The Unavoidable Ex

Almost everyone has exes (barring my parents, who started dating at 15 and have been together ever since. But they might just be the only exception to this rule). Beyond that, almost everyone has the unavoidable ex. The one that you can't ever dump, not completely, because you're always going to see them around.

I've seen people go to ridiculous lengths to avoid their exes. Really, ridiculous. I have vivid memories of my best friend's broken engagement, and how we couldn't go out to eat at all of our old favorite restaurants for fear she might run into the ex-fiance. She actually created a list of places they frequented as a couple (a fairly long one at that), and made absolutely certain to steer clear of all those locations for about four months. What happened in the end? Not a reconciliation, or a confrontation, and certainly not her coming to terms with the end of their relationship. He moved halfway across the country. I honestly don't know how long she would've insisted on carrying on like that if he hadn't, because she was fairly certain they could never again hold a civil conversation.

But on the flip side of that, I've seen people go to ridiculous lengths to stay friends with their exes. I'm one of those people. I have a terrible habbit of introducing my current boyfriend into my friend group, and then dating him so long he becomes a part of it. Then, upon our inevitable breakup, I can't very well tell him to stay away, because my friends are his friends too. They were mine first, but "kicking him out of the group" seems cruel and immature all the same. When my next relationship begins, the cycle continues- and the new boyfriend is usually horrified to discover that I dated all of the guys I spend the majority of my free time with. Other people maintain friendships with former lovers to appear overly tolerant or sophiscated.

I work with someone who has a rule- never date someone you see on a regular basis. It's a nice idea in theory, but cuts out a lot of perfectly good options. Needless to say, this particular friend has more one night stands than serious relationships.

There's a lot of things to think about when it comes to this issue, and I'm still struggling. The only two things I know for sure are:

1) Nobody wants to be friends with someone who can't be in the same room as their ex without making a scene

2) Nobody wants to date the person who is uncomfortably close with their ex

So if you can absolutely help it, make sure you can cut off ties with a person before you date them. Your co-worker or your best friend's sibling may not be the best choice. But if you can't help it, then remain friendly with the person. Don't ignore them, don't go to great lengths to avoid them. Maybe have an honest conversation about what you plan to do about those inescapable run-ins. But don't make it your personal mission to be their best friend, just to prove a point about your maturity level.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • This is a nice take and I have seen both extremes. I already preferred to date people not already in my life as it is less stressful just in case.

    It is always awkward for me to bring up my one (main ex) just because at 23, it is very early to have dated someone very seriously, lived together for a year, had plans to marry and super close with each others family etc. But eventually they must be talked about and dealt with. This particular Ex is luckily totally separate from my life now and I am 100% over it, but my current girlfriend still finds it awkward when it comes up, but it has to, a big part who I am.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Good take but from my experience it becomes extremely hard and awkward when u stay with in the same family as your ex even though u no longer have any feelings for your ex u still have to see him at every family gathering regardless of where it is sadly and u have to be civil but not overly nice as to not make your husband uncomfortable its just a hard balance and also the whole family is going to pick and make fun of u about the situation regardless of what u do so your best bet is to just try and avoid the ex

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What Guys Said 5

  • Yeah. "Almost" everyone has ex but I don't think that almost everyone has that unavoidable ex. This is mostly true for ladies.
    Other than that, I agree.

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  • If you're freinds with you're ex there's either feelings still there or never was feelings period point blank brotha

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  • people break up cause they lack spirituality and their prides destroy their relotionship.. .

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  • I never have been in a relationship so I don't really need to worry about this.

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  • My dad lost his wife and their child when he was 32. He married my mom 6 years later. I have the impression he never stopped mourning.

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What Girls Said 4

  • Good take. I think we need to admit that if we cross the line into getting physical with someone, it's very hard to go back to being friends straight afterwards.
    However, you get this pressure put on you to not seem immature by cutting your ex partner or even ex friends with benefits off, when that's actually the most healthy thing to do after a break up. I think it's possible to be civil, and even friends, but not without a long time out afterwards.

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  • My ex used to be my best friend. He, I and my female best friend were a trio back in school. My female friend hated him throughout us dating but after we broke up they became super close whilst I drifted apart and found it hard to keep the friendship going. 6 years later, he and my female friend are so close they refer to each other as brother and sister and I find it so awkward to be around them both at the same time even though he pays far more attention to me when I'm around. I never did ask my friend how that made her feel but I'm sure she doesn't mind because I basically never see him and she does all the time. It's good to not see him or run into him but I have to deal with the fact that I will see him at my friend's events, like her upcoming party. And he's still a part of my old friend circle, it does get really awkward.

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  • @YourFutureEx YOU ARE TROUBLE

    Random mention is random

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  • Love this take👍👌

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