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Home > Articles > Dating Articles > How BAD It Is To Talk BAD About Yourself
mikethemasterdater
Written By mikethemasterdater

How BAD It Is To Talk BAD About Yourself

 
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Posted 8 months ago Views 577 Comments 9 Category Dating
I have a friend of mine that loves to disclose to guys her physical issues.

Yeah, I have strange shaped boobs (I see cross eyed boobs that bounce around like loose car headlights)
You will never see me without make up (craters like the surface of the moon under that? Holes filled in with spackle?)
I have these awful stretch marks on my butt (I picture bright red whip lines, and zipper like Frankenstein scars)
My cellulite is so bad you will never see me in a swimsuit (I imagine a bag of cottage cheese leaking at the seams)

Now as if this isn't bad enough, she takes it to another level, whenever we would drink she would belch so loud she would set off car alarms. She would spit incessantly and sometimes do one of those old man mucus retrieving nose growls and hauk a loogie against a wall. When she ate I would hear about intestinal troubles and what dairy is going to do to her in an hour, so I better use the bathroom now.

This friend was fortunately just a friend and she was staunchly going to remain that way because there is no way I would ever check to see how close my imagination was to the real thing. I mean she was cute enough but each of her descriptions made me feel as if there was a poisonous snake hiding under each garment of clothing. The external behavior was hard to handle as well, considering in the 7 years I was in Japan I have never heard a girl burp, fart or god forbid "hauk a loogie" I was like a mortified minister stuck in the red light district of Amsterdam.

Next time you look at the paper take a look at the real estate section. Not one of those ads has any bad comments to say about the property. I don't think they are hiding anything but "a excellent fixer upper" is just that. Great for a handyman or someone in construction willing to put in the time. Now if they said "place gutted by a fire and should be condemned" they may never get any fixer-upper type people to even take a look.

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Whenever you talk to another person they are busy building an internal construction of you. Whatever you say gets tacked on to the mental model they carry around in their mind. If you talk about your past cocaine addiction they nail to your mental mannequin pictures of you snorting in a toilet stall with a tattooed friend. Even something small, "I was a bit promiscuous when I was younger" adds footage of you doing the entire football team at a drunken post game party. Since your listener does not know the actual extent of your promiscuity, they fill in the gap with the most protective image for them, in other words THE WORST CASE SENERIO.

About 10 years ago I met the daughter of the man who owns Nestle Chocolate. I didn't know anything about her before hand, all I knew was that she was going to join a group of us camping. I remember her getting out of a friends car and watching the car retrieve about 4 inches in suspension. She was to put it bluntly HUGE, 21 and about 300bls but… by the end of the trip I was captivated by her. She was the sweetest most interesting girl, she was strong, funny and insanely confident. By the end of the camping trip I thought she was the most attractive girl there. My mental model of her had pinned all over it these wonderful qualities, these attractive traits. She was truly and amazing girl and my mind radically diminished any physical flaw she might have had. What was important was not what my eyes where seeing but what my mind was perceiving. Attraction is built in the mind and it is in your best interest to build the most attractive you.

Bullets:
• If you have a house in the swamp brag about your 8 person spa
• People tend to envision the worst case scenario, just in case it might be true
• There is always a buyer as long as the property is well advertised
• Perception is the key to attraction and you are responsible for that


Mike Masters
Writes a blog for women about relationships at MikeTheMasterDater.com. Traveling the world and dating every single girl he met along the way allowed Mike to make an uncountable number of mistakes in relationships. These mistakes led to a fluency in the psychology of dating that could only be gained from radical immersion.

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Article Comments

 
nonyabiz2002 Interesting, Mike. I've never heard it put quite that way before.

I liked the whole bit about "the fixer upper". Pure gold! - 7 months ago
saturdayx Kudos! This article was written very well = ) - 7 months ago
annedy I love this so much because I'm not really as pretty or sexy as those girls in mags, and I have a guy who's very gorgeous who likes me and tells me I'm beautiful. I always tell him that I'm not, then I try to push him to other girls. I compare myself to her ex-gfs or her pretty and sexy friends. this article definitely boosted my morale that I may never be as beautiful as them, but to him I'm the most beautiful girl on the inside, and perhaps also on the outside :) - 7 months ago
mikethemasterdater That makes me so happy to hear... Stay in touch... - 7 months ago
ALWAYSclassy Great article I love it - 7 months ago
ButterflyXkisses Thank you. That's really all I have to say. You have no idea how thankful I am right now to have read this. - 6 months ago
LOL101 Its pretty bad - 6 months ago
Izzy_M That's so intersting to hear Mike...
Thanks so much for writing this artica =D - 3 months ago
Razmorento Sometimes I make fun of myself during conversation (that's what people seem to laugh at). Do you think that even doing it for the sake of humor makes the other person think the worst of me? - 2 months ago
 
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I honestly don't get it. Any advice?
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Does he like me?

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