Should I keep lending my coworker or I can say supposedly a friend as everyone says money when ever she needs it bc lately that’s what I’ve been doin?

[Anonymous]

At first it’s been little amount of money such as 20$ 30 or 50$ now those past weeks one time she asked 200 than right after that 45 for gas as she said than literally a few days past she is in need of 350 bc she got to send it to her brother in a different country he is currently in need anways I didn’t mind at first lending money bc it was occasionally now days it’s been often what should I do? Keep lending her or nicely stop it see I guess I’m a people pleaser like I will do it to be nice I mean I am nice but I don’t want to hurt people feelings but I don't know what would y’all do

Updates

5 mo

She says it’s easier to ask me than anyone

[Oliverlogan263]

Yo, that's a tough situation. On one hand you wanna help your coworker/friend, but constantly lending money isn't really sustainable. A few things I would think about:

- Set clear boundaries. Let her know you can't keep loaning money so often without getting paid back. Say something like "I'm happy to help out sometimes, but it's getting to be too much lately."

- Ask her to pay you back on a schedule. Like if she owes $350, agree on a payment plan to get it back over a few paychecks so it's not hanging over your head.

- Suggest other options like asking for an advance at work or applying for a credit card if she's in a bind long term.

- Watch out for excuses. If she keeps coming up with reasons she can't pay you back yet, that's a red flag she may not intend to at all.

- Don't feel bad saying no sometimes. You gotta take care of your own finances too. It's okay to tell her you can't loan more right now.

- As a last resort, consider the money you already loaned a loss if she completely stops paying. Don't keep throwing good money after bad.

I'd have a straight talk with her, be understanding but also stick up for yourself. Good friends don't take advantage of each other, you know? Hope it works out!

[Asker]

You right but I forgot to mention she does pay me back every Thursday in two weeks after she gets payed at work

[Asker]

It’s not paying me back that’s a problem it’s just I’m starting to think she’s taking advantage of me by always asking me to lend her money when we are not even that close of friends except at work and even than I. Feel like she uses me

[Oliverlogan263]

Ah okay, well if she does pay you back then that does change things a bit. But I still think she's taking advantage of your generosity. Yeah maybe she's not straight up using you if she returns the money, but it still doesn't sound like a very balanced friendship.

Just because she pays you back doesn't mean you have to be her personal ATM either. You're right that it doesn't seem like you're that close outside of work. To me, it sounds like she sees you as a safe option to get cash from whenever she needs it, without having to ask too many favors of her actual friends.

I'd maybe have another talk with her. Be like "look, I'm happy to help out occasionally but I can't keep lending you money all the time. We see each other at work, but we ain't that close outside of it so I feel kind of used." Maybe suggest only lending smaller amounts if/when she really needs it, instead of whenever she feels like it.

Let her know you wanna take a step back from being her go-to for cash. See how she reacts. If she gets all mad or denies using you, then draw some boundaries. But hopefully she understands where you're coming from. Just gotta put your foot down a bit!

[slatyb]

No, you shouldn't lend her money. You should never have started. Tell her that you are sorry but you cannot lend her any more money. I hope you didn't need the money you "lent" her.

[Asker]

I mean I got money saved up so I guess since she knows about that she’s prob taking Advantage of that

[ThrillSeeker01]

You need to draw the line, somewhere.

[Asker]

You might be right about that

[ThrillSeeker01]

It seems like it's gotten to the point that she always expects more and it takes it for granted

[Asker]

Maybe If she really was a friend as people think at work or she makes it seem like than she would ask me to hang out with her outside of work not just always at work but at his point I think she might be just using me

[Asker]

So like I start thinking why should I keep lending her money constantly like she’s just a coworker

[ThrillSeeker01]

You're exactly right. It's gone on long enough. Honestly you're just too kind 🙂

[Asker]

But what if she has reasonable excuses

[ThrillSeeker01]

But people who keep asking for it learn to make excuses

[Asker]

You might be correct on that hmm

[ThrillSeeker01]

It's up to you... you can decide where to draw the line