Women, Don't Try To Change Him, He'll Change Himself If He Loves You

[humanearth]

Someone asked me about a week ago how did men change after being marred for many years. So I thought about this long for a bit and I couldn't come up with a clear answer at that moment. So after some thinking and jotting down some of my thoughts. It came to me, That my thoughts and ideas would make a great MyTake.

So here it goes

Steve Harvey said “All men CAN change, but that doesn't mean that all men WILL change. There's only one woman whom we will change for. If a man is not willing to change, it means that you aren't the one.” That quote got me thinking more

He will change himself if he loves you. For his beloved woman, the man creates a cozy atmosphere and fulfills all her desires and dreams. So, if he doesn't eradicate his flaws, he might not see you as the woman with whom he'll settle down in the long run. He defies you after you drive him crazy!

Every relationship will go through several stages. The first of these is a honeymoon period, when you learn much about each other. This is followed by an adaptation phase, when you begin to take the things that your partner does for you for granted. Later comes rejection and satiety, friendship, and love.

Not all relationships reach the last stages, however, and oftentimes it’s because you cannot overlook your partner’s shortcomings any longer. Even his good points can start irritating you. At such a time, you sincerely believe that they must change for the sake of you, their loved one, and of the relationship.

The day comes when you console yourself with memories of times when you laughed at the same things, fooled around together, spent days and weeks talking till the morning, went to the same concerts, and when the chemistry between you two was palpable. You still hope with all your heart that everything will come back if the character of your beloved changes.

So, does it make sense to change a man? Why do women need this? Why can’t you change him and what will be your actions in this case?

Why Does a Woman Want to Change a Man’s Nature?

Initially, the woman wants to do it only if she loves him. If an unloved man brings her discomfort, she simply breaks off relations with him.

There are several circumstances when the woman starts thinking about changing the man.

Why Don’t Men Leave Their Habits Behind?

The male nature is multifaceted, and it is impossible to pick out the universal reasons why they don’t want to (or cannot) alter the way they are in the relationship. After all, every man has a unique set of qualities.

Therefore, much depends on the woman, so make your expectations clear. Men don’t understand what was said or hinted in a roundabout way. Moreover, keep in mind that you are not a child, and the man isn’t tasked with fostering you, so before demanding changes, become the best version of yourself.

What Should The Woman Do?

There are two options for the woman who cannot stand parts of the man’s character.

The first one is to forget about principles and to accept the man with all his pluses and minuses. If you are head over heels in love, then be ready to make concessions. The thing you should accept is that it is fine to be different; your interests, goals, and characters make the relationship unique.

The alternative is to end the relationship if it doesn’t bring you joy. If you and your partner are incompatible and relations are not worth fighting for, then don’t be a victim; search for something better, because every woman deserves to be happy!

On balance, if the relationship hasn’t worked out, don’t despair; there’s nothing wrong with you. It is not your obligation to be a mentor, to mother your boyfriend, or to heal emotional trauma, you are worthy of feeling relaxed and happy.

Whatever you do, the man will listen to your advice only if you are crazy about him, and these feelings are mutual, so let the phrase: “Don’t force him to change, inspire him instead” become your motto.

[midnightmoon05]

Thank you.

Good/simple/short write up.

More women should read about this.

For any successful/happy relationship that last - both should or must love/respect/change/grow for the better for each other.

[Rania05]

Noted, thank you

[Guy13]

One thing I learned early and it was from observing my Mom IS women are manipulative and the the issue before is Micro in nature and the Macro plan or intent was really only known to her. So yeah, either my Dad went to the garage, to the second floor, or hunting/fishing. More times than not he acquiesced but the changes were momentary. Learn to be patient and accommodating but still do your own thing, IF you love her ;-)

[MzAsh]

A man should change with maturity, and yes there are some habits he’ll happily drop if he wants to be with you. When you’re a woman who acts in abundance and shows you’re willing to walk away, he’ll either shape up or filter himself out. Don’t listen to what they say, watch what they do.

[Vegasrunner]

@MzAsh That is the exact same advice I provide for men. Once a man understands there are plenty of women out there assuming he's added value to himself there are an infinite number of women and he can have them for the majority of his adult life.

[Screenwriter]

Hmmm.

Even if someone loves you dearly, there are aspects of a person that are incredibly difficult to address. Some might even say they're hardwired: Drug or alcohol addiction. A weight problem. Criminal behavior. Lazy habits (not cleaning up after oneself, not exercising or taking care of one's health). Serious prejudices. Ignorance (meaning lack of education, and therefore, lack of knowledge) Physical violence, trauma, a bad temper.

Love can plant the seeds of change, it's true. When someone loves a person, they feel a new worth. When they do, this can be the beginnings of change.

However, people change on THEIR timetable. Not on yours. Those with addiction problems take years to straighten up when they are fully committed. Criminal behavior lands people in jail repeatedly. Lazy habits start in childhood. Those with serious prejudices learn them from their families, just as they learn physical violence and suffer trauma from those experiences.

If you're facing something simple like someone who doesn't do the dishes, that's one thing and with two grown people who love each other, easy solutions can be set up.

ACHIEVING those goals is still a work in progress. Loving-kindness has to be the first step. Patience with oneself and the other is next.

If you're talking about deep, serious change, you're facing a mountain to climb. First, if a person has lived this many years with all these "flaws," and had a successful life, why SHOULD they change? You're just carping!

Only when a man, or woman, understands how this affects the other, and damages the relationship could they THINK about change. And they'll need help outside of the SO. It will be a step by step progression, IF they are committed to change. And with their change, they'll probably ask YOU to upgrade too, so be prepared for that. Look in the mirror. It could be a steep learning curve on both your parts. But ultimately worth it.

[Raph37]

Show him your principles. Let him know why. But... show that you care for him a lot. Show your willing to go the extra mile for him. It will not be easy. But as soon as he reacts to what he has. He will change. Don't make him feel insecure. Let him know you need him around.

I remember this lady praying for her husband at the hospital. The way I saw her cry. The way that man was seeing her love threw that prayer.

Would you say that guy knows what he has? I sure do. She'll not cheat on him. She'll do anything he says. He'll feel he will never feel alone.

Trust me... there's a way to change a man. And that man will change freely because of you. But sometimes it has nothing to due with the man. Sometimes it has to due with the girl he chosed. Let him know you fit him right. Just as you go shopping. The pants you choose... you don't got to take in to a dressing room to see if they fit right. You know they do.

Let him feel the same way. You'll be surprised how much comfort you'll receive from him.

[Finchie40]

The person you first met and fell in love with is the person you need to hold on to , you can’t change someone and you shouldn’t expect to change someone , you should grow with them and adapt with them accepting each other’s flaws and loving each other no matter what life throws at you , the problem with most girls is they feel they can change a man and have high expectations of him expecting him to be the man she dreamed of , her having those high expectations is going to smack her in the face when she realizes he is who is , and you can’t change him if he hasn’t asked you to change then you sure as hell can’t ask him to change , you can encourage each other to make wiser decisions but you can’t change someone someone has to want to change for themselves , When you are in a relationship with someone you both choose to be committed and to accept each other’s flaws , people that change their mind a few years into a relationship are selfish people that only think about themselves , they don’t wear their partners shoes like they expect them to wear theirs , Girls will tell her man to cut down on drinking beer , or stop doing things that she doesn’t like to appease her , If he stops for her cuz he wants to show her he loves her m, a girl will eventually do the things she told her man not to do , Most girls are selfish hypocrites that don’t understand double standards , Double standards do not work in a relationship , why so many relationships fail because people can’t remove selfishness , if you set boundaries in a relationship you need to follow those boundaries as well, and most girls don’t grasp that concept and wonder why men don’t want to be with them

[ManOnFire]

I think this is key here: "so before demanding changes, become the best version of yourself."

But honestly, I don't understand the obsession with men needing to change, or not changing. I'm not saying that a man who has bad ways/habits shouldn't change and it's nobody's business, but a woman knows what she's getting into when she's in a relationship with a man, especially since men tend to be more transparent anyway. Women shouldn't be trying to change anybody. What makes women believe anyway that they are in a position to change someone? What makes them believe they're significantly more advanced or perfected in their own lifestyles, behaviors, ideas, and personal development to think they can or should change a person?

A large problem is that women are more often than not getting into a relationship with a man knowing they're not going to like things about him, but have the ridiculous idea that in time they can change him or try to. That in itself is immature. You need to do yourself a favor and match with men who are already what you know you can accept.

[Summeroflove]

The problem is. Yes for some cases this is true.

Other times a relationship isn’t mean to be. Sometimes there is nothing wrong with the man and nothing wrong with the woman. But they want to change someone into someone they’re not.

Sometimes people just aren’t meant to be together. Someone shouldn’t be changing someone. If they number one don’t want the help and number two if it isn’t a problem.

I agree with people saying. They will accept who someone is. Now. If someone is abusive. Then that’s a problem.

[RangerBlue22]

One of the problems is that women are attracted to the CHALLENGE of changing a man. But if they succeed they often lose interest in the guy.

https://www.theonion.com/girlfriend-changes-man-into-someone-shes-not-interested-1819565990/amp

[humanearth]

You do know that The Onion is full of made up stories, It is printed in Madison Wisconsin

It mostly an advertising paper, with funny stories to get people to pick it up

I been reading The Onion since they started printing it.

Yes I am from Wisconsin

[CA4444]

Yeah I’m not interested in a challenge lol

[humanearth]

@CA4444 Your smart, you know when to move on

[DermalPunch]

@humanearth bingo!

[RangerBlue22]

@humanearth no shit it’s satire. Duh. But satire usually has some grains of truth which makes it even more funny.

[Msputiton]

I don't agree.

If the person you are dating needs to change to make me happy. Am i really with the right person?

I rather date someone that being themselves fits me.

Of course i want them to grow but not change

[worldscolide]

I agree with this for the most.. I did change when i met my wife.. i put away childish things, if that makes sense so i could be a better man for her. She did not ask this of me.

the thing that really makes me sad is women who stay with an abusive man because "i can fix him" or "I can change him" My sister in law did that, and its gotten to the point where we dont try to help her any more.

[DermalPunch]

@worldscolide bingo

[jvnxs]

Definitely. If there is something wrong with a man (like a personality issue, i. e. being toxic, etc.) your job isn't to fix him. Sometimes, people are unfixable. If he wanted himself to change, he would fix himself. As simple as that!

[Ill_made_Knight]

Personally, I feel that if you don't like who someone is right now, don't expect them to change. They might, that's true, but those are pretty long odds just based on personal observation after 60 years.

[worldscolide]

Absolutely right. Its not your place to change us, and is arrogant in the extreme to assume you should. If a man wishes to change he will.

It happened to me. I met my wife, and decided i was not the right person for her, so i changed. She did not change me.

[JDAC092299]

*He’ll try to change
People men and women try to change but depending on what that change is they don’t succeed they eventually revert to old habits
So in my opinion if you don’t love who he is ask for a change and observe if things revert you have a decision to make.

[Anonymous]

You will always find something you dislike about every person in the world including yourself. The only question is whether or not you can see it and choose to focus upon it over the things you like about them.

[BUTIMRIGHTTHO]

The most important thing is do they have what is most important too you. The little things we all need to let slide because we aren't perfect either.

[Anonymous]

It’s not that she wants to change the man, it’s more that it threaten the relationship, so for the relationship to survive something must change or it breaks. Some woman will take the opposite approach and want to change themselves to be the prefect match and keep the relationship going.

[Anonymous]

"For his beloved woman, the man creates a cozy atmosphere and fulfills all her desires and dreams"

Sorry, but no. That's such an over simplification it borders on reckless mis-information.

A man may want what's best for her, like giving up drugs, cigarettes, lose weight, whatever. He doesn't "fulfill all her desires" regardless of their consequences.

[USLegionary]

Why does he have to change?

Women get with a guy then work to change him for their own needs and then when they change a few years later decide he's not the man she fell in love with as he's changed.

[Anonymous]

Honestly I hate how so many women do this. It makes the rest of us look bad.

[es20490446e]

I always said that 90% of human suffering comes from wanting other person to behave differently, for good or bad.

[TheSpaceGnome]

No, people only change for themselves, they never do it for anyone else without resentment.

If a woman wants a man to change, or a man wants a woman to change, then they aren't right for eachother, whether he/she changes or not.