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'He's Just Not That Into You' Changed My Life
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I read and watched He's Just Not That Into You. I loved the book, and while I wasn't a huge fan of the movie. I definitely appreciated the rather unique idea of adapting of a self-help book to a film. As girls, we always sit around and make excuses for the men in our lives. I've had my friends do it for me, and I've done it for my girlfriends.
Here's an example: About 6 months ago, I am ashamed to say I was involved with a guy with a serious, live-in girlfriend (of 10 years). In my defense, I did not know that he had a girlfriend at first, because it started out as an attractive, charming and smart man was taking me out for dinner and drinks, driving me home and kissing me and attending parties with me. Those all seemed like nice things that people do when a relationship is starting out. I thought I had met a nice, single guy who was interested in me. This guy met and impressed all my friends as well. Well one day, my best girlfriend was talking to the guy, mentioning me and how much I liked him, and that he must really like me. And his exact response was, "I think she's awesome! But I had to use my girlfriend's make-up to cover up the bite mark on my chest from the weekend." Wait. Girlfriend?
My friend asked more questions about the girlfriend, how long they'd been going out, if they lived together, her name, etc. and eventually relayed the information to me. It turns out things were not going too well with his girlfriend, and she was very sick, often staying in the hospital for extended periods of time and on dialysis. We all know that a guy having a girlfriend + you are not his girlfriend = bad news, but I couldn't tear myself away from this guy! The dinners, the dates, the long phone calls, the e-mails, the kissing, the sex, everything was just so good, he must care about me! My girlfriends reassured me that he must like me. I think as women, we see our friend happy with a guy, or happy about them and we reassure our friend about how great the guy is.
Myself and my girlfriends came up with a theory; Breaking up is hard. Breaking up with your live-in girlfriend is harder (Who gets the TV?). Breaking up with your terminally-ill live-in girlfriend is even harder, and makes you look like a monster. Clearly this guy was just trying to avoid those things and should his girlfriend get better, he would break up with her and be with me; the one he really loved (at this point he had told me he loved me).
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Months went on, the dates continued, the talking continued, and I still felt really strongly about this guy. I even got a boyfriend (who was not him), and our relationship fell apart because I just liked Mr. Sick-Girlfriend too much, and broke-up with boyfriend so I could go back to that guy. And then one day, on an after-bar Wal-Mart run, I purchased the book He's Just Not That Into You. I realized that my girlfriends and I were just making excuses for my boyfriend-with-a-girlfriend. Yes, it was a slightly different circumstance because she was sick and he 'couldn't' leave her, but bottom line, Chapter 10, "He's just not that into you if he's married (or other insane versions of unavailable)". Honestly, I read that book and deleted the guy's number from my phone. And guess what? He never called me again. If he wanted to be with me, he would, simple enough. He had plenty of chances to be with me, and he didn't take a single one of them.
The point of HINTIY is that women (or anyone for that matter) deserve to be happy in relationships. I was single for a while after leaving the guy in my story, and I got lonely sometimes. But I never felt disappointed that my date had to cancel because his girlfriend was in the hospital, or read his text messages and freaked out and he had to 'be good' for a while. We don't need to throw ourselves into dead-end relationships where the guy doesn't call, disappears or has commitment issues. The whole point of HINTIY is not to "hold out and wait for him to turn into Prince Charming", but that you are great right now, so why settle for a guy who isn't great right now? Granted, relationships do take work, but there is a difference between working to see if you compatible with some, (i.e. getting to know them better, learning about their interests, learning to deal with their crazy mother etc.) and working around someone's flaws (married, drug-user, being a jerk in general).
My girlfriends and I apply the book to our lives all the time. And it's definitely stopped us from some dud relationships. Sure, maybe it means we are single for longer than we'd like to be, but I'd rather be single and lonely (more of us are single now too, he he, so it's not even that lonely) than being jerked around by some jerk. I even met a great guy a few months ago! He has a amazing job, a house, several cars, he texts me like 150 times a day and he's really smart and I know he really likes me too. My girlfriend heard from a mutual friend that he had a live-in girlfriend. I called him out on it, and he mumbled an excuse about "kinda seeing someone, but it's not working out and I really like you it's just...". Maybe the old me would have waited out for this guy. I don't even know what the rest of this guy's excuse was, because I ran before he could finish it.
He's Just Not That Into is an empowering book that I think every woman should read. It encourages us to take charge of our lives and our relationships.
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What do you guys think is better, being single or being in a relationship?
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Jpalms56
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