I met my husband online at 15. We met in real life at 20 after 5 years of having crushes. We married at 21 and had a loving life. We never once argued. it was always laughs and love. Before we got married he had quit drinking and smoking and during our marriage he told me he didn't want to do any of that and wanted to be clean so i followed to give supoort. Fast forward 3 years later (and me moving to his country, learning the language) and he says he's not ready for this (literally the day prior he was hugging me and being loving) he told me he had been smokijg behind my back for 6 months because he felt oppressed (i never once prohited him going out, i encouraged it actually) but he says he wants to just be alone and be single and that the person he was when he was with me was the person he thought i wanted (it wasn't and i told him).
I've agreed to move out. he's moved in with his dad. He still comes over almost everyday after dinner and hangs out with me and has a laugh and talks about his day and asks about mine. He asked me to text him during the day to see what im up to. He went to an event ast night and came home drunk to sleep (he hasn't slept in our place since the break up) and during the afternoon instead of showering at his dad's, he came to shower at our place. (his dad is our neighbor. 2 steps away) everytime he's around he calls me a little baby and whenever he leaves me asks me for a hug. I told him i still love him and would like to start a new chapter but he wants out. Im moving out anyway and giving him his space (i know for a fact there isn't another woman)
We have agreed to the terms of our divorce (we have to divorce in 2 years for legal reasons) and thats that. If he was 100% done he wouldn't be hanging out so much with me. He said he would spend the weekends at our place. What? Im 100% confused. If he just being friendly or should i wait it out until this is out of his system? Im willing to give him his freedom.
Most Helpful Guy
No offence, but 20/21 just isn't mature enough to handle being married. I don't think you lived together long enough and grew together as a couple. Online dating doesn't count. Because of immaturity and general lack of real life experience, he is behaving this way. Doesn't want to be married, but doesn't want to leave you either. This is why you need to date and live together for a couple or few years first.1
Most Helpful Girl
That's what they do, particularly when they know you have feelings for them and want to make it work. Some men seem to get bored of calm, loving relationships. And for some delusional reason think the grass will be greener on the other side.
Because you are an open option for him (you're making it clear you want the relationship to work), he probably thinks it would be easy to go experience other things and you'll still be there waiting for him. Because of this he doesn't want you to go, so he'll keep being nice to you and confusing you.
Your best option is to make an effort to move on so that he'll see that you've had enough and you're not going to be the option to fall back on when he gets bored of pursuing whatever else he wants to do. This is for the best because you'll soon discover if he really does care and wants you to stay, and then he'll come back for you. If not, he's simply too immature to deal with commitment and there's no point in bothering with him at all. I've been in your position and they just take advantage because they know you're not going anywhere so it's like you're not exciting and valuable, so they try their luck at still having the benefits without committing.1