It's human nature to want to give someone a second chance and to believe that things can be better. It's also human nature to block out quite a bit of hurt and remember the good times and good feelings, as opposed to when they were hurt so badly. So the memory is skewed...making it much easier to go back to someone who has caused you pain. You can only be supportive as their friend and say "I am here for you know matter what" - good decisions, bad decisions, you are a friend and that's your job as a friend...to be supportive. So, even if you know that this douche bag guy is going to hurt your friend all over again, the only thing you can do is be her shoulder to cry on. Women like to believe, myself included, that guys can change for the better...that they can become better people, therefore, better for us as we see it...while I've seen it happen...it's rare. And deep down...your friends know this...they are just holding onto the warm feelings and holding onto to something that they know is only temporary...because where they are in their lives...well, having something is better than being alone. Trust me, that one day...whether very soon or very far off - your lady friends will realize that only until it is that they are truly happy and comfortable on their own will true, true love enter in...because it can...it won't be competing with loneliness, bitterness or despair!
Very good answer, I must say. I dunno, perhaps this question is also a way to rant at the idiots that hurt girls like this because I can't really go to them face to face and remove their faces. You can even see the comments to 3 guys at the bottom.
It's just really hard to see these girls go back again when I know what's going to happen, and then not to scream when I see it. It's really hard to deal with that. I love my friends, but I can't stop them from being so badly hurt. Can I do it? Plz?
They go back because the guy is something familiar something they are used to and know and that is comfortable even if the he hurt them sometimes they do know that he'll do it again. Sometimes they will genuinely think that he changed or he has told them that he's changed or something like that and then they will have to learn on their own that it is very unlikely that they have changed at all and that it is very likely that they will be hurt again.
it is nice that you want to protect your friends, but you can't always make them see things the way you see things. You can tell them that they'll probably get hurt again bu the decisions they make are their own. Just be there for them if it all goes wrong again and cheer for them if they can make it work again. The best things you can do is just be their friend
Thank you and that's a very good answer. Is there no way that I can stop them from being hurt, or shield them from the brunt of it? Do I just have to stand by and watch it happen all over again? I realize that I can't live their lives for them, but sometimes it is so hard to stand by and watch someone get hurt so badly. I have to wonder if there is a way to show these women that they deserve so much better than these guys. BTW, go read the guys' comments at the bottom. Quite heartless views.
It's great that you want to protect your friends from the world of unfit guys but unfortunately there is no way for you to stop them from getting hurt,it is hard, in fact it's almost impossible, to protect someone from themselves and shielding them from the consequences of their own actions can often hurt them down the road, it's better if they learn themselves that going back to guy that hurt them is NOT a good idea
That is a hard thing to accept, but I suppose I must, kinda like all parents need to do at some time. Any thoughts on helping them pick up the pieces when they come back hurt?
Do just that, pick up the pieces, remind them of how fabulous they are and how they deserve better. Use kind soft comforting words
don't judge them. They'll get enough of that from other people listen to her, let her vent, let her cry and let her know that that's ok
just be there for her. She's the one that has to decide to heal and change
so just support her in that
Because maybe their self esteem is so low that they think that's either all they can get or what they deserve. OR maybe they want to make him their project and change him into a nice guy. Nobody really knows for sure, not even the girls that do this to themselves. There's nothing you can do to protect your friends unfortunately, however, you can be there to pick them up when they get hurt again. Just being a good friend and listener does wonders for people. Great question hun!
I think all of your reasons have valid points to them. I've even heard of cycles of abuse where the woman goes back into a physically/emotionally/sexually abusive relationship because that's more 'comfortable' (WHAT?!?!) than no relationship or a new one. If it is physical, can it be a good thing for me to return the favor to the bastard?
Thanks! I could've sworn I placed this as a behavior question. I think that that's how I meant it to be in the first place. Admin sometimes plague my Q's.
Lol it is a behavior question =-) And since you're no longer a minor and could go to jail for beating someone up, I wouldn't advise returning the favor to these guys, no matter how much they deserve it. My mom was in an abusive relationship for ten years because that's all she knew. Love blinds people too.
Lol, yeah, but last night (by SA time, perhaps 6-8 hrs ahead of you) it was changed to a Relationships Q. I have had several legit comments taken off b4. They also 'correct' my spelling, not realizing that in SA, I'm spelling color with the 'u' correctly.
I suppose that that can be a bad thing about love. It can blind us from the truth of a situation where maybe the scum (sorry, but for these guys, that's a compliment) won't ever truly love the person in a relationship like this. Is that love?
Here's a good one to think about. Can you really call it love when you're in an abusive relationship and you don't see the other 'individual' for what it is? Is it truly love when you don't take a look at all the person's sides and see them for all their weaknesses (in this case, *%&^ness) and their strengths, and then to accept them anyway? Does it truly mean to go into a relationship blindly, or rather accepting of whatever may come?
I think part of it is love. But a screwed up kinda love.
I love my hubby even with all of his flaws. But he is not abusing me. So it is kinda a different story.
I think some people just love the idea of the person they have convinced themselves that they are. Do you understand that at all?
They see the person as something they want them to be and love the idea of that. And for some reason they have it set in their minds that the person will change into that idea one day for them.
Girls go back to people they have a strong relational memory to. They remember the last time they were hurting and they ran to their "man" and he helped her. Post break-up, if they got hurt by a guy, or someone else, they forget about all the pain they went through with their ex, and slip back into the arms of him. For a second, they feel relieved, they feel safe from another guy, only to trap themselves in an emotional bond with their ex.
Girls are more emotional than men. When they feel safe, or taken care of, they develop an emotional connection with him, and it's so difficult to break once started.
How to help: You have to create an emotional bond with her. . . To do that, she might have to like you romantically. . . No good. The only real solution is to let her know that she is strong, she can be her own person without men. She has to gain strength. If she runs to another guy, even if it's you, she's just running away again. Encourage her, and constantly give her wisdom of what she needs to do for her own good. . . Instead of what she wants you to say.
What's needed and best
not what makes her feel better..
Very good answer. Will not encouragement help her feel better anyway? I don't know about the emotional bond with her apart from friendship. If I had more than that, she might not want to move on with her life, and I definitely don't want that. I'd rather that she is her own person without the need for a destructive emotional bond with anyone but the man that is worthy of it. That's not me or this other jerk.
You can only help her feel better and point her in the right direction. Ultimately, she must choose to make a change. Does she know what she's doing is destructive?
You can tell someone to put down a cigarette thousands of times, but it won't help till they know the affects of cigarettes. Make sense?
All you can do is lead her to something better, and I don't mean a new guy. Let her know of her own strength and worth. She's so much more valuable than that one guy.
Very good points. You've got the best answer! Congrats.
Well thanks! lol! Really though, just more concerned for your friend. I really hope she finds some of her own strength. I'll pray for her understanding . . . . and your wisdom for her.
Until she learns that when you run too fast, you'll fall and hurt yourself. . . all you can do is help her back up. She has to choose not to run so fast. good luck. . . I know it must be difficult for you as well
For the same reason they are attracted to them in the first place.
Here's the real deal - they are lying about what happened. Don't be fooled, and don't get involved.
Let your friends make their own choices - chances are, what you hear from your chick friends is only half the story, if even based on any truth at all - I've heard the most ridiculous things about me - but ya know, sometimes when people get mad, they exaggerate - I've even had to get into fist fights over it - only to figure after the fact that the girl liked to know I would fight for her.
Its pretty pathetic and sad - if a female friend starts complaining all the time about their BF, chances are they aren't really your friend and are just using you to justify some want or need in their life. Just tell them you don't believe them, or that you'd want to hear the other guys side of the story - watch your female friend change or modify her story fast - its a laugh riot - don't be the fool that just assumes what a woman tells you is truth - rarely is that ever the case.
Can't wait for the negative feedback on this one - sorry ladies, cats out of the bag.
I always comment on answers to my questions, so whatever the case of +ve/-ve, you get all the extra points anyway. Anyhoo, to answer, Id say that you most likely have had bad experiences with this type of girl. I haven't had that. I've seen how hurt the girls can really get, and they take much more than it takes some guys to get hurt. If a girl does do that, it is wrong on too many levels. It's crying wolf, and it's dangerous.
That said, I will NEVER tell a girl I disbelieve her. I'll get facts.
"chances are they aren't really your friend" So much truth to this in some cases. There was a girl I was friends with who used to cry to me all the time about these abuse guys she kept going back to, and one day I said enough was enough, you can't keep putting me through this same conversation time and time again, and that was the end of the friendship as far as she was concerned.
Doesn't matter, I'm not going to say I'm surprised to hear that. If you're going to say something like that to a 'friend' I'm not surprised she stopped being friends with you. Do you have any idea how special a friend is that will cry on your shoulder? She's another portal into the female psyche, and you go and say something like that to her? It's better to be a friend to her and let her vent with you than to hurt her worse than these idiots that abuse relationships can.
From a girls perspective her:
If she's doing that, she's being very trampy, she's having sex with one man, but he or she is not smart enough to have a real relationship - just to have have sex, watch movies, and listen to music with - vapid BS, nothing real - then expects to have something substantial with someone whose "just a friend" - that's just a bit suspicious don't you think? - Sounds more like a reason for her to talk to other guys and not seem like the slut she is.
Something just pointed out to me: What your describing is emotional adultery - its cheating.
The girls I've mention this to said that if they ever caught their Boyfriend with some girl crying on his shoulder - They'd immediately hurt him or his car then dump them as they walked out the door - no questions asked.
First comment on the list, that's never the case with the girls I'm talking about. None of them are sleeping with the guy (they want to wait until marriage), so that's invalid. They aren't slutty by any measure.
Emotional adultery I can definitely see, and I agree to a point. It's only after the relationship, and they're hurt that they come and need someone to comfort them. They have other girl friends that they go to too, not just me - in fact, it's rare that they do. I'm talking about then.
People that want to wait till marriage usually are trying to hind psychological problems/disorders.
But that's not why I am commenting again after all this time. A common trend with women that go back to guys they claim hurt them, never were hurt by the guy; rather the women in question felt hurt because they couldn't get what they wanted from the guy. In reality, and not girl-speak, the girl did more hurting to the guy then the guy ever did to the girl.
Opinion
6Opinion
The honest truth is that its the easy way out. Sometimes its too much work to look for someone better and have to start over when you got someone that wants you back and you have to do pretty much nothing. People tend to overlook the past problems in order to get rid of the feeling of being alone, so they go back to the ones that hurt them thinking it will get better and just taking the easy way out, which most of the time is the wrong choice.
I agree. I just wish that that wasn't the case, you know? Most answerers (apart from some of the guys, in other words) have said that the best I can do is to comfort them when they get out rather than try and stop them going back in. What's your thoughts on it?
BTW, as you can see from some of the girls, you continue replying, and I will too. More lovely Xper points to chew on.
You can try to show them how much they have been hurt. Make them realize that it probably won't getter better and that they are setting themselves up for failure. If you know the relationship remind them of all the hard times that they had, so kinda try to scare them and make them see the real truth rather than what they wish it was.
Is the best thing really to scare them? Is it maybe not better to remind them of the love that they can rather get elsewhere, from guys that will actually love them? I see you say that it's better to scare, but why scare rather than to remind of what it could be? Why is that better?
Well maybe scare isn't the right word. But its hard to show someone the future that hasn't happened yet. So what I meant is that you have to show them the things that already happened, show them the bad in those people from the past rather than make things up and give them false hope in the future.
Is it false hope to tell them that there are guys out there that can actually care for them? That makes me feel that there's never going to beany girls interested in a guy that just might because they think that there's no such thing. Okay, that's over-reacting. Honestly though, most girls do know that there are other guys out there that aren't bastards. Do you know how to show them that without it being false hope? Is that actually the best thing for them, or to carry on with the bastards?
Telling them that there are guys out there for them is a given I don't think needs to be said.
look around guys are everywhere, am I right? To me that doesn't need to be said to that person. Of course without hope there is not much to look forward to. If you believe in jesus, I have heard that people pray for their future spouse every night, even tho they have never met before. What I'm getting at here is that there is someone out there for everyone. The Perfect Match, The Perfect Kiss, Its Real
Guys are all around. No mistaking that, but is he that right one? I doubt it. Someone that won't treat her with respect can't be it. The problem comes in though when doesn't see it. Girls that are with guys like this or are about to go back don't see that nor do they seem to want to.
Do you believe in the one person for everyone? It's a hot issue for debate.
You can only do so much as a friend. If you have done you best to try and save this person from a bad relationship that's all you can do. You can't make people listen if they are not willing to, so it is a two way street. But I do believe that there is someone perfect for everyone. Continue your search and keep expectations, don't waste time on people that don't matter.
Well said. Next up, convincing her of that. Lol. Thanks for the answers! I'm also a believer of one correct person for everyone, don't worry. I'm just wanting to make people think about why they believe what they do, so thanks.
Most of the time it because, they don't want things to change, and its what they know.
I myself have done it, gone back over and over to the same guy that treated me like shit. I didn't want my life to change, it was familiar, and comfy. Basically I had to learn it on my own, sadly that's usually what it takes. Yes you can bandage the boo boos afterwards, but not prevent them from the next round.
Not being able to stop the girls from getting hurt is something that all answerers (apart from the insensitive and ignorant guys at the bottom) have said. I just wish there was some way to magically convince these girls of the truth about these idiots. I don't mind being there to comfort after they are hurt, in fact, I feel honored, but I'd rather they weren't hurt in the first place. It's hard watching them get hurt like this and doing nothing about it.
I honestly think girls go back to guys that hurt them because of reasons.
1) they weren't ready to let them go.
2) they really really like them
3)they don't realize the guy will hurt them again
4) they are stupid enough to go back and get there heart broken AGAIN. Why would you want you're heart broken? Date a guy that won't break your heart! <3
I agree. Is there a way to stop that cycle of abuse from continuing? Sometimes they just don't want to see that it's going to happen again.
I personally am going through that right now. I have liked the same guy since august and he has been horrible to me (like sex with other girls, lying constantly, and telling his friends things I have said to him in confidence). Even though we aren't dating that practically what we are. The reason I go back to him is because I can't admit the fact that he won't change because I just like him that much. When I'm with him he makes me feel like I'm the most perfect girl in the world and I want that feeling so much that I won't let him go.
I'm really sorry about guys that are like that. They don't respect girls the way that they deserve to be. What do your friends think of him and the way he's acting?
Because their behavior is predictable and we are, to an extent acclimatized to it. We give the guys we care about and are comfortable with the opportunity to change their behavior or ourselves the chance to try to cope with it. A mix of compromise and hope for change.
Do some girls realize that the guy is Highly likely to hurt them again? Is it not more comfortable to have someone that will care for them and treat them as they truly deserve rather than as little more than trash? I find that so hard to understand. I realize where you're coming from, and I agree, but I just can't understand why some girls are like this. It's really sad to see someone you really care about go back and beat against a brick wall over and over again. Does it ever end?
They realize there is the potential for him to hurt them again. Most of the time we prepare for it, we know it is inevitable to some extent because it is just his personality. This really has a lot to do with her self-esteem. I know it sounds cliche, but until she figures out that she deserves better, it won't ever end. Even if he dumps her and she feels she "loves" him she will keep running back. and honestly it might just be a little fear of being alone and/or unloved/unwanted
Is there a way to help build her self-esteem to combat her need to go back to him? She DOES, deserve better, and I wish with all my heart that she knew that. I tell this one particular girl that all the time I spend with her when she's hurt that she does and that she's worth fifty of him.
I know its hard to watch. I was surrounded by friends who would always try to convince me to leave my ex. Mostly, my friends tried to distract me from seeing him by hanging out with me and taking me to different environments. Being constantly surrounded and mean constantly by good people who love her and appreciate her will increase let her know how special she is. Hopefully it will be the start her starting to realize that she is truly loved by everyone else but this jerk. Keep loving it works
Very good comment. Love does seem to help better than anything else. Didn't he (your ex) get jealous about all the time that you were spending time with your friends? I've seen them (jerks or bastards, take your pick of words - they're both accurate) get really controlling and mean when they're feeling like this, and it's the girl that really suffers. The love will make it better, but it's hard before then, isn't it?
He always got mad, claiming I cared about my friends more than him. I had to tell him the truth and let him know I felt better being around them. There were times when he would get upset enough that I would stay with him, but it usually enhanced how miserable I was with him. My going with my friends was ultimately the demise of our relationship. My ex had kids too, and he always use to try to use them to get me to stay around too. Telling them to tell me not to leave and such. They'll try all!
Erg! That's a really low blow. Using guilt and kids to get someone to stick around is really not a great thing to have to put up with. If it's any consolation, the fact that he'd use his kids means that he'd have likely used you too, so it's a good thing that you got out when you did. I suppose that misery really does love company, and this guy was obviously miserable. He seems to have wanted to make you miserable rather than happy. That's not a thing of love, but rather manipulation.
Yes, you are absolutely right. When I was really ingrained in his life, I knew that he didn't have very much going for him. He just wanted someone to balance out the misery in his life. He wasn't a very happy person to begin with when I met him. I guess on top of attraction, I actually felt sorry for him too. I almost felt obligated to stay since because I thought he deserved to be happy. Had to grow up to figure out that he had to make himself happy.
You can't really base a relationship off of guilt. It's doomed to unhappiness if you tried. It's a good thing that you got out when you did. You're right, the only way for him to have become happy is if he actually tried to accept happiness for himself. It's there for anyone to grab, but he must actually accept it for it to mean anything. If it's any further consolation, he would not have been happy with anyone until he did that. He needed to grow up.
There's not really much you can do .Some people just need to learn on their own.You can sit them down and tell them that the guy is never going to change his ways for her, and that you don't like seeing them get hurt over and over.You can tell them that there are better people out there for them and that they deserve better then that....but they probably won't listen.
But what if it is a thing that could BADLY hurt them, like a physical abusive relationship? I don't know anyone at the moment like that, but they are out there. Can I do something then?
It actually hurts to see others hurt. I think I'm really empathic in that way - I can sometimes feel others pain, and it really hurts! I shudder to think what it's like for them. Often I've found that they don't want (?!?!) to see that there's others out there. Thanks for the answer!
Well if it turns physical I would urge them to call the police and get a restraining order. Some women who are physically abused won't leave the relationship or call the police because they either fear their partners retaliation or they have tricked themselves into thinking they will change.
It only leaves the one doing the abusing out there to hurt others. A friend of mine was being abused and I told her to get out now. She is still with him I don't know if she is just not telling me or if he stopped.
Do you know if it's legal to go and get the restraining order against someone on a friend's behalf, for their own protection? It's obvious that they need the help, but if they won't get it, what can I do? Surely there's something? I suppose that if I heard it, I could call the police and maybe intervene.
Check out my comments to LilMiss. What do you think of the same extra questions I posed?
I think the only way to get a restraining order on the behalf of another person is if you are their legal guardian and have been given the power to make legal decisions for them.
The only thing you can really do is report it and hope that when they investigate it they see what is really going on. It's really hard seeing others in pain and not being able to do anything about it.
I suppose that is the only thing I can do, as much as I'd want to hurt the guy responsible. I'm not actually a violent person. Most describe me as being quiet and almost impossible to get angry, but this is one thing that WILL do it. I just hope that police will check things out if I report it happening - I don't know someone like this at the mo, but if I did, anyway.
I think that I can see what you mean in the comment above. It isn't love for the real person, rather the person they think they are. Is that it?
Personally, I think that a major part of love is accepting a person with all their flaws and weaknesses, but not being blind to them.
Its usually cause the connection was so STRONG girls just assume that if you fail the first time try and try again. My ex ex (one of those? ) was my first true love he showed me what it was all about and I so loved being on what I call the "love buzz" I was so happy and I wasn't even stoned lol seriously that's what it felt like reaaaallly good. I lost count of how many times I had to get over him. I would be fine then all of a sudden one day out of the blues he would say he missed me etc etc then it would feel like my whole world came crashing down I knew he was a player but the fact our connection was so strong oh man. If I was really over him I would tell him to f*** off but I didn't so I knew I had to try again till I had gotten that feeling out of my system. So what us girls do is we act on this our feelings also act as our instincts for situations like this.
The only thing you can do to protect your friends is to be there for them, listen and give sound advice. If they keep going back, then it is their choice. Unfortunately its not uncommon for girls in particular to go back to boyfriends that have hurt them, mainly if they have been verbally abusive as some guys will actually work towards making the girl feel inadequate and won't have the ability to find someone better. Or it can be simply that a girl may feel they won't get any better. Also some girls mistake the hurt feelings and frustration is actually love, well its not, its exactly what it is hurt feelings. Just best to be their friends and support them :)
Well, some girls get very attached to the guy and no matter what the guy does to her she will stay. Others are afraid to leave, afraid what the guy will do. Others are afraid of hurting the guy. Some girls don't even know why they stay. I've been in the same situation before. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 in a half years. We've had some problems. And he's really jealous and controlling sometimes. I've never left. But its because I love him more than anything. AND THEN I GOT PREGNANT. LOL That's life though.
In a lot of cases guys like this seek out girls who have low self-esteem. They it's basically brain washing from then out. The guy tells the girl everything thing she wants to hear. Then he hurts her by cheating, putting her down, or even physically hurting her. At this point she's convinced that he is the only man who will ever love here because he's the only one who's said all these great things about her.
So when he dumps her or she leaves him they are left without that sense of belonging. When he says "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it" they go back because they want to be accepted and they think he's the only one who ever will accept them the way they are. It's a control thing.
If you wanna protect your friends you gotta boost their self-esteem, show them they deserve to be accepted and not change because someone else has asked them to.
I think the reason girls go back to guys that hurt them is because they are in love. Some guys let it go easier and they act like they don't even care. Help your friends by proving it too them. Help them catch the guy in the act.
Often they know that the guy is going to hurt them again, yet they still seem to go back. What do you mean 'proving it to them'? Are they really in love or are they just blinded and unwilling to see?
To be honest, I don't think girls even know why. My ex who I went out with 5 times used to just hurt me and then ask for me back, I really tried to say no but I just couldn't. And I still can't explain why! Or when we argued and id go to say its over then, id get so close and then I wouldn't. Its a thing girls aren't completely sure about either.
They do it because we, girls, have this desire for a fantasy relationship. And we think that 'he' will change and stop hurting us. That's why.
Is there any way to remove the delusion that he'll change? He always seems to do it, and yet they still don't see that.
Well I have an ex that when I was dating her I treated her like shit and we broke up and now she wants me back , I don't want her back but she wants me back. My philosophy is they like it when you treat them bad cause they don't want a guy who's a wuss they want a guy who's not going to put up with all there bullshit. And also the more you ignore them the more they want you back.
No girl I know likes it when you treat them badly. In fact, no human being I know likes it when you treat them badly. They, according to other answers here, think that they can make it better the next time, or they feel that this crap is what they deserve and they take some sort of sick comfort from it. Another reason is that they think they may be able to 'fix' you. You have some really twisted philosophies. Go ask ANY girl you want what they think of them. You'll get yourself quite a shock.
Ok well I do ask any girl and they say oh they want a nice sweet guy, really? They may want that but when a nice sweet guy comes up to them they, say things like oh he's so sweet what a great friend nothing more. Why do you think all your friends are with guys who are assholes, the answer is simple they are attracted to them cause he won't put up with their bullshit and a nice guy will, he will put up with that crap all the time and it makes him look even worse. NICE Guys never win.
Being nice doesn't mean being a push-over. It just means that you treat them with respect, that you actually love them. Do you know what it is to love? It most certainly doesn't mean that you let them screw up their lives unhindered. A parent who doesn't set certain limits to freedom is not fit to call what they do love. The same goes for any relationship - anything without limits is dangerous, so being nice is NOT being a rug. I also beg to differ about nice guys not winning. I see it every day
Ok, I guess I'll give everybody the lowdown on the truth to this. Yes, girls are attracted more to guys that can be labeled as jerks. The reason behind this is that a guy who is a jerk exhibits the 3 C's that a women is looking for:
1. Confidence-that is a given
2. Challenge-girls know a guy who is rough around the edges is going to be difficult, but they crave that in a relationship. It's a girl's next big project to keep herself entertained with. Nice guys aren't as attractive
Because they don't show any restraint for how they are feeling about a girl. And that instantly puts into a girl's mind that this guys is head over heels for her and she can have him no matter what she does or how she acts. And sadly, "Nice" guys will put up with these "tests" again and again losing more and more respect from her for allowing her to behave like that and not to mention self respect as well.
3. Control-this is a HUGE one that most girls will not even admit to themselves at
Themselves at times that not only does a girl want a man who is in control of his life and his actions, but she wants a guy to be in control of her. Not like controlling everything she does type of control, but more so like the alpha-male type who exhibits masculinity and dominance over her. It spells it out in every date book that I have read that women are more attracted to guys the more masculine they are and men are more attracted to girls the more feminine they are.
So the key is not
To be a doormat and let a women walk all over you with her inappropriate behaviors/tests and at the same time you can't be a total asshole who acts like he doesn't give a shit. I've tried both before and they always fail eventually. You have to be a "nice jerk" so to speak. Respect a woman, but at the same time respect yourself as well. Most girls love a guy that gives them respect and yet at the same time is comfortable and confident enough with himself to just completely walk away if need be.
I fully understand you I'm a very caring and sensitive person and nothing upsets me more than seeing girl being taking advantage of or to see her going back to a guy that treats her like crap!
Because going back to what's familiar is much easier than starting anew.
the same reason guys like girls that will never like them back.
Because they could really like the guy or just think that he or she has learned his/her lesson
They usually get attached
or they think they will change and things will be better the second time around
Well I know where your coming from. Because I too have seen it happen a lot too. All you can do is just be there for them and try to talk to them even if they don't listen which they probably won't but just keep trying because on they it might work.
Ask them why they want them back after that person broke their heart.
Advise them to move on with their lives & stop living in the past.
I have seen it too many times with my friends and my family. It is familiar environment. Something they recognize. Going with someone new is like stepping out of their comfort zone.
Good guys always finish last, and are you familiar with the term masochist?
Not always. In fact, rarely by my personal experience. Maybe though that's just because I don't hold company with guys that treat women with anything less than respect, so I rarely see them winning or losing. I often see the good guys win in the end.
I am familiar with the term masochist. Been jokingly called that by some friends when they saw that I don't mind pain (used to snap rubber band on my wrist just to see the raised bump it creates). What did you mean by that here, though?
Meaning you enjoy the experience of pain, it think it is pretty straightforward?
Yes, I know what a masochist is. Like I said, I've been jokingly called one in the past. I also have a higher pain threshold than any of my friends, so a little pain now and again doesn't really bother me. Sometimes I can turn that pain into something I 'enjoy' by thinking so in my mind. Do you honestly think these girls are masochistic? That's rather weird, as none of them seem to have enjoyed it at all once they get out of it. I suppose they often go back, so there's some merit there.
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