Is it OK to dislike my partners tattoo artist/friend?

[Anonymous]

My girlfriend has a tattoo artist/friend that she wants me to meet as she gets a lot of tattoos from her every so often. I said I don't really want to meet her as we disagree on certain things.

The issue is that her friend runs a tattoo studio which is all about women empowerment, all of her tattoos are about feminism and she only employs female tattoo artists. She only brings in female artists as guests and is all about being open about everything without being sexualised.

See I disagree entirely here... I don't disagree with feminism but I do disagree with not having a place where its a mix of people of all genders, where tattoos are about meaning without making it about feminism, where work is work and being open without being sexualised that's good and all, just do it in your own time, at events, protests, not in the workplace.

I'm sure I'll get some disagreements, but I don't think I can meet someone with opposing views on it. Any advice?

[sunflower00]

I mean if she has her own business she can run it if she likes, and tattoos about feminism are very meaningful to some people.


This doesn’t mean you have to agree or like her necessarily though. But I would advise that you do meet her for the sake of your girlfriend, and it’s not like she’s an evil criminal. Sure you have opposing views, but if you keep the conversation away from that topic I’m sure you could get on ok? She’s not really done anything wrong so in my opinion it’s a little extreme to not want to meet her at all or have anything to do with her when it might put your partner in an awkward situation

[Asker]

Not sure if it's wrong to meet someone who while... makes tattoos/only gives females a chance... and tattoos which are about positivity of women, while others have sentences/words such as don't touch me... and the feminism tattoos being made by the artist due to a bad experience with a guy... I honestly disagree and think it's OK to not want to meet someone who's tattoos are labelling men as being anything worse than woman... I mean employing only woman and not a single guy due to a bad experience with one or two guys is completely ridiculous... and even if she does own it, it should be inclusive. Not geared towards not employing men or having a biased toward them. That's the whole point of equality, regardless of gender. Multiple workplaces a while ago had many issues due to women not getting included/being paid equally. Lots of places have tried to sort it out. A few need to be fixed still, but then why does it make it right to have a female only ran business on the other side?

[sunflower00]

I think the reason women weren’t given equal opportunities in certain jobs is because they were seen as stupid/not logical/weak etc. and they weren’t in ‘male only’ spaces.

Unfortunately sexual assault, harassment, rape is something that happens to both men and women and it’s disgusting, however it does happen to women on a much larger scale. This is why there are some ‘safe spaces’ for women who have a genuine fear of men, so they can feel comfortable after either being raped, assaulted, harassed or in an abusive relationship and so on. Kind of like how people want to open female only gyms for a safe space to work out without being stared at, harassed by men, or for people with maybe a fear of this to feel comfortable and safe. Of course we know that not all men are evil and they aren’t ‘less than’ women, but as a woman after being treated like ‘less than’ compared to men, it could be fine to have a female only space.

Again, it doesn’t mean you have to like her, agree with her ideas, or her business. But she’s really not done anything wrong…she’s giving tattoos that people want to them. It’s the customers who want the tattoo and they are allowed to have feminist tattoos. It’s not like they’re tattooing evil things?

What kind of tattoo does she have that labels men as worse than women? I’m curious to know how extreme it is?

There’s male only spaces like clubs and things where they degrade women, this isn’t much different.

Also, just to add, I think equal opportunities matter and that men should be able to have the same job opportunities as women, but if a woman comes in to get a tattoo she should be able to choose who does it (whether it’s the male staff or the female staff) kind of like when you’re at the doctors, I’d probably be uncomfortable with a male doctor performing any kind of exam down there due to past experiences and would request a woman which is ok. But I don’t think you’re issue is actually the employment thing, I think you dislike…

[sunflower00]

The fact that her views of feminism and empowerment are different to yours or something you don’t like.

You don’t have to like her at all and you don’t have to agree with her, but think about your partner and the position it puts her in for something that isn’t THAT important.

I don’t like some of my partners friends. Some of them say sexist and racist things, act like children and have different views to me but I can still be civil and will be nice to them and go along if I’m invited for my boyfriend’s sake

[Asker]

No.. I disagree yes with her views... as I see that everyone should be treated equally... there was a massive lack of women in the tattoo industry for a while for exactly the same reason on the other side. Things started to equal out and there is now a mix of women and men, I think it's unfair from either stand point of being any gender to have any male/female only ran places. If its about not being sexualised/tattoos having meaning and being equally open for everyone to have them. Then making a female only run tattoo place, which cuts out men is just ridiculous and yes I wouldn't like anyone regardless of views that is willing to do that. Saying it happens to women on a larger scale I don't agree with either... it happens to everyone. It should be treated exactly the same, equally and taken just as serious for each and every person. Not just campaigned more due to women having more issues with it. In general any rape case regardless of gender should be campaigned for the same.

I disagree with feminism in that type of context/how it's being used and yes those men only clubs I disagree with and need to be opened.

As for your partners friends saying sexist/racist things... you might be nice to them but if you simply don't say anything. All you are doing is validating/not speaking up about the issues and letting them know it's OK to be sexist/racist. Regardless if it was my own friend/someone I met or partners friend, if it was sexist/racist in any form I'd speak up.

[sunflower00]

Of course any rape or assault should be taken just as seriously no matter who the victim is, I was just meaning it does happen to women more often and almost every woman has some kind of experience with it. Also, quite often, men who are victims have also been assaulted by men. Of course not every man is a rapist or will assault someone though, but it is true that it does happen more often to women. (But I totally believe it’s a huge issue that happens to both people and is just as wrong and serious either way, and male victims are treated really unfairly in most cases which is so wrong).

I don’t say anything to his friends when I’m there because they don’t say that stuff in front of me, and I’m not going to start an argument out of nowhere.

You are allowed to not like this girl but why not just be civil and deal with her for a while so your partner doesn’t have to put up with you both arguing or being awkward?

[SnowedIn]

@sunflower00 said it really well. I can't add anything to what she said. What I what to highlight and underline with thick lines is that this is for your girlfriend. If she wants you to meet her friend, you do it to make her happy. You're not sacrificing what you believe in, you're not agreeing with the tattoo artist, you're meeting you're girlfriend's friend and in the process showing her that you value her.

[boggboss]

Are u not capable of agreeing to disagree why are u not able to just keep things respectful not like u need to be her friend

[hubb1e]

You should try to meet her, she might not even be as bad as you think.

[Asker]

I've met her before the conversation just ended up moving onto talking about being open about her sexuality. Complained about men and men she met in general being a certain way towards her and then about tattoos

[hubb1e]

Oh, well. As long as her friend is not messing with your relationship y'all should be fine, just be respectful. If you're really bothered by it, you should just find someone better.

[msc545]

You probably need to meet her (if you can be civil) to avoid problems with your girlfriend. But also - ask yourself why it is that your girlfriend is so insistent on forcing this.

[Anonymous]

Her tattoo artist friend is garbage for obvious reasons, and the fact your girlfriend is friends with her is a huge red flag.

[Anonymous]

Sure, but for the sake of your girlfriend, do your best to get along with her friend.