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Break Ups For Single Moms
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I am writing this to try to help single moms, such as myself, get over a break-up. I have learned ways to get over a break-up without involving the children in the pain that you are feeling, especially if you are with your kids all of the time, like I am.
First of all, I have learned that it is best to remove all of your ex's belongings as soon as possible. Pictures of your ex's children that you became close with, any pictures/drawings that his kids gave you, any presents that you have received. Donate them to the goodwill if you feel guilty about throwing gifts away or give them to a friend. Someone that you care about. This will help you and your children heal and let go of remembering him and his children. Put the pictures away in a box, until you heal.
Second, do NOT go anywhere that you think he may be. I have avoided all places that I thought my ex would be at. He intentionally took his new g/f somewhere that he knew I was going because I told a mutual friend. Do not make this mistake. I was in the bathroom crying and I painted a smile on my face the minute I walked out of that bathroom. He called a month later begging for me back. Do not call mutual friends to make you feel better, it never works and they just inform him that you are miserable without him.
Third, do NOT take them back. I think as single mothers we have a hard time letting go because we think that person was the piece of the puzzle that was missing...He wasn't, he was a piece to a different puzzle that got mixed in the wrong box..They do NOT change, EVER!! No matter how many times they will tell you they will, no matter how many things they say that you have wanted to hear, it is all just words. Their actions are what should always count, always be what is looked at and always remembered. I cant tell you how many times my ex came back saying that he knew what I was talking about, he knew exactly what he did wrong and how he could correct it. As soon as he had me back in his arms, he forgot about the correcting aspect of it. If you even consider taking your ex back, do it from an arms length and see the changes in them first! Protect you and your children, be very cautious!!!
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4. Parents who are with their children 24/7 tend to sit around thinking about how much "fun" their ex is probably having while we are sitting at home stewing over the whole break-up..I used to do that, but I have learned that their is never enough time for all of the cleaning that needs to be done. Even if it means tearing your kitchen cabinets apart and throwing out all of the things that you haven't used in years(old Christmas cookie cutters)!!! Go through your linen closets and throw old your old stained sheets, or go through the kids' toy boxes and donate their old toys or have a yard sale. Then you have a reason to go shopping, even if it is to replace the old sheets with new ones. I started taking my dogs for long walks when I got tired of going through the closets, I made scrapbooks for the kids, and started exercising at home.
5. Give yourself a new appearance or new hair style.. Ok, so if we are alone we probably don't have a lot of extra money. Give yourself a new hairstyle..I cant tell you how many times I have highlighted my own hair and received compliments on it. Or buy a kit and have a friend help you. It makes you feel so much different and things don't seem too bad all of a sudden. Go get your nails done, or buy yourself a new shirt..How many times have we spent money on our kids and really didn't have the money to spend? Well,your worth it and this has to be one of the times that you tell yourself that.
6. Get out and see other friends. Make play dates for the kids. It is not only good for your kids to get out and experience other things, but it is great for you to interact with other adults, it is essential. Too many times after a break-up we go into our own little shell, this isn't healthy and if we are around only the children, we hold things in and that leads to a time bomb that's about to explode. I remember feeling fine two weeks after the break-up, thought I was handling it very well until I went to see my friend Pam. I burst into tears and I told her I didn't know why I was acting this way when I thought I was doing really well. She told me that I was holding too much in and needed to get it out with another adult. Boy, was she right and boy did I need that release. It had felt as if a weight was lifted off of my shoulder, a weight that I didn't even realize existed..
7. The very last thing you want to do is look for a replacement. Do NOT think you need anyone else. A lot of times we compare new ones to old ones and they never are the same. You were doing a fine job of raising your kids before you met your ex and you will do a fine job after hes gone... Don't let him convince you in any way, shape or form(men can say cruel things when breaking up) that he was the glue that held the family together. You know that's not true, for it is you that has always held YOUR family together. Hold your head up high, be proud of what you have accomplished and stick to your guns. Don't ever let a man put you or your kids down, because that is the only way they can make themselves feel better or convince themselves that they are doing the right thing!!!When in all reality is that this man is weak and he knows you are stronger than he could ever be. Remember that.
8. Go back to school/take classes. I went back to school later in life, and it was tough taking care of the kids, working and going to school but it felt great!!Find things inside yourself that interest you, find the path that you want to take to accomplish your goals. I don't care how many times a man tells you hes gonna get a house with you someday, someday may never come. Get your own house, if hes around, great, if hes not, great!! Men will promise you a future,they know that's what you want to hear, and they can walk away whenever they want. It is up to you to make your own future and you will be admired by many for doing such.
These are some of the things that I have learned going through break-ups. I hope, even if this helps one person, I can make a difference. I know I have had many people help me and give me good advice, and I am grateful for it. Just remember, if its not too late to ever fall in love, its never too late to change your own life and you DO NOT need someone else to get you there. God Bless and good luck to all of the single gals out there, with or without children, you come first!
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What do you guys think is better, being single or being in a relationship?
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Jpalms56
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