You who have a problem with trans women using the women's restroom: how do I avoid you getting mad at me about this?

[Anonymous]

Legitimately what do u want, what should I do so you don't cause a scene about me just using a public space like any other normal human? I don't pass well yet, but I don't look like a man anymore either. Strangers can tell I'm queer, but not necessarily which kind.

I have been using the women's restroom if I have my daughter with me (which I almost always do), because she's too young to go by herself and I dress clearly feminine and get called miss/ma'am more often than sir/buddy by strangers. But I don't know if that's really the safest option anymore with all the sudden surge of hate towards trans people recently...

Since my daughter is small I cannot just avoid using public restrooms when she is with me, I can't expect her to hold it if she needs to go while we are away from the house. Nothing has happened except for a couple of weird looks yet. I try not to go out at busy times so mostly when she needs to use the restroom we're alone anyway, thankfully.

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

I have 0 problem with transpeople using the bathroom that they identify with as long as there is an effort being made to transition. Like I wouldn't want a guy with a full beard and men's clothing claiming to be a woman coming into the women's bathroom, but thankfully that's gonna be rare. I'm not trying to gatekeep, it's just a safety thing.

In any case, use the bathroom that's right for you and ignore the hate you get from the transphobes.

[Asker]

I will try thanks. I'm kind of blurry on what cis people think counts as "trans enough" to be fully transitioned, but. I know the main thing to start with is hair and clothes. I just know some people are against Trans people at all and it's scary sometimes for safety yes. I wouldn't want to look any way that would scare cis women for their safety the same way I don't want to encounter anyone who hates trans people enough to scare me for my safety. It's a bad thing overall I wish it could be nicer for everyone.

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

I think that's just gonna depend on the cis person. Even in my comment, I'm not looking for dully transitioned. They don't have to fully pass in my eyes. They just have to be making an honest effort from what I can tell.

With some cis people, no amount of transitioning matters. They will never see you as a woman, and that kind of attitude is horrible. Some will even gate other cis women for not looking feminine enough. There are just horrible people in this world who are miserable and want to make everyone else around them miserable too.

I just know that if I'm ever faced with a situation where there is someone who is trans being bullied, I'm taking their side and will protect them while they use the bathroom in peace.

[Kelley1]

Typically restrooms in small establishments have locks for single person use, and in larger establishment there are individual booth for multi-people restrooms, so it is not a problem.

[Asker]

Yes it should not be a problem, but some people insist that it is. I want to avoid triggering them in case I ever cross paths with one irl with my daughter. I don't want them to cause a scene.

[Kelley1]

People complain on the internet because they can imagine all kind of things. However, in real life, people probably will not even notice you and you will not receive more than a glance unless you have full beard and dress in men's clothes.

[NamerOfStars]

Easy: you don't have to. They're not mad about you using the women's bathroom; they're mad about you violating their expectations. That can be worked around, but if you do, they'll be mad at you for exposing their hypocrisy, which will be much, much worse.

[PositiveNote]

That’s a real challenge. Face it: you are on the edge of a new universe. You’re the trail blazer. You are the one to figure out how to live in a wild, Wild West.

[Asker]

I don't want to be a trailblazer. I don't get why people can't just mind their fucking business in the bathroom of all places.

[Asker]

Thanks for seeming genuine I'm just frustrated about all this.

[sallyjoeseph]

We're on our way to single occupancy restrooms.

[Asker]

Yes but we aren't there yet unfortunately

[Sabretooth]

you just do. these are why your community need to build on your masculinity.