I've been friends with this guy for three years. His mom died a year ago. We were romantically involved before she died; after she died things got really confusing and hard to deal with; the romance fizzled out. Today we are closely connected emotionally although we rarely talk. I love him but I am not in love with him. In the past he has told me that he doesn't want to just be friends and that when he gets his act together, he wants to be with me. Actions speak louder than words to me, and he has never acted the way he "feels" for me. He has done many selfish things that have hurt me. I recently went on a date with one of his friends who I recently met; I was hoping that he would support our new interest in each other (since it has been so long since we were romantically involved). While dating the new guy, I realized that I actually do have more than friendship feelings for my friend. I wanted him to know that I really care about him alot; I love him, but I know we would never work out. I also tell him I love him when we have a moment alone every so often. Anyway, last night I said "I love you." He looked away and said "I love you too." Then I made fun of him for looking away as he said it- even though it actually hurt my feelings. We hugged each other and I felt him smell my hair. He kissed the top of my head and then my forehead. I find him difficult to read. What do his reactions (verbal and non-verbal) to my comment mean? I feel like he says one thing with words but his body language says differently. When I tell him I love him, I mean it. I know he means it too, but it seems like whenever he says it back it isn't as "loving" as when I say it.
I think your guy friend is suffering from a broken heart. But, I don't think it has anything to do with you. It sounds like when his mom died, everything went down hill for him. He may have emotions that he has not dealt with yet regarding that. Also, it sounds like he may have a hard time saying,"I love you" to you because it hurts his heart to much to say it to anyone - especially after losing his mom. Mothers are more important to guys than girls realize. I think that he may need time and help to process the loss of his mother with someone before he is able to open up and let you into his life at this time. He probably needs someone to talk to about it. I would be careful to not be too hard on him regarding your relationship right now either, because I doubt that he could handle it - especially if he's got stuff that he needs to come to terms with. At any rate, I would suggest just being a friend to him until he is able to get through it and to have patience with him.
maybe he does love you but he is afraid to do so, because he lost his mom and he loved her so much and "doesnt want to move on". people get like that a lot when the people they love die. they are afraid to love again. give him some time to deal with his mothers death and get back up on his feet. be there for him and help him see that it is okay to love you.
I believe I love you should only be said if you truly mean it and feel it. I love my boyfriend, but there are times, he would say, "i love you", but...
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