How do you get a shy/quiet guy to open up to you?

[Anonymous]

There is this shy/quiet guy I work with who I kind of have a crush on. I don't know much about him but I would like to get to know him more. The only problem is he never speaks to me. I have seen him speak with others, both male and female, so I know he can be social when he wants to. But with me, he avoids eye contact or me, in general. When I pass him, I try to lock eyes and smile at him but he looks away. Sometimes, when I enter the room he'll either look away or walk out of the room. Other times, he will sit/stand near me but not actually look at me. On rare occasions (and by rare, I mean once or twice) I have seen him look at me from the corner of my eye. One time, I caught him looking at least in my direction. Unfortunately, I did not have the cojones to look up and confirm if he was looking at me or someone/something else. Another time, when he left the room, I glanced in his direction and it looked like he just turned his head straight but I cannot confirm if he was looking at me or not because it happened so fast. Other than that, we have only made real eye contact once for about 5 seconds. Then I looked away because I felt like I was staring. He has also attempted to make eye contact once but broke it by looking down. I'm not going to lie, sometimes it hurts my feelings and makes me feel as though I make him uncomfortable or give him vibes that I am someone he cannot trust. I feel like he genuinely does not like me, at all. Maybe even hates me, or worse, is indifferent towards me. I don't know why he would hate me because we barely speak to each other. Our longest conversation was: "Hi, Abby." "Hi, (not going to say his name)." "Have a good night." "Thanks, you too." Either that or one time he asked me if there were any tissues where I was standing and if he could store his jacket there. Yeah, we don't really talk much. So I think it would be more likely for him to be indifferent towards me. So how do I get him to open up? I'm awfully shy/quiet, myself...

[Effably]

Oh boy. Its like I'm 16 again and listening to the girls in my friendgroup complain about having to play the damsel in distress (before quickly asking the guy she liked to help with X and Y). It does work well as it provides a topic, beneficial interaction and he gets to feel good after. Not a bad move if you're feeling 16.

Otherwise, often shy people are private but if given a comfortable topic can bloom up. Discussing ideas rather than facts or events is great. Not only because it removes the pressure of being judged but also because it is a higher form of conversation - and so just generally a good skill to develop.

And being direct is good! Seriously. Outright tell him, or give him a compliment or two. Most guys have that one shirt they got a compliment for once which is the obvious best shirt. So it'll do good no matter the response. Be a little stubborn and get in his face.

[slatyb]

Invite him to lunch or coffee or whatever after work.

[benjydyn]

You could try to find out if he’s Asperger’s.
However, try to find out what topics interest him to make him more available or comfortable starting conversations with you

[spartan55]

Soooo much unnecessary detail. Just go talk to him.

[Guy13]

I was shy at one time….

[Guy13]

She touched me. It was never rude or risqué but I grew to long for it. We eventually kissed. She conditioned me for life. I’m still that way. Maybe all guys are like that.
Even today, when a woman reaches out with both hands as a hello shake…. yep.

This is why you don’t date a guy with a bunch of women friends….

[Akam93]

@Guy13 I find that difficult to believe pumpkin. :)

[WhitneySnow]

He really likes you! Talk to him

[Anonymous]

You just have to be patient.

[Twalli]

You have to initiate more conversations.

[CuriousMufuxka]

Pretend for it to happen..

[Luckycharms12]

Time build trust and it will happen

[Dav1dTh0ma389]

You don't