Society & Politics

Why does my mind freeze if I want to talk to people, especially girls?

I never had anyone like me, be my friend, or genuinely be a true friend. By like me, I mean friendship.

I am now living in Europe. Away from the United States because I want a great girlfriend in her best years of life and beauty but I also want to have a chance in life to find friends in real life and people that genuinely care about me.

Today, I went to the store on the way home from the park. I thought a guy was talking to me so I said something. I encountered a gypsy earlier so that's probably why, and he was looking in my direction when talking.

I stammered slightly but it wasn't really bad. I was embarrassed after the fact because he wasn't talking to me and his girlfriend was next to him.

Why is it that if people talk to me, it's easier?

But I also get afraid of talking on video chat and phone conversations. I am afraid I don't look good but some girls and guys tell me that I am fine, above average, or attractive. But it's my voice. I am embarrassed. I lost friends in MMIRPGs, a girl that messaged me first, and probably other potential online friends who were probably annoyed that I didn't do voice chats or video chats.

Why am I so pathetic? Most of the time though, girls don't care enough to still be my friend if I open my mouth or that's what I assume.

My I have pride but I don't have much real confidence that people will like me because of the way I am. How can anyone I genuinely believe people will accept me as a friend or a girl if she's my type to accept me as her boyfriend, if no one ever did it in the past?

It's a combination of my speech impediment and my mind freezing on the spot. I often have extreme trouble carrying a conversation in person with anyone.

It would probably take 10 meetups for me to truly begin to trust anyone. I could talk with someone online for 10 years but meeting them IRL, I would be afraid of them not liking me IRL.

What's wrong with me? Is the damage of no one being a friend or respecting me in the US too much?

Why does my mind freeze if I want to talk to people, especially girls?
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