My boyfriend broke up with me because I wouldn't open up right away since I'm shy. Was I wrong?

[Anonymous]

I started talking to this guy over the summer. I met him at my university and we became friends and would hang out sometimes. We live in different states so over the summer we would text and facetime and we knew we liked each other. When we got back to school this semester we started dating. I'm a really shy person and I wasn't completely comfortable with him yet since we hadn't spent that much time together. He would get mad at me for being quiet when we were together and he'd just leave. He said he didn't understand why I couldn't just open up because we had been talking all summer. I told him its something that has always been hard for me, but I want to get through it with him. I only saw him like twice a week for a few hours since his track schedule is so busy, which also made it hard because I wasn't able to spend enough time with him. He continued to get mad and wasn't understanding, which made me feel even more uncomfortable. After three weeks he started to ignore me and then finally sent me a text saying "we're done" and then wouldn't reply. I finally got a reply saying "the relationship sucked and nothing changed" and that he was "fed up." It had only been three weeks and we hadn't even spent that much time together. I let him know that I would get there in time. We're both 20. I'm a junior and he's a sophomore. Was I wrong?

Updates

+1 y

I feel bad though because there were certain times when he'd want to hang out and I'd say no because I always felt like I was waiting around for him and that he was uninterested. I feel like there was more I could have done to tell him how I felt.

Updates

+1 y

He took the way I acted as me not caring and me not appreciating him. He saw me as being bitchy and not trying as hard as he was trying because I wouldn't open up right away.

[madhatters4]

were you wrong? no

the fact is you have to make a concerted effort to open up in a relationship. even if it is uncomfortable you have to make the effort. you guys did talk for an entire summer so while you were only physically together a few weeks he does have a point that you spent an entire summer talking which would hopefully make you fairly comfortable.

just imagine how'd you feel if after 3-4 months of corresponding and then a few weeks to a month of being together you felt like a guy wasn't opening up? you may be understanding but at 4-5 months of being in a relationship with someone the nerves and comfortable really should take shape

... going forward just make a conscious effort to be open with guys. make a practice of it. even if it is uncomfortable make the effort

[what_the_hell]

You are an asshole. She should be able to open up when she wants to.

[there_we_go]

No you're not wrong.

If someone pressures you into anything you're not comfortable with, it isn't meant to be.

I'd honestly say you're better off out of that situation, you made the effort to work around his schedule to meet up with him. Instead of appreciating it and making you feel special, it wasn't good enough.

Put it down to experience and don't pretend you want different things from a partner just so that you can be in a relationship quicker. It takes time and practice to find a decent partner.

[xHoneyxBeex]

No, you weren't wrong. Not in the least bit. You can't force yourself to open up to someone, that sort of thing takes time. Even though you had been talking to him all summer, it's different when you haven't actually spent time in person with someone. He should have understood that and been accommodating in order for you to eventually open up to him.

That's not something he should have gotten angry at you for. I would say to just take this as a blessing in disguise. Clearly this guy wasn't right for you since he was so pushy and mean about something as trivial as you being shy. You deserve much better. I'm sure you're upset and that's understandable, but really, none of this is your fault so don't blame yourself.

[523206720]

No you weren't wrong. The point of being shy is to weed out the guys that aren't serious about you and to weed out the guys who will abandon you when things get tough as being a single mother or abandoned wife can be very difficult. You did the right thing. He was a jerk who didn't deserve you and now he has been weeded out.

[Eternallylucky]

You're not ready for him. You need a quiet boyfriend like yourself.

[what_the_hell]

Not ready for him? He’s not special, he’s just a loud mouth loser

[ShadowFan12]

No you weren't wrong. You did the right thing. Like some other people said, take this and use this as a learning experience. You should never have to feel pressured to cave in to something like that.

[Anonymous]

You were not wrong at all. I'm pretty shy myself and worry girls won't like me for that reason. He should have been more understanding. It is hard to not be shy.