Were you the bully or the bullied? Should more be done to stop it?

Question

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I'm honest about it. When I was in elementary, I joined the pack mentality, talking about the kids everyone bullied behind their backs. I may have never said it to their face, but I definitely did it behind their back because I wanted to fit in I suppose. When I went to my new school, which could best be described as a future prisoner recruitment center, I was the bullied. Ironically I was in a honors program and was bullied for being smart...by the other smart kids also in the same class. I literally didn't get it and when I pointed that out, things, well, did not get better for me. My locker was vandalized, if we were watching a movie in class, I had stuff thrown at me, I was called all kinds of names constantly, and I was miserable. Cried a lot during that year and was very depressed because I actually loved school, but I couldn't even focus.

Luckily when I broke down to my parents, they got me into an entirely new school where all was right with the world again, had plenty of friends, and I say, I blacked that year out of my memory. You live and you learn though, because at my new school there were kids who were bullied and I made it a point to stand up for them or eat with them at lunch or just talk to them so they didn't feel so alone. I later went to a really strict college prep high school, one of the best in the state, and country, with an extreme zero tolerance policy. You couldn't fight, you couldn't bully, as they were tough on it, either granting you automatic weekend detentions or at worst, automatic removal from the school. I can only recall maybe 1 or 2 people who were really ever bullied, but people were quick to point out consequences and it usually stopped, but mostly everyone was cool with everyone which was something I'd not experienced before ever at any school. I loved it, and I loved that if something did happen, there were actual consequences.

Screenwriter · Accepted Answer

I disliked anyone who picked on anyone else. Some of the nicest kids were shy and small. I befriended those I liked. Had a broad swath of friends: tough, sweet, gay boys, fat, skinny, fun girls who weren't too bright. Mom told me to be tolerant of people's differences. I tried to live by this as a kid and through my adult life, too.

Means I've had a great collection of interesting friends. Bullies are angry kids. It's terribly sad. My son was bullied. I gave him advice, he was a small boy, about a kid who was constantly saying he was a girl! He had long curly hair and wore colorful clothes that were unisexy. This little boy wore navy, dark red, green. He looked like a tiny older man.

After the teacher didn't seem to be able to handle the situation, and I mean several incidents, I finally told Alex, (this was Preschool!!!) "If this kid says you're a girl again, pull down your pants and show him you aren't!"

I was WAITING for Alex to say his teacher wanted to see me, but NOTHING came of it and the kid stopped. So maybe he DID show him his particular parts. But, in some cases, you have to remove your kid from the situation if adults don't handle it.

Bullying shouldn't be tolerated. It's true, there are usually some asshole kids born of asshole parents, but ALL of them need to be taken to task and forced to attend sensitivity training. Kindness greases the wheels of the world. Bullying is the path to wars in the long run.

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

I was a bully victim from Middle school -High school I went on a strict diet lost all kind of weight and in my early life I started getting low blood sugar, male low hormonal disorder, hair loss, high blood pressure, later diabetes, osteoarthritis

wolfcat87 · Answer

I was never a bully through high school and middle school. I read a book that talked about how a kid got angry at a bully and finally snapped and beat them with a baseball bat. They ended up in a wheelchair for life. The guy never forgave himself for crippling the bully. I had this intense fear of hurting other children even though I was always large for my age. So, I didn't mind playing too rough when not in anger or actually trying to hurt anyone, but intentionally hurting anyone in a premeditated way was physically impossible for me.

That being said, I had one heck of a temper when pushed. My mom and nana were very physically abusive at home. Then, I'd go to school and be bullied and beaten even more. There were days when I say red and beat them back pretty well. Never got into trouble, because I was a book worm and teacher's pet. Teachers knew it was nearly impossible to get my nose out of a book without force, and I always avoided other children my age. So, it was easy to see I wasn't interested in causing issues. I told teachers that I will never start a problem, but I will finish it.

For example, one time in elementary school a kid grabbed my backpack, swung it around, and hit me in the spine. The sharp corner of a textbook is what hit me with all the impact. I screamed in pain and just saw red after that. I vaguely remember screaming this blood curdling scream while throwing desks and chairs everywhere. I got pushed down a flight of concrete stairs. Was jumped by a group of boys, thrown down, beaten, stomped on, hit with a brick, etc. The worst I ever really did was spit on a bully's face through the school bus window as we drove away and everyone watched. It was worth it, and she attacked me later. She was already planning to though, she'd been stalking me trying to starts fights because I was the easiest target and she thought it would make her look better. The schools there did not care if kids fought. The only punishment was a 15 minute time out in the same room as the other kid you fought with. Incredibly ineffective. They did this because suspensions were not effective either. They should have had ISS though.

In middle school I was in a different state where fighting had a one strike rule. So, actual fighting was rare. Bullying still happened, and I mostly just ignored it. I think I was in the 8th grade when these girls behind me thought it was hilarious to reach forwards and slap my headphones off. Every day... My "crock pot temper" has a prep time of about 6 months. So, they just kept at it and kept laughing all year. A bunch of kids in the back of the bus were bullies and always make me the butt of their jokes too. So, they were taking away the one thing keeping me calm and making the bus ride bearable. One day I just snapped. One of them slapped my headphones off, and immediately I just whipped around and backhanded one of them full force in the face. Didn't even know I had it in me. Everyone on the bus froze for a moment. Then the girl started wailing, her best friend started crying that she was so sorry and that she had done it so why did I hit her friend. Her friend was pissed at her. The bullies in the back of the bus started cheering me on and laughing and celebrating. The bus driver made eye contact with me in the mirror and just nodded approvingly and kept driving.

A number of kids gave me advice about dealing with bullies in elementary and middle school. It was mostly fight back because a person who refuses to fight is an easy target. I didn't feel like it. But, in high school I decided to do things differently. I conformed a little more, made way more friends, etc. I went on this whole kick about doing the opposite of what I would normally do in every situation just to get the experience. It worked. I got pretty popular, but due to refusing to kiss any butts people either loved me or hated me. There wasn't much in between. Most thought positively of me. Which, according to the prom queen and other popular girls, had always been the case. Apparently, I had just been coming across as stuck up and not wanting anyone else to bother me when I was younger.

Anyways, I learned new ways to deal with bullies in high school that should be taught to kids in general. Teaching them to my kids made them popular, and no one bullies them.

If you have more friends than them, as well as more popular and likable friends than them, people are afraid to make you an enemy, because all of your friends also become their enemies.

Next, if they say something to bully you, just make them incredibly uncomfortable with your response. Make them the butt end of a joke or imply they are too obsessed with you.

Show no fear and never back down. Don't let them get away with anything. A friend's sister tried to lie about me and spread rumors around the school after being backstabby. I ran into her in the hallway right before classes let out. Confronted her, and kept her talking until the bell rang and as the halls filled up. Then, I started yelling the exact details of what had actually happened in front of about 200 kids in the hallway. People paused to listen. She was mortified and humiliated, and the whole school knew what actually happened within a day. She steered clear of me after that and never told another lie about me.

Which brings me to, be one of the centers of the school rumor mill. I took a vow of honesty in high school. So, people knew if a rumor came from me it had been checked properly for accuracy with the people it was actually about. Never spread anything malicious about others. A few people tried to spread rumors about me, but it always got back to me right away because people felt comfortable coming to me, saying what was said, and asking if it was true. I always answered honestly even if it might be used to make me look bad. No shame in my game.

I spread one lie for one day, and it was about myself. A girl was annoying me because she wanted my boyfriend, so I went to the other two biggest centers of the rumor mills (The Twins) and asked them to help me spread the lie to get that girl to chill. They laughed and said sure. The lie was, "[My Name] has told her friends that if [her name] doesn't meet her outside [a certain school door] by 5 minutes after school lets out and apologize profusely for her bad behavior, then [my name] is going to beat her to a pulp in front of everyone." I figured that it was the one time I could play my skin color card and possibly scare someone into thinking I'm a real threat. It worked! She was there right after school let out and apologized profusely in front of everyone. I said thanks, and we both moved on with our lives.

Now, as an adult, I can be a bit of a bully and brat if I'm dealing with someone really obnoxious online or in person. I go for the throat. It's not even intentional. It's just an instinctual reaction to anyone who annoys me and thinks it's cute to be rude to others. My response is to give them a taste of their own medicine but worse and more effectively. Find the weak spot and go for it full force. I'm good at it too, it's scary. I don't even like doing it. So, it's best to stay on topic and keep to the facts in a debate. That's being said, someone's got to do it. Maybe not to my degree, but I learned over a lifetime that ignoring rude people and bullies just enables them. Reasons why I would never be a psychiatrist.

There's no way to get rid of bullies. If it were possible, it would have been done. What happens instead is that bullying evolves. You can make schools with minimal physical bullying, and that should be the rule everywhere. But, verbal bullying is tricky. Anything not agreeing with someone can be seen as bullying by some people. That's excessive and stunts individuality and critical thinking. I've seen friendly jokes and friendly behavior reported as bullying because the person reporting it chose to interpret it that way. You can restrict certain words from being used and certainly ideologies from being spread, but you'd have to be specific. Being specific may stop the worst, but bullying would still be there.

Anti bullying campaigns have helped. Painting bullies as uncool has helped. Teaching children to go to an adult or family member for help if someone is making them uncomfortable has helped. Even better is teaching children the tools to deal with bullies on their own. Most of the world isn't going to be some perfectly controlled environment where there won't be bullies. They need the tools to deal with that on their own. That can include both the mental tools and physical such as self defense.

My kids work out, they have large friend groups and are popular, they know two forms of martial arts. They know how to joke back at a bully and have everyone shun them until they behave better or leave them alone. They can handle it on their own, and everyone needs that.

ShadezMcgee · Answer

I was the one who got bullied. I don't like it and hated it happening to me, but unfortunately I see it as a necessary evil. It teaches people who are bullied how to take action against them be it talking to adults about the bullying they are receiving or squaring up and punching the bully in the face as hard as you can.

That is what it is at the end of the day. Telling the adult only stops it temporarily if they take action and it just come back more amplified. The only way to stop the bully is to fight them because at the end of the day, they either know or think you won't fight back and they want to see what you are made of.

That's how I fixed my issues with them. When they know you will throw hands and fight back, they tend to stop. Just need one clean hit, preferably a nose break or a good punch to the throat.

TheorionMage · Answer

As firstborn of a Pacifist, was raised: "Good boys don't fight" life then taught that "Good boys don't START fights; but can.. and DO finish them DECISIVELY" to deter subsequent bullying and come to the 'rescue' of others bullied.

Post military obligation became a municipal police patrolman--- "to protect & serve"
Can't entrust your PERSONAL safety to hypocritical societal 'authorities' like school teachers, ... Nuns, ... school administrators. Taught pragmatic women's self defense in college; a mix of Judo and Akkido... FULL potentially-crippling contact, NOT sparing.

Under stress, muscle memory reverts to what you've practiced~

Hawkes_Lady · Answer

I've been bullied all my life because I was and am fat. Being bullied has emotionally and mentally suppressed and stunted me because my only defense against the bullies was to withdraw further and further into myself, trying to make myself as invisible as possible. The abuse and hurtful things that the bullies did to me all my life also changed the way I see myself, so when I look at myself all I see is the fat ugly cow that they yelled at me every time they saw me. It is very hard to change the way you see yourself when you've been tormented with it for your entire life.

Katebfun · Answer

wow 91% were bullied, I'm suprised by that number TBH. I was bullied in school and in the workplace. Women are difficult at times to work with, they have the power to ruin your reputation. Men fight it out physically which seems so much better. Women will gossip, lie and be a mean girl. This can take a toll on your mental health. Stadning up to the Bully is the only way to go. Years ago there was a Receptionist gal, that was fron the hood with an edge to her. I finally put her in her place and called her out and since I did she never bugged me again. How can one stop it, if you tell teachers in school there is only so much they can do. Honestly that might put a bigger target on the one that speaks up and asks for help from "adults"

AngryCarl2 · Answer

My ratio of bullied to bullying was like 9/1. I was always the weak nerdy kid in school. If you bully someone you're making them a bully. Bullies are kids who got bullied by their parents. Remember kids, always pick on someone weaker than you. If they fight back it's not any fun.

andreasderjuengere · Answer

I was the one in between. Very few guys had tried to bully me.

And - typical for Germans - they faced total war. But only once, each time.

Untypical for Germans... I had won these 'wars' ... :D

Having had settled the issues with idiots, I then proceeded to only ''part-time-bully'' those who annoyed me first. Which rather is self defense and (''Americans'' will know this concept:) ''standing my ground''.

Make people brighter, and make 'your' culture smarter - then nothing needs to be done to ''stop this''.

JacobJordan · Answer

I was the bullied. I did all the right things to get it to stop. talked to teachers nothing. talked to parents nothing. talked to the principal nothing. talked to the police nothing. finally I had to do what I had to do. I put one in the hospital in a singular moment of extreme violence from that moment on I was left alone

aceleon · Answer

i was the bully who bullied the bullies

whenever i saw one i just beat them until they apoligized to the guy (s) they bullied

for female bullies i had a friends with benefits which was also a close friend, i made her go and beat them.

integrale77 · Answer

I was bullied and always found if you told someone it for worsenbecause you where telling on them if you didn't then it got worse because you where the easy target.

Only solution was trying to smash Lee Claxtons head through the wall after he slapped my face walking past me in the changing rooms after PE... he backed off after that!

normalice · Answer

Neither. I would have been the bullied but I went to school when mass shooters were on the rise so people just stayed away. Not that I had any inclinations in that direction but I can see why other people might have thought I was the sort that wouldn't immediately reject the very idea.

AdeleSkinas123 · Answer

I was bullied by a girl in high school. She would always make mean comments about my height because I was the shortest at my school (I'm 5'3 and she's 5'10). Literally, Everyone was like 6 or more inches taller than me. The funny thing is, is that we're really good friends now, Lol.

exitseven · Answer

I was bullied. It made me get into weight training and i got in shape. Nobody picked on me after that.

jeffend888 · Answer

It's the facts of life.

The ones who bully are the winners. The ones who get bullied are the losers. This happens all throughout life well into adulthood.

Do you know why you get bullied? Because people don't respect you.

Do you think anyone bullied Mike Tyson?

Juxtapose · Answer

I was verbally bullied but rarely physically touched and when that happened I handled my business to my satisfaction hehe. Usually I just cussed them out and let them know how worthless they are.

Fuck bullies, stand alone if you must but never surrender to them. They're usually cowards who fold under real opposition and they don't like equal opponents, only weaklings.

zagor · Answer

I was bullied. Especially in Jr. High. After freshman year of HS, not so much. Early in my sophomore year the guy who especially tormented me in Jr. High turned out to be in my math class and one day he started haranguing me before the teacher and most of the class where there. I looked at him and told him to STFU and he never bothered me after that. Wish I had thought of that a couple years before. Though it probably helped that I had grown a lot more than him.

MemeSupreme · Answer

bullied. makes me angry thinking about it lol

Heolurt · Answer

I never thought I was bullied until I started therapy, I thought being treated the way people I thought were friends was just how friends treated each other, they even gave me nicknames. It really sucked to find out I was bullied an that I never actually had friends.

Sasha0426 · Answer

I was bullied for sure. Unfortunately, bullying will never stop. In fact, parents encourage this behavior. But, they’ll get pissed if the victim does something to stand up for themselves.

AliceM611 · Answer

I was bullied for my height. If anything it taught me to stand up for myself. The whole anti-bullying thing in schools is bullcrap.

FreyaRed · Answer

Both. I changed often schools and being bullied wasn't avoidable. Children don't respect you if you're bullied but they esteem you even much less when you're incapable to bully someone else.

AaronKrieger · Answer

Both, although I did more bullying than getting bullied, but neither happened that often. It was experiences I'd have once in a while, which I think is how it goes for most people.

Anonymous · Answer

I was bullied in middle school. High school I started fighting people and wouldn't hesitate to throw the first punch. Everyone left me alone after a few fights. I also made some friends who were "popular", but I had more fun hanging out with my "loser" friends.

Apple1996 · Answer

I was bullied pretty badly from ages 8-12. It sucked

Lisia · Answer

I wasn't bullied nor a bully. But there should be more done to stop it and people shouldn't be afraid to defend other people more.

Sevenpointfive · Answer

i had 2 bullies in my life. i stood up to both of them and they never bothered me after that. it really is like being in prison. put up a fight or you're going to be harassed forever.

NathanDavis · Answer

I was the one in between... trying to stop the worst of it

Krillanr · Answer

I was the bully to the bullies. I'd goat them into wanting to fight cause much like my dad, I enjoyed a scuff from time to time. It also enraged me a bit more than was sensible to see people being messed with maliciously.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes and no. We have "anti-bullying" policies but all they do is prevent actual cases from being reported and the only people who get in trouble are the kids who fight back because it forces them to acknowledge that bullies exist despite their "no bullying" signs.

Gopnik · Answer

been on both sides of the coin, the only difference is i did something about being bullied and ended up bullying the bullies that got me into quite a few fights but i'm glad i did it.

molonski2 · Answer

Neither , I was never bullied , and I certainly was not a bully , I believe in live and let live.

Raaj4you · Answer

I was bullied in all schools but it was not worse though. I wish I had the courage to fight back. I never told my parents, they didn't know what I was going through. 2 years of high school days were the worst.

tzdc21 · Answer

Was bullied for being a "goodie two shoes" a "try hard" a skinny person, and even for my race (I'm black).

Anonymous · Answer

was lowkey bullied because i used to fat soo.. and i did sometimes bully other people but barely. really just if everyone else was because i wanted to fit in better and be cooler

LiamJHayden · Answer

Neither. We mostly went through school together from K to graduation and those of us who were bigger or tougher protected the smaller and awkward ones because were lifelong friends.

AnusNdaPainus · Answer

I was viciously and relentlessly bullied by girls  through elementary, middle school and highschool  Now I have a severe BDSM fetish

Mangospacho · Answer

Come on, bullied ones. We outnumber the bullies 8 to 1. It’s time we rise up and finally overthrow the bullies.

eidkejeodnx · Answer

I was bullied and most of my classmates are still bullying me but I don’t care

TacosRAwesome · Answer

I was bullied. Probably being more social etc would have reduced it a bit.

Carina0 · Answer

I was bullied in the middle school. A few guys assaulted me physically and emotionally

Staximus · Answer

I was neither. I fought the bullies and kicked their asses for picking on my friends

Willoughby23 · Answer

We all picked on each other tbh. If someone said something to me I said something back. That was my experience.

Anonymous · Answer

Bullied. Yes lot of people don't take it seriously enough

LaFemmeFatale_1 · Answer

I was not bullied, nor did I bully anyone.

MoonlightShadow1111 · Answer

Neither, I was just there lol.

ThrillSeeker01 · Answer

I was the bullied. By girls and boys.

TiaNour · Answer

I never was bullied or was a bully

Aiko_E_Lara · Answer

Both

Anonymous · Answer

I bully the bullies

Were you the bully or the bullied? Should more be done to stop it?

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What Girls & Guys Said

I was a bully victim from Middle school -High school I went on a strict diet lost all kind of weight and in my early life I started getting low blood sugar, male low hormonal disorder, hair loss, high blood pressure, later diabetes, osteoarthritis

Were you the bully or the bullied? Should more be done to stop it?

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What Girls & Guys Said

I was a bully victim from Middle school -High school I went on a strict diet lost all kind of weight and in my early life I started getting low blood sugar, male low hormonal disorder, hair loss, high blood pressure, later diabetes, osteoarthritis

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