The only thing you can do to protect your friends is to be there for them, listen and give sound advice. If they keep going back, then it is their choice. Unfortunately its not uncommon for girls in particular to go back to boyfriends that have hurt them, mainly if they have been verbally abusive as some guys will actually work towards making the girl feel inadequate and won't have the ability to find someone better. Or it can be simply that a girl may feel they won't get any better. Also some girls mistake the hurt feelings and frustration is actually love, well its not, its exactly what it is hurt feelings. Just best to be their friends and support them :)
I have seen it too many times with my friends and my family. It is familiar environment. Something they recognize. Going with someone new is like stepping out of their comfort zone.
In a lot of cases guys like this seek out girls who have low self-esteem. They it's basically brain washing from then out. The guy tells the girl everything thing she wants to hear. Then he hurts her by cheating, putting her down, or even physically hurting her. At this point she's convinced that he is the only man who will ever love here because he's the only one who's said all these great things about her.
So when he dumps her or she leaves him they are left without that sense of belonging. When he says "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it" they go back because they want to be accepted and they think he's the only one who ever will accept them the way they are. It's a control thing.
If you wanna protect your friends you gotta boost their self-esteem, show them they deserve to be accepted and not change because someone else has asked them to.
Well, some girls get very attached to the guy and no matter what the guy does to her she will stay. Others are afraid to leave, afraid what the guy will do. Others are afraid of hurting the guy. Some girls don't even know why they stay. I've been in the same situation before. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 in a half years. We've had some problems. And he's really jealous and controlling sometimes. I've never left. But its because I love him more than anything. AND THEN I GOT PREGNANT. LOL That's life though.
Its usually cause the connection was so STRONG girls just assume that if you fail the first time try and try again. My ex ex (one of those? ) was my first true love he showed me what it was all about and I so loved being on what I call the "love buzz" I was so happy and I wasn't even stoned lol seriously that's what it felt like reaaaallly good. I lost count of how many times I had to get over him. I would be fine then all of a sudden one day out of the blues he would say he missed me etc etc then it would feel like my whole world came crashing down I knew he was a player but the fact our connection was so strong oh man. If I was really over him I would tell him to f*** off but I didn't so I knew I had to try again till I had gotten that feeling out of my system. So what us girls do is we act on this our feelings also act as our instincts for situations like this.
To be honest, I don't think girls even know why. My ex who I went out with 5 times used to just hurt me and then ask for me back, I really tried to say no but I just couldn't. And I still can't explain why! Or when we argued and id go to say its over then, id get so close and then I wouldn't. Its a thing girls aren't completely sure about either.
I think the reason girls go back to guys that hurt them is because they are in love. Some guys let it go easier and they act like they don't even care. Help your friends by proving it too them. Help them catch the guy in the act.
Often they know that the guy is going to hurt them again, yet they still seem to go back. What do you mean 'proving it to them'? Are they really in love or are they just blinded and unwilling to see? - A month ago
I personally am going through that right now. I have liked the same guy since august and he has been horrible to me (like sex with other girls, lying constantly, and telling his friends things I have said to him in confidence). Even though we aren't dating that practically what we are. The reason I go back to him is because I can't admit the fact that he won't change because I just like him that much. When I'm with him he makes me feel like I'm the most perfect girl in the world and I want that feeling so much that I won't let him go.
I'm really sorry about guys that are like that. They don't respect girls the way that they deserve to be. What do your friends think of him and the way he's acting? - A month ago
I honestly think girls go back to guys that hurt them because of reasons. 1) they weren't ready to let them go. 2) they really really like them 3)they don't realize the guy will hurt them again 4) they are stupid enough to go back and get there heart broken AGAIN. Why would you want you're heart broken? Date a guy that won't break your heart! <3
I agree. Is there a way to stop that cycle of abuse from continuing? Sometimes they just don't want to see that it's going to happen again. - A month ago
Because their behavior is predictable and we are, to an extent acclimatized to it. We give the guys we care about and are comfortable with the opportunity to change their behavior or ourselves the chance to try to cope with it. A mix of compromise and hope for change.
Do some girls realize that the guy is Highly likely to hurt them again? Is it not more comfortable to have someone that will care for them and treat them as they truly deserve rather than as little more than trash? I find that so hard to understand. I realize where you're coming from, and I agree, but I just can't understand why some girls are like this. It's really sad to see someone you really care about go back and beat against a brick wall over and over again. Does it ever end? - A month ago
Answerer
They realize there is the potential for him to hurt them again. Most of the time we prepare for it, we know it is inevitable to some extent because it is just his personality. This really has a lot to do with her self-esteem. I know it sounds cliche, but until she figures out that she deserves better, it won't ever end. Even if he dumps her and she feels she "loves" him she will keep running back. and honestly it might just be a little fear of being alone and/or unloved/unwanted - A month ago
Question Asker
Is there a way to help build her self-esteem to combat her need to go back to him? She DOES, deserve better, and I wish with all my heart that she knew that. I tell this one particular girl that all the time I spend with her when she's hurt that she does and that she's worth fifty of him. - A month ago
Answerer
I know its hard to watch. I was surrounded by friends who would always try to convince me to leave my ex. Mostly, my friends tried to distract me from seeing him by hanging out with me and taking me to different environments. Being constantly surrounded and mean constantly by good people who love her and appreciate her will increase let her know how special she is. Hopefully it will be the start her starting to realize that she is truly loved by everyone else but this jerk. Keep loving it works - A month ago
Question Asker
Very good comment. Love does seem to help better than anything else. Didn't he (your ex) get jealous about all the time that you were spending time with your friends? I've seen them (jerks or bastards, take your pick of words - they're both accurate) get really controlling and mean when they're feeling like this, and it's the girl that really suffers. The love will make it better, but it's hard before then, isn't it? - A month ago
Answerer
He always got mad, claiming I cared about my friends more than him. I had to tell him the truth and let him know I felt better being around them. There were times when he would get upset enough that I would stay with him, but it usually enhanced how miserable I was with him. My going with my friends was ultimately the demise of our relationship. My ex had kids too, and he always use to try to use them to get me to stay around too. Telling them to tell me not to leave and such. They'll try all! - A month ago
Question Asker
Erg! That's a really low blow. Using guilt and kids to get someone to stick around is really not a great thing to have to put up with. If it's any consolation, the fact that he'd use his kids means that he'd have likely used you too, so it's a good thing that you got out when you did. I suppose that misery really does love company, and this guy was obviously miserable. He seems to have wanted to make you miserable rather than happy. That's not a thing of love, but rather manipulation. - A month ago
Answerer
Yes, you are absolutely right. When I was really ingrained in his life, I knew that he didn't have very much going for him. He just wanted someone to balance out the misery in his life. He wasn't a very happy person to begin with when I met him. I guess on top of attraction, I actually felt sorry for him too. I almost felt obligated to stay since because I thought he deserved to be happy. Had to grow up to figure out that he had to make himself happy. - A month ago
Question Asker
You can't really base a relationship off of guilt. It's doomed to unhappiness if you tried. It's a good thing that you got out when you did. You're right, the only way for him to have become happy is if he actually tried to accept happiness for himself. It's there for anyone to grab, but he must actually accept it for it to mean anything. If it's any further consolation, he would not have been happy with anyone until he did that. He needed to grow up. - A month ago
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(Age:25 to 29)
When: A month ago
It's human nature to want to give someone a second chance and to believe that things can be better. It's also human nature to block out quite a bit of hurt and remember the good times and good feelings, as opposed to when they were hurt so badly. So the memory is skewed...making it much easier to go back to someone who has caused you pain. You can only be supportive as their friend and say "I am here for you know matter what" - good decisions, bad decisions, you are a friend and that's your job as a friend...to be supportive. So, even if you know that this douche bag guy is going to hurt your friend all over again, the only thing you can do is be her shoulder to cry on. Women like to believe, myself included, that guys can change for the better...that they can become better people, therefore, better for us as we see it...while I've seen it happen...it's rare. And deep down...your friends know this...they are just holding onto the warm feelings and holding onto to something that they know is only temporary...because where they are in their lives...well, having something is better than being alone. Trust me, that one day...whether very soon or very far off - your lady friends will realize that only until it is that they are truly happy and comfortable on their own will true, true love enter in...because it can...it won't be competing with loneliness, bitterness or despair!
(Age:25 to 29)
When: 20 days ago
