And men, stop trying to change women too...
Gotcha!!
<br /I bet everyone thought this would be another diatribe about how ladies have lost touch with what men need in a modern society.
Nah. Both sexes are guilty of this, only men go about it differently.
For instance, every time a guys gets mad or bitter because a girl wants a relationship, or won't give him sex when he wants it (especially if he attempts to manipulate an outcome to his favor despite her wishes) he is essentially trying to change the nature of the woman he is with.
Believe it or not, there are women who don't want relationships, and who can be casual about sex. If this is your true desire from a relationship, go after that woman. Persecuting or guilt tripping someone because you have a different desires from a relationship is wrong.
There are plenty of fish in the sea--if you can't see eye to eye with someone, put them back in the water and cast out your line again. Besides, just because you personally don't understand why a person wants something doesn't mean it is wrong for them to want it. People who are commitment oriented have the right to their choices just as people who are more free spirited have the right to theirs.
Likewise, women are always looking at men as "projects" which is why they become so angry and bitter if their man leaves after the "project" is finished.
What they have to understand is, people are who they are at their basic core. If you want certain qualities, try to find someone who possess those qualities. Sure, it will take longer to find, but do you really want the headache ( or to give someone else the headache) of trying to make them into your ideal?
Now, granted, there are some men and women who do need work and acknowledge it. I once dated a guy with no sense of style, and he knew it. He actually asked me, "Hey, now that we are dating seriously, you can start showing me what you think looks good on me."
Because he actually asked me, I did--and homeboy turned into a real lady killing head turner.
Also, I do acknowledge that, in our relationships, we can shape and mold one another in good ways, especially if we are loving and nurturing within those relationships. We can hone and refine our nicer qualities, and work on some of our less favorable ones, but it should be our choice to do so, and only when we realize a need to do it.
In other words, if you don't like certain aspect of either sex, or of a particular person, don't set about to manipulate and change it.
This is a long, confusing and hurtful road for both you and your project.
Yet and still, I have heard men lament things like, "I wish my girl was more like Brad's chick--she doesn't get mad when he looks at other women...'
or.
"Why Can't Steve be more like Eric--Eric is so cultured and all Steve wants to do is watch sports!"
New flash people -- if GUY wants a woman who doesn't mind him looking at other girls, then he needs to find one. If GIRL wants a man who is cultured, look for him.
There is no shortage of either.
However, if you say to yourself, "Well, I do love him or her, I just wish they didn't do this or that..."
Guess what. They may never stop doing that little annoying thing you dislike so much. Home girl may still flip if you check out chicks. Your lover may always be a Red Sox fan.
If you love them, accept that as a part of who they are. People aren't "projects", they are human beings full of faults. The second we accept that the better.
Besides, don't we desire to have people accept us warts and all ? Then we need to do the same for our partners!
Also—show due respect for your differences.
We are supposed to be complements to one another, not reflections. Men are men; women are women, with the good and bad that comes in between.
I personally love our differences, men for the own special way in which they show care, nurturing and strength—women for how they can listen, empathize and keep it together…
Yes, I adore both for their own special gifts and talents.
This doesn’t mean there aren’t things that drive us to distraction – and that is okay.
It is what it is.
We are all going to have different wants and sometimes that will conflict with who we want to date.
Example--I once dated an amazing guy who had a ton of qualities I wanted in a man--he was smart, accomplished, fun, intelligent, strong willed and sexy--but he didn't want children.
I did--strongly.
Despite out amazing chemistry, we parted ways as good friends, and still drop liens from time to time--I even sent him a pic of my darling little girl, who he said was beautiful.
I didn't try to stick around and "change his mind" about wanting kids--that would be disrespectful and self-defeating. I didn't bitch and moan to my girlfriends about what a loser he was because he didn't share my life goals.
Why would I do that?
No, I used my time wisely and found a man who DID desire what I wanted, and it was the best move I ever made.
If people could simply assess what they want, and respect the wants and desires of others, the dating game would be less frustrating and far more rewarding and fun!
Gotcha!!
<br /I bet everyone thought this would be another diatribe about how ladies have lost touch with what men need in a modern society.
Nah. Both sexes are guilty of this, only men go about it differently.
For instance, every time a guys gets mad or bitter because a girl wants a relationship, or won't give him sex when he wants it (especially if he attempts to manipulate an outcome to his favor despite her wishes) he is essentially trying to change the nature of the woman he is with.
Believe it or not, there are women who don't want relationships, and who can be casual about sex. If this is your true desire from a relationship, go after that woman. Persecuting or guilt tripping someone because you have a different desires from a relationship is wrong.
There are plenty of fish in the sea--if you can't see eye to eye with someone, put them back in the water and cast out your line again. Besides, just because you personally don't understand why a person wants something doesn't mean it is wrong for them to want it. People who are commitment oriented have the right to their choices just as people who are more free spirited have the right to theirs.
Likewise, women are always looking at men as "projects" which is why they become so angry and bitter if their man leaves after the "project" is finished.
What they have to understand is, people are who they are at their basic core. If you want certain qualities, try to find someone who possess those qualities. Sure, it will take longer to find, but do you really want the headache ( or to give someone else the headache) of trying to make them into your ideal?
Now, granted, there are some men and women who do need work and acknowledge it. I once dated a guy with no sense of style, and he knew it. He actually asked me, "Hey, now that we are dating seriously, you can start showing me what you think looks good on me."
Because he actually asked me, I did--and homeboy turned into a real lady killing head turner.
Also, I do acknowledge that, in our relationships, we can shape and mold one another in good ways, especially if we are loving and nurturing within those relationships. We can hone and refine our nicer qualities, and work on some of our less favorable ones, but it should be our choice to do so, and only when we realize a need to do it.
In other words, if you don't like certain aspect of either sex, or of a particular person, don't set about to manipulate and change it.
This is a long, confusing and hurtful road for both you and your project.
Yet and still, I have heard men lament things like, "I wish my girl was more like Brad's chick--she doesn't get mad when he looks at other women...'
or.
"Why Can't Steve be more like Eric--Eric is so cultured and all Steve wants to do is watch sports!"
New flash people -- if GUY wants a woman who doesn't mind him looking at other girls, then he needs to find one. If GIRL wants a man who is cultured, look for him.
There is no shortage of either.
However, if you say to yourself, "Well, I do love him or her, I just wish they didn't do this or that..."
Guess what. They may never stop doing that little annoying thing you dislike so much. Home girl may still flip if you check out chicks. Your lover may always be a Red Sox fan.
If you love them, accept that as a part of who they are. People aren't "projects", they are human beings full of faults. The second we accept that the better.
Besides, don't we desire to have people accept us warts and all ? Then we need to do the same for our partners!
Also—show due respect for your differences.
We are supposed to be complements to one another, not reflections. Men are men; women are women, with the good and bad that comes in between.
I personally love our differences, men for the own special way in which they show care, nurturing and strength—women for how they can listen, empathize and keep it together…
Yes, I adore both for their own special gifts and talents.
This doesn’t mean there aren’t things that drive us to distraction – and that is okay.
It is what it is.
We are all going to have different wants and sometimes that will conflict with who we want to date.
Example--I once dated an amazing guy who had a ton of qualities I wanted in a man--he was smart, accomplished, fun, intelligent, strong willed and sexy--but he didn't want children.
I did--strongly.
"I didn't try to stick around & change his mind about wanting kids - that would be disrespectful & self-defeating."
Despite out amazing chemistry, we parted ways as good friends, and still drop liens from time to time--I even sent him a pic of my darling little girl, who he said was beautiful.
I didn't try to stick around and "change his mind" about wanting kids--that would be disrespectful and self-defeating. I didn't bitch and moan to my girlfriends about what a loser he was because he didn't share my life goals.
Why would I do that?
No, I used my time wisely and found a man who DID desire what I wanted, and it was the best move I ever made.
If people could simply assess what they want, and respect the wants and desires of others, the dating game would be less frustrating and far more rewarding and fun!
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