Why does my ex boyfriend keep asking me for sex?

I am 21 and my ex boyfriend is 20. He broke up with me in Oct. and we dated for almost a yr. When he broke up with me, I was heartbroken, because he was very hateful. He told me he never wanted to see me again and that he was so over me. Yet he still continued to call me the entire time.

While we dated we never had sex with each other. We were both virgins, yet he kept pressuring me. So I guess I was dumped because I never gave in. So he dumps me, gets with a girl who gives it to him in 2 wks and then they are over.

Now, during the entire time they were together my ex continued to call me, which is weird considering that he was "so over me." Well for the past few months he has been asking me for sex incessantly. I keep telling him no, but he asks almost everyday.

I told him that he can easily get another woman who is into FWBS bt he needs to understand that I am not like that. He replies and says that we can be FWBS and it can evolve, but why do I have to have sex with him for him to decide on whether he wants a relationship with me?!

He then says, I've known people who are 'booty buddies' and they end up getting married. I told him that I wouldn't lower myself to that. Now we do talk on the phone almost everyday but then he starts asking for sex... AGAIN.

Why is he doing this and how can I get him to see that I want a friendship or a relationship, but not FWBS.

I have told him no and he will chill off for a while, but he goes back to the same thing. My ex is a nice looking man, so he can easily get into a NSA relationship, but for some reason he keeps coming after me. I want to continue to be friends with him but it is getting really difficult because he is always asking for sex.

Last month he came over and we just watched tv and he didn't even try anything. Now just about every phone conversation turns into me denying him. He should really know better.

I guess he feels that he has to have sex in order to be in love, but I feel that I have to be in love and feel loved in order to have sex

What advice would you give me? Surprising him and I do get along very well, and can talk for hrs. but then he will start the sex talk and that irks me..

ok you guys, he texted me again and told me that he wanted love, intimacy, and a friendship. However the important word lacking was... COMMITMENT! I asked him why he was so obsessed with me and he just simply said because he wants me.

To Faber Fan: I have one more tidbit off info. I asked him can we just have an open relationship and he got pissed about this. Now wouldn't he be benefiting from this. Him and I connect emotionally but still see other people.


Most Helpful Guy

  • As per your second update. Why would you want an open relationship with him in the first place? Wouldn't you rather have someone there for you in full. I mean, most guys wouldn't even touch you if they knew you were in an open relationship with someone else. It seems odd to me, unless you are hung up over this guy. And yeah he would benefit, because connecting emotionally will lead to connecting physically. But he doesn't want to wait. He wants you now.

    He wants you for one thing and one thing only: sex. I'm sure you are smart and pretty, you can find someone who will appreciate you fully.

    Oh, and he got pissed because he doesn't want you meeting/liking/sleeping with anyone else before him, because he is a jealous child, and he WANTS you all for himself.

    I mean, he broke up with you because you didn't sleep with him. Do you honestly believe he ever wanted anything else from you? Please, ignore him. If you need someone to talk to, just talk to me, message me or something I don't care. And that goes for anyone who needs help.

    • I will have to agree with faberfan on this one. It seems like he wants just sex from you without thinking about other facets of your personality. Friends with benefits can't evolve into a relationship because I personally haven't seen too many friends with benefits work out to be in relationships period. A relationship is more than just sex but it seems like this guy thinks sex without committment is a relationship to him, but in reality a relationship is built upon more than just sex.

What Guys Said 16

  • As per your update: you called it, the word COMMITMENT is missing. Once again he tells you what he wants, despite how contradictory it is. He wants love and intimacy, but intimacy is a nice way of saying he wants sex. And friendship? Is he aware that friends generally don't sleep together? He could have said he wanted you because he felt a strong connection, or that he wanted trust and communication and affection. But once again, his mind goes straight to sex.

    Now, I really want you to read the last line of his over and over and over. You ask him why he is obsessed with you, and he says it's because he "wants" you. He doesn't love you. He sees you as an object, and he wants you purely for the purpose of sex. I love sex as much as the next person, but this guy is toxic. He's causing you un-needed stress.

    I can't tell you how often I see this, where the woman believes him and gets hurt. It's your choice, but my best advice is to cut him out of your life. A few days of ignoring him will show you what he is really about.

  • His constant obsession with sex means that's all he wants from you. Why stay friends with someone like that?

    His type is the type that will try anything to manipulate you into giving it to him. Maybe he feels like he failed with you, and sex will fix that feeling. Either way, don't try and be friends with this guy, and definitely don't try and work things out. I've seen it before, and once he does get sex, you'll never hear from him again. He may be nice on the outside, but he sound ugly on the inside.

    • I see what you mean. I just don't understand how other people can be friends with their ex bfs but mine is obsessed with me only in a sexual way. You know, deep down I feel as if I have done something wrong because I have NEVEr had a man ask for a FWBs relationship with me. I've always been the woman that men respected and it makes me feel like I have done something wrong for him to think so lowly of me. I have always carried myself in a respectful way, so it's odd that he is treating me like a tramp.

    • Oh it's nothing you've done, don't think that for a second. Your ex just had sex, so now he wants it from the girl he never had it with, hence his obsession. Write him out of your life. Ignore him, if possible, and talk to someone with values. =)

  • We have a case a real moron here. DO NOT stay friends with him...come on babe you can do better than that. It's common sense, he wants sex, you don't. So don't talk to him or surround yourself by him. I know you've had a history together but forget it, he doesn't want you for you, he just wants the sex.

  • He just wants the conquest to satisfy his ego.

    To stop his peatering, just tell him that you will have sex after marriage.

  • I know why he wants sex with you.. but the question is why you want to be friends with him?

    He no longer has the same values that you have, and he has lost respect for your choice to wait. If you ever give into him, you will feel used, and regret it for the rest of your life. I have no idea why he backed off of your commitment to each other, but you can bet he will lie to get you to come to the dark side. I know a lot about the dark side, it is the side of the street that I live on. Stay in the light, and live by your own convictions.

    Good Luck,


  • Getting you to sleep with him after all this would be like winning a trophy to him, it bothers him that other girls will sleep with him but you're the one who says no and sticks by it. Like everyone else said, don't sleep with him! You did good to keep saying no. Trust me, if he's trying this hard to get you in bed, there's NOTHING he does that isn't some sneaky attempt to get you in bed.

  • In this type of relationship you feel pressured if you don't give in to his demands for sex from your ex. It seems like he just wants a female friend with benefits without any commitment. However from reading your message it seems like your ex still isn't over you and wants to the relationship to evolve from a friends with benefits scenario. He is telling you that he wanted love, intimacy, and a friendship but how can you have those things in a relationship without a commitment? You can't have those things and the fact that he went out and got sex from another woman and they are now over, do you want the same thing to happen to you as it happened to the other woman? He doesn't want an open relationship but yet at the same time wants a friends with benefits with you. He sounds like a jealous and obsessive type of man and if you started to get into a relationship with this type of guy, I bet 100% he would be jealous of your male friends. Either way even with an open relationship if you two decided on it, his jealously would destroy any chances of you seeing other people. He keeps asking for sex for you again but wants no commitment and you want something different and you just told him that your not like the other women. My advice is to not contact him anymore since it seems like you and him want two different things out of a relationship.

    • You are so right! He did say something about wanting to work from a friends with benefits to a relationship later. I have never in my life heard of someone wanting this. What is so heard about simply being in a relationship with a person. I don't understand. I have never in my life had a man cause this much confusion. Surprisingly, he asked to get back together. I thought abt it and decided to give it a shot. He came over, kissed cuddled (no sex) and he pretty much disappeared.

  • Wan'ts to have sex with less attachment, and less work to do. If he were to go after someone else, he'd have to put in more effort. Such as dating her, taking her out, and communicating with her. So, since your an ex, he thinks he can simply just ask you and the access to sex will be easier with you.

  • OMG, this needs to stop. Really, this is absolutely ridiculous. Cut him off and never speak to him again. If you need me to tell you why, then you're beyond help. Sorry to sound rude, but it's the truth. No rational, stable person would stay in such a situation.

  • girl do not give in to his demands, respect your yourself and your body. You don't need him. If you have a brother or your not afraid to tll a father figure I would do so. He is harassing you. Don't take that. Leave him alone because he want respect your wishes. I'm sure you are a beautiful young lady with pride.go find someone who respects you because he clearly doesnt. RESPECT YOURSELF AND OTHERS WILL TO

  • I would tell this gut to get lost unless he stops asking for sex..You can get a better man let him go!

  • He is masterbating a lot.

    Every time that he is masterbating, he is calling you because he is horny.

    Once he is done masterbating... his body doesn't need you or any other girl.

    Then a few hours later, he will do it again... and call you again.

    He wants you for sex.

    Actually no...

    He wants sex. Period.

  • Because he got tired of you refusing so he left. He has looked around and has not had much success finding vagina anywhere else so he has returned to you hoping you're ready to f*ck more.

    • This is a pretty crude answer, but there's a pretty good chance BlueGender is right.

  • why are you still talking to your ex. that's a no no.

  • I think you are confused. From a male point of view he just want to conquer you and satisfy his male ego. Remember you are the one difficult to get.

    As for you also like him to keep pestering you so there is something you like about him but your religious bringing up is stopping you from "sin".

    Even if both of you decide to have sex I feel this will not grow into a relationship.


What Girls Said 18

  • DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH HIM. he does not respect you or your beliefs if he asks so incessantly. He is only 20, a mere boy, compared to women our age. You sound very mature and sure of yourself and I commend you for your convictions and your behavior that matches those beliefs. He still has a lot of growing up to do to become a man. You are right, he can go elsewhere for his physical needs and the fact that he constantly nags you must be a pain in the ass but also shows a sign of lack of respect. from this perspective, he is wasting your time and if you continue to talk to him, he will keep you emotionally connected but that connectionn is not healthy, as his primary focus is to get in your pants. that does not sound like love sweetheart and you can do so much better. You have high standards- keep them. never settle and trust your instincts. this guy needs to be dropped asap. Many better MEN will come a long. If you are graduating soon, the work world will have older men who know how to treat and respect women. keep ur guard up, he doesn't deserve u. ... also, I'll share a bit of my experience: my 1st bf, who I lost my virginity to... NEVER pressured me. we went out for over a year, and up until th emoment I changed my mind, I always wanted to wait 4 marriage. my decision was sudden but though we had talked many times about sex and he asked me if I wanted to, he respected my wishes and told me he would wait until whenever. not all guys are like that, especially @ 17, but the point is, you should never settle less for what you deserve. good luck!

    • You are right. I know I am wasting my time, but it's like he was my 1st really serious relationship and I want to make it work so bad. However I know I must come to a pt. in which that I have to move on. This entire ordeal just makes me not trust men now. Like I mentioned eariler, my ex did not start off acting like an ass. He was so sweet and then slowly things went to hell. By the time I realized, I was 2 in love and overlooked his flaws. Now just look @ the mess I am in.

  • He is self-serving and is not considering your feelings and most importantly he is not respecting you in the least. Block his #, do not answer his calls and do yourself a favor and don't even waste another moment of your very valuable time and self to even give him a carrot to keep nibbling at. Stay strong. He is going to prey on your emotions to manipulate you hoping you will finally give in. Trust me, once you do (if you do), you will be just one of many that he has conquored. You will truly hate yourself afterwards. He is still winning in this game, however, because you keep talking to him even if it is to just say no to him, and what about this and what about that. He is pissing me off and I don't even know the guy. You should be incredibly turned off by now. Don't let your emotions rule you. Use your head.

    • I agree. It's so hard to just ignore him. I was doing fine whenever he initially broke up with me and ignored all his calls etc. but I slowly found myself going back, because I thought hey maybe we can give it another shot. Introspective, I am just scared to find another man because I feel that it will be the same thing. Believe my ex, did not start off being an ass or I would have left him right then and there. It just really makes me feel negative abt future relationship. I've wasted a yr. with a moron.

    • I understand completely. I was married for 23 years, and starting over is incredibly difficult. I know this sounds corny but become friends with many and stop looking for a serious relationship at this time in your life. Through your friendships you will see guys in action, see how they are in different situations and how they handle them. Really get to know a person WELL, and I am not talking just meeting and two months later "you're in love". No one falls in love that soon.

  • Why do you keep taking his calls and seeing him if he make you so uncomfortable? Face it, the guy is not going to change. He thinks he can pressure you into something that you clearly don't want! is this the kind of guy you want to have a relationship with? What is the point of continuing to talk to him? He doesn't respect you, why do you want to have a relationship with someone who doesn't respect you? He was a jerk when he broke up with you in Oct. and he's still a jerk. You seriously need to start respecting yourself and hit the delete button on those texts.

  • he just wants ur booty

  • all he seems to want is SEX! tell him to FU** OFF

  • Why? Because they always want what they can't get. Tell him to quit talking about sex or you won't talk to him anymore and keep your word. He knows you care for him and is trying to bank on those feelings you have that he will be able to have sex with you.

    He disappeared? He might have found a booty call with someone, not sure.

    Either way, take care of you!

  • Well... I think that that's rediculous and that needs to stop!

  • He's fucked up i swear. Dump his ass

  • best thing to do is stop talking to him. because he's a guy he only wants to have sex wit you because you he's been wit you nd he doesn't find it fair that he didt get nuthin out of the relationship. In other words he just wants to have sex wit you nd den he gona leave you because you would have given himwat he's been after for soo long. so just ignore him nd stop talking to him dnt feel pressure into doin sumthing you dnt wana do.

  • he just wants your body.

  • I would get out of this situation. This also happened to me. I really liked him still and felt like sex was the only hold I had over him so slept with him. But we should never let ourselves be abused like that. Don't give them the goods if they can't committ! I learnt from that mistake. Men aren't like us, they can have sex without feelings but it's much harder for woman. All the best x x x x

  • Yesssss maybe give him a chance. If you straight tell him how you feel that you care, and don't want to casually fuck he might buck up and give you what you want a relationship. He seems to care for you yes, he seems like he wants to fuck also and that's okay. Just make sure he's in it for more than just your body

  • Look, he's horny and needs to be satisfied, clearly your the only woman for the job. Can you fix it? Only one way to find out.

  • because he only wants sex with you. me ex did it to me, we didn't have sex, but that was all he wanted when I talked to him so it ended.

  • stop asking question, we all are saying QUIT. STOP. you could be a moron too...

  • He wants to have sex with you because he hasn't yet. Don't let him hit he is selfish and will never give you what you want and deserve. It's not anything that you are doing, it's just the way he is.

  • really? you seem to like the idea that he wants to have sex with you. it seems like you know what to do, but just hangs on to the thought that you are wanted or being lusted. if you're still hanging out with him, it would make me think you want a piece of him too.

    i'd say, cut and cut clean. no phone calls, absolutely no conversation with this guy. your problem would end if you do this.

    • So you really think that because we have hung out together that it is sending a signal that I wan him sexually. I think that is so odd because I don't feel as if I am leading him on because I have told him that he wants one thing and I want another and that it is best that we just keep it friendly. I have heard of other people who are friend's with their ex bfs and they don't seem to be having these issues.

    • Show All
    • Wow, didn't know guys viewed hanging out as an invitation for sex. I have heard of other people remaining friends with their exes, and there was not tension. I know my ex has several assholish ways but at the same time there are things abt him that I like, hence the fact why I don't want to lose the friendship. I didn't know a simple invite equated to sex. He has came over before and we just watched tv , then he hugged me when he left and that was it. Also this was post breakup up.

    • Really? ur so defensive.....this is so pathetic and lame.....it just shows how young and naive you are. take a break from him. maybe you're meant for each other. maybe he needs to grow up. and maybe YOU NEED TO GROW UP

  • Do not do it with this guy. He seems like a prick.