Why is it that bullies forget the incident while those bullied always remember?

[SarahS98]

I've heard of this scenario always taking place:

The former bullies suddenly don't remember the incident years later meanwhile those they've bullied mercilessly remembered every single detail even decades later.

It took place on an Oprah show too. The bullied victims were paired with their former bullies. The bullies had the typical reply of ''I'm sorry I did that but I literally don'tt remember you at all''. Why do they forget the incident while the bullied always remembers?

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't say that's ALWAYS the case.

I had a "bully" run into me 15 years. after the fact and bring up the fact that he bullied me. And I didn't remember him ever bullying me. And when I said that he said "it's OK you can admit it". And I said "I'd admit it if I knew what you're talking about". Then he had this deflated look on his face. Like he wanted to apologize. But then when he realized he really had no impact on my life, negative or otherwise. He was disappointed.😆

Then I question the sincerity of his remorse.😆

[SarahS98]

In that case then I think he was probably exaggerating and really wasn't a major bully.

[Opinion Owner]

I certainly didn't feel he was. I just thought it was weird that he seemed deflated about my response. Like I was supposed to tell him I ruined my life. Or like I was supposed to be afraid of him. I actually feel bad for him.

[SarahS98]

Then maybe he was looking for attention and friendship.

[Opinion Owner]

I suppose it's possible. Personally I think he wanted to think he had it over me. And he's deflated that not only he didn't but I didn't even consider him a bully wort remembering.

[Drew-1990]

Because I'm the end of the day they don't or didn't care. Maybe they grew up and are truly sorry but it didn't actually impact them. The bullied it has a huge impact on them. It sucks to be bullied it's a form of trauma. I was bullied I can't say I remember every detail myself but I can honestly say I remember who did it to me.

[SarahS98]

Yes exactly. Someone that really got bullied mercilessly every single day would obviously remember the bullied clearly.

[SarahS98]

"bullies

[Vesuvius87]

That's because getting humiliated and tormented every day by classmates was a traumatic and negative experience. No one enjoys (no one likes getting harassed at school; a place you're suppose to be safe and make friends) that meanwhile to the bullies, it was a fun experience tormenting others for your own selfish reasons. A ''good experience'' for them is easy to forget than a terrible memory from getting bullied.

[Anonymous]

Breakups are like emotional rollercoasters! The pain hits in waves because you're processing everything that happened. There's denial, anger, sadness, maybe even bargaining or wanting to get back together. It's all normal. Be patient with yourself. Some days will be good, some bad. Eventually, the waves will calm and you'll start healing for real.

[SarahS98]

I didn't post about breaking up. I think you got mixed up with someone else's question and answered the wrong post.

[normalice]

Food remembers why it died. The fed thinks only of its next meal.

[jahaims]

People remember negative experiences better than good ones