‘slow lane’. Some take ‘public transport’ while others take ‘private jet’.
Embrace and cherish your circumstances and make the most of it to be the best person you can be instead of subscribing to social constructs, most of which were relevant in 1919, not 2019 and beyond.
2. Not every woman wants to get married or have kids. Therefore, having kids or getting married has no bearing on her desire to pursue a career.
3. It is pointless to see one’s social life in a linear fashion because life could throw unexpected events on a woman’s life. By linear, I mean the notion that she should do a, b, …x, and then z because her eggs would be dead by (fill in the blank).
She may have accidentally got pregnant in her teens or early 20s, and still could pursue a career after childbirth. She and her husband may only want one or two kids over the course of her career.
Some husbands are stay at home to look after the kids while their wives are at work. Hence, she could still pursue a career.
4. A career is different from a job. Just because a woman is doing x-job doesn’t mean she is pursuing a career. A career is a profession pursued in the long-term, usually for the rest of one’s life. Many women are pursuing familyhood and a job concurrently.
5. Pursuing a career requires some form of formal qualification (though not always). Women do not obtain formal qualification at the same point of their lives: some early while others at a later stage.
Hence, she could pursue her career in her 20s, 30s, 40s, or 50s, although I could see the argument for having an established career path by her 30s.
What he is saying is factually correct, you are BIOLOGICALLY, less able to have children when your older then when you are young. This is why most people married and started their families young. Biology is completely indifferent to your feelings, what you want is not what you get and so if you wish to have a family, the best time to do that is probably early twenties (you also get to see your children grow up, see their children grow up and be in their lives more while if you wait, you may find that your to old to really play with your children (trust me, it gets harder to keep up the older you get and I'm not all that old), to really do things with them etc.). We also know that women statistically are happier in traditional relationships and roles i. e. when they are mothers and wives. We also know that the reason why women don't earn as much as men is because they cut hours and take lower paying jobs for greater flexibility in their schedules so they can be with their family meaning that when they do have those kids they are the most important thing to them (as it should be). The fact is you CANNOT have it all and the people who told you you can lied to you. No man has ever been told he can have it all, because we cannot. Their was an article that just came out about the woman who wrote sex in the city, the whole premise of the story was a woman who chose career over family (autobiographical in this regard). She is now sixty and has admitted she regrets that decision. Charlize Theron chose career over family, now she is herself complaining about being single at her age. Hell their was even a feminist who in the seventies stated how children where a burden and she would never have them just a few years ago came out and admitted she regretted the decision. So yes he is correct in this, based upon statistical data and biological data this is what would make your life better. Obviously its your choice but the fact is you cannot make the right choice if people with alternative agenda's lie to you about the reality of the situation.
Opinion
65Opinion
My opinion is that women should do whatever the fuck they want to do.
However, it’s easier as a young woman to gain more experience within their field. The older you get without having any experience, the less people will take you seriously. So that’s why focusing on your career while you’re young is actually a smarter move.
I also don’t understand why people are freaking out so much over the state of a woman’s eggs. Men’s sperm also has a ”best before” date. Swimmers get slower and the amounts of swimmers lessen too, to the point where they could be completely useless. Yet nobody is crying about how they should sacrifice their careers to make babies while their sperm is still young, active and dense in population. It’s sexist.
Women should do what they want or need to do, and not be shamed for it.
No because I’ve been a model, a pageant queen, and now a fire performer. Those things can’t wait wait either. He can rest assured I know what I’m doing.
'Other' because I believe that choice is up to the individual and no one else should have a say. If I were a female, I personally would prefer to pursue a career first so that I could enjoy an improved sense of accomplishment and Independence.
In addition, two aspects:
1) taking the time off after highschool to marry and have a family will inevitably stunt or cause the loss of many options and opportunities for further education and careers.
2) In order to have a family, many women have to either severely reduce their ability to work a job or even have to stay at home depending on the family's income. If she's married to a man of the approximate same age, he will be just starting his career and likely not be making enough to support a family. This can cause a lot of stress on a young couple or even be cause for them to be unable to provide for a child.
The essence of what I'm trying to convey is that the choice should be off the individual with no external pushing by others who aren't going to be involved in supporting them.
Ok I guess my eggs were still perky because I had a baby at 38.
To be honest having kids earlier does mean there are more healthy viable eggs but to postpone one's careers isn't really going to work. The time to show you know what you are doing job wise is to get right into your field and prove yourself after college.
The best thing to do is for a young woman to get her FSH level when she is young in her early 20s. That is the Follicle stimulating Hormone. As a woman ages that level keeps going up until she is done with menopause when the FSH level is high. If a woman can chart that FSH level she can see how big of a window she has. Many times a woman can tell if her mom had a baby later in life how big of a window she has.
There are many good young mothers but sometimes women who wait until their late 20s or early 30s have an added maturity which might make them a better mother than if they had been a mom in their early 20s.
And having kids young means a woman has to find a man mature enough her age to be a good partner. Men's brains don't even finish developing until 26.
My view of it is, you're bringing a life into this world. You want to provide the best possible life for that child, and it's hard to do that if you don't have a career established.
I feel that there's a lot of people these days pushing the idea that you should have a baby just because you can and just rush into it as quickly as possible before your "biological clock" or whatever runs out, and that's a good idea in my opinion. Again, you're bringing a life into this world, not playing house. Babies are expensive and time consuming, and a lot goes into raising and providing for them. Also, plenty of women are still fertile and giving birth well into their 30's.
I've seen and lived the differences growing up of kids who were brought into this world by unprepared parents with no career, no stable income, bouncing from apartment to apartment, etc., and being born into a home with parents in their 30's who both had established careers, a steady home, and were able to provide for me. I would choose the route my parents went any day. That isn't to say that the other parents who made different choices can't make it work, but it's a lot harder.
Just do whatever you believe is best and right for you. Who gives a fuck what him or others said? It's YOUR life and YOUR body and don't let anybody else tell YOU otherwise. Depends upon how "important" marriage and mis are altogether compared to one's career. Can't always have both turn out exactly the way one wants it to or envision it to. Nothing will always go as planned and result in an absolute favorable or desirable outcome, and sometimes there are no easy answers or choices but ONLY sacrifices. One may have to decide and take risks on what they are willing to sacrifice. No absolute guarantees anywhere that one will get BOTH a desirable and favorable outcome for their career, their marriage and their offspring. Something can and will always turn out to be unexpected, undesirable and unfavorable and that's just how it's always gonna be. Just make the choice and/or sacrifice (s) that one can and be willing to accept and live with for the rest of one's life and not look back one day filled with regrets about it that's all I can say.
In all seriousness, whatever suits your lifestyle and future goals. I personally believe the key is to have kids at such a time period where you can give plenty of time to your children for the first few years. This can mean different things for different women, again, depending on their lifestyle and career choices. It could be before you start a career, it could be when you have already started out and you want to have kids before your career gets to a point that you'll remain busy all day, or maybe even once you have established your career to the point that you don't have to work your ass off as much anymore. It's very personal.
And thanks to the advancement in medical science women CAN have healthy babies in their 30's and even 40's before menopause. So age isn't a big concern for me. Some might argue that a woman at that age might not have as much energy anymore, but many grandmothers help in babysitting their grandchildren, am pretty sure no one ever questions their energy levels!
Do whatever YOU want, depending on what suits YOUR unique lifestyle, needs and aims. There is no one solution for everyone. You could even disagree with the 'key' that I can mentioned about having kids in a time when you can spare more time to raise them for the first few years.
This can be a difficult desicion in a woman's life, specially because we have a time limit for natural maternity. Although the time can be extended if we open our minds to other options like adoption, having pets, a method to preserve our eggs, etc.
Or like men like DaVinci and Dedalus have done, take a disciple, a pupil to keep the knowledge legacy. If we think about it, some people Who have become teachers have seen some of their students as their own children like información Goodbye Mr Chips, Dead Poetry Society, Mona Lisa's Smile, etc.
What I can assure is that women can at some moment do both things, but until the children can be more independent, their needs, well being and development should be over everything else. They need a provider, a caretaker and a teacher, roles filled by one or more people who shouldn't be too selfish.
Unfortunately, there are people, either women or men, who have had the chance to have their own children, but they are so focused in their own careers, business or other personal affairs that they ignore or don't pay attention to them, or in the "Best situation", they left others in total charge of their well being.
It makes more sense to me. In your younger years you're more fertile so you'll have less complications getting pregnant and during pregnancy, and you also have more energy. Kids do best when breastfed also, which requires you to stay home with them. In fact young children do better in the care of a parent rather than being put into daycare. Then once they're old enough for school you have time to work without ever having to take a break from your career again.
Compare that to those who get into a career, wait until their 30s. Many will have no problem getting pregnant/during pregnancy, but a number of them will. Since they don't want to take too long from their career, often they'll formula feed and then put their kids into daycare to rush back into work. That career break can then hold them back.
Some people are saying "everybody is different and should do what's best for them". Of course, that's what this discussion is about. What we're told is that women should go for career first, that's how it's "supposed" to go. This guy is just putting out an alternative idea that many people probably haven't considered because it's not a popular idea.
This really depends on the individual woman, her maturity level (and her S/O's) and what she wants out of life. Logically it makes sense because then she would already have kids old enough to go to school and still be young enough to have a good start to a career. For example, if she has kids young, let's say 22 years old, then she would be 27 when her kids start school. During that time she could do college online, take her time and possibly get even up to a Master's degree in that time. She would not have to worry about childcare because the kids would be in school compared to her starting a career and then having to pause to take care of a very young child. her taking courses is a reasonable excuse for not starting work yet that many bosses would respect. This approach does have the potential of her finding better balance, but has a few negatives too. First, she would be barely past childhood herself, which means she would not have a lot of life experience. Also, she might want a career that is physically demanding more so in the beginning, such as military or police. In that case, she needs her youth to give her the best start to the career.
There's so much butthurt over this. Unbelievable.
Listen girls: Like it or not. Biology is a thing. You can like it or not, but scientifically your best age to get children (aka when you are the MOST fertile and the chances are the HIGHEST that you and your child are HEALTHY) is between 21-29.
Now you can say "but women with 40+ can get children". Yes, some do. And many do not. You hear about the exceptions and not the standard. There are countlessof reports of women failing to conceive after a certain age. Stillbirths, not being able to get pregnant to begin with even with a doctors help), etc.
Not to mention the chance that you just die becoming higher before your child is old enough to take care of yourself.
No amount of "but I can wait" will not safe you from the consequences. Yes, you may end up being one of those who get a good partner and pregnant with 40. But neither is it biologically nor statistically likely and chances are you will have to deal with the consequences of these choices. If you are fine with that, be my guest. More power to you. But most of you just talk themselves into "I can always become pregnant". No, you can not.
I think that a woman can go towards her career at any age, sure, she could choose to have kids but, I mean, infertility doesn't just affect women over 30 so there's that.
Then there's the fact that kids, depending on the country you live in, are your responsibility for about 18 years.
So, say you had kids at 18 and then raised them, you're then 36... at least, if you don't work until you've grown up... depending on how many kids you have you may never work until you're in your 40's.
So yeah, not working wouldn't work.
Although, I do think that if people have kids then they should be able to both care for their children and pursue their career at the same time -I mean, if men can do it (granted, they don't have to carry the child to full term) then why can't a woman do it too?
I mean, I feel that both parents should equally parent and care for the child while also being able to pursue their career not just leave the childcare to just one person -since that means that they'll miss out on working opportunities and the other parent will miss out of parenting opportunities.
But yeah, I don't think there should be a limit to how old a woman can be to choose to have kids... I mean, what about adoption?
It's only if she wants her genes to live on that she'll have an issue if she chose to not have kids until an older age.
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Another thing is the legal working-age -people can do the paper round in the UK at any age, they can work part-time from 13 and work full-time from 16 so you know, people can be building up their career from an early age -especially child-actors who can work from, well, childhood in a career which they may continue into adulthood.
They don't need marriage, just an exclusive long term relationship with someone that cares about them and is compatible.
I think it would actually be better if they had kids earlier, then once all of their kids are school age it would be much easier to start a career. They could even do online college if they wanted before their kids are school age.
It seems much worse to spend years going to college and getting a degree, then only work a couple years and quit to have kids. Then they owe lots of student loan debt during the time they aren't working until their kids are school age.
Of course she can choose to do what she wants, but after she is 30 +, she should know that her prospects for finding a good man will be very limited as compared to her finding one earlier. Her career won't help her attract a better mate. She could work fast food at minimum wage, or have a high paying business career making 10 times the amount and it won't change her prospects much for getting a good SO.
And the older she is when getting pregnant, the more likely there will be health problems with her future offspring.
Not necessarily. If you've found a good man already when you're 17, 18, 19, 20, whatever, then marry him! I've seen too many young women throw away a good relationship just because they're "not ready to settle down yet" or they're "still finding themselves" or some bullshit like that. Look, if you have the kid first and THEN you apply for the job, then you won't have to use your maternity leave. Not saying that that shouldn't be an option, but women do get discriminated against when they do. (Again, I'm not saying that's okay, just that it happens.). So then you start your career and work your way up the ladder. By the time you're in upper management and you're taking on more responsibility and spending more time at work, your kids will be teenagers so they won't need you as much (though I'm not saying they won't need you at all; don't take that the wrong way.). Then in a few years you'll have them out of the house and you just keep on climbing -- maybe even become CEO! At that point there's nothing stopping you and nothing to hold you back.
However, this should not be construed as a suggestion to rush into marriage and just get married to any guy. Make sure he's the right one first. Make sure he truly loves you and cares about you and is committed to you.
You shouldn't believe everything you read. Your eggs are not dead they haven't matured and you have more than what your body can use in its life time. It's not different from men we over produce sperm and females has a initial overproduction of eggs if one is bad another takes its place in that cycle. Nature is amazing that way. No one should put their careers above their own happiness, guys don't have the same deadline but it is valid for them too. You should start dating as soon as you feel your ready for even if you're not ready for kids yet. It doesn't hurt to have a few years to see what the world is about before settling down. The whole make a career is something companies want more than we personally needs. More status or money can never replace the right partner and finding and growing that relationship can be tougher than any career so start early you never know how long it will take to find mister good enough.
I think it’s something women need to be mindful of when making their life choices. He isn’t necessarily wrong, but reality isn’t as simple as “just have kids first”.
People don’t always meet the person they want to have children with before they start their career, and women can’t live on nothing while they’re trying to find that person. If you meet your one at a pivotal point in your career it can cost you everything you’ve worked for to take time off at that point.
On the other hand, we do have a biological clock and it’s not always easy to fall pregnant. It took me 5 years and I had age on my side.
It all weighs up to what your priorities are... women can have everything, they just can’t have it all at the same time
Women should do what they want. Not everyone has the same priorities. Who is this Steve Molyneux character, anyway. What makes him an expert on what women should do?
What he said about the optimal age for women to have babies is true if you only look at the physical aspect. But young women aren't mentally or emotionally mature enough to raise a child properly. They might not be in a good financial position, either.
Throughout human history, woman bore children at an early age, but they lived in extended families with parents, grandparents and other relatives present who could help to educate and impart wisdom to the child. And the entire family contributed to financial support. That is still the case in some cultures today. It's the way humans evolved and it's why we didn't go extinct.
But if this guy is suggesting that a woman's job in life is to be a baby factory, he's a douche bag. He's living in the past.
It should all depend on what the woman wants for herself. If wants to seek a successful career, then she should focus on making a career before making a family. If she prioritizes family, then she should focus on being a mother and spouse first. It's all about what you value, and in the long run, what will make you the happiest. Each person has to make meaning for their life on their own terms. No one can tell you what the ultimate recipe for happiness, meaning and success is. Only you know what you truly want.
Uh no, women should not only have children when their most financially stable, but should also have children when she feels ready to, even if she's past 30.
Also I think the stigma of having kids past 30 is bullshit. Sure a woman in her 20s is more fertile than a woman in her 30s, but that doesn't mean that women in their 30s aren't fertile at all, and I'm pretty sure lifestyle can play a big role in a woman's fertility as well.
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