What hurts the most after break-up

What hurts the most

So it's been half a year since me and my first live broke up. I have for the most part moved on. I haven't started dating again, but it no longer effects me too much. What hurts the most though is that we broke up because she, "needed to focus on school." We were meant to get back together this summer... But instead I find out she started dating someone else a month or two after we broke up.. People keep telling me I didn't do anything wrong and she's just not a good person, but I don't see it that way, she was my first love, it hurt so bad breaking up but I agreed to it so she could finish her senior year with better grads.... That's what I thought at lest... I don't know. I feel like I messed everything up, that she left me because I wasn't good enough. And that's why, after half a year, I still feel sad, am still scared of dating anyone, am still thinking that I should stay alone.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • The worst part of breaking up is realizing you wasted your time and you can't get that back.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • There was one girl it took me about 18 months to get over. I thought I would never heal.

    ... and then I found myself at a party. I hadn't thought about her for a while but she came up in conversation... except that I couldn't remember her name; at least not for a few minutes.

    I knew I was better then.

    Unfortunately, being scarred is almost inevitable. The only way to avoid scarring is to not play the game. That doesn't bear thinking about.

    Wear your wounds with pride. And Good Luck!

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What Girls Said 7

  • I'd say the thing that hurts the most after a breakup is remembering all of the good times that you had. Realizing that that person isn't in your life anymore. Also, the fact that you always had that person there by your side. I'm still going through the process, it's been about 4 months now and I am starting to feel a lot better and tried to get out there and meet some new people. I realize that whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.

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  • I'd say the waking up every morning hoping you'll still have them or that you'll get a text or call from them begging for you back. Maybe what's worse is the thought of someone else touching them. Maybe realizing that they'll never be yours again or realizing that you'll never get the time you spent or wasted on them

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  • Sounds like someone who say that to avoid saying the actual truth...
    1. Sorry I dont find you attractive
    2. You're not confident and always insecure.
    3. You are not enuff for me.

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  • Someone else's choices does not reflect the person you are or should be. Yeah breakups suck. But if you keep letting the sadness get to you, it will consume you and you're going to fuck up your own life. And trust me, no one is going to fix it for you, or dig you out when you don't want to let her go. She walked away, and life happened and she fell in love with someone else. Life goes on. Don't stop your life because of her. Allow yourself to feel the pain and the hurt, but dont let it destroy you. You're way better, and you're worth much more than a person who left you

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  • I sm sorry to say this: if she really loved you she wouldn't have broken up with you for 'school'. If I love a man I would stay with him in all circumstances

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  • Yes this feeling of " I should have done better " is what hurts the most I guess. It is normal to wonder what you should have done in a better way, but if you think about it rationally you find out that it does not make sense to think this way...

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  • No you didn't sometimes it's just meant to be

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What Guys Said 6

  • Let's get this straight:
    > She said she must focus on her studies for her school
    > Not long after she dated already with the others
    > She didn't finish her school yet (?)
    Conclusion: You dated a liar. Liars tend to cheat and not to be honest and loyal. It's good to get rid of those, regardless of who broke up. Yeap. Bad person is going to be a bad person.

    A decent couple would understand each other needs and wouldn't break up for any price. However today it seems very unlikely from my observations.

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  • @LuneClaire is right. If a woman loves you she wouldn't let you go. She may have liked you and had fun spending time with you, but she just wasn't in love with you and didn't see you as a long term romantic partner.

    Relationships trump everything else in life. If a woman loves you she won't leave you for anything, not even her family, and especially not something silly like school. She can go to school anywhere, especially now with online schools becoming more and more popular.

    A relationship with a woman is one of the most fulfilling things life has to offer, but don't get caught up on one woman. A man should want a woman, but he shouldn't need any specific woman. Trust me, I've been there many times, just go out with a few women. All it takes is one good woman to remind you that getting hung up on a woman who doesn't feel the same just isn't worth it. Soon you'll meet an amazing woman and you'll be glad your ex broke up with you so you had the chance to meet her.

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    • with respect, the part about school and family is only viable after you've moved out. In your teens you still need to depend on your family, and you still want to pick the education you want. It's deciding your future after all.

      But as an advice directed at adults (say 24yo+) then it's perfectly sound :)

  • It hurts the most when you hear the song you had as the "They're playing our song," and you remember all the wonderful memories you have shared and you start crying. I'm over my first love because we are still great friend today. Van Halen's song "Can't Stop Lovin' You" doesn't hurt anymore. My second love still hurts and even though it's been almost a year, I still cry when Lonestar's "Amazed" comes on. I gave her my first kiss and she broke up with me three months after because I found out she was cheating on me!!! I still cry over her!!!

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  • There is a plague of 'strong independent women' these days that will tell you 'you'll find the one' or that 'she wasn't right for you'. It's sounds like you have been listening to them because they also have a habit of trying to behave in a way they think most men do.

    Do yourself a favour and move on, needing to be loved is not the same as loving someone.

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    • Needing to be loved is equivalent.

    • 'neediness' or 'loneliness' often leads to the acceptance of dating a scum bag - that isn't 'equivalency' it's cuckoldry, but by all means live your life how you like it.

  • It's there worst things in life. I get to know that the one I loved most totally does not love or care for me.

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  • Well it's been 3 months or so for me now... and I'm not expecting her to contact me anymore. You could say I've moved on.

    I'm open to her still, if she does get in contact, but till then I'm going to date other women and focus on me and what I want in life.

    I joined this dating site and seems like I've already got the interest of a girl or 2 ... so I'll see where that goes. I'm quite new to it, so I've got no idea what I'm supposed to say haha!

    I think the hardest thing for me post-break up were the dreams I kept having of my ex... some of the good ones in which she would be happy to see me and we would talk like the good days... some were bad in which she would be completely ignoring me.

    I guess these reflect on why worries of how it might be if we ever get to see each other in person again. We haven't seen each other since.

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    • I had dreams like this too, after mine. It gets better - I promise. Take care.

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