Men are running out of dating options, what can they do to improve? (Page 2)

Question

A new Psychology Today article suggests modern dating’s higher standards for men have created more “lonely, single men” than ever, and the psychologist author of the article basically claims that men need to improve themselves and their relationship skills, or die alone.  According to PsyD, Greg Matos, because men make up about 62% of dating app users, their chances for matches, let alone successful in person meetups and eventual relationships, are dramatically lower out of the gate. He writes, “dating opportunities for heterosexual men are diminishing as healthy relationship standards increase.” The article also cites a recent Pew Research study that found men are now “more likely than women to be unpartnered, which wasn’t the case 30 years ago.” Matos says he regularly holds roundtable-like discussions with women ages 25 to 45, and hears that they “prefer men who are emotionally available, good communicators, and share similar values.”  It seems, unless men actively work on themselves, perhaps seeking out “some individual therapy,” straight women are increasingly better positioned to have their pick of other suitors who actually meet their standards.

DarkWinterNights · Answer

Men need to do this and men need to do that and it’s mens fault for these bad things. Men have fallen behind by almost every metric because our society has spent decades building up women and blaming men for all of its problems. Now that men are no longer good enough for women, it’s still mens fault and the solution is “men need to do better”. Nobody even knows what that means anymore. There is nothing remotely “equal” about this. There is no incentive for men to date. No incentive to get married or have children and there is no one to be a dad to these impressionable and lost young men and show them how to be better versions of themselves. Occasionally someone will come along like Jordan Peterson, but because he talks about the real problems he’s labeled as a misogynist and demonized. Until society as a whole and our media companies stop spreading misinformation, it will continue to get worse and worse.

U4ea0 · Answer

As the number of single men increase, so does violent behavior such as rape. Eventually, the number of men perfectly willing to commit rape is so high, the government will not be able to prosecute them. Women will eventually be unable to leave their homes without armed security guards, which of course will be men. Some of which will ne single... Society will eventually collapse.

Women in our society already have unrealistic expectations. You see women who gave nothing of value to offer demanding crazy things from men. The bottom line is these women will in the end be having sex. They just need to decide if they want to do this the easy way, or the easier way.

Avicenna · Answer

I think the fundamental problem for men in the US is that there are relatively few single women out there who don’t have one or more of the following dealbreakers:

1) Are a single mom

2) Have a large amount of student loan debt or other financial problems

3) Have psychological problems from previous relationships or suffer from mental illness

Women that don’t have those issues are rarely single unless they have impossibly high standards.

Sure, better communication and relationship skills help, but not with balancing the checkbook or dealing with a crazy person.

JayParris · Answer

The math doesn't work out with that assessment. Straight women are pickying themselves into the mid-life crisis of finding themselves alone with few hopes of settling down. It's not like men outnumber women, much less to the point where women can let a large number of men remain lonely without being lonely themselves.

I know quite a few women who are in their 30's and 40's, lonely and constantly cry about it, yet refuse to "settle" for a man who doesn't meet their stringent standards. To make matters worse, they themselves couldn't measure up to their "real man's" standards even if they could find one (but that's just because of societal beauty standards so its men's fault).

You ladies are being programmed. And yet here we see the perfect example of pointing the finger at men for not being good enough instead of addressing the unrealistic expectations women have of men.

findacure4wokeness · Answer

For many men such as my self I found that living your life around trying to please a woman is a stressful chore that I can do without. I want to live my life doing the things I like to do. Why would I try desperately to improve myself to help me obtain something I don't want? Men hate commitment for a reason so maybe women need to learn how to keep a man happy and perhaps she could find a 1 in 100 single guy that still wants to be married, She may need to be flexible on his IQ level though. No smart man looks to put himself at that type of risk.

MrBadd · Answer

Most of these guys just have no common sense, and it’s hard to help them because they rarely ever listen to good advice.

For many people, including some women, they prefer not to improve themselves. They feel like that’s unfair and that the opposite sex should love them just the way they are, and if not, the opposite sex or “society” is entirely to blame.

It has never been easier to get laid than it is today. All you’ve gotta do as a man is not be out of shape, not dress like shit, not ask the same boring interview questions that every other guy asks a girl, and just have a pair of balls.

The author of the article is speaking about online dating - most guys on there are only there because they have no idea how to talk to women face to face.

Chazmatazz269 · Answer

Ell oh ell! It’s no surprise that someone is still peddling this nonsense. Unfortunately, they’re going to go hungry because only women are buying it.
Men are lonelier, for sure. But what we need to work on isn’t our value to women, it’s our value to ourselves and each other.
Men are not more likely to be single. Women outnumber men. So if everyone paired up heterosexually, there would inherently be more single women. Unless women are resorting to polygamy where men are not, that’s simply not possible. How many quality women do you know that are willing to share a man at all, let alone a quality man? Ell oh ell!
It’s also important to note that anyone who holds “round table type discussions” with only one sex, is getting only about one-third of the whole story. Anyone who would publish that third without denoting incomplete and inaccurate information is a charlatan.

LindsayR07 · Answer

The biggest pieces of advice I can give to a man are these:

Intelligence is sexy. If you can make me want to lick your brain, you'll win me over. This doesn't mean you have to be right, but instead be obviously willing to be wrong so you can learn more.

Care about your appearance. You don't have to be Shemar Moore, but if you don't care enough to brush your hair before you go out, then thats sad. If you can't respect yourself, how can you respect me?

So not bring your phone to dinner unless you're a dr

stark04 · Answer

Since everything has gone online. It was better when there was only one option, get your ass up and ask them out, These dating sites, apps, social media have killed the confidence of walking towards anyone and ask them out. Back than it was simpler, you ask them out and they would say Yes/No, nowadays most of us lack the confidence of doing things face to face.

If you like someone, just ask them out. Here's what will happen, 1) They'll say Yes or 2) They'll say No, they are not going to stab you with knife or shoot you. It's very simple just smile and ask, "Hi. Do you wanna go out with me? For a coffee, movie or dinner?" It's not creepy or funny or fancy, it's just simple and elegant with only two possible outcomes, Yes or No.

SlangSlayer · Answer

It's not that big of a deal.

Natural selection is happening people need to get over it.
Some men don't deserve happiness with a mate.

They can't out-compete females let alone the men. Talking fincically or physically
Or don't wanna date the females post wall.

If we really believe we are animals then the weak inferior genes are not being reproduce

I actually respect some of these men not dating women they don't want.

I suggest flying out the country and date or have sex over there where you can come.

We all know women don't really care about you unless you are attractive to them.

Shamalien · Answer

Modern women are on crack. They think being part of some harem os equivalent to them getting a relationship. I cannot tell you how many stories I’ve heard of women “dating” men who are actually just using them for sex and sleeping with other women. For a woman to find a faithful partner in this day and age is just as rare as it is for men, because for every woman in a relationship with a man, there must be a man. It’s 1:1. The only way you get past that logic is if a woman is in a harem (which many are).

your logic sucks mz.

Rangers · Answer

Decency, family and loyalty need to come back.

We have every advantage over people in the 1860s, we're making more than 10× what they were inflation adjusted, far less crime, more opportunities, slavery, segregation and systemic racism are long over, the only bad part is a ton of regulations came about since then.

Yet we can't even stay in the home when we chose to be irresponsible and ended up creating life to take care of them. We can't make a marriage work, we can't build bridges to our political opponents, and we can't mind our own damn business, always thinking about how we're going to make life hard for people who disagree with us.

It's long overdue that this all stops and we start being decent people again

Truthatanycost · Answer

Single does not = lonely. I have no plans of dating or getting into relationships. I bet that article completely ignores the massive numbers of men that are single and perfectly happy. dating apps are a scam... any man still using them needs to have his head scanned.

Ghostluck · Answer

Well then I just must be attracting the wrong types of females, because they absolutely need to work on themselves and up their A game. I'm single right now, fresh out of a horrible relationship. I plan to stay that way for a very long time. I may even CHOOSE to die alone. That's how bad my experiences are with women. The only good women I have ever known were simply friends with benefits. The second you start a real relationship with them, their true self comes out and it's completely hideous.

So pretty much, that article you read doesn't seem to come from somebody who is based in reality. It's a completely one sided view. Maybe PEOPLE need to up their standards, and not just men. Because women are pretty damn trashy too.

madgoat · Answer

It's a competitive market. Less women, more men.

You can either improve yourself, your offering to women and compete with other men for the rare resource.

Or you can focus on yourself, building a life that please you, and step away from the meat market.

Seems to me there's more potential in the former but it's riskier, but the latter has more power and control.

Keepitanomonous · Answer

I think the question should be if they care. Womens standards are raising but they raise to an extent where anyone wouldn't be able to reach it. Social media and women's day celebrations have made some women think of themselves as above everything. And at that point why should anyone even try?

anon1903 · Answer

It has many exceptions. Not every person who's single is "lonely" or "yearns for a relationship". I say one has to improve themselves, lower their standards, be more accepting if and only if they're looking for a relationship... If not, nobody has to change. I respect these studies but in exam I've written short notes on it, research psychology, how some studies tend to be narrow-minded or one sided.

blueonblack22 · Answer

I just like how this article says:

yes we acknowledge there are higher standards for men (but not for women)
if you are a guy it’s tough luck. If you are a woman just continue to embrace your advantage.

But this is NOT a zero sum game. Mother Nature intended to bound men and women together for companionship and reproduction. Modern feminism makes women miserable and unhappy in the long run.

MuddyMole · Answer

I find it odd how this article is saying it's just a problem for men. Given that there are an equal number of men and women, a roughly equal proportion of them are heterosexual (c.90%), and women typically prefer men their own age or older - who exactly are all the women dating, if not men?
What's the difference between a man who uses a dating app but fails to find any decent women, and woman who doesn't bother using a dating app because there aren't any decent men on them anyway?

dustybiker · Answer

If something isn’t working a person needs to change/adapt to trying new angles. Hold far less beliefs learned through others and not personal experiences. Behaving better. Bringing less baggage along. Looking at self and realizing they wouldn’t want some of those issues in another either.

Men are running out of dating options, what can they do to improve? (Page 2)

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