Women, do you feel pressure to choose either motherhood or career?

[MzAsh]

I recently published a blog post discussing how remote work or digital entrepreneurship could improve the work life balance of busy women who wish to maintain both a career and motherhood.

I wonder how many women feel this would be a viable option to consider. I also wonder if women think it’s feasible for them to have both a career and be a mom or do you feel you need to choose one or the other? Or do you even desire to have both?

[youngmix]

Yeah. It's literally one or the other.
You can have other people raise your kids, but that's not really being a mother. That's birthing people, taking care of their physical needs, and then not spending time with them.
I believe that motherhood includes large amounts of one-on-one time, literally child rearing.
Also, pregnancy and birth can reek havoc on a projects schedule.

So yeah, I feel like you only have so much time, and I can't spend it growing a child inside of me, then pushing it out, then recovering. I also cannot give the needed to teach the child, and take on the projects that I want to.

[Kkstarzz96]

yes, basically you better get everything done before you have a child. and if you're going to have a child, that is the time and energy you put into them before they're even here, is preparing for when the time comes and I'm pregnant, I can be excited for my baby and not stressed about how will i provide for it. not even mentioning my own skills when it comes to deciding what's neccessary and not blowing through resources cause I think that's what new moms are supposed to do or have. you know, there's a market for everything and I'm no exception to falling for it.

[Djaay]

Sounds to me you dont like a mans role towards a woman. Good luck trying to be one.

[Kkstarzz96]

I mean I don't want him to feel like he has to pay for everything either. he could get sick or injured and i want him to rest when he needs to.

[Djaay]

What happens if he's already well off? Where do you stand with that anomoly?

[Kkstarzz96]

i don't really know. his money is not my business unless we're married, or he is the father of my child. I've dated one guy who is doing just fine, and will do better, I'll be honest i didn't like what I saw. I wouldn't pick a partner solely on does he have the ability to produce so much income I wouldn't have to work. or maybe the luxury really is, is that i wouldn't have to work in something i don't want to, and could do whatever it is that suited us and leave if I needed to to leave or start something else. that's what real freedom is like, not that you're forced not to do anything else but be a housewife and a mom, that's also not my goal unless that meant I was gonna get some everyday. when a woman is tired, we don't feel sexy and we can fight it, it won't be as good. men seem to be able to spring at anytime.

[Djaay]

It seems to me that you dont commit and your bound by only your freedoms as you wish. The man is NOT a part of your well being and you want the option to spring at any time you want. Your running from the purpose of male and female as youve been conditioned to beleive throughout societal extremities.

[Kkstarzz96]

if he wanted to as well, I'd understand but either way, we'd have to make a plan and both parties have to be willing to switch places. just like at work when one person is gone suddenly you see what was being done and now you don't know how to transfer responsibilities, although it's not your job, now it ends up falling on the person who is left and they will struggle. if he doesn't have to, i want to help, and if i don't have to, i hope he helps me.

[Djaay]

The whole intitution of marriage or children involved is a commited duel of being responsible and\or doing whatever it consist of or entails to make this the very best it may subsequently be possible for the family to prosper , grow together and move forward as a family to the childrens familys as well. If nether individuals are not cut out for this battle of being as one against the world warrior type , your sunk before you ever started.

[Kkstarzz96]

you mean pretend like they're not there?

[Djaay]

Well todays men and women have found every complicated facet and varible to raising a family that i dont think even the devil thought of yet. Then again all the upheaval from all the women for the last 6 years especially , i can clearly see why the struggles for women become a thing of they're own accord. Which has a lot to do with the questioned asked. The question is a question bc it excludes a man and his dutys as a man within a family structure.

[Kkstarzz96]

but i can't pretend that my mom made everything revolved around me and why not, she's my mom, that's a mother's dedication to her child and its not unheard of, so people don't raise eyebrows. but dads are not expected to drop anything just to spend time with their kids. they don't know their teachers name, where their best friend lives, or what i wore at school for picture day. I mean, it sucked a lot to know my dad doesn't feel responsible to know those things just cause of work. my mom always worked too, but she was on it, she couldn't even take a vacation alone, it was too much she had to know i was okay. so that's where the question lies, women, do we feel bad for contemplating can I be the mom Im supposed to be if I'm a boss at work. the roles are actually reversed in my cousins marriage. I have yet to go visit their place and see the mom has made any dinner for the kids, it's always dad. I guess mom cleans, because the place gets so messy, there's no where to sit, until then she's on her phone gossiping and watching tv when she gets home from work. she does know the small details of her kids lives, but the dad is definitely the home maker. hey if it works for them, by all means. but you're saying it like it's not a choice made, it totally is.

[MzAsh]

Parenthood is collaborative. I hate seeing one doing all the hands on work while the other one is the atm machine. My husband would be getting his hands in dirty diapers and having dinner ready when I’m at work too.

[MzAsh]

There was recently a TikTok I think that went viral and people were going around asking fathers when their kids birthday was, and so many of them failed miserably. We can’t be having this.

[Djaay]

MzAsh... Casterating men to be women , we men can't be havin that either. Which means your choice of a male is very wrong to began with and your sudle exasterbation of supriority is NOT desiged or intended to be that way either.

[MzAsh]

Who said anything about men being women? I’m calling for women to allow men to be more involved parents.

[Djaay]

I see your point and a good argument. Im sorry about those who experienced a dad who's emotionally not available to his children. That is just sad. I really feel for you about that. I have now 12 children , 10 from my passed first wife who was so wonderful of a mother and two small boy and girl from my new wife of 6 years whos a year younger than you. By the way i have 7 daughters and 5 sons and 23 grandchildren already. I can detail every part of my childrens upbrinings. To me its just so important to know and watch them grow and learn and to not just be present in they're lives but a piller in each of they're lives. Truthfully im filled with joy about most all of they're choices in they're lives so far... how rewarding is that. My younger wife and i have quite a age gap. She's just a jewel in my life and for all of my kids. I mean we all love her ever presence. Oc tho i always help her in her every moment to keep up with me and my already responsibiltys. But her efforts in all she does is outstanding and for all the right reasons. The kicker in all this is she's joyfully content.

[Djaay]

MzAsh... If that was true you would be calling women to be RECONCILLERS instead of homewreckers with amosity and using they're children as battle grounds of warfare towards they're fathers.

[MzAsh]

Explain how to you came to that conclusion from what I said.

[Djaay]

MzAsh... First you explain to me in your question where a man and his manly dutys as a father fit in to this paradym.

[MzAsh]

I asked you a question first, so if you’re not going to answer it first, then forget this conversation. You should know me better than that by now lol.

[Djaay]

MzAsh... Oc i know better by now. I know you alittle and im not your enemy or anything. I love a strong woman , but only for the good of things and only for the right reasons. Choosing motherhood or career or both , is question based on options to deny , dismantle or smokescreen what was originally intended between male and female. You are calling for women to allow men to be more involved parents. And im saying women should be RECONCILLERS. Samething.

[MzAsh]

I see. If a woman has chosen a man properly, the roles within parenthood won’t be an issue, as he’ll willingly and happily be a physically involved parent.

[Djaay]

Women choose the right man? No... they both choose each other. Thats a loaded statement tho. But thats where it begans.

[MzAsh]

In the end, they both choose each other but the woman qualifies the man first.

[Djaay]

MzAsh... No , a real mans role is leadership of his household. How would that be true?

[MzAsh]

Only if she allows it.

[Djaay]

MzAsh... There's different men out there , is'nt there? In my case , not a chance a women would be sucssesful with selecting and game'in with my life long status. Whats she to do add herself to my whole domain and preach how she selected me? Dont think so hun. I'll add to what i already have if you 'all dont mind.

[MzAsh]

There are different men, but not all are created equal. Some are more desirable than others and generally women can have their pick.

[Djaay]

Pick of what kind of guy?

[Kkstarzz96]

the one whose not being creepy and has a sense of mystery without being unavailable, bingo

[MzAsh]

Well said, kkstarzz.

[Djaay]

Ok... I can understand that oc , but not all men will allow a woman to pick them tho. I have daughters both your ages and i can contest to all of they're relations also.

[MzAsh]

Do you mean you can disapprove of their relationships?

[Djaay]

No... I would never subject myself with they're good judgements. Just dont need to. If your hunting for some type of controlling factor here , you won't find one. Im a (MA'A FA'TAI) which is a chief of my family and my immidiate community from Apia , Samoa. Although some of us reside here in Hawaii momentarily.

[MzAsh]

I was trying to clarify. There’s no controlling factor since you can’t control your daughters relationships anyway.

[Djaay]

I would never control anything except when our people become uncontro

[Djaay]

able. You see you live in a very different culture than mine. We'all here dont have your problems the old world or America have.

[MzAsh]

It’s definitely different. I’ve managed to maintain a well oiled machine in my world, so I appreciate that blessing. Now my focus is on helping others.

[Djaay]

Yea me too. Im such a different story to most , although im well traveled and versed enough to try and show others clarity where it is'nt clear.

[Wonderwhat]

Being a woman is hard and they get a lot of pressure to have kids. I wants more than anything but i can wait till I am 40 years old rich and able to pay for private school, so they don't have to go to crappy public school. Sure they can have kids in their 40s but the chances of autism and down syndrome is very high. People with autism and down syndrome don't even want kids with down syndrome or autism. If you are going to have kids you got to do it in your 20s or 30s. Maybe you can use expensive IVF treatments to prevent any diseases. It's hard to be a woman. I am lucky to be a man.

[BCA6010]

As a man who grew up in a 2-parent household in which both of mine worked full time careers while raising me and my younger sister, I don't see why having a career or being a mother are mutually exclusive decisions. And this was in the era in which email was a novelty and cell phones were bricks, so "working from home" was not a thing at all.

[Smoke-n-Growls]

Nope.

I'm childfree. Been childfree since 7. Sterilized, too.

I'm choosing neither career nor motherhood.

I'm living my life. I'm enjoying my work, but it's just a job - it's not meaningful outside of providing money and being a generally rewarding experience. Yes, I've worked hard to get where I am and still have more work to put in.

But I did not choose it over anything else. I have been fortunate enough to be able to choose and delve into a career I find interesting and rewarding.

[Jamie05rhs]

Since 7? Is that when you stopped playing with dolls?

[Smoke-n-Growls]

Never played with dolls. Except to rip the heads off of barbies and cut my neighbour's dolls hair.

I liked plushies and, like, puzzles and science kits as a kid.

Dolls and shit didn't really interest me. I wanted those electric kids' Jeep things and new sleds and stuff.

[Jamie05rhs]

@Smoke-n-Growls Okay; cool!

[malwins]

I wish I’d get sterilized before the time came

[Apple1996]

Didn't feel pressured. Always wanted to be a stay at home mom so that's what I'm doing. I love staying home and caring for my babies everyday. Maybe when my kids are older I'll work but still trying to decide that since my hubby can retire at 39. I would like to spend time with him without either of us working.

[Jamie05rhs]

Wow. 39? That's awesome. There are so many things that you guys can do at that point. The sky is the limit! You can start a business or a nonprofit organization or a community foundation. I say dream big!

[Jamie05rhs]

I mean after you take a couple of years off, of course. The first priority would be just spending time together as a couple with no other obligations.

[Apple1996]

@Jamie05rhs yeah he might stay working a little longer like till all our kids have graduated high school after that we has some plans on starting a farm

[Jamie05rhs]

@Apple1996 That's awesome!

[Texasgal95]

Really everyone’s timeline is different I think you should enjoy where you’re at now and if that means being a working woman and waiting to have kids then so be it I hate that our society says that women have to do certain things by a certain age I’m already 27 I’m not married yet and I don’t have kids I’m not in any hurry I’m gonna have a boyfriend but we’re not in any hurry to have kids but I’d love to someday

[Dinklex3]

I personally am just focused on my career. I do not want any children.

Growing up my mom worked full time. Both my parents had full time jobs and they were ble to raise 3 children. The thought of having to choose one never came to mind. Always thought I could do both. I just don't want kids, lol.

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

I'm not a woman but both my sister never had this pressure - she's the owner of her production plant (family business) and she worked during her pregnancy up to when her baby was due.
Now she has taken maternity leave, and will be back in September.

[LazerBean]

I think we can do both. But doing both at the same time, we can never be as effective in either field as we could have been had we chosen one. For me the answer is easy. Being able to raise my children to the best of my abilities is infinitely more important than a job.

[bamesjond0069]

I would more recommend a woman focus on kids young as possible so that they are adults while she is still in prime working years, then focus on work. All the back and forth work then leave, work then leave, an old degree, that stuff is terrible to juggle both for the kids and the career. Knock out a few kids by age 22 and then get a degree when they are in their late teens and then hit a career hard at ~40 to 60. Makes way more sense. Not sure why more women don't do this.

[MzAsh]

I understand the ideal. Though, how many guys and girls are going to procreate with the right partner? Kids that age are so immature.

[Selena1987]

I don’t have children
But I always feel tired coming back home
Carrier gets most of my energy. I think couples have children, both woman and man should participate in order to grow children and solve the related problems
It’s really a difficult task if just one of them bear it

[jasmine_0603]

I don't want kids at all, so I don't have that dilemma. I guess you can have both if you want, it's just a lot of effort and hard work to be a great parent and to have a successful career at the same time. Nothing is impossible, though.

[Jamie05rhs]

I just want to say that there are a lot of scams out there that target stay-at-home moms. MLM schemes and such. I would just encourage everyone to be very wary.

[MzAsh]

Yes! That is an important point. Thank you.

[Jamie05rhs]

@MzAsh Thanks

[lillucy]

I don’t have pressure to even choose, as a Muslim woman I don’t have to work if I don’t want to. I’ll be a mother soon and I want to have an at home baking business just for fun.

[OldWorldOrder]

Maybe if America was a family-based autocratic society instead of a profit-based plutocratic society, this ridiculous dilemma wouldn't exist.

[hellomellow7]

I really don’t feel pressure towards either one. My boyfriend I think would support any decision I made. But personally I’d love to work from home while being able to be with my kids.

[Redhead999]

I think woman have put ourselves under pressure with the idea that we can have it all.

[Graci_e]

No I don’t. I’m going to own my own business - a dog breeding kennel (which can be very profitable if done correctly) and have kids at the same time.

[AsunderingNova]

That is awesome! You should do what you want to do!!!
Dont feel pressured to do anything you dont want.
Business/Family! great combination!

Mothers who don't want to be Mothers, can't possibly be good ones.

[Graci_e]

@AsunderingNova
Yep. I’d have plenty of people who would help me too - my parents, sisters, brother and grandparents. I’ll have plenty of help.

[AsunderingNova]

That is great! it is always good to have a foundation and support! Sadly I lack that in my life

Could you check out some of the questions I posted?
I am looking for advice
or just a friend.

[Graci_e]

@AsunderingNova Sure, I’ll have a look

[AsunderingNova]

thanks! hit me up sometime if you are cool with that
im trying to surround myself with friendly people.

[Graci_e]

@AsunderingNova I won’t answer those sort of questions, sorry. I’m only 16 and not comfortable with that sort of stuff.

[AsunderingNova]

Oh okay, well maybe you can explain why far more girls are LGBTQ than boys?
always wondered.

[Graci_e]

@AsunderingNova I said I won’t be answering those questions. If you’re curious, I’m sure you can find some studies that will answer that for you.

This sounds like a fetish if anything and highly inappropriate to be asking young girls about. Are you a pedophile?

[AsunderingNova]

Wooow

[AsunderingNova]

No need to be rude, or disgusting.
Just asking a female her perspective on a female thing.
Thanks :)

[AsunderingNova]

Not even sure how I could be anyways
considering im not even the age on my profile
Just like you

but whatever.

thanks for being super rude to me
Just wanted a female perspective.

bye I guess.

[Graci_e]

@AsunderingNova I’m not being rude nor disgusting, no need to be manipulative.

Don’t frame perversion in an innocent light. It’s clear as day what your intentions are and it’s not okay. I’m a minor - don’t ask minors to speak or act on inappropriate, sexual fetishes. It’s called child sexual abuse and pedophilia, and you can be put in jail for it.

You could easily ask an adult woman capable of consent, verify her age and then talk about it with her. Why me? Out of every adult on this site, why a 15yr (actually 16) girl?

This site and many others, have a real issue with sick people like you.

[AsunderingNova]

im 15 thank you

[Brittanyroseee]

HELLO FROM THE DOG COMMUNITY

[Graci_e]

@Brittanyroseee Hey : )

[historectomy]

i have heard stories about how at companies they are less likely to promote mothers because they want them to focus on work on their own time, so if anything never proritize your career cause they are just using you, put your time into yourself

[Adaeva]

I would choose motherhood over a career but the choice will be mine so I don't feel any pressure.

[Flower7]

Yes, it seems next to impossible to do well at both simultaneously.

[aialex]

Wouldn't know how I feel in the future, but right now it's an easy choice between the two.

[strawberrryprincess]

I mainly feel pressured to have a career. I truly just want to fulfill my true meaning as a woman and have children. I also wanna be a stay at home mom and never hold a career. But nowadays women are expected to juggle having a job & having children.

[Brittanyroseee]

Omg i would hate to be a stay at home mom with a crying screaming messy child 24/7😭😭😭