How do I stop intimidating guys?

"And, okay, I'm smart..."

Well, you may have just answered you own question right there. And

"When I'm at parties or whatever, I don't act like the "smart girl," I just hang out and have fun."

What you think to be laid back and hanging out can still be very nerve wracking because you are smart. You are probably more aware of your surroundings than others may be and seem to always be on "top of your game". That can be an interesting situation.

You ever thought about using that power to your advantage? Just a thought..

Not knowing you, I can't really say why you seem intimidating. I doubt it's your appearance. Maybe you're not picking up on the signals? Egos are a fragile thing, very few guys are going to just lay it out there and say "hey stranger, wanna get some coffee? ", rather, they'll flirt. If you're not picking up on it (and don't flirt back), they might assume you did notice and think you're not interested. If you've got a lot of common interests with guys (sci-fi or whatever else), the line between friendly chat and flirting might be further blurred. So I don't know, I just have a hard time believing that guys aren't hitting on you, since that's pretty much all guys our age do around women, especially parties.

It's none of my business how you conduct your life, but I recommend against saving yourself for marriage. Your intentions are good, but I'm going to lay it out bluntly: what you're basically going to be giving your guy is a someone who knows nothing about sex, or who could end up being really bad/prudish about it (not saying you are but he wouldn't know, and if you've never tried I don't know how you'd know what you're comfortable with either). Or worse for you, he could end up being really bad in bed. If you wait until marriage you could be setting yourself up for a lifetime of disappointment. Ok, here's the blunt part: telling him you want to wait until marriage is going to scare away a good 75% of guys, in my estimation, maybe more. It has nothing to do with them wanting to use you for sex and everything to do with the idea that they'd have to wait YEARS to have sex again w/o cheating. The whole "lets wait" thing might work if he's a virgin too, but if he's not, you're basically asking him to throw away his sex life for years on the chance that you'll end up getting hitched, and even after that it's a total gamble as to whether you're sexually compatible.

I'll tell you from experience with approaching, first of all, a physically attractive female, and next, one who looks like she has a lot to offer is this: women get just as nervous/anxious when they are approached for the first time by a mature young man who knows how to approach a girl and knows how to start a conversation. I bet you if a cute looking guy approached you and started talking to you in a friendly yet sexy manner that you would be very nervous and not be in control of your actions. It's ok because everyone who is approached is nervous. Its instinct. Most of the time, I feel as though if I admire from afar and not say anything to look foolish is the way to go. I pick and choose my moments to when to be flirty since talking to a woman anywhere sets the wrong contexts for communication sometimes. I find parties to be a good place to find people to fool around with. Alcohol is one of the best social relaxers.

What's the point here? Be receptive to any advancements, don't be picky, and go to parties of all kinds.

P. S. Good luck with the whole virginity thing, sucks not feeling such a wonderful experience until your married.

Well everyone fears rejection. If you seem to have everything to offer, they probably assume you're taken already. So if they assume with some certainty that you are taken, they don't want to get rejected.

Some little things that might help, if you are surrounded by a few guys and having a good time, and you see a guy you're interested in that is looking your way, smile and wave so he knows you're not taken. Wearing rings on or around your wedding finger is a sure-fire way to scare off the good guys too... so don't do that either :)

I'm seriously dying to date you...

You'll be a catch for whomever you find. I think it's wonderful that you have strong beliefs and reasons to back them up.

You sound mature and intelligent for your age. Unfortunately, this can be a problem when it comes to dating. Many young men don't know how to handle a smart woman, in part because there still exists the notion that men should be in the superior position at all times. Even when you try to dumb down your conversation (i.e. not acting like the smart girl), people can still sense that you're smart. It's one of those things that can't be turned off. Plus, I'll bet that most people don't know how to respond when you mention your field of study!

Given enough time, you'll be sure to meet someone just as brainy and geeky as you (if you'll pardon the pejorative terms). He'll appreciate your academic and moral strengths, and hopefully he'll have some qualities that you enjoy as well. Just remember to keep looking, and to hold onto your beliefs.

Be kind, be sweet. I'm not really sure how you can show guys that your approachable other than that. Maybe you should be approaching them, at least for now. I'll tell you what though, to be honest, I wouldn't tell people that you meet that your working on a PH.D (unless you know the other person is working on theirs) save that for the date. If a girl that I may hook up with told me that, I think that would be intimidating because I don't want the chick to be that much smarter than me or at least perceived.

When I met my girlfriend now, she was graduating and I found that slightly intimidating especially since I only have a G.E.D. That went away though when I realised I had way more street smarts so to speak, and a lot more life experience. but back on topic. Also, I wouldn't tell your date your deal on not having sex either, because that would be a turn off to any guy that I MYSELF know, maybe not all guys, but the ones I know wouldn't even give it a chance if they knew they couldn't have sex for the entire courtship that could theoreticly be years, and I'm not sure how many guys would want to jump into marriage quickly just to have sex (good thing) and I would be careful of the ones that would.

This being said, I think you will drastically drop your chances of finding a guy by doing this to be honest, but I'm not gonna tell you to give up your ethics. Now for my own opinion. Not to many guys I know actually like having sex with virgins. It's a pain in the ass, and it's usually not very good, and more than likely, even if you find the guy that will wait however long for the marriage to have sex, he probably won't be able to return the "gift". Anyhow, hope this helps.

Now I've given you some advice and my opinions because I have asked a question and would like the same back, and to get, you must give. My Topic (s) have gotten little responses and I would really like to get a decent amount of opinions and thoughts from both sexes, so if you would be so kind as to now give me your words of wisdom I would be greatly appreciative. The topic (s) are tittled "Should I contact my X lover" which is what I wrote first, then Since I couldn't bump it, I wrote a shortened version titled "Should I contact her" either would be fine. They are in the relationships section. Thanks.

Oh my gosh
same thing is going on with me yes I'm a little younger and a little more experienced but
my two friends guy friends Jackson and Dylan said they would be really afraid to ask me out because they said I intimidate most guys at school.
I went home and asked a few older roll model people that I look up to and they said being intimidating means that you have beauty and brains which is very rare and dangerous I mean if you look at Jessica Simpson or any of those ditsy girlie girls that are beautiful but aren't intelligent no wonder guys go after them mean do think a guy would go after a girl they know will be able to tell if they're going to play you or not?They said it means being really independent like not relying all your options and opinions over your boyfriends or friends
not meaning you're a loner just meaning that you are yourself and you have morals and rules that you hold strong and don't let others change
i don't know that's what's
my dad,step mom cousin mom aunt and uncle all said
so I guess its a good thing

Virginity is a very outdated social construct. Virginity because important centuries ago when women were treated as property. When the prospective husband had to ask the girl's father for her hand, they were in effect negotiating property rights and trading. Back then, it was easier to "wait until marriage" because girls married at 14-16 years old often to men much older then they were. They were supposed to remain virgins so that whoever married them was sure of the offspring's paternity (again, this had to do with property rights: they had to make sure the heir to their property was actually their own offspring).

Today, men still expect women to be virgins because they are afraid that if they are not they will have comparison. If a girl is virgin, she does not know if she could have a better lover or not because the current lover is the only lover she had. It flatters the men's egos and cheats you out of enjoying sex in its own right. Being a virgin until marriage gives you a raw deal, because very few (if any at all) MEN will be virgins when you marry them.

It's not exactly the "best gift" if it's rusty, is it? It sounds like they are only saying that you "intimidate" guys to make you feel better about not being popular with them. It's sad that you are 19 and haven't kissed anyone. Maybe what you consider being a "smart girl" is actually being a boring girl. Learn how to flirt. Wear some make up. Start taking better care of yourself. And the whole holier-than-thou self-righteous persona doesn't really help you any. You need to lighten up and have some fun instead of taking yourself so seriously all the time.

Now I really had to give response to your question. It seems I have exactly the same problem. I know that I am a smart and pretty girl with a good sense of humor and yet I haven't ever had a *real* boyfriend. Just like you I'm totally confused about the reasons of why guys don't seem to be too eager to approach me (or try to make me their girlfriend).
I've been told different things: some of my girlfriends told me it's my lack of confidence (which is probably not true, and not even relevant any more), some people told me it's my attitude: I appear arrogant and stuck-up (which may be partially true, but I try hard to avoid being so, and at parties I'm not at all like that, like you said, I'm also relaxed and having fun), another thing is that I may seem too smart (without intending to) or it may appear that I have a better sense of humor.
Of course there are often some creeps that do try approaching me, but that's another story.
What comforts me a bit is the thought that a guy that is a match for me is not going to be intimidated. We're looking for boys that are more like us, that are smart and confident as well, aren't we? So my answer is you (and I) don't need to stop intimidating guys, because those that are intimidated are not even right for you anyway! I guess this is how girls like us naturally weed out guys that are not worth our attention.

It sounds to me like you're an all-around cool girl who is just yourself, and true to yourself. It also sounds like your problem (which I share) is that you're very mature for you're age. You have goals and no intentions of veering from them. I think guys are very intimidated by successful women, for some reason. Just keep being yourself and having a good time. An older guy would be more suitable for you though, that way their not in the 'i wanna party every night and get laid everyday' mode...at least not as much, anymore. Plus, it sounds like f15x28 has the right idea ; ) If I were a lesbian I'd take you out haha.