My boyfriend almost forced me to do stuff

Anonymous

(30-35)

I went over to sleep at my bfs house,We were making out and he insisted in taking it to the next step , I said no so we fell asleep. I was awaken by him kissing and touching me. I asked him to stop so he grabbed both my hands and keep kissing me and started undressing me. I screamed and his brother came in ..He stopped and then asked me to forgive him.. He scared me and I don't know if I should forgive him..I feel like he might try this again..He said his a guy and has his needs that I should understand that ..What should I do..Give him another chance or break up?

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pr3ttybr0wn Follow
Master Age: 36 , mho 61%

+1 y

Let's not minces words. Your boyfriend attempted to rape you. The only reason he did not rape you is because his brother heard you scream. And you're asking should you give him another chance? Don't let this rapist scum manipulate you into thinking that men have their needs and that they need to rape a girl if she is not willing. You can do better than that, there are plenty of guys you can date that will not attempt to rape you. This guy should be in jail since he thinks there is nothing wrong with forced sex. Hell no you should not give him another chance. You really should report this, or at the very least TELL YOUR PARENTS

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2 Reply
- toulouse
  
  +1 y
  Agreed.
  
  Everyone is being too soft about this. he's a rapist. that's the mentality. you don't exist as a human being in your own right-because of his feelings. everything is about how he feels. staying or not staying with him, is delusional. you should be considering whether or not (you are emotionally up to pressing charges. definitely should tell people.
  
  I hope his brother beat the sh*t out of him. I never say I say someone_ 'else'_ should do it- but it is his brother-he needs a damn lesson.
  
  Reply
- pr3ttybr0wn
  
  +1 y
  yeah I'm surprised at how many people are acting like its barely an issue and glossing over it. wtf
  
  Reply

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aly-marie Follow
Yoda Age: 32 , mho 73%

+1 y

If that incident was the end of it, I would think maybe he just got a little too excited.

But for him to tell you afterward that he has "needs" and insist that it's YOUR thinking that needs to change, makes me think that he's an a**hole. He can control his desires, it's not your job to do anything for him that you're not comfortable with.

I'm just glad his brother walked in. I agree you should probably just leave this dude.

0

0 Reply

theana Follow
Xper 5 Age: 42 , mho 73%

+1 y

dump him and never see him again he has no resepct for you or your relashionship he is an a**hole and it was a good thing your screamed and that his brother came to see what was going on or else he could of raped you when a girl says no she means no and so do you get a man who understands the word no and who cares and loves you and respects you and your relashionship

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amin_ajani Follow
Xper 4 Age: 34

+1 y

Well if I look from his point of view, he must be thinking what a chicken you are to be too afraid to go for the 'next step'. but again you aren't.

Look, to be very analytical, A guy's brain does NOT work when he's getting physical. Its like out of equation! So what you can do is, call him up, say you are sorry for that night and that you do understand his needs. It will make him feel guilty, he will 'Realise' that a girl also has her needs and certain boundaries.. If played well, he won't ever kick off until you give the green signal.

Do the unexpected to see the unexpected!

Good luck!

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5 Reply
- pr3ttybr0wn
  
  +1 y
  are you f***ing serious?
  
  Reply
- u
  
  BCRanger10
  
  +1 y
  SHE should apologize to HIM?!? Are you out of your mind? He forced himself on her. "He has his needs" is a justification for him taking advantage of her.
  
  Reply
- toulouse
  
  +1 y
  Youre full of sh*t. rape s illegal for a reason. If you can't control yourself, then you should not be using your d***. This guy does not have a right to a gf-nor do you. No one owes anyone use of their body- Woman or Man. Just like you can't knife someone on a bad day & say 'i was angry'-I needed to do it.. He acted against her will& against the law. End of story.
  
  He is guilty of sexual assault, & you think she should apologize. You're not analytical-youre learning disabled.She should dump his ass.
  
  Reply
- J_White90
  
  +1 y
  People like you are the reason I have no hope for humanity.
  
  Reply
- jacquesvol
  
  New +1 y
  Look, to be very analytical, SOME guy's brains do NOT work when they're getting physical. The less developed a brain, is the less it will work. He seems to be that kind of caveman.
  
  Reply

dnately Follow
Xper 7 Age: 48 , mho 50%

+1 y

He's a guy and he has needs? That's bullsh*t! What about your needs to not be touched against your will, or to feel like you can trust your boyfriend not to take advantage of you when you are sleeping.

To me this is grounds for breakup. No question about it.

The only way I would consider staying in this relationship, is if he truly understand how wrong what he did way, and was truly remorseful for it.

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What Girls & Guys Said

Opinion

gonyr Follow
Yoda Age: 32 , mho 47%

+1 y

he probably figured that sleeping over at his house would be the deal clincher.

he's probably really attracted to you, and as guys, that's what we're gonna try to do with our gf's when they sleep over at our houses.

have you guys done it before? if yes then say no, and your relationship should still be fine

if you haven't done if before, he may just really want to do it, it doesn't mean he doesn't like you, but we're guys, we don't usually look for the same kind of emotional attachment before sex that girls may look for. that doesn't mean it isn't there though. he just wants to take that step with you.

if your not ready to do it, don't do it. and tell him that. But if you don't talk to him about it and then keep sleeping over at his house, he's gonna think your a cocktease or something

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6 Reply
- Asker
  
  +1 y
  i have never had sex with him...i only sleep over because it was too late and my house is an hour away..:(
  
  Reply
- gonyr
  
  +1 y
  oh, well that's a different situation. idk, having you over for a night probably just gets his hopes up. you already told him no, so he didn't. but maybe he was just trying to seduce you. I don't think you needed to scream or anything, but he's probably just sexually frustrated. most guys who aren't getting any are lol.
  
  he shouldn't force anything on you though
  
  Reply
- pr3ttybr0wn
  
  +1 y
  ur taking this very lightly. you don't think she needed to scream when her boyfriend tried to force sex? this is just what guys do? niceee
  
  Reply
- Asker
  
  +1 y
  yea I guess..but I screamed because he really scared me..he was holding me tight and I was saying no, but he just ignored me and kept doing his stuff..but then at the end he seemed like he felt bad and was telling me " baby what's wrong, Baby? Baby wats wrong, come and cuddle" and the next day he said I need to change to make this realtionship work
  
  Reply
- gonyr
  
  +1 y
  sounds like a real scumbag, don't change, and don't make it work
  
  Reply
- gonyr
  
  +1 y
  and I see I got thumbs down for my answer, sorry, was just trying to give a male perspective and don't know all the details. honestly I feel like he was just trying to seduce you. the holding you down really forcefully though was inappropriate. maybe you should stay over for a while
  
  Reply
yeahmyid Follow
Xper 5 Age: 46 , mho 48%

+1 y

no way you should give him a chance.

this is rape.

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0 Reply
u
BCRanger10 Follow
Master Age: 36 , mho 34%

+1 y
376 opinions shared on Break Up & Divorce topic.

I don't buy the "he has his needs" thing. That sounds like you trying to justify what could have turned out to be rape. I say boot him.

8

1 Reply
- u
  
  BCRanger10
  
  +1 y
  Correction: ...what WOULD have turned out to be rape.
  
  Reply
K2111ATIE Follow
Xper 3 Age: 31 , mho 67%

+1 y

End it with him. Now. He sounds controlling, and if he's like this now, who knows what he could potentially do to you in the future? He could easily become violent. For your own safety, leave him. No guy's "needs" should come before a girl's pleas.

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0 Reply
Skittles_lover Follow
Yoda Age: 32 , mho 36%

+1 y

Wtf he has his needs? No food and water are needs not sex..imagine what couldve happened had his brother not came in the room. IMO he doesn't deserve another chance.

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0 Reply
Anonymous
(45 Plus)

+1 y

break up with him and make it clear why so he doesn't overstep the mark with his next girlfriend. A man who does not respect your boundaries must have it spelt out to him or he will not learn anything from the lesson. You shouldn't have stayed over at his house if you had no intention of doing anything too sexual and that is your lesson - not to say he was right but know that yes, men do indeed have their needs and they are too often not in-sync with ours.

1

2 Reply
- WuWei
  
  +1 y
  WHOA, she had every right to stay at his house. This isn't a "lesson". He has full control over himself and I slept many a night in my boyfriend's bed as a virgin before we decided to lose our virginities together after months of careful conversation and planning. If someone ignores a no anything after that is their fault, there is no justifiable reason to push that.
  
  Reply
- Opinion Owner
  
  +1 y
  You misunderstand WuWei, if he gets dumped the lesson is his to learn. Also do not be so quick to assume that everyone else has the same relationship, conversations and understanding that you have in yours
  
  Reply
Anonymous
(30-35)

+1 y

"give him another chance or break up?" o.0 are you serious?!?! this guy tried raping you and you have to think about it?! if he already tried once, he'll try again..when NO ONE is around to stop him!

2

0 Reply
supremegb Follow
Xper 3 Age: 34

+1 y

I don't know, honey. That is pretty scary... If you think this will continue despite your protests I would break up with him. If he can't respect your decisions now, he never will.

2

0 Reply
jacquesvol Follow
Master Age: 77

+1 y
1.1K opinions shared on Break Up & Divorce topic.

Make it clear to him where your limits are.

1

5 Reply
- Asker
  
  +1 y
  i did..he says I need to understand what he needs
  
  Reply
- jacquesvol
  
  +1 y
  That's plain link
  
  Tell him to beat the monkey link ,not you.
  
  Reply
- Mesonfielde
  
  +1 y
  He doesn't "need" it. He just "wants" it and cannot control it because he's too stupid and inconsiderate to do so. Are you sure you should be with this guy? He seems unstable to me.
  
  Reply
- WuWei
  
  +1 y
  She did, she said no. The fact that he did not stop is selfish and shows that he has zero respect for her. You are right to feel violated, dump him immediately.
  
  Reply
- jacquesvol
  
  +1 y
  dump him immediately, indeed.
  
  Reply

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My boyfriend almost forced me to do stuff

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