Post military effects on relationships?

[Anonymous]

Is it possible that being in the army could lead to some unhealthy relationship patterns such as emotional dependency?

[BCA6010]

I suppose it's possible, but everyone I knew got more emotionally detached, if anything.

The worst, most consistent thing I saw was that a military spouse finds out they underestimated how often and long their husbands would be gone for not just deployments, but even field training exercises that could last anywhere from a couple days to over a month, plus ~9 months deployed not long after a 1-month rotation at either NTC or JRTC. This resulted in surprisingly high numbers of wives and girlfriends cheating on their soldiers, which in turn caused the other soldiers to be suspicious of their own wives, and that wedge often broke through slowly over time. I only know of two soldiers from my company who got married and are still married to the same woman today, plus thirteen (that I know of) who got divorced while I was there, and almost every staff sergeant or higher was either divorced or on their second (or even third in one case) marriage.

[Asker]

Thank you for sharing

[BoopBoopBeep]

I've found other vets are typically the opposite. We spent our careers in situations where we only have ourselves/small group to count on. There's far more emotional detachment than dependency. I'm accused of being emotionally unavailable all the time when really I just don't care about whatever petty shit I'm supposed to get emotional about because it isn't a case of life/limb/eyesight.

Why do you ask? Perhaps more details could result in a more productive conversation for you.

[Asker]

Thank you for answering me.

I am asking because I met a guy a month ago when I was abroad, and we've been talking. However, it seems that he formed some extreme emotional dependency and attachment to me and was having a mental breakdown when I said I can't pursue this due to cultural/political situation and religious differences (other than his behaviour).

He was genuinely distressed and crying on the phone, and I thought that maybe he has some problems from when he served in the military. He only came out of it a year ago and was fighting terrorism for 2 years.

[BoopBoopBeep]

No, I don't think so. Likely he's just a p_ssy. Looks like you dodged a bullet on that one. Where was he deployed? Most of the last two years has been a lot calmer than previous times.

Actually, I reread your post. It's been a month. I'm sure you're super swell and everything, but nobody's going to have that effect on me after a month. I think my assessment of him is even more correct now.

[In_Trance]

Terrible affects

[Asker]

Could you please elaborate?

[In_Trance]

there's nothing I can elaborate on here that a quick Google search won't provide; and you can read at your own pace

[Asker]

I was asking for personal experiences, there is a difference between a general article and someone's personal input.

Anyway, you don't have to if you don't feel like it ;)