Why Are Men Forced To Be The Breadwinners?

Question

in other words, why can't people accept men as homemakers? Lots of women earn more than their husbands, some of them even want to be the financial pillar of the house... why can't people understand that? Why are people so obsessed with gender roles

Tarifa · Accepted Answer

Once you're in a steady relationship with joint responsibilities (i. e. kids, financial responsibilities like a mortgage...) it doesn't make any difference. Jobs come and go, you get promoted and sometimes you have to change careers.

In my case, her income is now higher than mine, as I'm working freelance and it fluctuates a lot depending on the work load in any given month. Her income is stable, but it hasn't always been that way. All in all, our income is what we make as partners and our expenses are what we spend as partners.

goaded · Accepted Answer

I lived the dream! Her hourly rate was four times mine (which wasn't peanuts), with flexible hours. We both spent every school holiday with our children, and most of the rest of the time as well.

I got tons of unearned credit simply for not starving them. You should have seen the mothers' faces when I french plaited my daughter's hair before a gymnastics competition!

ohsheeT · Answer

The only person that forced me. Was ne I moved out when I was 16 1/2. . I was all ready working at night being a dishwasher in a casino because I wanted to buy a car as soon as I got my license.

But I had to finish school .. I thought about going to college but I wasn't sure i could do it all. But after I graduated I quit working nights and started working days a friend of mine is dead. It is dad works at a car lot and i've got a job detailing card just until my other friend got situated working for his dad. That was petroleum, maintenance.

And then that's what I did for twenty six years. Back and forth two different companies then someone came up from California and gotta hold me and wanted me to go down and run his business it was petroleum maintenance too I did that for 4 years then. 1 day I walked in the office. He was sitting at my desk and he was changing all my receipt he told me.
He was losing money and I had to charge told him I was making him ninety three thousand dollars a month. So I quit that day went to work for my.
Self.
Ended up in california california came back to reno. Started a business here. But yeah I mean I would love to be a stay at home guy. I've paid all my dues. Lol. Because all I would do is invent things and build things

That's one thing I'm not afraid of this work.
I mean that's my happy time really

Chazmatazz269 · Answer

It’s fair enough that we’re allowed to make our own way in this life. Why people try to force their own ideals on others, i’ll never understand.
Unfortunately, the truth remains that regardless of how much money women earn, they still prefer a man who earns more. I’m fairly certain fewer men are as obsessed with being THE breadwinner as many women believe. However, if a woman can’t be gracious about earning more, she has no right to expect her fella to be gracious about being demeaned about making less. It’s no different than a man preferring a woman who stays home to tend the house and raise the kids, but won’t stop treating her like her contribution is less than his. Societally, we celebrate the former and condemn the latter. That’s no bueno.
In the VERY rare cases in which a woman earns more and is gracious about being the primary provider, while her fella is comfortable with being a homemaker and child rearer, everyone else should just shut the f*ck up and let them be happy.
Nobody does though. Men and women both shame people who don’t conform to their expectations. It’s sad and frustrating; especially in the age of social media.

worldscolide · Answer

Because statistically women who earn more than their husbands tend to leave their husbands at a much higher rate. It's a sad double standard. I agree with you.

The biggest motivator of divorce is almost always financial. And by financial, I mean he loses his job, she starts making more than him, she wins the lottery, and so on.

There is a saying in the marriage world.. His money is her money, and her money is her money. Statistically women don't want to be providers.

For the above to change, attitudes need to change on both sides.

TrimmedTip · Answer

Breadwinner pressure isn’t biology—it’s backwards social conditioning. Yes, hunter-gatherer roles existed, but we also used to bleed people to cure fevers. Progress means letting people choose their roles without shame.

Why the resistance?

Ego – Some men tie masculinity to paychecks.
Fear – Women who outearn threaten fragile hierarchies.
Laziness – It’s easier to follow scripts than rethink them.
The truth? Happy homes thrive on strengths, not gender. If she’s the CEO and he’s the daycare MVP, that’s winning—not weakness.

Purpleronnie · Answer

I cannot answer on behalf of all men and would never even attempt to but it’s really not accurate to suggest men are forced to be breadwinners.

You’re talking about cultural and societal norms where some may ‘feel’ pressure to provide but they have a choice.

Positive Change takes time , assuming your implying it’s even positive and there is no reason why some couples shouldn’t take the egalitarian approach if it makes sense to for them. However a man’s values and self worth through no fault of their own can be tied to being that breadwinner and this shouldn’t be ignored.

KennethNoisewater · Answer

I don’t know if my brain is interpreting this question correctly. I agree that the stereotype has always had the man going to work and the wife stays home. I do recognize that stereotype. But here is where my disconnect happens, I don’t think men are forced to be the breadwinners. I think society has set it up that way to attempt to make things easier for everyone. Keyword in the last sentence was “Attempt”. It works for some, doesn’t work for others.

Another confusing part was when you implied that even if the woman has a better paying job, the man is still forced to be the one who works. My guess would be, especially for new parents, whoever makes more will be the breadwinner if only one person can work a day. It would be silly to continue to struggle if you don’t have to…. Especially if you have a baby

Lynx122 · Answer

Most men are taught through experience or through words that they need to offer more than just their presence or affection to be accepted as a viable partner. So if they're not providing additional benefits to their partner then they feel like they're easily replaceable, not respected etc. Most mens experience in the dating market doesn't make them feel valued, like they have many options, like they can walk away and find a better relationship when they feel like it. So if there's something they can do to increase their chances they will do that even if it might not actually lead to better outcomes in the end. There are people who live completely differently and who don't follow these kind of ideas. Today there's a lot of freedom, but a lot of people also don't have the emotional capacity to deviate too far from normal. It's a difficult topic I guess :)

DonaldDarko · Answer

It's just evolution. When you can pick up an engine block it just doesn't feel like you should be a home maker some how. Men are made for hard labor and for war we're not home makers. Everything about us is geared that way. Physiology , psychology and women, they're built to birth and nurture children. It's just the way it is. There is more to it than that of course. The very resistance to the idea that exists today, that comes from nature too. Life isn't typically homeostatic, it's ever changing. I think that transhumanist ideas are a natural outgrowth of the human brain. Making machines , altering DNA that's as natural for a creature with a brain that size as weaving twigs into a nest is for a bird.

RavVid · Answer

A lot of us are very comfortable with being the breadwinner. It has a long background reaching back to the earliest days of us as a species as hunters and gathers. With men sallying forth to spear kangaroos and the women of the tribe gathering. That is a very natural division.

The division has been women around the home base and men making long expeditions. Muscle and child care make that a natural division. Aggressive tasks have always fallen to men.

Since WW2 muscle hasn't been that important. But aggression in the work place still is and men get a premium for their labor because they will negotiate more aggressively and take more risk in getting a larger paycheck.

Kelly6 · Answer

@anon1903 there is a big mentality difference.

when I guy makes good income he thinks I should start my family, find a partner and have kids and enjoy my happy life.

when a women get good high income job, she thinks that I’m independent and I should focus more on my career and progress to more high level.

this is also government doing rather then just women’s. Since school it’s been pushed in our mind, that focus on career more, become financial independent.

as of birth rate is going down, now government is realizing this is not helpful and planning to change it. Many countries are pushing to have more kids now.

Apple1996 · Answer

Just personally I've noticed that men aren't good homemakers because they won't put in effort unless they are getting paid for it. Sure they'll half ass clean the house and watch the kids to say they did it but women treat it more serious like a job. Men treat it like a vacation to sit around.

Avicenna · Answer

Well, given that two-income households are now very much the norm and very necessary, this concept of the man as the breadwinner isn’t relevant to most people.

We are just beginning to see the effects of AI on the labor market, and it may end up affecting a lot of couples.

2_beHappy · Answer

I don t think they re actually forced to do it
... I don't know, at least in my surroundings, most men actually earn less than their wives, but have the pretense of a well kept home and tidy bedroom , not to mention cooking everyday.
Anyone can do what they want, so...

snowboarder720 · Answer

I agree that gender roles shouldn’t be a thing. Everyone should be who they are unapologetically regardless of how much you make.

Funny, my wife earns more than I do and I make over 6 figures. Still today her family members give her and I a hard time because they think she doesn’t cook enough. It’s pretty wild.

abc3643 · Answer

Frankly, it's not that society forces us to be the "breadwinners" but that there is a strong instinctive drive for males to be able to protect themselves so as to be able to protect their families. This fundamental instinct is why you live in the modern world and why we still aren't in Africa jerking off and running away from lions trying to eat us.

Agape93 · Answer

They aren't forced to, traditionally that is what they chose to do, hunt and gather, work outside while the women stay home and do everything else. Even now, that is their own artificially enforced role. You don't have to. Ever hear of a himbo? Or a house husband? Stay at home dad?

Screenwriter · Answer

It's a longstanding tradition and it's hard to buck tradition. You have to be a strong, centered male to do so. Most couldn't handle the flack.

I think that's what's it's all about. Confidence in who you are and what you have to give and being unapologetic about that.

Malemajor · Answer

Men are not forced. They want to be the bread winner. Psychologically it pleases a masculine mind to lead a pack. Before there were countries, politics and currency humans lived thousands of years where one took the role of the protector and leader and the other took the role of nurturer and caregiver.

Greek_goddess_Iris · Answer

They are not forced. No one is forcing them. MEN have chosen for 1000s of years that women should stay home and raise the 15 children. THEY chose that life. No one is forcing them. Women broke them from that obligation they set for themselves by fighting for our freedom.

Caroline91 · Answer

We know numerous couples for whom the man is the homemaker/child care provider and the wife works full time. In our family, I am the at-home spouse who does all that. But in our circle of friends, either is normal.

itsannalee · Answer

Everyone has different opinions and thoughts, do what you want. If you want to be the financial pillar of your family, I don't see a problem here. As long as it doesn't reduce my savings money, I couldn’t care less.

WhiteThought · Answer

If the lights go out tomorrow, what happens? That's right, gender roles. We've developed the technology and a cushioned society to where women feel comfortable taking on the masculine role, but that doesn't change the fact that, in general, men don't want masculine women and women don't want feminine men.

Whoever makes the most money is more than likely going to be the head of household, and when that is the woman, it doesn't usually work out.

Jason4040 · Answer

Societal norms are very damaging to society. But I do not think most men are forced to be the breadwinner. And it's becoming more common for women to earn as much as men. I think each household is individual and each society will have its own norms or expectations

Gwendoline · Answer

When I got married it was great knowing that he could look after us financially and when I got pregnant I felt reassured that he could provide for us.

nastyb · Answer

men aren't designed to be homemakers. women are. If you force a man into a homemaker role, he will be dissatisfied. The only type of men who would want a homemaker role is a man who is lazy and doesn't love his wife.

Likes2drive · Answer

I don’t know but every woman I meet makes so much less than me and wants to be taken care of

Awesomesauce2005 · Answer

Women are inherently better at raising kids and putting kids in daycare is even worse. Men like supporting a woman as long as they are appreciative and they do their fair share of the work in the household. Marriage shouldn't be give and take, it should be giving 200% from both sides

LazerBean · Answer

Women are barely accepted as homemakers today, so why would men be? Most men and women both feel like they need to contribute a significant amount financially, and are not comfortable with the thought of a single income household.

katiesmuff · Answer

Not sure where you are from, but here we've seen no issue with women running the home.

slatyb · Answer

Some men are homemakers. Who cares what other people think?

shortster · Answer

It happens here occasionally; so not everywhere is it forced. But 9 times out of 10 people naturally gravitate to traditional gender roles as they have been the status quo for millennia.

Merpop · Answer

I mean, I make 2x more than my husband does.. and I’d be perfectly happy with him to stay home while he finds out what his true passion is. I think it depends on everyone’s situation but I truly wouldn’t mind it.

soe11 · Answer

Absolutely agree with your opinion.

beefcakebradybatson · Answer

Males have always been socialized to be the hunters, gatherers, and modern breadwinners, while females were/are taught to be nurturers, caregivers and anything involving tending people.

dragoblack · Answer

No idea, because it's unrealistic for the current economy and society

518aminthemorning · Answer

What people don’t understand is that the patriarchy doesn’t just negatively affect women, it negatively affects men too.

oswaldcobblepot · Answer

I don't think many men would want to be stay at home dad's

captain_voidwalker · Answer

Its because that might make a man happy. And nothing passes a woman off more or is more despised by society than a happy man.

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

A man's body is built to endure the strenuous demand of work which is why he has to get his butt up and work.

bingbongbangbung · Answer

Probably because most women resent their man if they have to wear the pants in the relationship

DrPepper12 · Answer

Beats me. It's stupid gender BS with no foundation in any rational discussion

Kingofkings1992 · Answer

We aren’t. That’s a bit of an old fashioned way of thinking. My mom was the bread winner in our family. She made around 200k per year for a long time

Nerdvana · Answer

I am not forced, nor do I feel forced to provide. I want to be the breadwinner.

onedarkcloud · Answer

Perhaps it's because those guys have a strong back and a weak mind

DCVsMarvel2 · Answer

because women are still paid less on the dollar

Gaylordslav · Answer

Theyre not its masculine nature to be a protector and provider

Rides_Big_Guys · Answer

Who are the winning bread for? 😂

WhatIsYourZodiac · Answer

Because of dumb social standards

Danny_dan92 · Answer

Social norms

qwerty2469 · Answer

Because women can't do it.

Why Are Men Forced To Be The Breadwinners?

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