Is it unreasonable to be upset when my girlfriend talks about guys she thinks are hot?

[Techan]

My girlfriend and I have been dating for a year now... I'm quite certain she wouldn't cheat on me or anything, but nevertheless I have some jealousy and insecurity issues. She happens to be a very brutally honest kind of person. If she thinks a guy is attractive she will say so, and sees no problem with saying it to me... And I understand that you can't exactly control physical attraction. Being in a relationship with me doesn't mean there still aren't other attractive guys out there, but I am very uncomfortable when she says these kinds of things to me.

Just today she was talking to me online and watching the breakfast club and she all of the sudden says "Oh my god, will you dress as Bender from the Breakfast Club for Halloween? He's so hot, His outfit is so badass." And I kind of overreacted I guess but It kind of upset me. I feel like I'm being unreasonable, but I don't know. Is it wrong to be uncomfortable and occasionally even upset when my girlfriend talks about the attractiveness of other guys? (she does it with actors and characters AND guys whom we both know, i.e. male friends of hers who we both hang out with)

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+1 y

Yes I HAVE told her how I feel about it on several occasions, but she just keeps doing it. I don't think she realizes that she's doing it, or is trying to do it on purpose. She's just a very honest "say what you feel" kind of person.

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+1 y

But anyways, she's just a very honest person and she's not used to holding back what she feels, she believes in brutal honesty even if it upsets someone. I'm just wondering if I'm being totally unreasonable that it upsets me at all.

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+1 y

OKAY! Unfortunately there seems to be no way to delete questions. Nonetheless, I'm past this question, I don't care anymore. Please don't comment on it anymore. I'm tired of all the same redundant advice. I get it, I'm over it. NO MORE PLEASE!

[lost-angel]

So she knows it bothers you but she still does it. That's pretty disrespectful of her. I'm not bad mouthing her or anything so please don't get upset. I know she's an honest person, and she says what she feels which is a really good thing. But I think there is a time and place for that. She can't be brutally honest to everyone because some people are too sensitive, you know what I mean? But that's not the issue here. I guess what I'm trying to say is, she could keep some things to herself, for the sake of the relationship. It's not like she's changing herself or anything. I'm sure if something you did bothered her, or made her feel insecure, you would stop, wouldn't you? It's something we do for people we love.

But anyways, to answer your question, I don't think it's unreasonable to feel the way you do when she is honest about other men. A lot of guys would feel the same way. Especially girls.

I read the comments you posted on most of the answers and it looks like you are willing to feel the way you do forever.

You could always look at the situation in a different way.

If she thinks some guy is hot, then she thinks he's hot. Not saying it outloud WILL NOT change the way she feels. So, you could try to be thankful that she shares it with you, atleast, and doesn't keep it to herself.

Like, I wish my boyfriend would be honest with me about other women, instead of keeping it to himself, because then that would bother me... the unknown.

You sound like a really nice guy, defending your girlfriend and all. It's really sweet, but just be careful. You said most of your exes cheated on you? Obviously they didn't respect you. And shit like that happens to really nice guys. Which sucks, I know. I'm sorry.

[Techan]

Okay, well first of all we've been engaged or two months, so I'm not worried about cheating. She simply does not cheat. She doesn't cheat at anything... you could be playing chess with this woman, leave for a year and come back and she'd have left the board exactly as is, she just doesn't cheat. If she really wanted another guy, she would tell me and break up with me first. But anyways, as for the original question. Yes, I see what you mean, but no matter how hard she tries to (cont'd)

[Techan]

Keep her comments to herself... sometimes they just come out. I'm getting the feeling that she's never going to be able to control it completely, sometimes you just say things without thinking. So... I think I just need to learn to not let it get to me as much.

[lost-angel]

Yah I know what you mean. Her comments have no bad intentions, and you don't want it to bother you but it does, right?

I go through the same thing with my boyfriend. I know he would never cheat but there are certain things that get to me, that I wish didn't. People say you could "decide" how you feel, but it's not easy at all.

When I was single I used to buy maxim.Now my boyfriend buys it, for himself, and it bothers me.It's so weird. It's so petty of me, but I can't help the feeling it gives me.

[lost-angel]

When I see a new issue, it really gets to me. lol. He's explained why he likes the magazine, but I can't help it :( I know, just like you, I have to learn not to let it get to me much. So I just stay quiet for awhile --Just to avoid me saying anything or getting mad about a stupid magazine. I just try to remind myself of how much he loves me,and of everything he does for me. I guess I reassure myself lol, but it works, after awhile. It takes away that temp insecurity. But it's hard... :(

[A-R-Norman]

Interesting--I see questions on here by guys who wonder why their girls freak out when they gawk and stare at girls. One guys said he even went over and talked to the girl in question and still didn't understand why his girlfriend got pissed. Interesting to see this from the male perspective.

I dunno--some people just don't seem to understand how that could upset a person. Me and my hubby--we look all the time--I at guys and he at fab hottie chicks--I tell him I think a girl has nice boobs or a nice booty and he thinks Ville Valo of HIM is hot. It actually excites us, but then I am BI and he is bit of an exhibitionist--it works for us as we admire human beauty and think it is a turn on--I think what she is doing is totally innocent but that is just me.

I know you said you talked to her about it and IMHO anyone who professes to care about you but continues to do things that makes you feel uncomfortable is extremely disrespectful and should be sending all kinda red flags...

But again, it may make you feel better to do what me and my hubby do and just go with the flow--Why is it a big deal? Beautiful human animals are fun to look at--why should we fake and pretend we do not notice--especially if we know we are being faithful to our mates?

[liquidlithium]

You just said it right there "actors" and "characters"

There not real people, and even if they were, she's with you.

I was head over heels for my ex boyfriend. But that doesn't mean that I didn't think guys were good looking and commented on it, he did the same thing with girls too.

BUT if its driving you crazy, why not try the same thing with her next time your watching t.v with her "say something like wow, megan fox is drop dead gorgeous or something"

get her reaction, she may not like it either as much as you dont, and being a girl, if you do it enough she'll tell you. Then just say well I feel the same way when you do that, so maybe for the future if we see someone attractive (because come on its gunna happen) we keep the comment to ourselves.

[Techan]

I have told her how I feel about it. She feels like it shouldn't bother me... And I'm not into the whole revenge/retaliation thing, so thanks but I'm not going to try and upset her to prove my point.

[liquidlithium]

Its not about revenge, sometimes people don't realize how something feels unless its happened to them.

P.s you never said you already talked to her about it, being your girlfriend, if she knows it bothers you, she shouldnt do it, not that its a big deal but its something like not putting the dishes in the dish washer and leaving them out on the table, its not a HUGE issue, but it bothers me, so the people I'm with respect that and do it.

[liquidlithium]

Does that make any sense?

[Techan]

She doesn't do it on purpose to spite me. She just doesn't see the big deal and is a genuinely honest person, so she's not used to holding back the truth or how she feels about something. She's of the opinion that honesty is always better even if it's going to upset someone. Which I can respect... I just wish she'd keep those comments to herself.

[liquidlithium]

But it is in spite if she knows it bothers you is what I'm saying. If you knew something bothered her, even if you figured it was silly, would you not do it just because you know she doesn't quite like it? Its kind of about respect. Everyone obviously doesn't agree on everything, but you can't help how something makes you feel. So in a relationship you have to respect each others wants and needs, silly as they may be sometimes, your not wrong for feeling the way that you do, everyones different.

[liquidlithium]

Honestly if you don't handle something small that bothers you now, its just going to snowball later on, which is never good for the survival of any realtionship, even friendships.

[Techan]

Well when I say it's not in spite, I mean it's one of those things she does without even thinking about it. She catches herself sometimes, but usually it's just a habit that's hard for her to break. I can't ask her to change all of her behavior just for me. Some things people just aren't used to thinking about. I mean I'm the same way. There are things that upset her that I do, I don't do them on purpose, but in the moment I sometimes forget about that. It works the same way.

[liquidlithium]

Well maybe you just answered your own question. Maybe talk to her one more time, and just let her know that you can't help it, and you wished it didnt, but it really does bother you. And then if it happens again, and you obviously know she's a genuine person, and that she does love you, then maybe you need to just brush it off as nothing, because it seems you know its not like she's going to go run and sleep with someone because there good looking, she's with you and that's all that matters.

[champ]

He also said she was saying the same thing about guys that were her friends that they knew...

[Seenthatmovietoo]

Grow a thicker skin at once. You are being WAY too sensitive on this. Exactly what part of human nature did you think you have the right to change?

Guys check out girls. Period. Girls check out guys. Did you really expect otherwise?

At least she's being open about it. Is she going over and hooking up with the other guys? Then why are you acting so insecure? Do you want her censoring your gaze every time a playmate walks by?

Most healthy relationships encourage an open dialog about the tastes of either party. Some friends we know even keep what they call their "Top 5" list in which case if some Superstar Babe came along, think Cindy Crawford or Megan Fox, and wanted to "DO" you then the spouse would tolerate that the stars aligned for you and not kill/divorce you for doing so. This doesn't apply to random hook ups as much as celebrity adoration.

The point is that it is totally healthy to check out others. Quit being so insecure, after all she's still YOUR girl isn't she? Did you want her to be blind? I read Playboy but I make love to the same women regardless of what I see elsewhere. Do you expect her not to have a pulse?

Be thankful that she's open in discussing it and sack up for crying out loud.

Good luck.

[Techan]

Okay, thanks for the insight, but that was unnecessary. That's all well and good in theory, not as easy to put into practice. Not to mention this was written in a moment of depression... is there a way to delete questions? I'm getting tired of getting more answers on this

[Lostwithouther]

She can still be doing it because she knows it bothers you. You say she is a honest person and that is very hard to find in a relationship. She finds them physically attractive. That is all it is. Think about it if she didn't love you she'd go over and talk to the guy/guys she liked and leave with them. But she isn't. Don't worry about it. Appreciate it. And maybe do it to her. Next time you see a hot woman say wow she is hot and see how she reacts.

[A-R-Norman]

You know, I could say that the way you feel about this is silly and unimportant--that it is invalid based on the fact that the world is a fabulous place full of fabulous people.

However, this doesn't invalidate your own personal experiences or how you feel does it?

I think she should respect how you feel no matter what because your feelings are valid even if someone doesn't quite understand them.

Maybe if she can cultivate this kind of understanding for you you will cultivate this kind of understanding for others as well as a healthy respect for the opinions and feelings of people you disagree with.

Peace.

[champ]

I don't know my boyfriend doesn't tell me about who he thinks is hot, but he knows I think adam sandler is pretty hilarious and I love laughing.

I used to have an ex that would say, "if I had a chance with alicia keys, I'm sorry, but I'd have to take it" and I think that is pretty lame.. so I get where you are coming from some people are just insensitive. Do it back to her, tell her "didn't *insert female name you guys saw that day* look really nice today. She'll prob call you out, and youtell her oh I thought we have that type of honest relationship since you always tell me about your guy friends that you think are hot.

[sassygal4]

No, I don't think you're unreasonable. I'm a brutally honest person too, but damn, if the person I care about told me to stop doing something because it upset him, I would at least make an attempt to stop. That's just really selfish to continue doing something that hurts someone else, especially if you're in a relationship and you care about the person. Now, if she only did it with famous people, that's one thing, but to say those things about other people you both know? That's just wrong really. Have you ever tried doing it back to her and see how she takes it? Either way, no, you're not being unreasonable.

[katiegal]

Okay,byt she asked YOU to dress as Bender from that show or smthg,she is YOUR gf,and I'm sure she loves you.So do not take it close to your heart.

I mean,many guys watch at other girls too-streets,beaches,tv ...

if for exemple,there are 2 good friends and one of them has a new and beautiful gf,the other one,who is in a relationship says"Oh dude,u lucky bastard,she is damn hot" etc.etc,it does not mean the guy who said that would cheat on his girl or find her unattractive.

I kinda understand what you mean tho,and if it bothers you that much,then tell her again,and say her that it's pretty serious for you. :)

[Anonymous]

She's just like me. I do that. My boyfriend is like my best friend, and I say whatever goes through my head. We were eating out and there was this hunk sitting right across us and I pointed it out to him. I tell him stuff like "your xyz friend looked hot in a yellow tee 2day". But he's cool with it.

Be happy she's being honest with you rather than thinking about other guys all the time and not telling you about it.

I think you're totally over reacting. She's a nice truthful person and you said it right, "say what you feel" kind of person. Just accept her the way she is.

[chettah-two]

Get over it mate,

WHY DOES IT BOTHER YOU...

work on why it bothers you...

Its not like she is going to get with them.

I don't think she is even thinking about cheating because if she was, she wouldn't even mention anything of that nature.

So consider your self luck that your Girlfriend tells you everything she is thinking...

[Techan]

Please check the updates before you answer. I don't want anymore answers to this question. I got it already.

[xSUNKiSSEDx]

I understand why you would be upset by your girlfriends actions. But I mean she could be saying it to make you jealous. I know it is wrong but I used to do that to my ex just so he would react to it. But I never left him for the random hot guys that I saw. I only wanted him. She would also feel the way you are feeling if you were making comments about other girls being hott. But I don't think you should be overreacting or jealous if she says that actors are attractive. I mean there is no chance in hell she would ever hook up with Bender from the Breakfast Club. So why are you so mad about it? maybe she just wants you to change your style up a bit. She was only suggesting it for a halloween costume. Relax. If you are so uncomfortable tell her how you feel, how else will she know? We aren't mind readers. So Speak up.

[Techan]

>.< I know she's not going to hook up with him, I know that! The guy's freaking 40 now anyways. I never said it was a RATIONAL thing to be upset by.

And I have told her, she just doesn't think it should bother me AND she's just a generally honest person, she doesn't believe in holding what she thinks back even if it's going to upset someone.

[Starling]

I think it's okay to be upset. My boyfriends always saying famous girls are hot. And it bothers me to a certain point, because I know I'm not ugly at all, but I'm also no scarlett johansson and he thinks she's gorgeous. I think it bothers me the most because I obviously know he thinks people are attractive! But I don't see why he must tell me when a girls hot.

[Dudebeingguys3593]

Usually guys talk about really hot girls with other guy friends in order to find common ground and make lasting friendships. And what is the most common ground for conversations in hormonal, heterosexual, red-blooded males? Very attractive women. So, when he starts to settle down with you, and reduces his guy friend spending time, he starts to act like he would with his guy friends with you. And old habits do die hard. Think if you were with your girlfriends in a club, wouldn't you want to share that there is a super rad guy over there with hella' good hair? Of course you would! It's part of the fun of going to a club! Anyway from my point of view it isn't anything personal, he just hasn't figured out how to converse with the fairer company yet.

[mjk8ball]

dude, what she is doing to you is called a sh*t test. she's doing it to see how you handle her comments. it's a test and she's basically trying to (potentially in an unconscious fashion) figure out how to manipulate you. sort of like what bullies do to people.

if you have any additional questions, I'd recommend googling the un-censored version of sh*t test and reading about it. it's not so much what you say as it is the method or mode (emotion) of the response.

I'd recommend ignoring it or bringing attractive girls that you see - be somewhat tasteful, as in, don't bring up other attractive gals only when she talks about guys.

[Anonymous]

Thats not something I would personally get mad about, because when I really hot girl walks by you can't say that you don't take a quick look...everybody does, well not everybody, I guess that's unfair to say, but its the same as a guy saying that actress is hot, my girlfriend does the same...i just let her do it.

[Techan]

Well yeah I know that people can't help thinking it, or looking... but that doesn't mean you say it to your significant other and specicfically point it out.

[Opinion Owner]

I agree it does make things kind of awkward, but just say something to her like I don't like it whn you talk about other guys in front of me

[Techan]

If you'd read the question you'd know I HAD talked to her about it.

[Opinion Owner]

Sorry I am a speed reader just get the jist of things so you have said something, and she talks about friends of yours too, id say she now just stating something but she is interested in more guys, I mean usually if a girl said johnny depp is hot then it is just a dream but your friends that is kind of rude or insensitive on her part

hope this helps

(just trying to help you)

[meltwithme]

It is a sign of weakness from you. Insecure and no woman likes a insecure man. The world is full of good looking people. Just appreciate the scenery. Did you think you were the only good looking person in this world? Not trying to be rude at all either. It's just the way it is.

[Kayaking]

Nah, that's nothing to freak over. Join in the fun and enjoy it with her. You're taking her comments, and your imagined hotness, too far. Showing insecurity=big mistake.

However, NEVER believe she won't cheat. Every guy that has been cheated on thought what you think.

[Techan]

I've been cheated on... by every girlfriend I ever had before her. I know the signs of cheating by now. I'm not saying it's impossible, but I'm pretty sure it's not happening. Thanks for the vote of negativity, but that's not what I'm worried about.

You can call it a mistake, that doesn't mean I can be like "Oh... well when you put it like that, I guess I was wrong, I'll stop that immediately." If I COULD be magically okay with it I would be, but my mind doesn't work like that.

[tyrantfuryre]

You have a right to be p*ssed. Seeing a guy or girl and thinking they're attractive is fine. As long as you don't act on it of course. It doesn't need to be said aloud either. Simple.

[Anonymous]

You're tired of the same redundant advice? Wow, nice way of showing appreciation. No wonder she thinks other dudes are hot.

[Techan]

I'm sorry... but I got the idea the first time... and I'm tired of people telling me to get over it like it's just that simple. I don't want anymore answers on this because I feel like the issue is resolved I no longer need advice on this. Thanks for not listening at all and finding fault. I'm sorry if after the 10th "you're taking it too seriously" I got tired of hearing it. When every answer is the same, no I don't appreciate it anymore.

[Opinion Owner]

Haha you aren't over it if you are bitching still about it. FFS you are 22, grow a pair and stop being such a insecure wuss. Or get a girlfriend with an actual brain. That might help. lol. or maybe she doesn't think dorks are hot?? I anxiously await your nerdrage

[Techan]

I'm not still bitching about it. I'm bitching about people all posting the same damn advice. I don't appreciate reading the same thing over and over again. Every other day I get on this site there's a new answer to this with the same B.S. I am over this, which is why I don't want anymore answers to it. I was just exasperated and asking that people please don't comment on this anymore cause there's no way to delete questions. I'm ending this convo here, I don't want to keep feeding the trolls

[ski-stud-mike]

I'd punch her in the face! that's stupid. certain things you just don't say out loud.

[madi25193]

dont take it to heart just name the actors you think are hot back that what my boyfriend does lols

[chrisguy92]

The way I see it, if you can look at another girl and tell your girlfriend the other girl is hot she has full right to do the same thing when she sees a guy she thinks is hot.

[1FastFC]

Damn man I'm wondering the same thing

[nowasthing20]

Am a single