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Testing times in a relationship!
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So.. I'm in love, like crazily with a man who on paper should never be a match for me. I am 23, he is 28, he is FRENCH, white, upper middle class, and from a perfect little town called Auxerre. His family have their own businesses and own beautiful property. I am BRITISH, black, working class, and from a huge town called London. My family live in a semi detached house with a junk yard styled garden. I am a trendy fashion student, interested in gossip, arts, performance, and all things creative. My love is a real estate financial analyst geek, who wears glasses and has completely conflicting interests to my own! We are the ultimate opposites of one another, but they way in which we love one another incredible.
We met and lived together in Paris for a year before moving to Milan together (for his job, I followed), and now we are happier than ever. However the problems that faced us when we first arrived caused some havoc, and all these differences on paper came in to play. I started out very enthusiastic and optimistic about the move bout found it very challenging finding my own path in a city that didn't speak my language and with locals so socially strange to what I was accustomed to. I wanted to make the move an experience for myself, which I could later on in life benefit from. I did not want it to just be a wasted year of my life I sacrificed in order to maintain my relationship. The pressure of me not having a job caused problems when ever we had to go shopping for food, I felt like I did not want to be there because I didn't think I had a right to even decide what we should eat when I was not making any money.
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Having no income was a first for me since I was 16 so my reaction to me was normal. For my boyfriend it really hurt it that I was able to see that the fact that we were a couple would mean that I had his support, especially when I had sacrificed so much for us both. We fought night and day about this subject, and I was threatening him that I would maybe have to return home if the situation did not come to some kind of resolve. Recently I got a little lucky on the work front, I decided that I would stop being down on myself and see the bigger picture. I did lots of research as to what was on offer for me as a British girl unable to speak Italian and I found a lifeline. Even though its not my ideal job but for now it will encourage me to see what else is on offer, and at least after two months it gives me my own independence, and income. Being a child minder really is not so bad, even though it has nothing to do with my studies and interests in fashion, it will give a another kind of experience that will definitely be of some help later on in the future.
The second problem we encountered was realizing that Milan is not frequented with many ethnic people. The black population is almost non existent, so every time I walk out of my door I face the people of the city with their stares and their glares, completely fixated on me. I must say, when I first arrived it disturbed me to an extreme that I would not leave the house, without my boyfriend. When we would go out together however, people would still stare at us because we were obviously an interracial couple. So, I found that id just take their looks as a reaction of curiosity and ignorance, it was not as if I found their looks to be racially offensive so as unnerving as they were I began to block them out! Until moving to Milan, the race or other numerous reason why me and my boyfriend would not seem to be compatible never came up... Not even really the fact that we were of different races. Its amazing how something like moving cities can bring things issues to light and create problems in a relationship. I began to think that we were finally encountering race issues because it was a sign that we were not supposed to be together. I started to dwell on all the reasons why we were too different to last.
I accused him of being with me because it was just a way to satisfy his fantasy of being with an exotic woman. I accused him of some ludicrous things which nearly drove us apart. After reflecting on all the good things between us and how lucky I was to have such a loving and supporting man by side, I had to let go of all the negativity and just live and get on with my life. I think it is very enlightening to see how important these testing times can be in a relationship and how much more closely they can bring two vastly different people even closer together.
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I honestly don't get it. Any advice?
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asked 15 hours ago
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