My ex bragging about his new girlfriend? A disaster waiting to happen?

[Anonymous]

So my ex boyfriend and I broke up one month ago. We are friendly with each other. And last night he talked to me for an hour at a local bar. And went on to say. I am dating my friend. Who I liked in the past but never thought was possible. He said he was very happy etc. Apparently they began seeing each other days after we broke up. Wrong I know. and they were flirting a few days before we broke up.

Instead of telling him off I expressed my happiness for him, and said to go for it. Despite his strong feeling for her he seemed uncertain. Crushes for years I learned are not good in the long run. And told him if he really does like her to take his time, to make sure it works.

He then said that he hopes if he brings her around that I don't freak out. I was calm and said I would never do that and want him to be happy, and not to worry about me. I was very supportive. I don't want him to think that this is ruining me. I am trying to move on, but its hard when you love someone.

He dated someone for 2 years and one of his exes broke up with him. then moved onto me. and now her days after our break up.

As he came back to the area I was sitting in he playfully messed up my hair. Strange huh? I noticed he has been very friendly with me and my friends, and his friends very nice to me. I am confused. I never thought we would break up.

No he has not been initiating contact with me.only when we see each other around he does.

Do you think he may really have love for this girl? or is it a disaster waiting to happen?

I am very confident these days and some girls at the bar approached me saying that I have this amazing glow and asked how I am so confident. and I told them how. I am different after the break up. and he broke up with me because of a few issues I was having.such as not job. living at home. being stressed out constantly. I changed and feeel GREAT.

i just can't believe this girl walks into his life and then he decides to go for her. I am not mad. Just confused and hurt. Any advice will help. Thank you!

[nvestan]

About the same thing did happen to me 4 months ago. When I had a great relationship with a girl, and I was in some sort of stress myself like you were but for family reasons and a few others, which I sorted out. At that time we had been together for 3 - 4 months, she wanted to start a family. Because of my issues I was not ready for it. long story short in 2 months when we met she told me that she got engaged. They only knew each other 2 months. Moreover while that breakup she talked to her "husband" with me hearing all the stuff, she told him that she was seeing a friend - me. And he asked her to give him my phone number in order to talk to me, for me to back off from her. I already was in shock after hearing that she wanted to break up with me, but the engagement and his desire to talk to me was just too much. I nearly exploded but kept myself cool, and didn't talk just kept my mouth shut. I only wished her luck and got out of there. What did happen is that we chatted on the phone and did send me a Christmas greeting twice over the text message. And I met her and chatted with her a month ago, she seemed very friendly with me, and talked about her future marriage and that she is uncertain about her moving to him, and if something will not work how would she come back, as they have been in a long distance relationship and only met 3 times, when she visited him. I was supportive and did give her advice about her uncertainty. Meeting her and chatting with her was pretty painful for me, it took an effort to bear it. Thus I concluded that it is better for me not to get in touch with her, and stop all the contact with her. And I would advise you to do the same.

If he cared for you enough, he would not run away from you when you needed his support the most.

Funny thing though that I sorted my issues and got confidence back after the break up.

[honeyltsme]

Two pieces of information in the beginning stood out for me:

1) "And went on to say. I am dating my friend. Who I liked in the past but never thought was possible."

2) "Apparently they began seeing each other days after we broke up."

Meaning, all the while he was with you he was aspiring to be with this other woman. Being with you built up his self-confidence and perceived value.

It's true - the same women who would never speak to a given single guy who is by himself at a bar, would give him another look if he was seen with some hottie. "There must be something worthwhile about that man if SHE is all over him", that logic goes. He'd used you in a way, though not necessarily deliberately.

I happen to think that guys are scum who take steps to line up somebody new without giving you any hint that they are even considering a breakup, so you are completely blindsided until you are told, and then pretty much right away they slip into this other woman. But that's just my opinion.

[Asker]

he said she was not the reason why we broke up, and he said it just happened. and she even said he acted like an a**hole the night that all went down. I am confused. the idea of her with him is weird. I still feel like he should be with me. Everyone was making a comment saying he will regret doing what he did, and that I am far more gorgeous, and upbeat then her. I don't know... But I do believe him when he said she did not interfere in his and my relationship

[honeyltsme]

It just does not make sense to me. He says he's always liked the girl. He is together with the girl days after the breakup. And the girl has nothing to do with it?

Ask yourself a simple question: if she never existed, would he break up with you when he did? Or try to fix it with you or at least say something? If the answer is "he definitely would break up with me regardless even if he were to stay single for an undetermined period afterwards" then you are right.

[Asker]

yes he would have broken up with me regardless. he said our relationship got platonic the last month we were together. I was struggling and very stressed. and he told me that entire month how he getting annoyed with my stress. and how I let things get to me so bad...

as far as she goes? he liked her in college and when we broke up she came to his rescue, and then it just happened...

[honeyltsme]

then you may be right. excellent.

[Asker]

its just we had such strong feeling for each other. and then the last month I handeled everything wrong. and he messing up my hair? that's flirty don't you think? on top of that I have lost 20 pounds since the breakup. He won't text me but that's understandable as he is in a new relationship...

I want him to be happy. but I just know he is setting up to getting hurt. maybe I should just move on. but its crazy!

if she is out of the picture I am sure he will come back.

[Asker]

and on top of that I have been managing my stress. I told him I am attending therapy, and am out doing great things. doing well in my classes. Moving out next month. and I think it shocked him. But the fact that he was trying to get a rise out of me confuses me. I texted him when I got home saying if he is happy. I am as well. and for him not to feel like he is hurting me, because he is not. And that I wish them both the best of luck. he never responded. and I will have that text sink in.

[honeyltsme]

If your good progress is not a facade (which I sincerely hope it isn't), it should be all for you and it should not matter what he thinks of it or even if he knows about it.

Let me tell you, no true big love - NONE - can be undone by one of the people having a bad month. Or several bad months.

[Asker]

i am working on myself because I want too. and I expressed that to him. He seemed very concerned about me being clingy or what not around her. and expressed I would in no way act flirty around her or when she is not around. that would be just stupid.

we started off hot and heavy and then everything went wrong. however am I faithful? yes. feelings of what we shared I have never expeirenced and he expressed that a few time.

everyone knows he is making a mistake and many are on my side with this..

[Asker]

you last comment though about no true love. can you please elaborate?

[honeyltsme]

True love is strong and brings with it compassion and desire to help and sacrifice even, for your loved one. If you love someone and they are having a difficult month, you stick by them.

Now if that person having a difficult time (you) turns into a little monster, completely unable and uninterested in any help, then it may be a matter of "I don't want to be with a person who reveals this sh*tty side of them when going gets tough". But if you are depressed, a month of no sex is no reason to flee

[Asker]

i totally agree with you. lol I just got a text from our mutual friend saying that my text got to him last night. funny how being positive and confident can make a man think.

[emmabee11]

Hmm... well if he moves onto one girl to the next like that then obviously he's going to do the same thing to the next girl, I wouldn't even be friends with him if he just brags in your face like that about a girl he started dating. Your right too, it could be disaster for him, he sounds like one of those people that can't stay out of a relationship for even one day but he can't even think clearly ether with you still around otherwise it will mess up. It's jsut low he would start bragging to you when you both jsut broke up, I mean what is his game? if he's trying to make you jealous when you broke up for reasons then wtf? if a guy did that to me id just tell him to get lost, there's only a certain point where you can stay nice, if he keeps bragging to you then you really need to tell him you don't need to hear about who he dates since your both friends now.

[XRabbitHeartX]

Some people just move on really quickly and it still works out for them in the long run. It's one of those things that depend on the individual and how their brains are wired together. Sometimes after a relationship it also happens that one partner is so new to the idea of being single and it comes as a slight shock to them that they end up doing something silly like kissing a girl they may have no feelings for etc. But if he is genuinely dating her then I suppose he really has just moved on even if it seems very quick. And just remember that it's natural that he's going to want to rub it in. He left you and he is probably feeling that normal regret feeling which usually does appear after you have broken up with someone at some stage. Just let everything pass, time will tell whether his feelings for her are genuine and real.

[Asker]

its just off. he admitted saying its something that he had to try. and I want to be supportive. but our relationship was amazing. and then this happens. it really makes me think that I was used. but I can't help but feel he still has feelings for me. in our relationship he always expressed how much he liked me. and then she legit came out with us one night and that happened. it hurt like a knife cutting through my heart

[XRabbitHeartX]

I'm sorry and I can understand that but unfortunately you can't change what happened. Just tell yourself that over and over again. Besides you have no idea, maybe he'll come running back to you soon. Just keep glowing and showing him what he's missing out on, you'll never know and I of course still think that he probably regretting what he's done. Just be patient and see what unfolds.

[Asker]

Thank you hun. It helped. I was kind of odd that he was talking about her but also saying things like he would only stay in the area if he found a girl. He seemed uncertain, but I just think that maybe he needing to try and prove his point is what he is doing. They were good friends. and I don't know. I was just shocked when he bragged about her. Oh well. but apparently she is verrrry jealous of me. and he warned me that she can be very catty.

[ZenQueen]

distant yourself until you're truly over it, or just avoid him in general. Why add salt to the wound?

[snowboarder720]

I can tell you obviously still have feelings for him. I think it's best you just don't take anything he says personal. What's in the past should be left in the past, ya know? bringing up problems that's done and over with is something you shouldn't do.

By the way, you and he broke up a month ago? and you guys are talking about current relationship status and everything is all good? lol that sh*t won't happen smoothly. If you cared about him a lot during the relationship, you AND he will need some time and space before you start talking to each other about other relationships. You have to let that brake up sink in, and left in the past.

I'd still talk to him and such. But make his or your relationship status the topic of conversation. If he insists you talking about your dating situation, then he has a control issue over you. If that's the case STOP talking to him overall.

[snowboarder720]

correction: * But DO NOT make his or your relationship status the topic of conversation

[taster]

I tried to chat you when I saw you on here earlier...it is very nice to finally see you again...(:

Eh...I hope I am wrong but it sounds like he regrets breaking up with you and would like for you to tell him that you want him back...ugh...I hope you do not do that but it is your life..(:

[adamcdavis]

don't we all root for women to not fall into that trap. I've seen it happen 50 billion times though and *most women are naive and don't believe it won't work out.

[taster]

yuh...

[CasaNorba]

just remember he is your "ex" and you should not care... if you act like you don't care, he will eventually see jealousy is not working on you, so he will stop

[prettymuscle]

hes probley trying to make you jealous. why tell a ex about a new girlfriend. makes no sense

[Xx_DRE_xX]

One of many reasons to never have a freindship with an ex.

[GymStatus]

just let him brag... I would just ignore it lol.