Career VS. Relationship: which is more important to you?

[Anonymous]

Assuming you have neither a successful/money-vomiting career nor a significant other, which is your main priority?

Does it follow Maslow's hierarchy where you focus on having a stable, fulfilling career first? Or do you settle for a meaningless job to date and find your future s.o.?

Please say your age, current status (single, married, etc.), and current job/profession along with your answer, if you don't mind : )

If curious in my reasoning behind this question, read on:

As a recent college grad in limbo, I find myself overly preoccupied with my future. Will I get accepted to grad school and study for 2 more years? Or will I land that awesome job I applied for and jump start my career? At this point, I can't imagine being in a relationship, let alone dating. I want to be settled in my life before thinking about a significant other. Selfish? Probably, but it has me wondering if other people feel the same. Also, is it more of a "guy thing" to want to be settled in a successful career first? The whole "I need to be able to provide for my future family" idea?

End vent session.

Career before relationship

Relationship before career

Other (in comments)

Updates

+1 y

For all of you answering, can you update with your current relationship and job status, along with age? That would sway answers, I would imagine. As for me: 23, single, and in limbo between career and grad school (i.e., part-time employment)

[Standingpretty]

I think both are important. It's great to have a career, but humans are social animals that need interactions with other humans to be happy, and relationships are a huge chunk of that. You shouldn't have to sacrifice one for the other. Who says you can't have a great relationship and a great career? Extremes in any form tend not to be a good thing, and your life should be balanced out. By the way, you are not selfish for not wanting a relationship right now, it is YOUR choice what to do with your life and if you chose to not have someone enter your life or the opposite, than that's your decision. If anything, that is selfless because you are savings someones feelings in a relationship if grad school takes up more of your time.

Also, I am married and a CNA(certified nursing assistant). I work as a caregiver and do basic activities in a nursing home.

[MexItaliaNess]

I am 20, currently work at Dave & Buster's. I am divorced from my high school sweetheart. I would choose my career over a relationship because at the end of the day I am doing what I love. And I know I would meet someone at my job who has the same interests as me, knows what I go through on a daily basis. I think you ultimately have to be satisfied with yourself before you get in any kind of relationship. I love my job at D&B's but at the end of the day I don't want to work there for the rest of my life, and I don't meet serious guys there so putting my career before a relationship has it's bonuses like finding a significant other and you'd be settle and happy.

[UberTroll]

B. Here's how I look at it... I know I could feel fulfilled enough with my career as long as I don't mind what I'm doing and I'm making decent money, even if it's not my dream/ideal career. However, I don't think I would ever feel fulfilled in a relationship with someone who I didn't think was ideal for me.

In short, I'd rather settle for a mediocre job than a mediocre guy.

[UberTroll]

Oh and I'm 24, in a relationship, and I'm an office clerk.

[kholland65]

I want to care more about my career by I feel like my biology won't let me. Everything I do seems to be about getting a girlfriend when I'm single and its all I can focus on. I'm sitting on this site and typing this while at work, if that isn't any indication as to what I mean.

The thing is though, I never understood why so many people (mostly women in my experience and by the poll), feel that they cannot achieve their career goals and other things life at the same time they are in a relationship. If anything it should make those things easier because you have someone to make you happier and to support you, as opposed to doing it alone. I mean isn't that what relationships are for? If you don't feel like your SO makes you a better person than you were before, then that's just a bad relationship.

[heavensgift2girls]

I think the reason most guys work so hard to establish a career, is for the sake of a relationship. In our society being in a stable career, is often seen as proof that a man is worthy of being in a relationship. If we had to choose between just having one or the other, then I think most guys would choose relationship, over career.

[Asker]

Ah I absolutely agree there. While I'm not saying men don't get fulfillment out of a successful career, it's more of a societal requirement to have one than it is for women. Which may also be why TheGodEmperorLeto's prophecy may be correct.

[Anonymous]

24, single and employed in a low-paid bureaucratic job. I started a master's to get more skills for my job. In my field, the first few years are the hardest because the mentality of the employers is: they are young, they don't have families, let's overwork and underpay them until they get older, when they overwork and underpay recent graduates. After some workdays, I attend classes. In the weekends, I study the materials. There are two exam periods/year, and they take a month and a half. Plus, I am keen on fitness, so I go to the gym and I run almost every day. I am also a writer, which means that being a reader is essential. Although I pursue my hobbies, I wouldn't say that's free time. I'm struggling at the gym when I am tired after work and classes. Writing takes a great degree of my mental power, even though I find satisfaction in it. I have very little time to just relax and do nothing. I would spend that time with a partner rather than being miserable that I'm lonely. I would choose both focusing on career and having a partner.

[fightsystems]

a career is more important than a relationship for me. I will not have a girlfriend before I have sorted that out myself. man in our society needs to be able to be the breadwinner of the family. I don't think females like it when is not working or not got a good job. and the family is struggling.

my mum said to me, you might be able to pull a women, but would be able to keep her? at the moment no. at end of the day, relationship will fail you, your partner will leave you, career probably will not, that depends on you.

but a career will be with you for the rest of your life. its certainly more guaranteed than any a girlfriend being with me for rest of life.

[lovalova12]

But just consider that it will be much harder to find the right partner if you focus too much on your career, because you limit your social interactions, therefore your chances to meet a good partner. And also, you are more likely to be motivated to provide for a real partner you see before your eyes than for a hypothetical partner in the future.

[smirkyzen]

I wanted B, but ended up with A. As it is, I don't really regret that situation; I've gotten the whole "I don't know what I want to do with my life!" situation all figured out, and I'm now finally in the emotional state where I'm ready to share my life with someone. I don't think there's a right answer. If you find someone you love, the two of you can figure out how to get careers going. There's no reason that it has to be only one or the other!

Maybe if you're thinking about starting a family, that consideration is there, but I think it's best to just let things happen.

I'm 36, single, and an Engineering Manager.

[ImperfectDVM]

Me, I'm single, 22, studying to join the Air Force in a couple weeks. I think you way of going about it is great! I to, can't see myself dating right now. It's too much drama. I'll think about it around the age of 25, but right now, I like my life the way it is.

With a better career, it gives me one less thing to worry about. If I was in a relationship, there would probably be an argument of "Why don't you spend time with me?" I don't want to go through that right now!

[TheGodEmperorLeto]

My prophecy is that more men will vote B and more women will vote A, thus proving more of my "men are the real romantics/love centered gender of our species"

[Asker]

Agreed! I don't know if I'd go quite as far as generalizing one gender as being more "romantic/love-centered" than the other, but I do think if given the opportunity to put a relationship or career first without parameters, most men would opt for a relationship.

[Deft_maiden]

Wow I will not say this lightly but this is news to me!

[TheGodEmperorLeto]

Tbh, feminism has seem to been bastardized where women are more towards what is believed to be the male stereotype instead of being, well, women and accepted as such. Considering men were usually seen as the working whatnot type and not focusing on love it seems they have headed more towards that where as men have always been pretty love-centered, but ya...

I dunno, I could go on, but 500 character limit sucks.

[Asker]

Yeah I got ya...a bit of gender rol-reversal, of sorts

[TheGodEmperorLeto]

Sorta, except I wouldn't really say males have really reversed nor would I entirely say women have. It's a bit more complicated :P but close enough.

[Asker]

lol obviously

[TheGodEmperorLeto]

There's actually another theory of mine that I think plays a part in it. When we're all younger and first going through puberty and having feelings, I think boys are just so driven by mating they don't think of their consequences (well most, there are always exceptions, I'd like to think I was one, but I might just be biased there >.> and it has been awhile) so they treat a girl well enough to have sex, and then move on. Girls seem to be so fully devoted and into love their first time, but after

[TheGodEmperorLeto]

being hurt once, they seem to completely shut off their hearts to love in the same way ever again. Where as men eventually finally get over their immaturity and seek more and they might get hurt, but they seem to keep trying, but by then most women are sorta broken from their previous experiences.

At least, that's what I've noticed for the majority. There are always exceptions and, tbh, those exceptions are the ones I seek out >.>

[Asker]

Meh...but that's assuming everyone has their first experience with "love" at early pubescent stages. There are obviously a lot of factors that come into play to determine one's likelihood of pursuing a relationship vs. career, though.

[TheGodEmperorLeto]

True, but this seems to be the general case I've seen. Even if they meet a love after they've developed (say 16+) guys still seem to remain immature until the middle to end of their college years (girls too, tbh, but in a different way) and so the experience is still close to the same :\ it's a shame. I really think our culture has slowly stunted people's maturity growth. I mean, I definitely feel it myself about myself.

[JennyBenny318]

The two never seem to work out with me. I had a job and no relationship and now I have a relationship but no job. Now when I get a job again, is my relationship gonna end? God I hope not.

[toouglytobeloved]

having a girlfriend who loves me is way more important to me than a career and end up being alone

[Anonymous]

Single and in third level education. Building a career would definitely be my first priority!

[Deft_maiden]

Used to be B. now I am wiser so I go with A