Closure letter to ex boyfriend after breakup - is it ok?

[Anonymous]

My ex and I broke up after almost 2 years together. The breakup was my fault entirely (no I didn't cheat).

It's been almost 4 months since then and he was kind enough to have a talk with me recently because he understood that is what I needed - answering every question I had and hearing me out. He is just that kind of person - he cares still even though he no longer loves me.

I sent him a thank you email after that talk and said that I would still like to be friends after a period of space for me to move on too. We both agreed that we would like to stay in contact in the future.

My question is - is it OK for me to send him one last letter saying everything I want to say to him, all the hopes that I had for us and the memories that were most important to me? Not because I expect this letter to get him back because I know now that that is not possible. But just because these are things I want to say to him and sort of like an ending before the fresh new year starts.

My friends say that I already did that in my email to him so sending the letter is just repetitive. But if I preface it by saying that I'm writing this for me and that it's not some trick to get him back, do you think he will be OK with that? It's something I feel like I want to do but I worry it will be one step too far that finally pushes him away even though he's been so kind up until now?

[BirdofParadise]

If its something you feel you need to do for you than write it. But I wouldn't send it to him... it sounds to me like this talk you had was supposed to be closure for the both of you, so you should assume he already had his closure. Therefore any contact you make with him now is only going to hold him back and that's not fair.

Another option, instead of writing a letter, start a journal... I did that while going through break ups in the past and found it really helped to deal with some of my feelings. You might also want to say all the things you want to say to a friend... sometimes just saying it to anyone is enough.

[Anonymous]

If you're really writing it for yourself then you don't need to send it to him. I don't see any use in sending it to him if, as you say, you are not hoping to make him go back to you. You know he's done with the relationship, you had that talk, so sending this one last letter seems unnecessary. Are you sure that you're not unconsciously want to get him back?

[Asker]

Yep it won't get him back and after 3 months of false hoping, I finally accept that. I actually wrote that stuff in my diary but then I realized it is things that I want to say to him. Whether he reads it or not I cannot control but since he was telling me to move on, if I explain this is what I need to move on, I think he will understand that right? It is for me yes, but of course I don't want him to think worse of me because of it.

[Opinion Owner]

In the end, you know him best. My gut feeling tells me that this isn't a good idea but if you feel you need to do this to be able to move on then you should perhaps do it. I don't know if he would think worse of you because I don't know him at all and I don't know what you're going to write. But if this is what you need to do to move on, then I guess it's a risk you have to take.

[LynnLovee1]

to me it sounds like the relationship is over , but your not over the relationship . consider that before you go in to deep :)

[Asker]

if this is the step I need to take in over to get over the relationship, and I explain that to him, is it OK to send it then? He is kept telling me to move on (very kindly but firmly) so for me to say in the letter that this is my way of helping myself move on, he will understand that and not think worse of me for writing it, right?

[Anonymous]

Write it but never send it.