Staying with my boyfriend through college?

Question

I have been dating this guy senior year of high school. And now that we know what colleges we are going to we have started to talk about what will happen with our relationship over the summer and next year. He told me he doesn't want to end it. Neither do I. I love this guy so much and hate thinking that we would have to end everything once we graduate.

we don't go to the same high school now and our colleges next year are a 3 hour plane ride apart.

Is staying together is a good or bad idea?

MIsterDomino · Accepted Answer

Honest answer: BAD idea. You two should go your separate ways.

I have never seen a long-distance relationship work at that age. Things change completely when you go to college. You'll meet new people, experience new things, and you'll probably become a completely different person. If you stay with him, you'll be alienating yourself from your college friends (you don't want to be the weepy girl on the dorm hall who's always on the phone with her boyfriend who lives in another state) and you'll slowly realize that, because you're at different schools, you have less and less in common with him as the semesters roll along.

The fact is that your points of reference will be completely different; every college has a specific ethos, almost like a common language, and if your boyfriend doesn't speak it you two will grow apart. I've seen it happen a thousand times. There will be so many new people to meet that if you stay with him, part of you will regret it as everyone around you is hooking up and having the time of their lives.

Now I'm not making a judgment about your character (as I don't know you, after all), but I think that you two aren't mature enough to have a long-distance relationship. Frankly, very few people are even when they're adults. You're setting yourself up for a bunch of heartache that you don't need at such an important stage in your life.

My advice is that you two should just agree to break it off clean. If you find after the first year that you still love him, you can get back together over the summer.

BrettH · Accepted Answer

why not stay together? test out ur relationship see if it will last.. I wish I was only 3 hours away form my girlfriend and belive me long distance sucks cause you miss them and get lonely. but when you see them when your together with them then its the greatest feeling you ever felt and it makes you appreciate them even more.

but only do long distance if you are ready to make a commitment to each other. I'm not saying get married I'm saying not cheating. you have to have trust in them and yourself that neither of you will hurt the other with the break up over the phone convo. and believe me people will come along when your relationship is falling apart and the days are hard without them, somone will come along trying to sweep you off your feet. they are just a test. to see if you are truly ready and truly love them. when you pass the test you will know and if you fail you will feel like sh*t after wards... so just remember be ready and be faithful and have trust in him to do the same.

well good luck to you and yourboyfriend I hope you guys do what you can to make it work and I'm sure it will be the right answer what ever you chose

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

There's no reason why a long-distance relationship won't work at your age as long as you are both mature, faithful, and willing to work on the relationship. I stayed with my boyfriend after high school and though we are five hours apart, we make it work with lots of love and communication. Phones plus Skype, Facebook, etc. have made it a lot easier, and of course frequent visits are nice (we visit about once every two weeks).

A long-distance relationship will not alienate you from your college friends more than any other relationship would. Both of you can still have friends and social lives - just tell each other about them and try to share as much as possible. Write letters, send flowers, etc. - and always take time to talk and reassess your attitudes toward the relationship.

A lot of people are skeptical about long-distance relationships, especially those coming out of high school, but THEY aren't making the relationship work - you are. You two love each other, and if you're willing to commit even after graduation, there is something there. Give it a shot!

savnav · Accepted Answer

I would suggest that you two try having a long distance relationship. That is what my boyfriend and I are currently undergoing. Our relationship is working and if it is both what you want (as you mentioned) it can work out. What is the sense in ending your relationship if you are able to successfully have a long distance relationship? If you find that it isn't working then perhaps that is when you should end it. University and college experiences change a lot of people. Perhaps you will both realize that it isn't what you want after all and that is when it may end. Try it out is my suggestion. You don't know what will happen. You must be truly committed to each other in order for it to work. Without trust your relationship won't work.

PrickeyPear · Accepted Answer

IT's tough. You can do it if you both put in the effort and can financially workout seeing each other as much as possible. However, the only thing I worry about is one or both of you missing out on the university experience because of each other. And I'm not talking about casual sex.

I'm talking about missing out on meeting people and socializing because you are sitting on the computer chatting to each other all evening or not 'feeling' like meeting new people because you are simply feeling lonely, missing each other.

It's tough. It's possible. It's up to you.

SEN10R · Accepted Answer

I think is a good and bad idea. Its a good idea because you guys seem to be in love and know that yall want to stay together. But it could also be a bad thing because college is the time you find yoruself. And although you love him you might find someone elso in collegee that migh seem better. Trust me I'm a girl and I'm having the same problem with my boyfriend. The real solution is you guys need to sit and really talk about it. Because if you guys will be dating and each person is in another state could be a problem. But listen to him and hear his views and compromise.

Kindawiseguy · Answer

Just try it you know. If you don't want to end it don't just let it go. If it doesn't work out you'll end up in the same position your in if you end it now. Just don't spend a lot of money visiting each other. I know you'll want to but just make sure you both go home for winter break. That was enough for my friends. Tey seem even closer than they used to be now.

jincuj33 · Answer

I've seen very few HS couples make it through college.  Being in a LDR will tear you down, only to build you up the few days you spend together, only to tear you down again by the constant absence.  I was in one for 3 years through college, and I can honestly tell you it wasn't worth it.  Now broken up because we fell out of love, we both agreed that we would have been better off making friends and meeting new people instead of spending all of our weekends visiting each other.

beatus87 · Answer

go for it. if you love each other the way you do, something like distance shouldn't impede it. just remember one thing, if its going to work there is one thing both of you are going to need...TRUST. since you won't be seeing him as much as you use to, as well as life will start to become drastically busier. so take those in mind and don't assume the worst when he doesn't text right back, ect...oh and webcams can't hurt either :P

samluk10 · Answer

Honestly I think you should go for it! My boyfriend is also away for college and it is a challenge but we have officially made it through our freshmen year of college together! Distance means so little when someone means so much! And if it is meant to be it will work out! No one ever said it would be easy! It is a lot of work and take a lot of understanding! I could talk forever about what to do and what not to do, but you will learn from your own experience! I hope everything works out!

A-Soldiers-Wife07 · Answer

Long distance is tough. My situation is a little different since I'm married and my husband is deployed...but let me tell you its not easy no matter what. It's definitely a test of your relationship. My roommate just ended her year relationship with her boyfriend and he only lives 8 hours away. But one of my husband's Soldier's has a girl that lives across the country and they somehow make it work. If it's meant to be, it'll work out.

Anonymous · Answer

I'm going through the same thing. Boyfriend away to college. Fully enjoying his time there, lots of girls who have become close friends. Here I am missing him, nothing major happening.

We have been through Long distance relationship before too. I moved away for 3 years right after high school. and then came back and now almost 2 years later, he went away to college for his masters. We survived our long distance relationship then and despite the problems we are having now, we hope to survive this time too.

Therefore I'd say, go for it. Don't end it just like that. You should try giving him space and he should be thoughtful enough to keep you in the loop as much as possible. And of course TRUST each other.

Luxuria · Answer

Long distance is not really known to work but if you guys fully trust one another and are willing on both you parts to really work on it, I say to you the best of luck! :)

here4you · Answer

i think you should go for it and  see if it works  cause it was meant to be  it was meant to be  and remember college is more important tho

Anonymous · Answer

long distance suck 99% of the time... :(

Staying with my boyfriend through college?

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