How do I make my man open up to me? He's not the talkative type.

Question

Me and my boyfriend have been together for a year and a half, but he rarely talks about his life and personal problems. When I want to know something I end up feeling like I'm interrogating him. His mom tells me she has the same problem. But I wish I could know more about him. I've talked to him about it. Although I haven't tell him that it bothers me. I'm a talkative person so I feel he knows me more (way more) than I know him. So you guys understand. I barely found out last month that his favorite color is red.

What do I do!?-Thanks for your answers

Middleman · Accepted Answer

I knew quite a few classmates who were like that. It sucks when they refuse to talk or talk very little about how they feel.

The thing about dating is, you only get to know the real person as time goes on. Unfortunately some guys you find are going to be like this. They just feel that they don't want to talk about their feelings or share how they feel with others, maybe because they feel its unnecessary or worse just embarrassing to their ego. Its probably because they may think that talking about their feelings somehow makes them feel 'inferior' as a person. Added the fact that maybe because you are a lady, and you've only just started to know him, they feel their privacy had been infringed upon and that it is a very private affair.

Its not impossible to open him up a little more, you just need to spend more time and do things with him that connects more with his childhood. Connecting with him on a mental level on things he did as a kid (especially for guys) would probably open him up more, especially if he is quiet, as quiet guys often means they are the only child in the family. Ask him what sorts of things he did when he was a kid. Did he play any sports? Is he a football, basketball or baseball fan? Did he play videogames or go to the amusement arcades? Or do board games? What movies did he like watching? Did he go camping with his family or friends at a summer camp or went hiking? Or Disneyland? And stuff like that. You'll find that as you connect with him on the stuff he did as a kid, you'll probably get to connect with him better.

TexPlayboy · Accepted Answer

It might help to know that men and women think very differently about communications.

For example, men think that when you talk about something, that you are asking for help with the situation. And that is why men are not good listeners. Men listen, but we do not "just listen". We listen to about half of the problem and come up with a solution. We want to "fix" it. Women usually just want to talk about it, and hearing it out loud helps them sort through the situation and then they deal with it.

So if he is not telling you about his situations, it might be because he does not want to burden you with the things that he thinks he has under control and wants to keep any drama out of the time you guys spend together.

It might help him to open up if you probe him with open ended questions. Teach him to communicate with you in the way that you want to interact. Ask him about situations that you catch pieces of. Don't offer advice, just listen. This might also help teach him how you want him to listen to you.

Good Luck,

James

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Ok, first off, if his mother has had problems getting him to open up his ENTIRE life, your probably not going to get him to either. This is something that you should learn very quickly about guys. They never ever talk about their feelings, unless its a really horrible issue such as someone close to the passing away and even then, it might take them a lot of time. If there is something that he really wants to you know, he will open up eventually. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years. And he doesn't ever talk about his feelings, its just something that you get over I guess, unless it is something really important I wouldn't worry about it too much. I guess you could try telling him that it bothers you that he doesn't talk about certain things, but even then he might just get defensive. Try letting him know what bothers you, and give him an opportunity to talk about things so it doesn't feel like you are pressuring him.

Good lucky

Simple-Simonette · Accepted Answer

I promise that I'm not slamming you - but if you're the one with the problem, why is it up to him to change? There is nothing "to do" but accept the way he is and learn to live with it.

He doesn't sound like he doesn't want to talk to you, just that he is not normally talkative. Though it may feel like you're interrogating him, maybe he just considers it conversation. If he's been this way his whole life, I'm sure he's used to being questioned by now. He could be introverted, he could feel that details aren't important - but whatever he's feeling it seems that he's felt that way for a long time - including the time you met him, dated him, and decided to have a relationship with him.

I'm pretty sure this isn't a big issue for you, especially since you haven't shared your unhappiness with him, but don't let this become bigger than what it is - if you're happy with everything else then let it go.

Good luck.

Reeses-pieces777 · Accepted Answer

talk to him more and get close to him that way. it takes time for some shy guys to open up or non talkative ones. they might have had traumatic childhoods or pasts. just be patient and caring and he'll open up to you.

intra · Answer

Nice progress you know his fav color after a year and a half. Some suggestions

1. Ply him with liquor that will get him to open up and talk about stuff

2. Stay up late maybe he talks in his sleep maybe you can find out what's going on his head subconsiously it might be scary and you might find out things you don't really want to. Have you heard of the expression curiosity killed the cat...

3. Two words sodium pentathol, parot juice, truth syrum good for spies to get secrets out of agents good enought to get some straight answers out of your man.

4. Hire a detective get him to follow him around, speak to his friends, work colleagues, school teachers etc build up a profile on him

5. Install software monitoring the computer to see what he likes. Bit of an invasion of privacy but cleary what's his privacy compared to your piece of mind.

6. install hiden cams in your home car and any where else he goes he will slip up and say something. only a mater of time.

Its nice to keep some mystery in a relationship its kind fun to find out new things every now and then. if you knew everthing about him he would be borring. The mystery is far more interesting and intriging. What the rush you got plenty of time to break him in and train him how you want him. Its a lot of hard work sure you can cut corners but hard work has never killed anyone...

stktder · Answer

You have an advantage over his Mother, you are his girlfriend. He is at the age that he is learning about himself. He might be worried that if he tells too much you might think he is a freak or even worse if you two break up that you might turn his inner personality against him. I would suggest that you just ease up a bit on him. The more comfortable he is with you over time, the more he will tell.

sniperhavoc · Answer

It all depends on the man, some are of few words, others are about actions, some are intellects, some emotional..  its just a personality trait, I'm more of an intellect always have the longest converstaions with my gf's. Also you want to reveal information by section pieces it keeps the aw of mystery and intrugue alive in a relationship, so don't worry..let men be men ;)

inotttalk · Answer

a simple fix for people who don't talk much is just to ask questions. whenever you talk with him always try and include him. whenever you're saying something or answering his question, ask him about his opinion.

wally · Answer

I have the same thing espc if I have a personal problem, because I think I will figure it out with no pressure on my family or the close one in my life. more into actions than words.

plp who talk a lot they do less.

AshBear · Answer

some guys don't like talking and that's just how they are.

some things I've found useful in getting the males in my life to talk are things

like just telling them that you can sense something wrong or just tell them

that your there if they wanna talk. With him being like that with his mother, chances

are he's not going to talk much anyway you put it.

mf-ibmj · Answer

its so popular that girls talk more than guys, actually guys like it, and don't want to change it.. do you know rochelle from everybody hates chris ! that's an example

Anonymous · Answer

He's a guy. We don't talk. That's just how it is. Okay sure we talk, but compared to girls we're practically mute.

How do I make my man open up to me? He's not the talkative type.

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