Should mothers proactively offer to do a paternity test so fathers don’t have to ask?

[Anonymous]

This question was inspired by another recent question from a female who was hurt because her man said he would want a paternity test if they had kids. Whether or not most people realize it, paternity fraud is very common today. Most studies have shown about one in ten children is raised by a man who thinks he is the biological father but is not.

Should it become the norm for mothers to just offer to do a paternity test without being asked, so the father is not put in that awkward position of having to asking for one or wonder for the rest of his life whether he is the actual father? It would be a gesture of love that shows she is loyal and appreciates her man’s commitment and trust and doesn’t want him to ever have a reason to question hers.

Should this become the norm? Or would women be against it to show solidarity with the many mothers who cheated and hid it from their husbands, children, and the real fathers?

Yes, this should become the norm for women to do

No, women would want to retain the ability to lie to their husbands, children and the real fathers

Other (please explain)

[MzAsh]

If it’s a mutually agreed decision, sure. Some say it should be a law but making it a law undermines trust in relationships. If you don’t trust your partner enough, then the relationship might need more than just a test to fix it. It's better to focus on building a relationship where such doubts don't exist in the first place.

[Asker]

No, what undermines trust in a relationship is a man NOT knowing whether he is the actual father, and not feeling like he can ask without getting in trouble. A mandated test would eliminate all of that, unless of course the test showed he is not the father. The best way to have trust in a relationship is someone else mandating the test. Problem solved... for everyone except any cheating mothers.

[MzAsh]

If a man needs a mandate to trust his partner, why is he sleeping with someone he doesn't trust in the first place? Trust should be a given in any intimate relationship. A law is intrusive and implies a lack of trust from the start. If there's doubt, maybe the relationship needs more work before bringing kids into the mix.

[Asker]

One in ten children is being raised by a man who thinks he is the biological father, but isn't, because the mother cheated on and lied to him. The problem is not men who don't trust women. The problem is women who don't deserve their trust.

[MzAsh]

If one thinks all women are untrustworthy because of some bad stats, maybe he needs to rethink who he's choosing to sleep with. Trust is earned, and if there's no trust, why sleep with her in the first place?

[Asker]

Tell that to the dads of the 10% - 12% of children who think they are being raised by their real father, but aren't.

You're right about one thing... trust is earned. But you seem to think that doesn't apply to mothers, only fathers.

[MzAsh]

Should everyone pay the price for the actions of a few? If trust issues are that deep, the problem isn’t solved by a mandated test. It’s a sign to rethink your choice in partners. Trust is a two way street, and it should start long before the conversation about kids ever comes up.

No one should be in the dark about their role as a parent, but creating an environment where women must prove themselves innocent is unhealthy as hell.

[Asker]

My question was not about a mandared test. It was about women being big enough to do a test without being asked. Of course, it was rhetorical because we all know women will never willingly give up their power to choose to keep secret their infidelity. That's what this is all about, isn't it.

[MzAsh]

Offering a paternity test can for sure be a gesture of good faith. But suggesting that all women would hide infidelity by default is an unfair assumption. Trust and transparency go both ways in a relationship. If a paternity test is needed to establish trust, there’s a bigger conversation to be had about the foundation of that relationship.

[Anonymous]

I think it should be standard and done routinely on every baby who’s born before a father can be put on the birth certificate or registered with the authorities (adoption, gay couples, couple having used sperm donor from a bank or such cases obviously need to be exceptions). Both for fathers to know it’s their child and for the children to know their dad is actually their dad so they don’t have to find out later in life that dad isn’t the biological dad. Maybe it would reduce cheating rate too.

[Asker]

Agreed. It would definitely reduce cheating because women would know they couldn't get away with it.

[NaultD]

Join the military because they have healthcare benefits and military hospitals. They will kick out both mother and child after a paternity test if the father isn't confirmed in the military.

You need to understand who is paying for the test. Private healthcare it dosen't matter. The government and military benefits people start caring.

[Asker]

Cost is not the issue. DNA tests are very cheap.

[NaultD]

Then what's the problem?

[Asker]

Are you mentally challenged somehow, or do you just have really poor reading skills?

[NaultD]

You sleep with thots and want a DNA test. Not that big of a deal. Maybe get some STD testing while you're at it.

Normal people don't have to deal with that.

I assumed you were to cowardly to ask for yourself and made the military the bad guy. "It's not my fault my job thinks you are a whore" when you also think your woman is a whore.

[NaultD]

Just force that test and be that guy that can't pull out. What's the issue?

[Asker]

This has all gone over your empty little jar head. Have you realized that yet, and now you're just being defensive? Or are you still as oblivious as ever?

You don't need to answer those questions. They were purely rhetorical. And since I know you'll need to Google that term, I'll save you the trouble.

www.dictionary.com/browse/rhetorical-question

[NaultD]

Rhetorical questions are for in-person reactions, numb nuts.

We are on a website that only has questions and answer of options. What reaction are you wanting from text? I'd assume you want my opinion. So here it is. Be a person with agency and control of your own life.

[Anonymous]

Paternity tests SHOULD be mandatory so men don't have to ask for one and to reduce paternity fraud and female infidelity. Paternity fraud is very common. There are so many men out there who are unknowingly raising another man's child, and so many children who will never know heir real father. It's disgusting.

[CalmUntilAbused]

It would be most splendid if they did, but let's be honest, it's not going to happen, not large-scale, at least.

[DaisyM23]

unless there's an actual reason to doubt your partner, this is incredibly disrespectful

[Asker]

Did you even read the question?