Why does my ex boyfriend keep asking me for sex?

I am 21 and my ex boyfriend is 20. He broke up with me in Oct. and we dated for almost a yr. When he broke up with me, I was heartbroken, because he was very hateful. He told me he never wanted to see me again and that he was so over me. Yet he still continued to call me the entire time.

While we dated we never had sex with each other. We were both virgins, yet he kept pressuring me. So I guess I was dumped because I never gave in. So he dumps me, gets with a girl who gives it to him in 2 wks and then they are over.

Now, during the entire time they were together my ex continued to call me, which is weird considering that he was "so over me." Well for the past few months he has been asking me for sex incessantly. I keep telling him no, but he asks almost everyday.

I told him that he can easily get another woman who is into FWBS bt he needs to understand that I am not like that. He replies and says that we can be FWBS and it can evolve, but why do I have to have sex with him for him to decide on whether he wants a relationship with me?!

He then says, I've known people who are 'booty buddies' and they end up getting married. I told him that I wouldn't lower myself to that. Now we do talk on the phone almost everyday but then he starts asking for sex... AGAIN.

Why is he doing this and how can I get him to see that I want a friendship or a relationship, but not FWBS.

I have told him no and he will chill off for a while, but he goes back to the same thing. My ex is a nice looking man, so he can easily get into a NSA relationship, but for some reason he keeps coming after me. I want to continue to be friends with him but it is getting really difficult because he is always asking for sex.

Last month he came over and we just watched tv and he didn't even try anything. Now just about every phone conversation turns into me denying him. He should really know better.

I guess he feels that he has to have sex in order to be in love, but I feel that I have to be in love and feel loved in order to have sex

What advice would you give me? Surprising him and I do get along very well, and can talk for hrs. but then he will start the sex talk and that irks me..

Updates:
ok you guys, he texted me again and told me that he wanted love, intimacy, and a friendship. However the important word lacking was... COMMITMENT! I asked him why he was so obsessed with me and he just simply said because he wants me.

To Faber Fan: I have one more tidbit off info. I asked him can we just have an open relationship and he got pissed about this. Now wouldn't he be benefiting from this. Him and I connect emotionally but still see other people.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • As per your second update. Why would you want an open relationship with him in the first place? Wouldn't you rather have someone there for you in full. I mean, most guys wouldn't even touch you if they knew you were in an open relationship with someone else. It seems odd to me, unless you are hung up over this guy. And yeah he would benefit, because connecting emotionally will lead to connecting physically. But he doesn't want to wait. He wants you now.

    He wants you for one thing and one thing only: sex. I'm sure you are smart and pretty, you can find someone who will appreciate you fully.

    Oh, and he got pissed because he doesn't want you meeting/liking/sleeping with anyone else before him, because he is a jealous child, and he WANTS you all for himself.

    I mean, he broke up with you because you didn't sleep with him. Do you honestly believe he ever wanted anything else from you? Please, ignore him. If you need someone to talk to, just talk to me, message me or something I don't care. And that goes for anyone who needs help.

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    • I will have to agree with faberfan on this one. It seems like he wants just sex from you without thinking about other facets of your personality. Friends with benefits can't evolve into a relationship because I personally haven't seen too many friends with benefits work out to be in relationships period. A relationship is more than just sex but it seems like this guy thinks sex without committment is a relationship to him, but in reality a relationship is built upon more than just sex.

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What Guys Said 16

  • As per your update: you called it, the word COMMITMENT is missing. Once again he tells you what he wants, despite how contradictory it is. He wants love and intimacy, but intimacy is a nice way of saying he wants sex. And friendship? Is he aware that friends generally don't sleep together? He could have said he wanted you because he felt a strong connection, or that he wanted trust and communication and affection. But once again, his mind goes straight to sex.

    Now, I really want you to read the last line of his over and over and over. You ask him why he is obsessed with you, and he says it's because he "wants" you. He doesn't love you. He sees you as an object, and he wants you purely for the purpose of sex. I love sex as much as the next person, but this guy is toxic. He's causing you un-needed stress.

    I can't tell you how often I see this, where the woman believes him and gets hurt. It's your choice, but my best advice is to cut him out of your life. A few days of ignoring him will show you what he is really about.

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  • His constant obsession with sex means that's all he wants from you. Why stay friends with someone like that?

    His type is the type that will try anything to manipulate you into giving it to him. Maybe he feels like he failed with you, and sex will fix that feeling. Either way, don't try and be friends with this guy, and definitely don't try and work things out. I've seen it before, and once he does get sex, you'll never hear from him again. He may be nice on the outside, but he sound ugly on the inside.

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    • I see what you mean. I just don't understand how other people can be friends with their ex bfs but mine is obsessed with me only in a sexual way. You know, deep down I feel as if I have done something wrong because I have NEVEr had a man ask for a FWBs relationship with me. I've always been the woman that men respected and it makes me feel like I have done something wrong for him to think so lowly of me. I have always carried myself in a respectful way, so it's odd that he is treating me like a tramp.

    • Oh it's nothing you've done, don't think that for a second. Your ex just had sex, so now he wants it from the girl he never had it with, hence his obsession. Write him out of your life. Ignore him, if possible, and talk to someone with values. =)

  • We have a case a real moron here. DO NOT stay friends with him...come on babe you can do better than that. It's common sense, he wants sex, you don't. So don't talk to him or surround yourself by him. I know you've had a history together but forget it, he doesn't want you for you, he just wants the sex.

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  • He just wants the conquest to satisfy his ego.

    To stop his peatering, just tell him that you will have sex after marriage.

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  • I know why he wants sex with you.. but the question is why you want to be friends with him?

    He no longer has the same values that you have, and he has lost respect for your choice to wait. If you ever give into him, you will feel used, and regret it for the rest of your life. I have no idea why he backed off of your commitment to each other, but you can bet he will lie to get you to come to the dark side. I know a lot about the dark side, it is the side of the street that I live on. Stay in the light, and live by your own convictions.

    Good Luck,

    James

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What Girls Said 18

  • DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH HIM. he does not respect you or your beliefs if he asks so incessantly. He is only 20, a mere boy, compared to women our age. You sound very mature and sure of yourself and I commend you for your convictions and your behavior that matches those beliefs. He still has a lot of growing up to do to become a man. You are right, he can go elsewhere for his physical needs and the fact that he constantly nags you must be a pain in the ass but also shows a sign of lack of respect. from this perspective, he is wasting your time and if you continue to talk to him, he will keep you emotionally connected but that connectionn is not healthy, as his primary focus is to get in your pants. that does not sound like love sweetheart and you can do so much better. You have high standards- keep them. never settle and trust your instincts. this guy needs to be dropped asap. Many better MEN will come a long. If you are graduating soon, the work world will have older men who know how to treat and respect women. keep ur guard up, he doesn't deserve u. ... also, I'll share a bit of my experience: my 1st bf, who I lost my virginity to... NEVER pressured me. we went out for over a year, and up until th emoment I changed my mind, I always wanted to wait 4 marriage. my decision was sudden but though we had talked many times about sex and he asked me if I wanted to, he respected my wishes and told me he would wait until whenever. not all guys are like that, especially @ 17, but the point is, you should never settle less for what you deserve. good luck!

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    • You are right. I know I am wasting my time, but it's like he was my 1st really serious relationship and I want to make it work so bad. However I know I must come to a pt. in which that I have to move on. This entire ordeal just makes me not trust men now. Like I mentioned eariler, my ex did not start off acting like an ass. He was so sweet and then slowly things went to hell. By the time I realized, I was 2 in love and overlooked his flaws. Now just look @ the mess I am in.

  • He is self-serving and is not considering your feelings and most importantly he is not respecting you in the least. Block his #, do not answer his calls and do yourself a favor and don't even waste another moment of your very valuable time and self to even give him a carrot to keep nibbling at. Stay strong. He is going to prey on your emotions to manipulate you hoping you will finally give in. Trust me, once you do (if you do), you will be just one of many that he has conquored. You will truly hate yourself afterwards. He is still winning in this game, however, because you keep talking to him even if it is to just say no to him, and what about this and what about that. He is pissing me off and I don't even know the guy. You should be incredibly turned off by now. Don't let your emotions rule you. Use your head.

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    • I agree. It's so hard to just ignore him. I was doing fine whenever he initially broke up with me and ignored all his calls etc. but I slowly found myself going back, because I thought hey maybe we can give it another shot. Introspective, I am just scared to find another man because I feel that it will be the same thing. Believe my ex, did not start off being an ass or I would have left him right then and there. It just really makes me feel negative abt future relationship. I've wasted a yr. with a moron.

    • I understand completely. I was married for 23 years, and starting over is incredibly difficult. I know this sounds corny but become friends with many and stop looking for a serious relationship at this time in your life. Through your friendships you will see guys in action, see how they are in different situations and how they handle them. Really get to know a person WELL, and I am not talking just meeting and two months later "you're in love". No one falls in love that soon.

  • Why do you keep taking his calls and seeing him if he make you so uncomfortable? Face it, the guy is not going to change. He thinks he can pressure you into something that you clearly don't want! is this the kind of guy you want to have a relationship with? What is the point of continuing to talk to him? He doesn't respect you, why do you want to have a relationship with someone who doesn't respect you? He was a jerk when he broke up with you in Oct. and he's still a jerk. You seriously need to start respecting yourself and hit the delete button on those texts.

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  • he just wants ur booty

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  • all he seems to want is SEX! tell him to FU** OFF

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