Ex-FWB is really starting to bother me trying to stay 'friends', how should I go about fixing this?

[Anonymous]

Long story short this girl and I were friends with benefits up until early November. She broke things off because she was worried I was getting too attached (I was) and that I was going to end up hurt (too late for that). She insisted she wanted to be just friends. We'd only hooked up starting in late September, but considering that we spent literally almost every day and night of October together I did get attached.

So while we were 'just friends' having her message me to hang out or play games through phone apps did not help the 'getting over her' process. What ESPECIALLY didn't help was when I came back from thanksgiving, Tuesday night she tried to get me to hook up with her again. That lead to a week's worth of fun where I had to ask her why she did that after insisting we were 'just friends'. Evidently she thought I'd be over her by then and we could go back to the way things were, she apologized for leading me on. She asked if I still wanted to date her, I told her yes, she said it was best if we just stayed friends then.

Not TWO DAYS after that she's messaging me now at 1:30am saying she has pizza and if I want company I can come over. I asked back 'the company would be nice but aren't we just friends now?' and her response was 'we are just friends so we can hang out'. Note that the night she tried to hook up with me last week all that had happened is we cuddled in her bed and she had wrapped herself as tightly around me as she ever had telling me how much she'd missed me (leading to more feelings of attachment).

I'm getting extremely frustrated with her. She legitimately cares about me, I know that... but this is really starting to mess with me. Best to just cut off all ties with her?

[kens89]

tell her..

if you was able to have sex with her you should be able to talk to her right!

u need to flat out tell her like "i really like you and your a good person ... and I'm attracted to you because I feel like we connect.. but if all you truly want is sex than I can't be around you because its messin with my head... but if you actually have feelings for me let me know and we can take it slow and figure it out..."

dont seem clingy.. make sure you tell her that you want to take it slow.. as in developing feeling for each other.. so it doesn't scare her off.. she will be thinking.."like.. he want to jump into a full on relationship right now.. and I'm still unsure.."

hope this helps..

[Asker]

Yea I just did. I told her I can't 'just be friends' with her right now, not after being intimate, it just feels wrong. Either she wants to start seeing each other as more than friends, like we had been and with the idea that maybe things get more serious in the future (worse that happens is we end up where we are now)... or else we break things off entirely til I can see her without wanting to kiss her, if she still wants to be friends then

[Anonymous]

omg! That's f***ing head games. I can tell you its best to just move on from her. it rediculous and uh your spending silly time trying to figure some one out.DONT! Just move one and find some one that wants what you want. If it make you fell any better I just broke up with my sex because of the same f***ing issue. We both have feelings for each other but he can't seem to be all the way in but expects I not even look another guys way. I just finally said I'm tired of the hypocrisy and confusion. I'm going to miss him and I didn't want it this way but its madening trying to guess the f***ign games they want to play. So I'm chaning.

[XRabbitHeartX]

This girl is screwing you over using you whenever she feels like it. I'm sorry but I do think it's best to end things. She obviously doesn't respect your feelings that much and she may care about you to a certain extent but if she did she would not be leading you like that.

[Asker]

The main problem we had is I'd had a terrible week and needed the company, I could have just brushed her away when she kissed me last week but instead I, needing company, let her stay. After she told me how much she missed me I told her we could start doing this kind of thing again if she wanted and she seemed to really want to... but then said she wanted to be just friends when we talked soon after. I kind of shot myself in the foot there.

[InquisitiveJoe]

yes. She doesn't know what she wants and you my friend are a guarenteed booty call when she gets horny. Committ to 3 months of no sex. If you can maintain that and still be friends then you have a real friendship. Otherwise you're both just using the other to get what you want at the time.

[Anonymous]

Text her with "Me No Want" and "Me no friend"

[yeahwho]

I like it. Perfect. It might actually sober her mind a bit since she probably thinks she's got all the game. OMg. Perfect.

[Asker]

Hah, she got something close. "I don't hang out with just friends at 1:30am on a Thursday". About an hour later I sent her another message saying I don't even know if I can BE just friends with her right now with how she's been, I told her to not contact me unless she wanted to do nothing more than what she does with her roommate (my friend) or unless she wanted to date, no in between. Still no response to that one.

[justlilly]

She is using you.

[Asker]

Possibly. She does care, she called me up to make sure I was OK when a friend of mine died (that she didn't really know), and I know she hasn't been with anyone else because her roommate is one of my closest friends... but all the same she's definitely just looking to not feel lonely I think

[justlilly]

Yes, and without giving you any sort of relationship. I must say, it is refreshing to know that this happens to guys sometimes, too.

[Asker]

Hah yea I guess. Thing is I'd never just hooked up with someone randomly before this girl, after we hooked up the first time I realized I liked talking to her the night before, and this all started because we both had enjoyed each others' company a lot in addition to the sex... Then I fell for her. Things have kinda gone downhill from that.