I hurt my boyfriend really bad and I want to fix it. How do I do this?

i hurt my boy friend really bad and he wants to leave me. I got black out drunk one night and came back in bed with another guy. I thought we had sex so when my boyfriend came home I was crying really bad and told him I cheated on you. but in the morning the guy texted me and I asked him if we had sex and he said "where you that drunk? we wanted to but I said no you have a boyfriend and you said you where in love with daniel, but no we didn't do anything" so I told my boyfriend that we didn't do anything I just thought we did and he doesn't believe me at all. he feels vary strongly that its the right thing to do by ending it. I can let this happen so I wrote him a letter telling him how I feel from the heart and hoping that it would have helped but all it did was get him to let me try and fix this, his heart...but that's not hows he's looking at this he's looking at this as he's letting me do this if that's what will make me okay with our brake up. he won't say I love you and won't kiss me on the lips. and will only give me a kiss if I ask for it and when I do get one its only on the cheek. I know he's really hurt and feels like sh*t but so do I it feels so bad to have the person I love so much not want me anymore. but because he's letting us be together still just on till I feel okay with leaving...how do I fix are relationship and dix his broken heart and get him feel the love again? I really miss him saying I love you. oh and its only been two days sense this happen. and we live together. and have been together for almost two years and have been though so much and have made it though all of it. so id there also any way I can get him to know that we are ment to be and he needs to trust me that we will make it to the end...

thank you so much for helping. I really need it I can't lose him I know so where in side his head and heart he wants me here still. he's just still really hurt.

Updates:
my boyfriend said that he forgave me and loves me, but he's trying to be strong enough to end it. he says he doesn't want a relationship right now all they are is pain and suffering. as I was talking to him he said
you act like being with you is disgusting I love you and its going to hurt to leave but it has to be done, and he said he's falling out of love so I said then why are you hurting and he said because it always hurts.
alright so now I gave up and said FUCK IT. and I got alcohol so I can numb the pain and get over him. after I drank a little bit I sat in the bath tub drinking and crying with my ipod. and he came in and sat and said why are you being like we where just.
happy. and I said because I'm going to leave I can't be with you if you don't want me and he said no you can't you didn't let me leave when I wanted to so your stuck with me. we will brake up when both of us want to.
 

What's Your Opinion?

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Most Helpful Opinion

  • Im really sorry to hear your going through this all and I also completely understand where your man is coming from. He probably wonders if this could happen again, even if you didn't do anything, you could have in his mind. Have you showed him the text messages? My advice is to allow him his time to think things over, its still really fresh, and don't pressure him too much to get over it, then again there's also the alternative of reversing the situation and making him feel bad for wanting to end the relationship for something that didn't even occur. You could also just try to keep things as normal as possible and just say baby I love you, I know you love me, lets put this behind us and I promise I won't ever drink again, especially with other men, cause obviously if I don't know what happened there is a problem, he may just go for it, its still fresh as I said, so you have to be very careful about blowing it up too much, and discussing breaking up as even a possiblity...If he loves you which he obviously does it shouldnt be to hard to get to his heart, and you need not be too remorseful for something you didn't do...I hope it works out , I know how it is to say and do the wrong things while drinking, and sometimes to not even fullly remember...Good Luck

    • Hey! I love your answer it helped the most out of all these answers. we are doing better now, it was weird, I stoped trying so hard and just kinda discited to stop trying and start becoming num, and he started holding me in bed instead of me holding him and he showed he cared instead of just say it. but I'm confused now doses he mean all this or just doing it because he said he doesn't like seeing me like this.

What Guys Said 1

  • "how do I fix are relationship and dix his broken heart and get him feel the love again?"

    Among many things, the one who is being cheated suffers a blow to his/her self-esteem (what's wrong with me?)

    You can help him by telling him that you found, and read this. This may ease his self-doubt a bit. You are also showing him that you are serious in wanting to restore your relationship.

    "A person who cheats has unexpressed feelings and unmet needs inside them, as we all do. However, too afraid to speak their truth and express their feelings, they take out their frustration using other people as their outlet...Our society has a general unwillingness to face those parts of ourselves that are uncomfortable to deal with."

    This tells him, "It is not your problem."

    Tell him you have decided to work on yourself, to get to the bottom of whole issue --- tackling it at a root level, so that the chance of your doing it again is eliminated, at root level. This, hopefully, will release his biggest doubt, "Will she do it again?"

    If you (and him) are up to it, you can work the questions below together. I don't see any reason why not. Yes, this is a major operation, on yourself. It can be painful. The way I see it is ---- if you can go through this, you will have his respect back, at least. It is a good start. How can you love someone you don't respect?

    As to the ultimate goal, saving the relationship, it depends how thorough you work these question, and his response to your efforts.

    Whatever happens, you know you tried, seriously, to mend the relationship. Best of luck!

    The questions are :

    Why do you cheat? What unresolved issues or unexpressed emotions are trying to get your attention? What positive feelings do you get out of the experience? What negative feelings come up? These will give you clues as to your deeper wounds – there is something your inner child wants, eg acceptance or validation, and there is something your inner child wants to forget, eg shame or neglect. Find out what your inner child needs, and what she most wants to heal. Be there for her now.

    What do you most need from yourself, your partner, and life that you feel you aren’t receiving? How can you get your needs met in healthy, positive ways?

    Are there other addictions in your life? Work with an appropriate therapist to help you uncover the root of any addiction issues.

    Start journalling. This is an extremely powerful and safe way to uncover your feelings.

    Forgive yourself for not being perfect – no-one is. When we learn from our mistakes we give them a constructive purpose. This is a key step toward feeling worthy enough to attract a healthy relationship into your life, or heal your existing one.

    The information above comes from this website, for details >> link

What Girls Said 3

  • As of right now it sounds like your relationship sucks, and pretty much will end inevitably. If I were you I really wouldn't waste anymore time. A relationship is over when people start mentioning leaving eachother. Means the idea is in their heads (which it takes a lot to get there anyway, obviously not a happy relationship) and they have thought about life without the other person and weighed whether or not its a better idea.

    • Why are you so nagitive? we have been through so much crap and made it almost two years if it was going to end then it would have along time ago. and I will waste my time because I love him and I don't think its a waste of time, its time well spent.

  • Sometimes the choices we make define our futures and this might be a defining moment for you. For whatever reason you decided to get drunk and try and have sex with some guy that was not your Boyfriend - that's on you. As sorry as I believe you are, that does not stop the pain that he is most likely feeling. Once trust is broken, it takes awhile for it to be built back up - if it even can. The issue at this time seems to be his willingness to forgive you right now, which is his choice. You can't force him to trust or forgive you - that's on him.

    My suggestion is to give him space, let him come back to you if he chooses but on her own terms. The old saying is true: If you let some1 go and they return to you - it was meant to be but if you let some1 go and they don't return to you - it was not meant to be.

    • We all make mistakes, we are human. I'd rather love and make mistakes then to never love at all. I hope a lesson was learned here and I believe it was. Good luck to you all!

    • I don't trust myself when I drink....i really dont. unless I'm with him, then everything is fine. I gave up yesterday to try and get him to know how sorry I was and really wanted to be a better girl friend for him. he let us still be together but he was acting different. so I gave up, and just did my sadness, and he started to act different like hold me and show he cares. instead of just saying he did. I'm more confused now...

    • If you try too hard, all you will do is push him away. Forgiveness is great but that does not mean a reconciliation is ever possible. If you loved him as much as you say then why was is so easy for you to almost fall into bed with some other guy?

    • Show Older
  • I would say there really is nothing you can do. I know that's not what you want to hear, but it's really up to him now. You broke his trust and he is probably disgusted with you that you would have "tried" to sleep with another guy, being drunk is not an excuse. Love conquers all, but that night being horny and alcohol conquered you. You really just have to wait and hope. If you were in his shoes though, how would you feel?

    • Maybe I would be p*ssed and hurt but once I seen that he was crying and it was vary clear that he wanted me back and he was sorry, I would give him a hug and say I love you baby, but we still have to work this out, I still need time to start trusting you again.

    • If he had done this to you - you'd be p*ssed and hurt. You would not just believe him and if you did, then either you or your relationship already have issues beyond what you have explained here. I say that because its only natural (human nature) to second guess what some1 says, especially if your partner gives you reason to.

    • If I was in his shoes I would believe him when he told me nothing happen I just thought it did. I have told him I would only drink with him. and he said that doesn't help how I feel. I know that it is still a new problem and I need to give him time to get over the shock.

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