Bullying and narcissism?

[Cats-and-video-games]

Im 34 and i've dealt with shit from people my entire life, I believe it stems from my upbringing and lack of self esteem. I seem to be an unfortunate magnet to abusive people no matter how normal or tough I try to look. I got to a point where I had enough of it and started calling out peoples behaviors however and asking them why they're behaving like this? It feels good and a lot of time they give me horrified shock when they realize im not going to bend over and grab my ankles anymore.

I would normally insult someone rude or disrespectful but it tends to worsen the situation so I stopped doing that, and its only recently I stopped trying to be nice in the hopes they might back off a little, but it seems some people truly do, not, give a fuck about being nice or a good person, they made that decision a very long time ago.

So I was wondering, how do you guys handle people like this? Do you do what I started doing? Maybe tell others whats going on, or is there a better method with handling shit people? Thanks

[Orange85]

Only had 2 serious relationships. And Briefly dated many men. Most of them a confident, charming, full of energy and slot of fun. That’s why I fell for them. Fast forward into the relationship I see they are extremely selfish and can’t be bothered with my feelings (esp if they hurt them) my first husband was controlling and abusive in every form. Toward the end. Lasted 5 years. This boyfriend i recently had was low key abusive by playing with my feelings and trying to make me fall in love. When he had no intention. Of actually loving me. I broke up with him then 2 days later he called my parents and asked them to talk to me. that was weird. But I took him back and a few weeks went by we were together everyday. I picked up his phone thinkin it was mine but it said u have a tinder match. Long story short I broke up with him the first time bc he was playing and being manipulative. So when we got back together I thought everything was good. But he just rubbed all these women In my face. Adding slutty dresses girls on fb. He just wanted to play with my feelings. He said you shouldn’t have broke up with me. No I should have never gotten back with you. Moron. The only thing u can do is change yourself. Learn why u do certain things. I’m taking a break from dating to get used to being alone so I won’t settle for red flags any more

[Anonymous]

You get out of life what you put into it. Act like a jerk and will attract other jerks. That is usually how it works.

[Death_To_Stress]

Start by handling yourself better. There are subconscious reasons you've not prioritized your wants and needs and they likely stem from things in your early upbringing. I can totally relate. Take a look into attachment style theory. There are sites where you can take a short quiz to find out your type out of the four that are defined. It's really been a mindblower. Had me described perfectly. Same with my girl who's style is different. Can't promise you anything but it's worth a look. For everyone. Good luck

[Cats-and-video-games]

I might be co-dependent, my mother definitely was and since I knew from a very young age my father was evil I didn't want to be anything like him and started believing everything she told me

I took one of those quizzes, seems I might suffer from anxiety, i've already been diagnosed with depression so it's no surprise really

[Iron_Man]

That’s why you have to take a stand, stand up for yourself get into the gym

[Cats-and-video-games]

Good idea, now that I have money again I should definitely fight my 13 stone of flab and pack on some muscle

[Iron_Man]

Right

[Guy13]

They go together for sure !!

[Guy13]

Search the words Grey Stoning. It works but you have to be consistent and be emotionally controlled to be successful. Narcissists like Attention whether it is positive or negative. You crying is just as good as you giving them a compliment. Look it up !!!

[Cats-and-video-games]

I think you mean 'Grey rock?' It doesn't have a very high success rate sadly and both narcissists giving advice and victims of it giving advice advise against it. I think it might depend on the one we're dealing with too. The one im dealing with at the moment is a female work colleague in her 50s (I think?) who never says 'please', 'thank you', 'sorry' or even 'Hello'. The moment she sees me she's barrages me with questions like "What time are you finished?" and is always fault-finding and rude.

Honestly I think the best approach to her is letting the managers and other colleagues know whats going on and to embarrass and call her out right in front of customers whenever she's doing it, that might get her to shut her fucking mouth

[Guy13]

I know it as Grey Stoning and it worked with the Narcissist I used to deal with... Whatever. grey rock works too.

[Guy13]

Mine was a sociopath and it was really evident at funerals or graduations have to copy and use cues of others to know how to behave. It was frightening for awhile ;-)

[Cats-and-video-games]

I might use it as a last resort, ill try letting the people im working with know whats going on, hopefully they hate her just as much as I do and offer their support. The place I work has various different roles and tasks and she seems to only do some of the cleaning where the customers are, she never works the night or morning shifts thankfully so I don't even see her 90% time I work there and luckily I am starting to get a little popular and proving my capability, im guess im worried about people like her destroying and ruining my success again, i've been in situations like that before, did nothing about it hoping they'd just leave me alone and it never works, they end up ruining/destroying my success one way or another BECAUSE, I didn't threaten them or make it clear they weren't getting away with it

[Avicenna]

It almost always pays off to stand up to bullies